I need some real talk. Lemme lay it out: I got divorced earlier this year for a boatload of reasons. All you need to know is that its fine, we're both very happy and it was a great decision. A couple weeks after the divorce, I started dating a woman who I'd just like. Totally fallen for. Even before we started dating I'd see her 2 or 3 times a week. It was like finding out I had a (sexy) twin sister. We were amazingly alike, we got along super well and it was all pretty great. Everyone was happy about this, all of our friends saw it coming, it was A++. About 6 weeks in, we had this talk where she was like "I always knew I wanted you to be part of my life" and I was like GREAT THIS IS COOL. A few days later, she got a promotion, started working crazy hours and shut off like a lightbulb. She instantly went ice cold. I finally called her on it, she cried quite a bit and then admitted that she couldn't handle the job and the relationship. She was so freaked out by the way that she shut off that she went to go see a shrink. It was all weird, but okay. We broke up, had dinner, hung out and it was fine. We agreed that we'd see each other a few times a month and see how shit was going.
I hop on OKC, have some pointless sex and weird dates and meet a girl that I really like. She's unbelievably pretty, has her shit ridiculously together, but also is down to just hang the fuck out. Case in point: We snuck tallboys into the Opera. My friends fucking adore her. She's super sweet, really communicative and amazing fun. This thing starts to go really well, even though it wasn't my intention to hop into another relationship. Problem is: I'm still a little hung up on that first girl. Okay. A lot hung up. I barely ever see her anymore (I haven't seen her 1 on 1 since the breakup). Every now and then I try and make dinner plans and she always backs up at the last minute. So I'm kind of like "Oh, she doesn't want to be friends. That's totally not what was communicated, but fine". But then if there's a party, I'm always the person she'll text for directions or to ask who's there. These are pretty infrequent, once a month or so. Yet, out of the dozen people or so she could text, it's always me. When she gets there, we're friendly, but a little weird. I generally have no idea where we are.
Also, during this time I make a bunch of really amazing friends who have made lost of amazing games and I'm busy socially and professionally and generally feeling pretty good about everything. Its not like I'm at home crying into my pillow, but I do think about her a lot.
Finally, the new girl calls me on it. She's happy with the way things are going, but she also sees that I have one foot outside the relationship. We talk about it, I admit to being partially consumed by the mystery of what happened with that first girl and we decide to call it off for a few weeks while I get my head on straight. I'm in week two of that and it's been pretty good for me. I realized how much of a fuck up I've been with New Girl and that I really do want it to work. I realize that Old Girl is probably damaged outside my capacity to understand. I send her an e-mail just saying "Hey, I miss being friends. If you don't want to be friends or you're just way too fucking busy, that's fine. I just need you to tell me that because it's not what you communicated to me and I'm getting a lot of mixed messages.". That was 4 days ago and I haven't heard a peep. I feel better for having sent it, but I'm still kind of pissed that I didn't even get a peep.
Maybe she's a fuck up. Maybe I'm a fuck up. But it's hard to let go of because we were so close for those 3 months and then it was like that ninja smoke bomb shit and she was gone. Gimmie some real talk here. I'm still trying to figure out how to really get her out of my head so I can move on in a healthy way.
