Anybody else going through major changes in their life?

[Van Cruncheon]

mcd, without the police involved?

[Phoenix Dark]

leper this filth

I'm watching The Shield

[MCD]

i'm a 25 year old virgin

doubt the police give a single fuck about me

[Rufus]

tl;dr Don't be a Shinji.

And don't make references to anime, ever.

[benjipwns]

mcd, without the police involved?

Some people don't want a kind of Abner Louima or Michael Mineo thing.

The prudes.

[Shadow Mod]

Lack of community does make everyone feel more isolated. There's no denying that.

[MCD]

tl;dr Don't be a Shinji.

And don't make references to anime, ever.

but can I talk about my MS fetish?

[Van Cruncheon]

i'm a 25 year old virgin

doubt the police give a single fuck about me

what's a "virgin"

it's a useless thing to call yourself

you're just someone who wants to have sex, which is JUST LIKE THE REST OF US, you've just had to wait longer because YOU.

here's my tips for getting a date:

- build a time machine
- go back to your college days
- live in a dorm or group domicile
- stop playing video games and start embarrassing yourself by asking  the regular stream of unattached girls (or boys, or whatever) out
- get over the embarrassment and discomfort (booze helps, and when you're in college moral hazards are just things your polisci prof babbles about)
- get pussy or dick (or both)

oh, wait, no time machine. :-(

seriously, though, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, to get a date, you REALLY need to ask and fail and ask and fail and ask and fail and ask and succeed, maybe not with that frequency

or use brandnew's dna to become his clone and then bang his sister

edit: or learn to ride a motorcycle! MY GOD WOMEN LIKE BIKERS. what the fuck.

[MCD]

my problem lies with me not getting out of my room or the need to get out. and if I ever get out, it's for buying another distinguished mentally-challenged tech shit that would barely get any use. I just bought a Panasonic plasma BTW because why not

for me, it's just work --> home and repeat

[Shadow Mod]

PANTS OFF NOW GODDAM I MEAN IT 

 :dwill

[Van Cruncheon]

PANTS OFF NOW GODDAM I MEAN IT 

can you call me brandnew, sis

[Shadow Mod]

side note: idk if yall have checked in on the baby boomers recently but they are lonely as shit. divorced, no aims or interests. starting to turn to social media, barely keeping in contact with their kids. shit is intensely sad. i work with a lot of them in my work and research and its soul crushing. even the people i see on a day to day basis in their 70s and 80s are doing better. they are going to be a psychiatric nightmare in 10 to 20 years.

Which ones? My parents are doing fine.

[benjipwns]

even the people i see on a day to day basis in their 70s and 80s are doing better.

A lot of them know all sorts of people and do lots of "unseen" crap together. Even if it's mostly conversations about their medical ailments or grandchildren.

There was this Wendy's down the street where I used to live, if you went in the afternoon on Wednesdays it was like 50 people all 65+ with their baked potatoes and chili and coffee just socializing for hours.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

And then prolly bangin each other.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Hopefully not at Wendy's.

[close]

[close]

[Shadow Mod]

yea but seeing as how theyre still together theyre probably well adjusted individuals.

fuck working in healthcare skews perceptions of everything

Oh you were talking about divorcees, gotcha.

[Human Snorenado]

oh, maf's a longtime good friend of mine. he's used to the occasional criticism from me. if what i say doesn't work for him and he ignores it, he'll still continue to succeed in his own internet emotive way -- he's far more mature and self-reliant than he likes to give himself credit for. i was more pokin' at triumph because i enjoy baiting the bear in its den of self-loathing, but what the hey.

BEAR IS TOO BUSY WITH HIS DEMON RUM TO CUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRR

[Van Cruncheon]

we're past all that existential nonsense now and into the comfortable territories of fast food and old people rutting. add in himu-chan's weltanschauung-of-the-week and we've got BORE TRIFECTA

[Shadow Mod]

Old people rutting is why I fear old age. 

[Rufus]

Being horny makes everything look a whole lot less disgusting though.

[Shadow Mod]

Being horny makes everything look a whole lot less disgusting though.

Probably.

Old people rutting is why I fear old age. 

i imagine old sex is just like fat sex, acutely disgusting but feels good man and youre going to die soon anyeay

Good point.

[Human Snorenado]

I have been better lately, just having a bad couple of days in a row makes Triumph a something something. 

I was simultaneously better and worse off before seriously thinking there was potential with this ladyfriend in Atlanta.  I'll know for sure one way or another this weekend what's really going on... for simplicity's sake it would be easier if she just didn't have the same depth of feels for me that I do for her, because if she DOES I'm either going to get involved in a stupid long distance relationship that's probably doomed to end messily or do something incredibly stupid like quit school and move back to Atlanta because HEY PRETTY REDHEAD.

And I had been doing so well with setting and achieving goals for myself lately.  Such is the neverending nature of the human condition.  It goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.

[Van Cruncheon]

Being horny makes everything look a whole lot less disgusting though.

well, you're better than gaf, where social anxiety x bonertime = THOSE GIRLS JUST AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME, HER EYES ARE WEIRDLY SPACED UGH

[Van Cruncheon]

I have been better lately, just having a bad couple of days in a row makes Triumph a something something. 

I was simultaneously better and worse off before seriously thinking there was potential with this ladyfriend in Atlanta.  I'll know for sure one way or another this weekend what's really going on... for simplicity's sake it would be easier if she just didn't have the same depth of feels for me that I do for her, because if she DOES I'm either going to get involved in a stupid long distance relationship that's probably doomed to end messily or do something incredibly stupid like quit school and move back to Atlanta because HEY PRETTY REDHEAD.

And I had been doing so well with setting and achieving goals for myself lately.  Such is the neverending nature of the human condition.  It goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.

there's a way to keep her with you...forever

how do you feel about having only a quarter of your refrigerator available for food storage

[Human Snorenado]

Strangely ok, but not for that reason.  Although she's kinda small, bet she'd only take up 2/3 of the fridge if portioned correctly.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Yolo motherfuckers

Im feeling very existential about which shampoo to use now before work.

[Shadow Mod]

Being horny makes everything look a whole lot less disgusting though.

well, you're better than gaf, where social anxiety x bonertime = THOSE GIRLS JUST AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME, HER EYES ARE WEIRDLY SPACED UGH

SHAHP EVERYTHANG

[Human Snorenado]

Van Cruncheon must have some EXTREMELY unpleasant work he's avoiding tonight, he's all over the bore AND fb   :skip

[Shadow Mod]

What does he do anyway? Does he have to add boobs to npcs or something?

[Van Cruncheon]

i am writing a white paper on porting opengl es 2.0 shader setup to direct3d 11.1

yes, it's THAT FUN

and i am nowhere near done :-(

[Shadow Mod]

i am writing a white paper on porting opengl es 2.0 to direct3d 11.1

yes, it's THAT FUN

and i am nowhere near done :-(

Man I can't even code a website without wanting to drill holes in my head and that's not even that hard or anywhere near programming.

[Van Cruncheon]

well, i can't go for fifteen minutes in the internet presence of the average gaming side gaf poster without thinking thoughts that would make gaspar noe frown

we all have our skills

[benjipwns]

i am writing a white paper on porting opengl es 2.0 shader setup to direct3d 11.1

yes, it's THAT FUN

and i am nowhere near done :-(

Why would anyone want to do this?

The PS4 doesn't use Direct3D and it has 8GB of GDDR5. Just program the shaders to the metal on there.

[Van Cruncheon]

i am sure my next request will be a toolkit for libGSN ports :-(

[chronovore]

There are a few other issues...most of my friends are English-speakers, and the pool regularly gets drained as folks return to their home countries. I've lost more friends that way than most people have, I bet. So you have to be constantly making new friends, and that's tough at 40. I don't have to tell you how social I am so this is hard for me to deal with.

My wife doesn't speak English (and thus is basically disinterested in hanging out with my friends) and is an insane workaholic, meaning I babysit at least 6 days a week til 9 at night. Sitters don't exist here. I can go out in theory any time I want, but there is a lot of pressure not to from both wife and kid.

I lost a couple of friends like that and more or less decided not to arse around with making new foreign friends.  The ones I still have here are probably lifers (like dcharlie and cvxfreak) but I almost never see them cuz I'm out in the sticks.  So all that was left to be done was to make some local Japanese friends or become a shut-in.  I don't think I could deal with the latter so I went with the former.

This resonates with me. I've lived in Japan for probably a total of 13 years, all told. I wanted to make friends at work, just as I have at every other game developer I've worked at, and there have been a fair number. Sadly, the people I got along with best left the company, as did the next batch, and after they left they didn't stay in touch. It may be due to the perceived lack of transience in the Japanese workplace, as opposed to the USA where devs never stay put for more than two or three years.

Anyway, yeah, hard to make Japanese friends, and the expats are either here for 6 to 12 months, then gone, or if they're here for the long haul, there's about a 50/50 chance that they're broken human beings who are unable to exist in their home country.

Ffffuuuuu...

[Phoenix Dark]

Regrets suck. I tend to avoid them as much as possible, to great success. But learning your best female friend is getting married feels bad man. But hey, instead of doing anything last year I didn't do jack shit. Yes I had my doubts: she's rather religious although she does drink...Still I feel like I should have taken a shot. Smart, great family that likes my family, funny, more reserved than any young woman I know, etc.

I know she liked me, I turned her down a few times as an anti social teen. Sigh. Better to pull the trigger than regret not doing it forever, brehs. At random times I think of what could have been

[Cormacaroni]

not seeing any life-changes for you there PD

[recursivelyenumerable]

what is even harder than being interpersonally dysfunctional while trying to connect with women is being interpersonally dysfunctional while trying to connect with women who are themselves EQUALLY interpersonally dysfunctional as you

[Phoenix Dark]

Well for now on I'm pulling the trigger. That's my life changer.

[benjipwns]

what is even harder than being interpersonally dysfunctional while trying to connect with women is being interpersonally dysfunctional while trying to connect with women who are themselves EQUALLY interpersonally dysfunctional as you

That's the best part. Comparative advantage.

She supplies you with faux-drama at a much lower price than you can produce it yourself.

[Cerveza mas fina]

There are a few other issues...most of my friends are English-speakers, and the pool regularly gets drained as folks return to their home countries. I've lost more friends that way than most people have, I bet. So you have to be constantly making new friends, and that's tough at 40. I don't have to tell you how social I am so this is hard for me to deal with.

My wife doesn't speak English (and thus is basically disinterested in hanging out with my friends) and is an insane workaholic, meaning I babysit at least 6 days a week til 9 at night. Sitters don't exist here. I can go out in theory any time I want, but there is a lot of pressure not to from both wife and kid.

I lost a couple of friends like that and more or less decided not to arse around with making new foreign friends.  The ones I still have here are probably lifers (like dcharlie and cvxfreak) but I almost never see them cuz I'm out in the sticks.  So all that was left to be done was to make some local Japanese friends or become a shut-in.  I don't think I could deal with the latter so I went with the former.

This resonates with me. I've lived in Japan for probably a total of 13 years, all told. I wanted to make friends at work, just as I have at every other game developer I've worked at, and there have been a fair number. Sadly, the people I got along with best left the company, as did the next batch, and after they left they didn't stay in touch. It may be due to the perceived lack of transience in the Japanese workplace, as opposed to the USA where devs never stay put for more than two or three years.

Anyway, yeah, hard to make Japanese friends, and the expats are either here for 6 to 12 months, then gone, or if they're here for the long haul, there's about a 50/50 chance that they're broken human beings who are unable to exist in their home country.

Ffffuuuuu...

This is the life of an expat.

Same thing here. Out of my old gang in Ireland half have left already.

You get to know someone, they leave. It gets harder and harder to justify investing in new deep friends all the time. Now I stick to watching football with the guys at the pub.

Making good friends with locals is not only hard in Japan (although moreso imagine due to culture) but everywhere there is a barrier since these people have their lives setup there already. The Irish are the friendliest folks you'll meet but making Irish friends here ain't easy either, especially since I work with all expats all the time.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Once you get over this existential angst life gets real good. I think it's just a phase most people go through at some point. Some more then others. Some can't leave it.

[benjipwns]

The real cultural whammy here (once you get past the language barrier) is just that Japanese don't make a ton of friends anyway.

To be fair, all of Japanese history to this point came before MiiVerse.

[Cerveza mas fina]

This is the life of an expat.

Same thing here. Out of my old gang in Ireland half have left already.

You get to know someone, they leave. It gets harder and harder to justify investing in new deep friends all the time. Now I stick to watching football with the guys at the pub.

Making good friends with locals is not only hard in Japan (although moreso imagine due to culture) but everywhere there is a barrier since these people have their lives setup there already. The Irish are the friendliest folks you'll meet but making Irish friends here ain't easy either, especially since I work with all expats all the time.

Honestly I think language is the biggest barrier for most expats in Japan.  Like, even the ones who speak it well (Cormac falls into this group) would probably be able to relax more speaking their native tongue, and thus seek out fellow native English speakers.  The real cultural whammy here (once you get past the language barrier) is just that Japanese don't make a ton of friends anyway.

I see that a lot with some groups of foreigners here. Even if they speak English well they hang out with fellow spanish/italians because they can express themselves better.

The people that are really fluent like some nordics, dutchies etc. don't have this at all and hang out with anyone. There is a big difference between speaking something well and being so fluent you don't feel the need to talk your native tongue.

I heard that Japanese people will never really accept a foreigner in their inner circle, that this is more extreme then elsewhere.

[benjipwns]

I see that a lot with some groups of foreigners here. Even if they speak English well they hang out with fellow spanish/italians because they can express themselves better.

The people that are really fluent like some nordics, dutchies etc. don't have this at all and hang out with anyone. There is a big difference between speaking something well and being so fluent you don't feel the need to talk your native tongue.

This is basically all foreign people ever.

One of the hostilities to immigration stems from seeing this and not being able to imagine that those people can get better or that their children will be far better (as is normally the case) and thus can never integrate.

One of the projects I have worked on examined 1920s immigration debates in Congress. Part of it was comparing to modern times and it wasn't any different. The Huns* coming over would never learn English, do nothing but steal from white Americans and setup their own separatist states, etc.

*Anyone east of France.

EDIT: Should add for historical accuracy that when I say "debates in Congress" it was like 45% saying we need none of those damn filthy Europeans, 40% saying we only need the good Europeans, 4% saying we need those and plus some people to work fields and 1% saying anyone who wants to come.

[benjipwns]

You need, enjoy, and are even good at human contact--lots of it--yet people are so disappointing.

Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy didn't have to troll on the internet.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

The older I get, the less I care.  It's great.

[Cerveza mas fina]

All good reasons I agree and recognize here as well Oscar. Think it applies to expats everywhere as you say.

edit: wait forgot another important one.  lots of foreigners who come here and try to make local friends are weird-ass man-children who live and breathe anime and j-pop and vidya games, and they somehow got the idea that Japan is accepting of that shit.  Rest assured, they look as weird here as they do back home, but for whatever reason, when they fail to make friends just as they do back home, they chalk it up to everything but themselves.

 

I see that a lot with some groups of foreigners here. Even if they speak English well they hang out with fellow spanish/italians because they can express themselves better.

The people that are really fluent like some nordics, dutchies etc. don't have this at all and hang out with anyone. There is a big difference between speaking something well and being so fluent you don't feel the need to talk your native tongue.

This is basically all foreign people ever.

One of the hostilities to immigration stems from seeing this and not being able to imagine that those people can get better or that their children will be far better (as is normally the case) and thus can never integrate.

One of the projects I have worked on examined 1920s immigration debates in Congress. Part of it was comparing to modern times and it wasn't any different. The Huns* coming over would never learn English, do nothing but steal from white Americans and setup their own separatist states, etc.

*Anyone east of France.

EDIT: Should add for historical accuracy that when I say "debates in Congress" it was like 45% saying we need none of those damn filthy Europeans, 40% saying we only need the good Europeans, 4% saying we need those and plus some people to work fields and 1% saying anyone who wants to come.

Yeah it's funny how people never seem to learn from past migration. When you talk to anti-immigration folks about this they get upset and start coming up with fake reasons why old migrants where better.

'These mexicans/turks/polish migrants are horrible, at least when the irish/italians came they integrated well' 

[benjipwns]

- Increased work social obligations: There are a lot of expectations in Japan that you will hang out with coworkers after work, whether you like it or not.  This leaves even less time for non-work friends than working adults already have.  Again, not specific to foreigners - if you're not a coworker, you've got a considerably slimmer chance of getting time with people, Japanese or no.

This is really starting to become a thing in the US.

And I don't mean like some guys from the shop stopping by the bar type thing. I went out with a friend on one of these and it was more than clear they all actually don't care for each other but they have to DO IT AND HAVE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

American corporate work culture is fucking terrible these days.  When the recession hit, it was like Christmas for a lot of companies because now they can get away with shit they were too afraid to pull before.  Five years later, the general mentality is still "you should be lucky you have a job" and tries to find ways to make your job your life.  Not sure how that will end up getting turned around either.  I suspect it is a permanent change.

[benjipwns]

From the people I know it's not like an ordered thing but more of a "hey some of our lives suck, let's make everybody go out with us through social pressure!" The one friend works at a bank and they love roping their only two male tellers into it, type thing. And they go along cuz you know, trip to a bar with ladies! (The guys are significantly more attractive than most of the ladies.)

This is sorta how I got roped into it, she had already been a couple times. I got to be an excuse to leave early. (And get Thai food.  )

EDIT: This post can be read like I'm an attractive one, I just meant she could use me as an excuse to leave, no matter how hideous or attractive I may have been.

Still. Thai food. 

[Cerveza mas fina]

In Ireland going to the pub is normal, it's very much the culture here.

If you have a hangover and come to work, your manager will respect you for showing up and if you still do your job without moaning youre the man.

Of course don't show up with a hangover every week.

[benjipwns]

Yeah, I was trying to differentiate it from that and I think it's what Oscar is talking about. It's not where you know a group of your fellow co-workers say "hey, we're hitting up the" wherever and you have a drink or two, maybe talk some shit about work, sports or whatever and everyone parts when they want. It's more of WE WORK TOGETHER, WE SHALL PARTY TOGETHER situation with ALL THE EMPLOYEES. But in reality you go somewhere and just kinda sit and drink because you have nothing in common.

Not the good sit and drink like Cheers.

And they take it out on you later if you aren't THERE FOR THE FUN.

[pilonv1]

Had an exciting project that was meant to be coming up at work, doing something new for the first time in a while, but the client went with someone cheaper. So now I need to decide if I want to stay or not because I'm growing weary of what I'm doing.

[Barry Egan]

And they take it out on you later if you aren't THERE FOR THE FUN.

oh cool, college never ends.

[chronovore]

One of the strange things about where I was, was that the after work drinks thing didn't happen. I had thought every Japanese company was indulging in that pastime, but as it turns out mine did not. My company had an End of Year party, welcome new employees party, and end of project party. It was about three time a year we'd see each other outside the office; the rest of the year was 12 hour days or worse.

In the 7 months I worked in US dev last year, we went out 4 or 5 times, and it was always fun, and initiated by the coworkers. I made several new friends, and felt like I could breathe again.

As for language, I'm able to converse pretty handily, though its nowhere near native, or even casual fluency. Even so, I don't feel it's the primary cause preventing intimacy. The likely cause there is a fundamental discrepancy in value systems.

[Mupepe]

The older I get, the less I care.  It's great.

This.  I'm not very old, but this is something I learned early from my mom.  Don't sweat it, move the fuck on with your life - whatever the problem is.  Dwelling on it and kicking yourself or holding grudges against others just makes you miserable, not necessarily anyone else. 

This is corny as fuck but I love this quote from No Country for Old Men: All the time you spend trying to get back what's been took from you, more is going out the door.

[CajoleJuice]

this shit is too real, gonna go through the coil smileys throughout history thread instead

[Cerveza mas fina]

The older I get, the less I care.  It's great.

This.  I'm not very old, but this is something I learned early from my mom.  Don't sweat it, move the fuck on with your life - whatever the problem is.  Dwelling on it and kicking yourself or holding grudges against others just makes you miserable, not necessarily anyone else. 

This is corny as fuck but I love this quote from No Country for Old Men: All the time you spend trying to get back what's been took from you, more is going out the door.

[hampster]

I was one of those parents who became a hermit. We moved just before having the kid and I didn't bother keeping up with people or making new friends Anyway years later now that my kid is older and more independent I find myself getting bored sometimes so I bought a PC headset the other day. I'm going to try joining a mumble server or two to get some of that human interaction going
 
Also I cut out a bunch of gaming podcasts and started replacing them with audiobooks. Dauntless down, Lies of Locke Lamora is next. I'm keeping the Cruncheons and the Bombcast around though
 
I have a job but I've been applying for a new one. Some interviews but no offers yet. Hopefully a good offer one along and I'll have a real life change to think about. I took my current job early last year, the whole thing has been a disaster and I can't wait to get out of this city and close this chapter of life

[Mr. Gundam]

I don't go out with people from work, but my wife is in corporate where there is the expectation that you'll go out and drink. A lot.

She's in Boston right now for meetings, and that's exactly what they did last night.

edit: wait forgot another important one.  lots of foreigners who come here and try to make local friends are weird-ass man-children who live and breathe anime and j-pop and vidya games, and they somehow got the idea that Japan is accepting of that shit.  Rest assured, they look as weird here as they do back home, but for whatever reason, when they fail to make friends just as they do back home, they chalk it up to everything but themselves.

Oscar, Destroyer of Dreams.

[Phoenix Dark]

I was one of those parents who became a hermit. We moved just before having the kid and I didn't bother keeping up with people or making new friends Anyway years later now that my kid is older and more independent I find myself getting bored sometimes so I bought a PC headset the other day. I'm going to try joining a mumble server or two to get some of that human interaction going

You're always welcome to hang out with me and my posse of degenerates on our Mumble server.