Depression/mental health thread

[seagrams hotsauce]

Sometimes things are bad and you just need to scream into the void

[Rahxephon91]

Well for me one of my things is that I guess I don't like the word. I didn't want to use the word depressed and say I have depression. Because honestly a lot of the time I do feel maybe not happy but not sad. Yet I guess many times I try to keep that I hate myself.  I felt that my problems were not worthy of "depression", but just little insignificant problems, but I guess they aren't so insignificant if they are really dragging me down.

I seriously wanted to kill myself and set out to do it. Now obviously I failed and thats good. I felt a lot of love from my family, my friends, this place. It was amazing, but it's not like the depression ended because I didn't die.

Rather now I feel guilty that I made my family and friends go through that. I question if I did it just for attention. My lonely and insecure thoughts haven't disapeard. I mean today I went to the movie  and saw all these couples. I was trying to convince myself that the girl I have really strong feelings for isn't going to happen. She sends me pictures of us together. Its like life is trying to fight me.

But I guess I realized it is all cognitive. It really is all in my head. I realized a lot of these insecurities that I thought I could list where maybe not things that held water and I couldn't really think why I thought them in the first place.

Now I still think them and will continue to think them, but I guess it helped to realize that these negative thoughts aren't true.

But yeah, tomorrow I go to a therapist and I guess I'll just continue to see where I'm going.

[chronovore]

Well for me one of my things is that I guess I don't like the word. I didn't want to use the word depressed and say I have depression. Because honestly a lot of the time I do feel maybe not happy but not sad. Yet I guess many times I try to keep that I hate myself.  I felt that my problems were not worthy of "depression", but just little insignificant problems, but I guess they aren't so insignificant if they are really dragging me down.

I seriously wanted to kill myself and set out to do it. Now obviously I failed and thats good. I felt a lot of love from my family, my friends, this place. It was amazing, but it's not like the depression ended because I didn't die.

Rather now I feel guilty that I made my family and friends go through that. I question if I did it just for attention. My lonely and insecure thoughts haven't disapeard. I mean today I went to the movie  and saw all these couples. I was trying to convince myself that the girl I have really strong feelings for isn't going to happen. She sends me pictures of us together. Its like life is trying to fight me.

But I guess I realized it is all cognitive. It really is all in my head. I realized a lot of these insecurities that I thought I could list where maybe not things that held water and I couldn't really think why I thought them in the first place.

Now I still think them and will continue to think them, but I guess it helped to realize that these negative thoughts aren't true.

But yeah, tomorrow I go to a therapist and I guess I'll just continue to see where I'm going.

You're doing the right thing by seeking professional help. Taking things one step at a time, not getting ahead of yourself is also a good decision.

Feeling guilty about what you did, nurturing your self-loathing, these are all ways your chemistry and pathology are messing with you.

It's something many people go through at times, some worse and for longer than others. I had a bad run in 2010 and 2011, but mainly managed to turn it around. It comes back, it's insidious. But you can manifest control over your life. No-one else can.

[Let's Cyber]

Getting outside help might be the most important step. Looking back when I was at my darkest moments, I was wandering in the wilderness of my mind essentially without any kind of survival training. I didn't have any process to fight back so it felt like I was in a constant state of drowning. Eventually I just wanted it to end.

A therapist can help you navigate those waters and start developing better habits to avoid the roughest seas. It takes some time and effort, but it is doable. 

Well for me one of my things is that I guess I don't like the word. I didn't want to use the word depressed and say I have depression. Because honestly a lot of the time I do feel maybe not happy but not sad. Yet I guess many times I try to keep that I hate myself.  I felt that my problems were not worthy of "depression", but just little insignificant problems, but I guess they aren't so insignificant if they are really dragging me down.

It can be easy to forget what "normal" feels like if you've been depressed for many years. I don't know if that is your situation but it was definitely mine. Depression for me wasn't necessarily sadness but more of an almost constant state of emotional numbness interrupted by brief moments of self pity and hatred. My emotional gradient was extremely limited.
 
It can turn into a endless cycle. For me the cycle almost ended in suicide but thankfully I eventually got help.
 

But yeah, tomorrow I go to a therapist and I guess I'll just continue to see where I'm going.

How did it go, man?

[Rahxephon91]

I mean it was the first time so it went well I guess ok. It was just a lot of me repeating what I've been saying already. Telling the same stuff over and over again, it has become tiring.

I don't know what I want out of this. It's like I want the therapist to give me sort of survey/questionnaire. That will pinpoint my issues and then actually tell me whats wrong with me and then fix them. I know it doesn't work like that, but I'm just really tired with life.

While I was stopped from killing myself and it felt good for a second, my thoughts haven't left me and I feel like whatever good things I've said are complete bullshit.

I feel even angrier now.

Like in the relationship thread I said a had a good conversation with my friend who I have strong feelings for and maybe I did at that time, but now I hate her and I'm mad about that conclusion. I can only internlize the reason she did'nt have feelings for me like that as some flaw on my part and it pissess me off to have another person reject me that way. I understand that this is all in my head, but it's how I feel. I feel like she just acted like she cared to satisfy herself and she doesn't actually give a shit. I don't know, I just feel completly lonley and I feel like in the end my freinds are going to leave me because they realize now how much of a crazy person I am.

I'm tired of everyone telling me the same stuff.

"It will happen, you will find someone. Be patient".

Haven't I been patient?

"Oh just try".

Even though in the end it seems everyone I know has found someone out of circumstance and why try? SO I can feel like this again? So I can fall for a person only for them to not feel that way. I feel like thats what always happens and I'm becoming an increasingly bitter person.

At this point I really feel it would have been a lot easier to off myself. I don't understand people and now I feel like I've just revealed too much of myself and even if people act like they understand, they really don't or care. I feel like I've just been ignored recently.

I don't know what I want, curley I honestly want to cut myself off from most of those people. Never see them again. Maybe thats bad, but I don't think I can be around her or any of my friends ever again and I just want to get away from all of them. I feel guilty about that too because they all acted like they cared.

And it sucks because if I don't go back to my job, I obviously have to find a new job which I don't know where I will find one and well it will be tough for a while. I don't even know if I do or do not want to go back to my job. It would probably be a bad idea to go.

I don't know, I just feel angry.

[Madrun Badrun]

I was crazy over a girl in highschool/early uni.  Did me a whole lot of good to cut ties.  Don't really have advice other than that.  My situation improved a lot when I started to accept that this was my life and its never going to be perfect but expecting others to fix me was idiotic.   

For me, I've been hit hard with depression this last two weeks.  Haven't been able to do anything.  Not taking care of my self.  Takes up most of my energy just taking care of my dog.  Anxiety is just killing me.   Hate this shit and it happens like 2-3 times a year.  I know the solution is just to get up and exercise and clean my apartment, get to work and do work, but its so damn hard.   

[Valkyrie]

Depression and anxiety are evil fucking cunts.

Cutting ties with people who make it worse is always the best thing to do, imo. No point in dwelling on a sheer 1% hope of any relationship or friendship with them working out when all they do is make you feel like garbage.

[chronovore]

Rahx, your brain is working to sabotage your efforts! This doctor may not be the one you ultimately stick with, but all things are impermanent. For now, try and walk the path in front of you and let the doctor help however they can. You also mentioned cutting ties; you talked about one assclown who was the catalyst for the recent incident – I agree you should avoid the fuck out of that guy, fuck him – but you also experienced an outpouring of care from many people around you. If your brain is trying to isolate you from support systems, that's your brain fucking with you.

[Human Snorenado]

I drink a lot and withdraw from friends/society, I'm sure that's helping and is healthy.

[Madrun Badrun]

On my 4th beer, tonight.

[Valkyrie]

Man that ain't healthy. But still a whole lot better than feeling like garbage.

As for Rahx, he seems to expect that once he finds a girlfriend, all problems will magically disappear. Sadly that's not how life works, especially not if you appear to struggle as much with yourself as he seems to. Maybe a girlfriend would be a decent temporary help, but that bandaid needs to come off sooner or later. It's nice having someone, but it should not be your only source happiness.

Love yourself first. Or at least be fine with who you are. Confidence is quite attractive!

[Cerveza mas fina]

I know it sounds corny but you can't change the past but you can change the future. Thats how I try to move forward and past some things. You can keep being angry at yourself or others but thats wasted energy.

[bork]

I've basically cut ties with everybody in my life and lived like a hermit with most of my social interactions being online. I'm not necessarily happy, but can't say I'm sad either.

Once you've been in the void long enough, you get used to it

This is me now, in a way- aside from work and family, that's about it for my socialization.  Most of my friends have either moved away or just become unavailable because of kids and stuff.  I don't even play stuff online with people anymore since nobody is ever online or playing the same stuff these days.  Hell, I barely even play games with anyone on my friends list, let alone with IRL friends.  And it was almost funny how I came back to the States and then several friends who had moved back here returned to Japan almost immediately after. 

I did cut ties with one friend, but I don't think he even realizes it- the guy stopped hanging out with me after he met his girlfriend years ago, and I've seen him three times since then- once when he started dating her, at their engagement party, and then at their wedding.  I hear that his wife is incredibly controlling, but the reason I stopped talking to him was because he promised he'd come help me with something one weekend and no-showed twice, not even bothering to say anything the second time.  I gave up trying to hang out after that.  That was three years ago.

Also from time to time, I get kind of depressed living here and wish I was back in Japan.  I really enjoyed living abroad and would like to go back.  The problem is that I don't know what the hell I'd be able to do, since I don't want to do the English thing again and my Japanese skills are even worse now than they were before.  Moving to another city might also help.  I really don't think I like Atlanta but it is nice having family close by.  Sometimes I think it was a mistake to move back to the U.S. at all, but coming back here helped me to start a career and now I've got a good job, am a homeowner, and all that stuff.  I doubt I'd be making as much money abroad and probably wouldn't have been able to afford a home and two cars.

Part of the problem, besides my general shyness, is that I think I have some anxiety issues that I've never been treated for.  I also tend to be very much a shut-in and being cooped up doesn't help things.  Yesterday when my wife came home from work, we went for a walk and I felt 100 times better.  I need to get my ass out and start doing things again. 

[Tasty]

This just hit one of my favorite channels this morning, might be useful to some people here:

[seagrams hotsauce]

This just hit one of my favorite channels this morning, might be useful to some people here:

This hit home pretty hard.



As the starting of this thread probably belies, lately I've been in the valley. The last few years have been a goddamned rollercoaster, friends dying, family getting sick, falling in and out of love. I'm still not on the upswing, but I can say I'm making some active efforts towards getting out of it. It's just really difficult to shake the feeling of treading water in every aspect of life sometimes, even when people tell me I'm moving forward. I dunno. I should probably drink less

[Rahxephon91]

Been having more and more negative and suicidal thoughts recently. I don't know, I just continue to see myself as a waste and I know it's all in my head, but I do nothing but highlight the negatives and failures.

I actually agree with most of the negatives thrown at me by you guys. My faults are just so many and I just don't how to get past them in order to feel happy. I don't know how to be happy maybe. I just feel miserable and very lonley. I want to die so bad.

Yes, I know I should go to a Dr, but one of my problems is I just hate actually talking about this a loud. It feels so stupid when I talk and so pointless. I know thats actually what therapy is, plenty of people go there and talk about things that are of little importance, but when I talk about my problems I just can't see through that barrier of "man this is irrelevant". I feel like I can't actually capture what my problems are when I talk to a thearpist and since it's not immediate and quickly understood solutions, I guess I lose interests. Maybe because I can easily go "well this is'nt going anywhere BAIL OUT".

I guess I like talking on fourms because no one here knows me and it really kind of feels like I'm simply talking to myself with little consequence. For some reason just gabbing with a therapist feels fake and unnatural to me. I don't even know what I'm saying.

I just hate myself. I hate my situation, I hate that my life has nothing really going on in it. I hate that I've became this terrible person. I just really want to die. It really would be a relief. My life isn't even hard, though the ground around it is crumbling. Its getting pretty pathetic to be where I am.

I don't know guys, every time I start to feel better about who I am. Something quickly happens that I can rationalize and say nope I'm a loser. I just really want to get this thing over with? Is that really so bad?

[chronovore]

No one here wants you gone. Everyone here wants you to get well. We want you to find a way to love yourself, and then you can be loved by others. We're assholes, mostly. I like you and I want you to love yourself.

[Himu]

Hello Depression, my old friend!

Going to be seeing new therapist once my car is back in shape to do so.

Jiu jitsu and body building help with my depression but I haven't trained in two months because my depression was so severe I didn't want to leave home. Now I'm back in a place where I'm mentally capable of returning to training. I can't wait as nothing alleviates my depression more than getting active and living life.

Hopefully therapy helps me finally beat my demons but I have doubts it will. I've held on to them for far too long. Quite frankly I'm not sure there is a cure for emotional or even physical abuse.

[toku]

Been spending more time meditating lately. I find if I can't get to that positive place I have to just go very general or sometimes just blank. Grateful for even little things helps me build some momentum.

[Purrp Skirrp]

Hello Depression, my old friend!

Going to be seeing new therapist once my car is back in shape to do so.

Jiu jitsu and body building help with my depression but I haven't trained in two months because my depression was so severe I didn't want to leave home. Now I'm back in a place where I'm mentally capable of returning to training. I can't wait as nothing alleviates my depression more than getting active and living life.

Hopefully therapy helps me finally beat my demons but I have doubts it will. I've held on to them for far too long. Quite frankly I'm not sure there is a cure for emotional or even physical abuse.

MDMA might be worth looking into as an emerging treatment.

Treating PTSD with MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy

In November 2016, phase 3 clinical trials for PTSD were approved by the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to assess effectiveness and safety.[23] MDMA was granted breakthrough therapy designation by the FDA for PTSD in August 2017.[24]

[Himu]

Well, I'd really like an apology from them more than drugs!

That said I'd love to try shrooms if I don't end up dying from a heart attack caused by a bad trip.

[Positive Touch]

shrooms was the greatest high I ever had. helped sort through shit at the edges of my mind.

[CatsCatsCats]

I can feel my seasonal affective disorder creeping in these last feels days, I fully believe mushrooms do help and luckily I got like half an oz in my cabinent

[CatsCatsCats]

I can feel my seasonal affective disorder creeping in these last feels days, I fully believe mushrooms do help and luckily I got like half an oz in my cabinent

Lol feels days, but accurate amirite?

[Himu]

I don't know where to get shrooms oh well

[chronovore]

I don't know where to get shrooms oh well

With the amount of cow shit in TX, you're probably in a product-rich environment, but before you go looking make sure they're not going to interfere with your hormone meds.

[Huff]

Don't eat the wrong mushrooms or they can destroy your liver too 

[CatsCatsCats]

Yeah idk I buy them from people who grow them on purpose, would be too nervous to just pick em. Go to a jam band concert and talk to the greasy lookin white dudes in tie dye I guess

[chronovore]

Oh, in no way did I intend to advocate harvesting on one's own. Definitely get the refined product that is theoretically vetted by a professional, even if he's a greasy dude in a t-shirt. I'd say ask friends if they have a connection. But I'm probably the least-likely drug advocate on the bore, as I only do caffeine and alcohol.

[CatsCatsCats]

Depending how much time money and effort you want to put in, head shops (around here anyway) will actually sell spore kits to grow your own

[Himu]

Don't eat the wrong mushrooms or they can destroy your liver too 

Expound please?

[benjipwns]

Yes, I know I should go to a Dr, but one of my problems is I just hate actually talking about this a loud. It feels so stupid when I talk and so pointless. I know thats actually what therapy is, plenty of people go there and talk about things that are of little importance, but when I talk about my problems I just can't see through that barrier of "man this is irrelevant". I feel like I can't actually capture what my problems are when I talk to a thearpist and since it's not immediate and quickly understood solutions, I guess I lose interests. Maybe because I can easily go "well this is'nt going anywhere BAIL OUT".

A good talk therapist doesn't mind the talking about irrelevant things because they understand it as part of an extended process. There's a lot of people like you describe, but because their position is one of experience certain therapists will shuffle off the people who just need some kind of weekly or monthly reinforcement and they're fine to someone else or use those people as kind of a mental palette cleanser.

And really, take this post of yours. Taking it or part of it (like the feelings about the irrelevance and inability to get to the problem or inability to talk about it out loud) in for a talk therapist is something that job wise they would love, you probably don't even have to read it outloud, just get yourself to where you can hand it to them to read. Or just write a note on paper that has similar thoughts or what have you if you don't want to use a The Bore post.

The disconnect between a rational mind and the irrational thought process/emotional is really frustrating, even with medication that works its a very difficult gap to bridge, and that's part of the whole thinking it's so petty or stupid or irrelevant because you know it is. But the actual problem isn't in that, the problem is finding a way or ways or something to handle what you know is stupid so it doesn't pile up and be overwhelming or with a snowball effect or what have you.

I know I can't really, maybe never, especially to where I'm satisfied, but just recognizing the silliness and dark humor underlying situations sometimes is enough to avoid it. Certain things that does nothing for, but others, it doesn't "solve" but makes it easier to deal with.

If anything, just remember you're the boss. You're paying the person to sit there and listen to whatever you feel like really. And you can "fire" them. They have this whole code of ethics and legal requirements thing about being able to "fire" you that you can exploit.

[Rahxephon91]

No one here wants you gone. Everyone here wants you to get well. We want you to find a way to love yourself, and then you can be loved by others. We're assholes, mostly. I like you and I want you to love yourself.

Thanks.

I don't mean to disregard anyone else(everyone here is cool), but Chronovore you have been especially kind.

[chronovore]

No one here wants you gone. Everyone here wants you to get well. We want you to find a way to love yourself, and then you can be loved by others. We're assholes, mostly. I like you and I want you to love yourself.

Thanks.

I don't mean to disregard anyone else(everyone here is cool), but Chronovore you have been especially kind.

Thanks for that. I really like our group of peeps, you included. We all want what's best for each other.

[Tasty]

I can't do this anymore

[benjipwns]

I can't do this anymore

You have to, Doomsday Clock isn't out yet.

[benjipwns]

Andy come back

i made hot cocoa

spoiler (click to show/hide)

okay it's actually chocolate flavored ensure

spoiler (click to show/hide)

and it's room temperature

spoiler (click to show/hide)

we can pour it into a mug tho

[close]

[close]

[close]

[Valkyrie]

I can't do this anymore

Don't go, we need you and you need us. Come back.

[toku]

I can't do this anymore

<3

[Tasty]

Why did I post that? 🤔

Sorry for the scare everyone.

[toku]

Why did I post that? 🤔

Sorry for the scare everyone.

we're all trying to figure it out too

[Rufus]

OK, Andy-kun, spill.

[Tasty]

I got drunk and it was late.

[Positive Touch]

life is shit no need to apologize

[Rufus]

I chose to believe everything is alright, because that's convenient, but I'm gonna be real disappointed if you end up offing yourself.

[Valkyrie]

PSA: My PMs are always open if anyone needs a friend to talk to.

Might not always know what to say.. but I'm a good listener.

[Tasty]

I chose to believe everything is alright, because that's convenient, but I'm gonna be real disappointed if you end up offing yourself.

I mean I'd be pretty disappointed too

[Raist]

Why did I post that? 🤔

Sorry for the scare everyone.

Maybe you meant to post in the Switch thread?

[Huff]

Don't eat the wrong mushrooms or they can destroy your liver too 

Expound please?

Sorry just saw this. Some mushrooms are toxic with different effects. Would recommend not picking your own unless you know what to look for/avoid.

[zomgee]

Why did I post that? 🤔

Sorry for the scare everyone.

You dingus, you really had me worried.

APOLOGIZE IN THE DEPRESSION THREAD.

[Tasty]

This is that...

[seagrams hotsauce]

time sucks and sometimes being nice also sucks

[thisismyusername]

Just for the record: I'm on antidepressants (hence asking in the sex thread), and today I've been crying all fucking day. Nose is sore from wiping it because I keep breaking out crying.

When does this get better? I'm already on week 4 nearly. I really shouldn't be having these emotional outbursts of the dam breaking at 100mg, right?

[hungrynoob]

If anyone is on their own, and want to talk/vent can always PM me.

Been diagnosed with mdd and gad, im not forthcoming about sharing my experiences as to why, but Im always willing to lend an ear. I'm not entirely sure if anyone here has yet managed to connect to the dots and figure out who I am on GAF, but regardless im not a bad person.

[chronovore]

If anyone is on their own, and want to talk/vent can always PM me.

Been diagnosed with mdd and gad, im not forthcoming about sharing my experiences as to why, but Im always willing to lend an ear. I'm not entirely sure if anyone here has yet managed to connect to the dots and figure out who I am on GAF, but regardless im not a bad person.

If you want a fresh start, TheBore is your place. It's likely preferred that you come in with fresh eyes and a clean bill, rather than drag in baggage from NeoGAF times. You are reborn.


On the other hand, shitting up TheBore and then repeatedly trying to sneak back under new aliases is frowned upon.

[Himu]

Feel better TIMU

[Cryo]

Just for the record: I'm on antidepressants (hence asking in the sex thread), and today I've been crying all fucking day. Nose is sore from wiping it because I keep breaking out crying.

When does this get better? I'm already on week 4 nearly. I really shouldn't be having these emotional outbursts of the dam breaking at 100mg, right?

Do you mind elaborating on which one you're on? Also, were you prone to experiencing these prior to taking them? My experience with them is that these typically help regulate the low (and high) peaks of emotions, but if you're still experiencing this 4 weeks in there may be a need to up the dosage or switch to a different drug. 

[BlueTsunami]

I think I've been dealing with this since my teenage years. Never diagnosed. I've just chalked it up as me tipping into the melancholic spectrum. I'm already 32, guess I'll ride this shit out.

[hungrynoob]

If anyone is on their own, and want to talk/vent can always PM me.

Been diagnosed with mdd and gad, im not forthcoming about sharing my experiences as to why, but Im always willing to lend an ear. I'm not entirely sure if anyone here has yet managed to connect to the dots and figure out who I am on GAF, but regardless im not a bad person.

If you want a fresh start, TheBore is your place. It's likely preferred that you come in with fresh eyes and a clean bill, rather than drag in baggage from NeoGAF times. You are reborn.


On the other hand, shitting up TheBore and then repeatedly trying to sneak back under new aliases is frowned upon.

Nah, if people looked hard enough they could connect my name here to my GAF account, im not exactly hiding, Ive just been switching to this name overtime (not just on here), as I kinda prefer this name.

Thanks all the same tho. 

[Prinny_Dood]

My depression and anxiety have really cranked up the past year or so, most of it is caused by my retail job. I can't seem to deal with the customers anymore, and the employees are really starting to anger me. I have to force myself to go to work and stay my whole shift.  I can't help but think the best thing to do is quit, especially with how shitty I act and feel after work. Only problem is that I need my insurance. I'm not having much luck finding a new job, either.

 I'm currently meeting with a therapist to try and work out a plan to deal with this.