RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[I'm a Puppy!]

That's a good tip.

[BlueTsunami]

*opened 52m ago*

 

[Atramental]

My "ex-fling" texted me today asking me how I've been. 

I responded back many hours later since I'm a busy making money n shit. 

[toku]

shoulda sent a tasteful dick pic

[thisismyusername]

It’s not being mean/rude to not be attracted to someone, just sayin

Yeah, but at the same time I don't want to be a total dick. Plus, I still haven't thrown the hurdle at them. I guess I should do that now that they've replied to see how bad they take it. (Not on them, on me)

[Atramental]

shoulda sent a tasteful dick pic

It's too cold at the moment for that. 

[Rahxephon91]

Heloooooooo...

[Rahxephon91]

My "ex-fling" texted me today asking me how I've been. 

I responded back many hours later since I'm a busy making money n shit. 

Must not be super busy enough to tell us.

[Rahxephon91]

It’s not being mean/rude to not be attracted to someone, just sayin

it's not, though

I agree. Just have to be polite about it.

[TakingBackSunday]

It’s not being mean/rude to not be attracted to someone, just sayin

it's not, though

I agree. Just have to be polite about it.

Oh totally!  There’s being honest and polite and then there’s just being overtly cruel.

[brawndolicious]

For the first time it feels like I actually want to break up with my gf of two years. She (probably) has Borderline Personality Disorder so this is literally the 50th or so break-up in those two years but it always feels like I'm taking care of her so I can't leave no matter what she says or does. In the beginning she brought up BPD but then when I asked her to go to a therapist she denies that that's it. She says it's maybe anxiety or ADD or nothing is actually wrong with her.

A common symptom of BPD is that you try to control the impulsiveness by avoiding sex. I haven't had sex in months because every time I bring it up I get called a pervert. I don't understand how somebody you've talked to every day for 2 years can care so little. If her mood is off, she tries to humiliate me in public. She tries to cut me off from seeing friends and family. She goes on my Facebook and deletes female friends she's jealous of that I haven't talked to in years. It just feels like I am in an abusive relationship not because of some disorder, but because that person doesn't care enough about me or anyone to stop the pain they cause.

[Bebpo]

For the first time it feels like I actually want to break up with my gf of two years. She (probably) has Borderline Personality Disorder so this is literally the 50th or so break-up in those two years but it always feels like I'm taking care of her so I can't leave no matter what she says or does. In the beginning she brought up BPD but then when I asked her to go to a therapist she denies that that's it. She says it's maybe anxiety or ADD or nothing is actually wrong with her.

A common symptom of BPD is that you try to control the impulsiveness by avoiding sex. I haven't had sex in months because every time I bring it up I get called a pervert. I don't understand how somebody you've talked to every day for 2 years can care so little. If her mood is off, she tries to humiliate me in public. She tries to cut me off from seeing friends and family. She goes on my Facebook and deletes female friends she's jealous of that I haven't talked to in years. It just feels like I am in an abusive relationship not because of some disorder, but because that person doesn't care enough about me or anyone to stop the pain they cause.

Oh god, get out get out get out get out.

You are in an abusive relationship. She is controlling you. You may think you can help her and want to be there for her but she is using and abusing you and it'll probably be difficult to get out of because she will try to push your buttons and pretend to need you to save her but don't fall for it.

Get out and don't look back. Also it's going to take time to get over the mental damage she's caused, but you'll be ok. Just get out as soon as you can.

I've been there, you need to get out of this relationship.

[shosta]

As a former abuser the signs are clear. Get out.

[Valkyrie]

Yeah.. better get out of this one asap.

[Raist]

For the first time it feels like I actually want to break up with my gf of two years. She (probably) has Borderline Personality Disorder so this is literally the 50th or so break-up in those two years but it always feels like I'm taking care of her so I can't leave no matter what she says or does. In the beginning she brought up BPD but then when I asked her to go to a therapist she denies that that's it. She says it's maybe anxiety or ADD or nothing is actually wrong with her.

A common symptom of BPD is that you try to control the impulsiveness by avoiding sex. I haven't had sex in months because every time I bring it up I get called a pervert. I don't understand how somebody you've talked to every day for 2 years can care so little. If her mood is off, she tries to humiliate me in public. She tries to cut me off from seeing friends and family. She goes on my Facebook and deletes female friends she's jealous of that I haven't talked to in years. It just feels like I am in an abusive relationship not because of some disorder, but because that person doesn't care enough about me or anyone to stop the pain they cause.

Dude GTHO.

And this:

it always feels like I'm taking care of her so I can't leave no matter what she says or does

No.

[fistfulofmetal]

My girlfriend had a friend with BPD awhile back and it messed her up as well. She had to go to therapy to break out of the mental rut the friendship caused. Someone with BPD who doesn't get it treated in anyway are super destructive to those around them.

Long and short - get outta there my dude.

[I'm a Puppy!]

For the first time it feels like I actually want to break up with my gf of two years. She (probably) has Borderline Personality Disorder so this is literally the 50th or so break-up in those two years but it always feels like I'm taking care of her so I can't leave no matter what she says or does. In the beginning she brought up BPD but then when I asked her to go to a therapist she denies that that's it. She says it's maybe anxiety or ADD or nothing is actually wrong with her.

A common symptom of BPD is that you try to control the impulsiveness by avoiding sex. I haven't had sex in months because every time I bring it up I get called a pervert. I don't understand how somebody you've talked to every day for 2 years can care so little. If her mood is off, she tries to humiliate me in public. She tries to cut me off from seeing friends and family. She goes on my Facebook and deletes female friends she's jealous of that I haven't talked to in years. It just feels like I am in an abusive relationship not because of some disorder, but because that person doesn't care enough about me or anyone to stop the pain they cause.

My ex was (is) mentally ill and I had the same feeling of "Without me, who will take care of her?" At one point I finally came to the realization that I deserved better and she would have to learn to put her life together on her own. That all happened about 14 years ago, and she's just now starting to put her life together. If I had stayed because I felt I needed to take care of her over a decade of my life would be gone. As it is, I realize that I mainly stayed with her years longer than I should have because of a misplaced sense of responsibility.  Don't make my mistake. Relationships are a partnership, and yes, sometimes you need to carry the other person and they need to carry you. But you can't be the only one doing the carrying. That's not love. That's servitude.

And BTW, as many have already said, people like that are destructive to others. Like my ex, she's alienated practically everyone in her life with the exception of one friend. If you want the true measure of a person see how many people still stick with them after years of knowing them.  Even if they're far apart. If you keep noticing someone has only short term friends, that's another bad sign.

[toku]

One of the hardest things to learn, not just in relationships but life in general is none of us are here to save people. You can offer help, assist etc but if you're fucking up your own internal life for the sake of others you're in the wrong too. Love and take care of yourself first, always, and get the fuck out.

[ToxicAdam]

Many times when people refuse sex or intimacy it's their passive-aggressive way of breaking up with you. They will give you 100 other excuses, but it's all to mask their true reasons.

It's hard to see when you are in the middle of it, because they are acting nice in every other way, but they don't have the guts/fortitude to actually break up with you. So, they sabotage it in the hopes that you go away.

It's pretty diabolical, but it's how some people behave.


I would take the hint. Don't waste years of your life chasing someone that doesn't care about your basic needs. There's too many other people out there that will properly love you.

[CatsCatsCats]

BURN IT DOWN

[Cryo]

One of the hardest things to learn, not just in relationships but life in general is none of us are here to save people. You can offer help, assist etc but if you're fucking up your own internal life for the sake of others you're in the wrong too. Love and take care of yourself first, always, and get the fuck out.

someone should've told this to Jesus

[chronovore]

For the first time it feels like I actually want to break up with my gf of two years. She (probably) has Borderline Personality Disorder so this is literally the 50th or so break-up in those two years but it always feels like I'm taking care of her so I can't leave no matter what she says or does. In the beginning she brought up BPD but then when I asked her to go to a therapist she denies that that's it. She says it's maybe anxiety or ADD or nothing is actually wrong with her.

A common symptom of BPD is that you try to control the impulsiveness by avoiding sex. I haven't had sex in months because every time I bring it up I get called a pervert. I don't understand how somebody you've talked to every day for 2 years can care so little. If her mood is off, she tries to humiliate me in public. She tries to cut me off from seeing friends and family. She goes on my Facebook and deletes female friends she's jealous of that I haven't talked to in years. It just feels like I am in an abusive relationship not because of some disorder, but because that person doesn't care enough about me or anyone to stop the pain they cause.

Get out; that's crazypants territory.

If she texts you afterwards, only reply with this:
https://twitter.com/twitter/statuses/943715174883758080

[Bebpo]

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[hungrynoob]

I signed up again for tinder but on the webpage and not the phone app asi have windows phone. 3 days and not a single match, i cant tell if its because i have a terrible profile or theres a glitch.

anyone want to rate my profile for me kthx

[shosta]

sure pal send me your stuff in a PM

[bluemax]

OkCupid continues their slow morph to becoming Tinder by requiring you to put your first name in for display purposes now.

[shosta]

The nice part about OkCupid for girls was that you never had to tell people your name which people could stalk you with on Facebook.

[hungrynoob]

I dont mind posting it here, if in the off chance anyone else is curious to take a peek and offer suggestions, the more the merrier, put in an album link so people have choice to open or not.

https://imgur.com/a/hvvs3

e: 4 days not even a peep of evidence my profile even exists to other people, wtf.

[Samson Manhug]

It's just a bit cliche. Less is more on Tinder. I'd take all that stuff out of your profile and just put a one liner. They can get to know you during the conversation. I'd lose the second picture. I think more than one selfie is too many and your IMO your 4th picture is the most handsome selfie. Also, put a picture in there of you traveling instead of saying you like traveling.

[Valkyrie]

Tip: Remove photo #2 and #6, and make photo #4 your profile picture.

[hungrynoob]

Okay picture reshuffle done, with simplification of profile bio to just "All i ask is youre weird, sometimes". And decided to swipe right for all, just to see if i was being too picky (although dont think i was), nothing yet. Pretty sure my bio is glitched. Also listen, just because i want to travel, doesnt mean I have in the past, ive only left this country twice before. 20 years ago and 10 years ago.

 cheers

[Oblivion]

Going on a blind date with some Asian chick (second one ever! ).

Wish me luck, boys! (in that, hopefully she turns out stacked)

[Bebpo]

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[hungrynoob]

I hope you carried her bags home for her.

[BlueTsunami]

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Ooooh I would have taken her to the bone zone. Stoke my ego babygurl I got you

[Oblivion]

Update: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

[hungrynoob]

what did u do

[shosta]

Bad?

Also, Bepbo, you're really fucking handsome, man.

[BlueTsunami]

Obliv hit the Asian + big tittays lottery my guess

[Tasty]

Bad?

Also, Bepbo, you're really fucking handsome, man.

And a personality to match.

[I'm a Puppy!]

I'd do you bebpo, and I'm not even a grandma

[Bebpo]

Awww thanks   

I would have carried her bags, but she didn't have any bags 'cause she was eating a taco with her husband, so I just said thank you and happy holidays.

I wish I could be nice like Bebpo.

But I'm an indifferent asshole.

I think you're nice

[Oblivion]

Update: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Oh my god, that good? You lucky son of a bitch.

Obliv hit the Asian + big tittays lottery my guess

Fraid not. The previous post was a cry for help. This one did not turn out the way I hoped.   

[hungrynoob]

again: what u do?

also, deleted profile and started again, i got one match. So my profile does exist

[Oblivion]

again: what u do?

also, deleted profile and started again, i got one match. So my profile does exist

We met up for coffee and then hung out at her place. I didn't even want to do it, I was just trying to be polite. 

[shosta]

aw dude was she uggo

[BlueTsunami]

Obliv was like

When she hit you with
Wanna come up for coffee?

[brawndolicious]

Holy shit so in the last week my ex and I have been talking on and off. And today I went on Twitter for the first time in forever and found out that about a year ago, she was publicly saying that I wanted to have sex with one of the people she deleted on FB. Tagging both of us and everything. I confronted her. Her response was so what/that's all in the past/are your friends from a few years ago more important than me?

If you have BPD, seriously it's not a big deal. Just get some fucking help before you hurt somebody because you don't have permission to shit on anyone for any reason.

And yes I'm an idiot who is now 29. Holy fuck am I an idiot. I used to think I was lucky that most people thought I was smarter than them because I never let them know the bad romantic choices I am susceptible to.  I let that go to my head and make me have a savior complex. Such a horrible cycle and I was blind to it.

Many times when people refuse sex or intimacy it's their passive-aggressive way of breaking up with you. They will give you 100 other excuses, but it's all to mask their true reasons.

Okay I can admit that I'm insecure enough that I have to give an alternate explanation. She flip flops between uncontrollable horniness every few months, and absolutely frigid for the rest of the time. As I understand it, 95% of the time they're trying to control their impulsiveness and the other 5% is them acting on it.

See above the quote.

[Bebpo]

It's ok, 29 is still young. Just get out of this relationship. In parts of your post you're being defensive of her still, this is normal when you're being controlled/abused. The first sentence you wrote about the twitter stuff was more of that abusive drama trying to make her the victim and you feel like the bad guy for being rational.

Break off the relationship and get out of it ASAP.

[chronovore]

Bebsy in for the wisdom.

Yeah, it sounds like you've had a learning experience, Brawndolicious. Just make sure you stay learnt.

[Rahxephon91]

I haven't been up to anything. I feel like I took the advice to stop caring so much and just carry on. Not in a fatalist way, just a whatever happens happens kind of way. Stop being so concerned with things and I guess it's improved.

I've stopped really using tinder or bumble. Not because of any garbage reason, more so because it's not an avenue I want to meet anyone. I've gotten decent matches and sent some messages, but nothing has come of them which is fine. It's just an amusement thing if anything. Trying to not take that stuff serious at all.

The Starbucks girl and I have been talking forever a month which I'm not sure what it means. I asked for advice from resetera(yes I know) and they said I should stop talking to her after she said she wasn't looking for a relationship. But after I pulled that lame move, everything went back to normal and we continued talking. Pretty much 1 or 2 messages between us a day. My female friends say this is a positive and while I don't think anything will come of it, that's just the negative part of me. Maybe something will. Maybe something won't, I should avoid just saying it absolutely won't. Anyway she's nice and I enjoy talking to her. If anything I learned from the last real tinder girl is to not get too serious about messaging and shit. If she replies or doesn't it's whatever.

She occasionally gets more flirty when she's drunk but beyond a moment where she seemed to imply we should get food together, nothing else. We just talk about Star Wars recently. The balls in her court so whatever happens is up to her.

But I'm not waiting around or anything. I have nothing else going on.

There was a nice Italian girl who was really flirty, so much that even my dumb ass could tell she was intersted. But it was so strong I was kind of turned off. She told one of my female friends she was "fond" of me whatever the fuck that means. I don't know, I have to ease into people. I think my lack of obvious interest in her killed that off. We just talk a bit on Snapchat. She has a bf anyway.

I'm also over my Mexican friend and am kind of very happy I didn't get involved with her. Her situation and self doesn't really mix. I guess I was just blinded by the ass.

But anyway, I guess the bore was right and one of the things was I just needed to stop caring. I've noticed a lot more positive things in the women area by not being so botherd by it.

[mormapope]

Went on a date with a woman ive been talking to online everyday for a month and a half. Went to a bookstore, bath and soap shop, got some great indian food. Most fun Ive had in a very long time.

[bluemax]

OKCupid is doubling down on their morph to Tinder. Soon you will only be able to message people you have mutually liked.

I guess that's how you deal with dudes being scum and all those girls who put "I can't see likes, message me!".

[I'm a Puppy!]

I have a friend who right now is going through a rough spot with her anxiety/depression and is letting it run her life. I'm also friends with her husband. And hoo boy. What a mess. I see her point of being a bad place, but I also see her husband's point of being like "You're not doing anything to make it better!" She comes to me for help and I'm like OK, you need to get professional help.  But she's too depressed to do it and wants someone else to do it for her. I'm like "No, this is something you need to do for yourself otherwise it'll never work." Meanwhile her husband has tried to be patient, but you can only put up with someone who does nothing for your relationship or themselves or in general. For so long. I totally get his point of that he deserves someone who at least tries.

Which brings me back to that thought I had earlier, that yes, there are soulmates but not everyone has them and most don't have the abilities/skills to make it work. I think that might need to be expanded that there are people that perhaps are too mentally ill to be able to have meaningful relationships. I mean of course you have the people with severe mental illness. But there are people with bi polar and personality disorders that make them just flat out toxic to others and people shouldn't be in relationships with them. Then you have people like my friend here, where she's given so much into her depression that it might be best that she not drag others down with her. At the same time, I don't know how she gets out of it without help. It's a cruel thing.

[Phoenix Dark]

Having fun being with someone who is mature and confident as fuck. She's gained some weight - not a lot, she's just in that hot thick territory. Feels good man.

[CatsCatsCats]

Baby weight?

[Raist]

She's gained some weight - not a lot, she's just in that hot thick territory.

I hope you didn't tell her that.

[Madrun Badrun]

I hope he did.

[chronovore]

She's gained some weight - not a lot, she's just in that hot thick territory.

I hope you didn't tell her that.

He was still able to type, so there's no way he actually voiced it.

[Phoenix Dark]

I didn't say shit to her. But she's said shit like "I'm getting thick" and not in a "awww woe is me way." Maybe it's a trap. I never really respond...