The next chapter of the Chronicals of Passive Aggressive In Laws...
His parents have not tried to see the baby since we were in the hospital, so hubs and I agreed to invite them out yesterday. He emailed her Friday with pictures and said we would have time in the afternoon to have them out if they wanted to see the baby. Saturday, his dad called and we asked if his mom got the email, and explained they could come out the next afternoon. Less than 5 minutes later, his mom calls, pretending to be oblivious to the conversation he had JUST had with his father. She got the pictures he sent, but was upset we weren't having them out to see the baby. Uhhh... Did you read the rest of that email? We invited you guys out. Plus we just talked to your husband and invited you guys out again. Then my husband said, "Did Dad not tell you he just spoke to me? You know what, this could help explain why we had to explain to our friends that we really did call you guys the day we had the baby. Because I talked to Dad that day after calling repeatedly, but you told all of our friends that we never called you guys and that's why you didn't come up until after visiting hours." She started fumbling and talking all nonsense and finally admitted that his dad didn't tell her until later (your first grandchild is born and you forget to tell your wife. Nice.) So he told his mom that his dad not telling her is not the same thing as us not calling, and it makes us look like the bad guys when we did everything possible to make them feel welcome at the hospital.
She kept changing the subject when he would call her out, and she was getting little digs in where possible. She brought up my mom again and how my mom will never like her, where really its the opposite and my mom has tried to make her understand that her behavior is affecting her relationship with us and therefore will affect the baby. My mom has reached out to her and she ignored my mom completely. My husband said that with the baby here, there will be many changes, and she said, "Oh yea and I bet it's alllll on my part huh?!" and he replied, "Actually yes. You're pretty much the only problem." lol
Then she brought up that damn SIDS cradle they had made for us. Did I even tell you guys about that yet? It's this huge cradle as big as our crib and the mattress doesn't even fit, so the baby could roll to the edges and get stuck in the 3 inch gap around the mattress where there's just bare wood. The mattress is this piece of soft foam and since it's an abnormal size, no crib sheets fit it. It's everything they teach you about what causes SIDS other than "back to sleep". There is nowhere it will even fit in our house - living room, our bedroom or her nursery. I can't lift anything heavier than the baby right now, so my mom and husband carried it to our basement and couldnt even lift the cradle onto the base because its so heavy and huge in size. She knew I was researching cribs like crazy, trying to find the safest one as soon as we found out I was pregnant, but still went to a friend to have him make this Paul Bunyan sized crib. Since it rocks, we can't use our baby monitor and movement sensor with it. Yes, we're extremely anal about safety, but we have health issues that run in the family and its just not worth risking our child's life. I swear she had the crib made knowing we couldn't use it, just so she could bitch about it. Plus it was a way to have everyone at my baby shower focus on her instead of me, the baby, and the many other gifts we received.
Anyway, she brought up that cradle again and asked us to take a picture of the baby in it before we "threw it away.... unless it's already in the trash." "Yea mom, we threw it away already."
My husband was able to put her in her place multiple times during the convo, and it seemed to work eventually when she realized he wouldn't be putting up with her guilt trips and her struggle to be in the spotlight. She just needs to be in control and we've realized that if you give her any ounce of control, she goes crazy with it. She even offered to bring food for Sunday (actually the first time she offered to help in any way in months and months), but her idea of bringing dinner was picking up a bucket of fried chicken. My husband just said, "No, I've been cooking healthy meals for her, especially with her breastfeeding." He was afraid she'd show up with some food I couldn't even eat and he'd have to worry about getting me something to eat. They did that a few months ago - "we'll bring chicken!!" They brought hot wings from their favorite bar, knowing I have allergic reactions to spicy foods, and I was still in 1st trimester projectile vomit mode, so anything fried was inedible. Then my husband realized the wings came out of a freezer bag with a date written on it that was no where near the date they brought it over, like 3 months prior.
So fast forward... Baby starts having diarrhea, so I'm freaking out that she's going to get dehydrated and could be hospitalized or worse. She was happy, sleeping, eating, peeing - everything was normal except liquid poo, so we kept an eye on her to see if it was a one-time thing. Sunday morning it wasn't better, so I call the doctor's exchange. The pediatric nurse tells me the want the baby to be seen at the emergency room within the hour. So we spend most of the day there. They give her an IV and catheter, took tons of blood, etc.
it was so sad but she did great.
He calls his parents to let them know and postpone our plans. She's completely nonchalant about it, and just focused in the fact that her plans were ruined. "Oh that's fine..." Didn't offer any assistance, or to go check on the dogs. All of my family and our friends are offering so much help, and even though we haven't really taken up anybody on their offer, it's still been really nice. They are the only ones who have not offered help, other than the damn chicken.
We get home hours later and she calls as we're walking in the door. "Well we thought you would at least call us...." He almost loses it and explains we just got home and none of us have eaten or gotten any rest. Then she says, "So I guess we can't come out and see her today...." and he tells her, "Look, I'm not entertaining these constant guilt trips. My child is 10 days old and was just in the ER all day long. This isn't a personal attack on you. She is sick." wtfffff if someone tells you that your grandchild is in the ER, are you going to be pissed because your plans are ruined?
"Well I hope you know how proud we are of you two and we think you're doing a great job."
"Mom, why would we know that when you guys question and disrespect everything we do or say?"
She's fucking crazy.
On a positive note, the baby's blood work came back fine, and she's plenty hydrated with no fever. So hopefully she'll just get over the 'rhea soon. It could've been a bug she picked up at the hospital when we sat with my dad during his heart tests, or it could've been her stomach getting used to the breastmilk, as it transitions to the "mature" stuff. She's still happy and bright eyed!
