have you ever shit yourself as a full grown person?

[Eschaton]

It's been enough time that i can have a laugh at myself. Shitting yourself as an adult is terrible when it happens, but now I can look back on it and laugh a little.

When it happened I was 20, I won't go into it exactly but I was crippled at the time. Back brace that covered my body to stabilize a vertebra and a guard that covered my broken wrist. I'm in the middle of my Statistics class on the third floor in uni and halfway through I feel that rumble, you know, the one deep in the pit of your stomach that means nothing but trouble . The worst kind too, the one that happens and you immediately know "shit, i have to do something about this ASAP or i'm done".

So in this semi handi-capable state i get up and hobble to the bathroom on the third floor. I'm doing those wobbly ass clench walks, because i know that if i take one single misstep a putrid shitblast will erupt from my numb, nerve damaged buttocks. By the time i actually make it to the bathroom i'm about to burst. I make it inside the stall, and i attempt the maneuver; you know the one, where you sit down and pull your pants down in one fell swoop.

My jeans got stuck on my back brace and i release a shotgun blast of diarrhea all over the lip of the toilet, the seat, inside jeans and the boxer briefs inside of them. I just stooped there a minute over this ruined toilet stall thinking, "damn, what the hell should I do with this". I wiped my ass first of course. Then in this painful pose i take my jeans off, clean the outside of them, throw away the boxers, and hope to god no one comes into this semi public bathroom. I made a feeble attempt at cleaning the rim of the toilet at least, i figure its the least i can do for whatever janitor whose day i just ruined.

I hobble back to my room, jeans subtly stained in shit, keeping a 20 yard distance from anyone who could possibly realize i had just shit myself. Took a shower, threw my clothes in the wash, and then walked back to class (which I knew was over) to get my stuff. I catch my teacher on the way out and i'm formulating an excuse. She says "when students leave like that i know not to ask any questions."

[StealthFan]

[cool breeze]

[mormapope]

Ate Little Caesars, attempted to fart, sad leakage came out instead. Had to crab walk to the bathroom.

[Human Snorenado]

Are we distinguishing between a little shart or full blow shitting yourself?

[Eel O'Brian]

nope, but I have had many, many close calls. Once jumped out of a still-rolling vehicle to avoid ruining a friend's car seat, and blew loud shit all over the  roadside woods like a fucking animal. I can still hear those motherfuckers laughing when I think about it.

[jakefromstatefarm]

does 17 count?

[mormapope]

Ate Little Caesars, attempted to fart, sad leakage came out instead. Had to crab walk to the bathroom.

were you in a public place or the safe comfort of your own home

It was in front of friends at a friend's place. I farted/shit myself in front of them, and then immediately crabbed my way to the bathroom. No one said anything.

Little Caesars is now a danger food.

[Human Snorenado]

Are we distinguishing between a little shart or full blow shitting yourself?

definitely both count, but the severity of the shame depends on where it happens. for example fully shitting yourself at home is awful but hey, you're at home. now on the other hand sharting yourself even a little when you're out and about and have no access to a washing machine, shower and fresh clothes sounds pretty terrible.

I've sharted a couple of times, but it was always at home. My best friend shat himself on a plane.

[Eel O'Brian]

god, i can't even imagine that kind of humiliation

[Eel O'Brian]

yeah, but it's double bad on a plane

confined space, nowhere to go, nowhere to really wash up

[Eel O'Brian]

i mean, even if you just stand up your shitty pants are in someone's face

[Dickie Dee]

I managed to extricate myself from the situation with such minimal social damage I really don't feel like sharing the story

[tiesto]

Being a huge fan of spicy food, I'm no stranger to the "omg I'm gonna shit myself" feeling... but I have a grandmaster level of concentration when it comes to sphincter control.

[Dickie Dee]

I managed to extricate myself from the situation with such minimal social damage I really don't feel like sharing the story

spill the beans

 :'(

[Dickie Dee]

It ends with me panicking and getting away scot-free then deciding to man up, head back to the scene of the crime to try and fix things.

And then I run into some poor 19 year old worker walking out of the McDonalds women's washroom suddenly hating her life and I went back to Plan A of getting the fuck out of there.

[Human Snorenado]

All you guys bragging about sphincter control, just know that won't last

[I'm a Puppy!]

Nope. But I did once poop on the floor at target.

[naff]

jesus christ no. not even close 

[I'm a Puppy!]

Bathroom. I was having an urgent colon emergency and the stall door came open just as I unleashed and instinctively I reached forward to close the door.  It looked like a Jackson Pollack painting.

[CatsCatsCats]

Yes. Recovering from flu, at the jack in the box

I trusted my b hole man, it betrayed me

[Positive Touch]

at first I came in here to say "god no, wtf dude" but then I remembered the hellish night after I got food poisoning from a shitty Hardees burger

what was actually worse tho was years ago when I was a dumbass kid hitchhiking around knowing full well I had a tiny bladder. spent twelve hours going thru the Utah desert at HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO EXPLODE levels of pain. twelve fucking hours. worst day ever.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Anytime I needed to shit badly, there was always a toilet near by.  One of these days, there won't be...

I also hate shitting in public.  I've taken lunch breaks where I drove home to take a shit.  I just hate the one ply toilet paper.

[seagrams hotsauce]

at first I came in here to say "god no, wtf dude" but then I remembered the hellish night after I got food poisoning from a shitty Hardees burger

what was actually worse tho was years ago when I was a dumbass kid hitchhiking around knowing full well I had a tiny bladder. spent twelve hours going thru the Utah desert at HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO EXPLODE levels of pain. twelve fucking hours. worst day ever.

You couldn't find a rock tall enough to dip behind in the whole desert for twelve hours?

I've never done it but I've had some close calls. I've learned my digestive tract well enough to tell which types of tummy gurgles preempt methane or poop expulsions

[Sausage]

I think I did once when I was on a camping trip and I got food poisoning. Thought I was farting and then felt the wetness on the back of my boxers. Went outside and threw them shits in the bushes.

[Positive Touch]

surprisingly nearly all of the highway was lined with barbed wire. also the trucker I was hitching with kept complaining about how hard it was to make time and was clearly your average trucker crazy kind of dude so I want about to push him.

[Rufus]

Nope, my one and only incident was an awkward shart at my aunt's house when I was a teen. 

Managed to stay clean ever since. Knock on wood. Your guys' stories come greatly appreciated though. Maybe it's just because I'm dead tired, but I had a good laugh.

[CatsCatsCats]

And yet bidets are just craaaazy in America

[Kara]

shitting yourself as a full grown man is an all too real brush with the lowest parts of your own humanity. theres pretty much no other way you can humiliate yourself more.

i feel like you're daring me

[Kara]

Baby wipes.

[Positive Touch]

Lolol shaka has one hidden in his house

it's very disturbing to use, but feels very necessary

[El Babua]

This was back in my college days. Woke up an hour early due to a bad case of the shits. Was in the toilet for basically the entire hour before heading off to my business calc class.

Not much trouble in class, there was a test, finished it and went home. As I was chilling on my computer browsing Giantbomb IIRC, I decided to let one rip. Got more than I bargained for as I waddled all the way to the bathroom, with only a small bit of shit falling off my shorts onto the floor.

[Vertigo]

We have the hose, or the douche hose if you will. Shit, wash your ass, and then wipe

My biggest struggle in the US was adapting to a no hose/water spray in bathrooms world. Shit was tough, y'all

Just got back from the far east and these kind of toilets fully disturbed me as the entire toilet cubicle would always be wet, obviously after someones used it. As they would use the hose to wash their ass.

What messed with my mind, is in most toilets here there was no tissue, just a hose. So are local people walking round with slightly damp assholes all day? 

[benjipwns]

This was back in my college days. Woke up an hour early due to a bad case of the shits. Was in the toilet for basically the entire hour before heading off to my business calc class.

Not much trouble in class, there was a test, finished it and went home. As I was chilling on my computer browsing Giantbomb IIRC, I decided to let one rip. Got more than I bargained for as I waddled all the way to the bathroom, with only a small bit of shit falling off my shorts onto the floor.

Giantbomb

[king of the internet]

Pooping is disgusting.

[benjipwns]

Pooping is disgusting.

But like most disgusting things, it feels so good.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

[Brehvolution]

Once do to a high fever and I was passed out when it happened. I may even have been dead during it.

[ToxicAdam]

I sharted at work once.

You casually walk to the bathroom (bow-legged), then lock the door and turn it into a CSI crime scene. Take off your pants and underwear (the evidence). Grab a huge wad of paper towels and douse them in water. Pour in some soap and then start scrubbing the underwear. When you think you've got it all, you then have to make a decision. Do I put back on these soggy underwear that could still smell like shit or do I 86 them? If you throw them away, you then have to push them all the way to the bottom of the trash bin so no one can see your shame.

 

[kick51]

nothing more than a couple accidental small sharts in my apartment.  doesn't happen in public since i'm not usually trying to amuse myself by seeing how loud I can fart in public.  but my hubris got me in my apartment a few times.

[jakefromstatefarm]

My biggest struggle in the US was adapting to a no hose/water spray in bathrooms world. Shit was tough, y'all

bidet master race

[Hock]

I was 14 the last time this happened to me. I came home from school and right as I got in I snuck away to let out a fart. Then disaster struck, all over my pants. Had to make a goofy run upstairs, grab my towel and clean myself off in the shower. All the while trying to hide from my family that anything was going on. Luckily it wasn't so bad that it was dripping over the floor or anything, but I remember scanning over my staircase for like five minutes trying to find anything. I blame school lunches.

[chronovore]

http://www.totousa.com/travel-washlet®

Those are less than half that price on Amazon. Don't leave bidet-country without one.

Turkey even had built-in bidet in the toilets, though they shoot cold water, angled more at the back of my dangling sac than the area that needs attention.

I've only got a story: One of the filthiest guys in our college D&D group was living at a group house, and he came home surprisingly early from a date. He had just arrived at her house, and was seated in his car in front of the date's home, when he felt a fart coming. He decided to let loose in the car. This is where I wonder, "What are you thinking? Why would you fart in a car just before you drag your date in?" -- but of course, it wasn't just a fart, and the guy feels a little sneak out.

He decides that it's probably safer to let fly (what the fuck are you thinking?) and tries to relieve some pressure by letting a turdlette out. Nope, it's not going to happen. The whole dirt loaf starts to fill the guy's shorts. As he said, "I'd had a rather large lunch." He sat there, steaming in his own shit for another 10 minutes, wondering if he should tell her that the date was off in person, or just to bail. In the end, he decided to just stand her up, and he drove home squishing around in his own mud.

[TakingBackSunday]

 

First time I ever accidentally shit myself as a grown ass man, today.

Driving to the mall to buy new pants, lean over for a quick fart, whole stomach clamps up and decides "fuck you Brian" and I liquid shit in my car.  Noped right around and drove straight home, feel like a fucking pleb

[Phoenix Dark]

I hate it had to be you.

[Madrun Badrun]

Clearly if there is ever a time to use your real name in a forum post, it's in a post describing how you just shit yourself. 

[Dickie Dee]

People that it never happened need to understand we aren't some barely potty-trained manchildren.

Sometimes your butthole just betrays you 

[Madrun Badrun]

This thread is starting to read like a support thread for pant-shitters.  What kind of chips y'all give away if you manage not to poop yourselves for a year?

[Dickie Dee]

This thread is starting to read like a support thread for pant-shitters.  What kind of chips y'all give away if you manage not to poop yourselves for a year?

The ones they fry in Olestra.

[Phoenix Dark]

We need a poll to determine who will be next. My bet will be on AiA. He's arrogant enough to eat a full meal at a sports bar and decide to use the bathroom when he gets home instead of braving the restroom there. Alas on the way home his 2014 Mustang would break down, and he'd be faced with shitting his pants. I think he'd be strong enough to walk home while holding onto that dump. Ten miles later he'd walk into the house and head towards the bathroom only to be confronted by his wife questioning where he's been/who he was fucking/etc. Unable to escape the anger of a mad black woman, he'd just take a dump right there on the floor - not in defiance, but in utter defeat. Marry a black woman brehs.

[Madrun Badrun]

A_I_A would never publicly admit it though. 

[Cheddahz]

Since I'm an ignorant person who doesn't like to shit in public (had to take a shit in elementary school and some dude decided to peek over the stall and call me out and ever since then, haven't want to take one in public), I've come close to it numerous times, but I just hold it out until I get home

It's gonna happen to me one of these days though and I know it 

[Yeti]

Brian, did you end up having to sit in your own stew as you drive home? And if so, did the juices leak through your pants onto the car seat?

[Kara]

it's a perfect storm of suspect diet choice, butthole integrity, bathroom availability, and bad luck. your day will come soon, you cleanpants

godspeed brandnew.

Mods pls change my name to Butthole Integrity tia.

[PlayDat]

Between this and the "I shat mushrooms in a stranger's yard" story, Esch has in interesting history with shit. 

I've shat myself as an adult (and in my pre - late teens) more times than I can count, but that's somewhat normal for people with IBD.  The most interesting time I can think of in recent memory was when as I was headed back to campus on the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  I've been having issues sleeping for over a year now (not insomnia, I just wake up too damn early most mornings), so despite going to bed shortly after midnight, I woke up at around 4:30 that morning which is even earlier than usual.  I'm a consistent morning shitter so as part of my daily routine I grabbed my towel and headed to the bathroom to get the shit & shower done in one trip.  I sat on the toilet for about 5 minutes and nothing came out, probably because this was about 2 hours earlier than my normal poop time.  I learned the hard way not to push too much when the shit's not coming so I got up and showered.  Since I was so far ahead of schedule I chilled for a little and ate breakfast.  Took my book bag and suitcase with me out the door at around 6:30. 

My bus was scheduled for 8:50 am, but there was an hour long subway ride before I could reach it.  The clock struck 7 not long after I boarded the train and I could feel my stomach rumbling.  I wasn't really surprised since that's the hour my shit-cadian rhythm settled on years ago.  I held it in for the rest of the train ride no problem.  Once I got out there was a four block walk to to the bus stop.

On foot, I moved a little moved a little more carefully than I typically would, but I really thought I'd be fine for some reason.  Even walked past a McDonald's which for sure would have had a restroom to use because I believed I could hold it until I got to my apartment.  Then as soon as I reached the block where lines of dozens of people waiting for their Megabus to show up it just happens.  Thankfully it wasn't one of those wet shits.  This one was a thick, goopy, viscous oatmeal shit.  As I walked it kept oozing out of my ass and I could feel it start to slide down my leg.  A few seconds later I felt something plop onto my right ankle.  I looked down and a marble sized piece of poo was sitting on my sneaker.  I bent down and grabbed one of the autumn leaves scattered on the ground.  Used it to pick the poo up which fortunately enough didn't leave too bad of a stain.  I don't even think anyone there noticed what was happening. 

At 8:50 the bus showed up and I sat on the shit for the 4 hour long trip.  In retrospect I should have just taken a pair of pants and underwear out of my luggage before stowing it under the bus.  There was even on a bathroom on there I could have used to change.  I don't know why that idea didn't come to mind at the time.  This disease has made me way too comfortable with having shit in my pants than any person should be.  I'm never completely at ease when it happens, but I think I can keep my cool in these types of situations far better than the average person.

[TakingBackSunday]

Brian, did you end up having to sit in your own stew as you drive home? And if so, did the juices leak through your pants onto the car seat?

Fuck yeah I did, but luckily nothing leaked into my pants or the car seat.  But that didn't stop me from immediately throwing boxers, pants (and button-up shirt for good measure) into my washer as soon as I got home.  Scrubbed my car seat just in case, as well.

The crappy () thing was that when I farted, I couldn't really tell if it was sweaty or shitty ass-crack.  So I checked.  With my hand.

 

Had to drive home with the left hand while the right was quarantined from any contact with ANYTHING

[Rufus]

Wow, good thing manual drive isn't common in America.

[brawndolicious]

My god Brian, you would rub ass sweat on your steering wheel?

The only accident I can remember happened in middle school when I was afraid of public bathroom shitting and forgot my keys when I got home. Waited an hour or two to see if my mom would come home but eventually clench walked to a McDonald's a couple miles away. My underwear did not survive the trip and I felt like a deer trying to be downwind of anyone on the way. When I get there, I enter a 1 person bathroom and it feels like an oasis to cleanse my shame. Resolved to never question what my butt wants.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

A_I_A would never publicly admit it though.

If you play football in college+ you have shit yourself during a game. It's not even rare, it's a weekly occurrence that somebody has to get new pants/pads at halftime. Hell we kept extra pairs of underwear in our lockers. Well those of us who didn't consider a jockstrap underwear.

I remember a guy getting hit so hard in the stomach he uncorked a monster liquid shit of the henny and chicken he ate the night before. Worst smell I ever encountered. He played the whole fucking game like that because nobody in their right mind wanted to waist tackle the fucker.

I mean what do you think this is?

[Madrun Badrun]

So how many times have you pooped yourself off the field?

[Am_I_Anonymous]

So how many times have you pooped yourself off the field?

Off the field? Never.

Pissed myself real good once, had too much to drink and had to drive about an hour at 1am. All back roads in whiteyville so I had two choices....get out of my car, drunk, in the country to piss on the side of the road and pray a sheriff/statey wasn't there or piss myself and suck it up. I chose the latter.

Edit: To note: Ohio seems to have more cops than any other state in the Union. Horrible place to drive drunk fyi.