Author Topic: Depression/mental health thread  (Read 46224 times)

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chronovore

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #240 on: January 09, 2018, 05:57:41 PM »
 I read it all, and empathized with it.

Youíre a sweet, kind, and caring man. You are in touch enough with your own feelings that you recognize attraction in many forms. I have that, too Thatís a gift, not a problem. Or, rather, it is whatever your thinking makes it out to be, to paraphrase Mark Twain.

seagrams hotsauce

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #241 on: January 15, 2018, 09:10:58 PM »
That was intense. I'm glad you're doing better and looking forward, thanks for sharing that.

chronovore

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #242 on: January 15, 2018, 10:45:59 PM »
I wrote about when I planned to kill myself in 2016 and what happened after.

I haven't taken the time to write anything in so long and I feel like its all absolute garbage but whatever. I'm getting better at being sad.

I'm glad that things are better, and inspired by your help to others.

VomKriege

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #243 on: January 16, 2018, 05:10:46 AM »
Peace man. Depression is a tough place to be and I've seen people never really leave it after years. But we have to try going forward, no other way out. Thank you for sharing that.
ὕβρις

Tasty

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #244 on: January 17, 2018, 01:42:03 PM »
I wrote about when I planned to kill myself in 2016 and what happened after.

I haven't taken the time to write anything in so long and I feel like its all absolute garbage but whatever. I'm getting better at being sad.

This was a wonderful read (in spite of the content.) You might have some talent as a writer. :)

Thanks for sharing, I know how hard it is to think about this shit - let alone write it down *and* share it. Props man.
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benjipwns

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #245 on: January 17, 2018, 03:19:19 PM »
Quote
Her and I spoke about the counselor I was seeing, who I thought wasnít great, and I could tell she also didnít think he was great with her repeated use of ďwe are very aware of that gentlemen and his techniques.Ē
:hitler

chronovore

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #246 on: January 23, 2018, 06:48:11 PM »
Have any of you looked into this?
http://digg.com/2018/wake-therapy-depression

thisismyusername

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #247 on: January 23, 2018, 07:02:50 PM »
Have any of you looked into this?
http://digg.com/2018/wake-therapy-depression

I rather they make Ketamine legal. :doge

I've heard anti-depressants are hit and miss to such a degree that some people (the ones that do research) think they're almost pointless. But then why do they exist? And some people do report they help.

This is kinda why I'm in the K-line camp. Despite that being a 10 day uplift, I'd rather be on a trip that is good (or bad, depending on the person of course) and able to help instantly than meds that may or may not work.

Currently, I've been taking my meds but lately my disappointment in my life has come creeping back and I've been having thoughts of self-harm again. Which means this shit may not even be working anymore. :doge

hungrynoob

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #248 on: January 25, 2018, 12:35:09 PM »
I've kind of avoided this topic for awhile, but ill do a wee update and stuff.

I made the resolution this year to just learn more about myself, and tbh whether i made that resolution or not would have made zero difference, as ive basically been thrust into a rabbit hole of self-discovery i never really thought was possible.

Bit of a backstory, christmas eve in '98 when i was 8 years old basically was a turning point in my life of trauma, caused by my mums situation in life, i never really recovered. so we can say ages 8-25 were a write-off, as ive basically done nothing but get completely drunk, take drugs, do nothing, learn nothing, accrue debt and lose my family. When I was 26 i calmed down a lot, but and stopped a lot of those behaviors except the drinking and doing fuck all. Im now 27. I've never held a relationship for longer than 5 months, and i recycle friends more than i recycle irl. The only benefit is i somehow managed to work my way up in the company im in now, so i have a career i guess - i v lucky to not have lost my job as i went from inconsistently great to inconsistently never around or reliable. . I have been disagnosed with Major Depressive and generalised anxiety. I once had a panic attack, not long after waking up thinking people were breaking into my home to call the police, 5 squad cars to turn up, and noone to be there - most of the time though it just used to be thinking i was going to die from a heart attack all the time.  Please dont read that from a 'woe is me' perspective. I just think it helps if you can relate to anything along the lines of what i said, if not thats ok too.

This kind of started before the new year, and is quite complicated, ill try explain as best i can.

Years back, I started reading some books by dr paul ekman, afte watching the tv show lie to me. There was an interest there in being able to understand peoples emotions using the bigger picture and not just listening to what they say. That dropped off, and whilst i retained some info, i never put it into practice, rather i would infrequently spot something and go "oh cool". That lay dormant for awhile until i picked it up again autumn last year, and I read a few books, materials, watched videos, and kinda just absorbed myself into what at least knew, was an interest for me. My confidence skyrocketed, and my anxiety decreased. I used to be scared to talk to people, now i just wanted to know if they were lying to me or not, and generally i just didnt feel so lost. And i saw peoples emotions everywhere, and it really helped me a lot understand the people i came into contact with rather than always just trying to brush them off.

It was towards the end of the year, I decided to listen to some of the infamous, Jordan Peterson's work on youtube. If theres any of you reading who doesnt know who he is, he is the clincal psychologist who took a stance against the c-16 bill's introduction in Canada, sparking a 'lively' protest at the university of toronto from the leftist social justice movement. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-nvNAcvUPE). I dont particularly want to dwell on this particular side of Peterson's work, but i do want to say this. I dont disagree with him, however, im in a sense glad that he was erroneously combated for being transphobic in his battle against c-16, because without that video i linked to you, I would probably never come across his other work.

As a clincal psychologist he sets out to help people improve their lives and their understanding of life around them, and when you listen to his advice, its so simple, like you knew it all along, but you can feel everything start to click into place to longer you listen to him talk. Which is fascinating for me, because when you go down the body language hole, a lot of it is common sense, and you feel like you knew it all along, but now youre more consciously aware of that fact. Kinda like when someone reminds you that you are breathing manually now, how you switch from subconscious breathing to conscious breathing.

Interestingly, a lot of his work ties into belief systems and ideologies and religions. Which hes dedicated his life to, and is amazing that he ends up in the position he is in now navigating ideologies in modern society.

I started listening to his biblical series, but never really listened as it was what i put on before i went to sleep. But bits and bobs remained. And from that, I guess i became a more open person - i stumbled upon the flower of life just after the new year, and honestly. I dont know what to think. (read about it here: https://www.tokenrock.com/explain-flower-of-life-46.html), which sent me down another rabbit hole of reading about spirituality and conciousness. And ive went from being atheist to agnostic to full "i have no idea wtf is going on around me". Not everything i read around spirituality i take at face value and put all my being behind to give it such weight. But the flower of life, is really fascinating, and gives some credibility to the notion that maybe things are a lot more fucked up than we expect it to be. I had heard numerous of people Peterson metioned who spent their life trying to reconcile the differences between religion and science, and later heard him say that Jung probably was the most significant event within the 20th century because of Jung's work around both human psychology in regards to religion.

I could honestly write a whole lot more, but basically ive taken all this on board, ive been meditating and trying to just expand my mind as much as possible, and its hard to argue that im even the same person i was 6 months ago, because I feel different. I dont stutter or stumble in conversation, i can go after what i want without fear, just an hour ago i went to the shop and genuinely smiled all the way back, people looked more beautiful and a lot of the stress and worry i usually carry with my for that moment was just gone.

I dont cry very often unless im drunk, but last night i was listening to a uk documentary on Peterson, and at the very end, and with the conviction to suffocate me, i cried over the 4 or so mins of his answer to "pre-requisites for true knowledge and understanding" , which for those suffering deep from depression I would hope would resonate with you just as it did with me (https://youtu.be/EjqXXengN1s?t=45m5s), when you suffer from trauma or continual negative experiences and end up in a pit of despair. We want to end that, by trying to deflect as much negative experiences in our future as possible by sticking to the devil we know, and remaining in that pit of despair. We run from responsibility, because it is the easy option. After the suffering that caused us to be where we are, part of me believes that we refuse to believe that life is truly that unfair and that our time for prosperity will come, even when multiple times throughout our lives people tell us it wont come, we hide ourselves and wait for the sun to shine on the horizon only for it to remain perpetually dark. And its understandable we feel that way. Part of having an anxiety disorder is that physiologically we have an overactive fight-or-flight response, because in essence, anxiety is an essential human trait. The thing is, the things we tell ourselves everyday, might seem like passing moments, but they hold much more weight and value than we give it credit, and our subconcious is a large part to thank for biological responses to our past and present.

I kinda hold the view at the minute that science and religion are two sides of the same coin, and that the universe exists within balance. Something I have went far to long without. Do I know the answers or expect people here to subscribe to the way i view all this material. Nope.

But i will say this, I can feel my potential again, and im starting to no longer feel lost. I feel strong, and when i started to cry at that peterson documentary last night, at the exact same moment it was as if the world burst into colour around me. Even though ive never been colourblind.

There is a path to recovery for everyone, and if my experience doesnt help that at all, then I hope at the very least leave a little bit of hope that growth is possible, because for the majority of my life, I thought I was pretty much doomed from the start.
















« Last Edit: January 25, 2018, 12:51:29 PM by hungrynoob »

HardcoreRetro

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #249 on: January 25, 2018, 12:42:32 PM »
Panic attacks are fun. First time it happened to me I spent the night in the hospital cause neither I or the ambulance guys knew what the fuck was going on.

hungrynoob

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #250 on: January 25, 2018, 12:52:41 PM »
fun after not so fun during.

HardcoreRetro

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #251 on: January 26, 2018, 04:29:15 AM »
Luckily we Dutch folks got that new campaign by the government.

"Hey! Laten we er over praten."

Amazing ad by people that seem to think having a shit day is the same as having chronic depression/major depression. It's like one of my female friends going: "Go do some fun stuff." Yeah thanks, I never thought of trying that before.

hungrynoob

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #252 on: January 26, 2018, 05:24:33 AM »
Keep an open mind though and consider you may be your own worst enemy.

Bebpo

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #253 on: January 26, 2018, 04:31:19 PM »
Not sure if this thread doubles as an anger management thread. Tangentially related.

Our office starts a 3 weeks 7-8 figure trial this week and 2 of our 3 attorneys are on that full time. Since I'm the only attorney left, I'm doing my own cases, handling all new inquiries with potential clients and I'm picking up all the cases from the other 2 attorneys since they can't get to anything. 3 attorneys worth of work/deadlines with 1 attorney is  :noooo

I'm running litigation deadlines on 6 cases today while fielding phones/emails since everyone wants priority and to be addresses now since they are all urgent immediate items. I really wish I had a punching bag in my office for times like this to destress. Took a jog at lunch and been trying to mediate breathe in 3 min breaks here and there. Just way too much all at once, I'm handling shit in the most appropriate/efficient order at 200mph and everyone needs to just chill.

Worst part is we're only a few days into this trial, so pretty much expect the next few weeks to be the worst of my career to date!  :-\

Cindi Mayweather

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #254 on: February 13, 2018, 03:50:37 AM »
Had the worst job interview of my life today. It was a group interview. By group, I mean they interviewed four of us at the same time. The woman after me stood up when introducing herself. She was the only one to do so. So I was immediately showed up. I ended up getting anxious because I was comparing myself constantly to the others at the interview. I couldnít think in my feet and it got to the point where I had trouble breathing during anquestion. I said,ĒI canít do thisĒ and walked out of the interview. I havenít been that embarrassed in a long time. Really bad day.

On a plus side, Iím giving up alcohol for lent. I hope itíll help because Iím a light alcoholic these days.
weed

chronovore

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #255 on: February 13, 2018, 07:13:15 AM »
Hang in there. You'll get a better situation. Person who stood up was definitely one-upping, so don't let it bother you. She may have even done herself in that way.

benjipwns

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #256 on: February 14, 2018, 02:06:33 AM »
my weight dropped fairly severely a couple months ago because of a bad period where i slept a lot rather than exist when i didn't have to, it doesn't help that four or five pound swings daily have been normal for me as long as i can remember between daily "full" and "fast" points, nor that i've ever had a weight issue to where i could eat huge amounts of shit (not literal tvc) and not really break significantly from this cycle of upper and lower bounds, so i've never had to actually "think" about what i eat and how and definitely never when except for a few periods where i was eating too much of the same thing or drinking too much and needed a slight adjustment once a week to return to the cycle

last time i went to my psychiatrist anxiety over it screwed me up that week and really for that first period, so i was up a little, but he wanted more (no demi)

been doing better about it, mainly with little things like adding some bread or whatever rather than upending the apple cart (and eating all the apples...and the cart), then of course with an appointment coming up this week, i get the flu and can't keep anything down for two days and had to take it easy for another, while getting extra rest, of course i did! :lol

his suggestion has been trying an appetite stimulant but like that's not the problem exactly, it's treating symptoms more i think, like maybe i've just capped out my anti-depressant again and need to change all of that setup, actually i'm glad i wrote this post for no reason other than benji being benji because i hadn't really considered approaching it from that angle, focused on the diet top layer when maybe it's time to rejigger the works, it's been a long time on the current everything including dosages

and the worst part? i haven't even thought to make any jokes about how i'm cultivating mass smh, if that's not evidence of a real problem i don't know what is, though they don't really work great unless i add like 50 pounds or something but still


https://twitter.com/alwayssunnyqotd/status/493885052271722496

benjipwns

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #257 on: February 16, 2018, 03:00:03 AM »
so it turns out that he thought i was at a higher dose of my anti-depressant than i was...so um, we're going to try that dosage lol

i also did some of my own research and i guess periactin has weight gain aspects to it, especially if just taken when you go to sleep (which my script is for), whereas the appetite effect is more if you're taking it while awake, also if you want to you can buy like a thousand pills of the stuff for $20 off the internet (4.6/5 stars!) but i think i'll just get the 30 from my regular pharmacist as the doc thinks i'd probably only need to take it until my next appointment or so, my weights going upward but my metabolism has always been such that it'll take months otherwise to get where he wants it, let alone where demi wants it at my routine Bore PM physical

i was reading what people wrote about it on some website where you can review medications which could become a hilarious hobby for me now after what i saw, but most of the complaints were that it makes you sleepy and some said it knocks you out, so between it and the remeron you could probably break into the house through my window probably and rape me and i won't know about it, so please leave a note guys and also you should know the window doesn't latch already you don't need to break it in and get glass all over

the reason i was thinking reading medication reviews could become a hobby is that there's so much wrong and stupidity in them like, well, every other type of review/comments, my favorite one was a lady talking about how her prescription was for taking it twice a day and it was doing fine but then she found out her friend was prescribed it too, BUT FOR THREE TIMES A DAY, so she's been concerned and thinking ever since that she needs to move to at least three times a day and will probably do so starting soon if not right away and that's why she's only scoring it 8/10 instead of 10/10 and she'll have to get more pills for this but it doesn't make sense that she's only taking two when her friend gets three

she should adopt my grandma's method too, her heart medicine says to take three times a day, so she takes all three of them once a day because i dunno, she can't sit around waiting to take pills all day probably, also at 93 you can probably do whatever the fuck you want because you've already defeated that stupid medical science and its probabilities

and yes, of course her doctor said she was showing surprising improvement in her metrics because go to hell medical science you're not in charge here

Huff

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #258 on: February 16, 2018, 10:56:00 AM »
Once you hit a certain age and/or lifestyle I start advocating for reduction in meds and shit anyway. A 90 doesnít need to have 20 meds and is prob causing more issues than theyíre helping
dur

TVC15

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #259 on: February 16, 2018, 01:15:56 PM »
Everything sucks.
serge

TVC15

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #260 on: February 16, 2018, 03:06:00 PM »
Canít get to sleep or meditate. I kinda zoned out for a few minutes and had this dreamish thing that made me sad. Sometimes I wish I had a family.
serge

bluemax

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #261 on: February 16, 2018, 11:58:29 PM »
I decided to not work through lunch today as my mood has been in pretty heavy decline the past few weeks, and worsening this week.

I can't tell you how much better I felt after just sitting in the sun for 30 minutes and shooting the shit about not work stuff with coworkers.

It's a simple ass thing but I can pretty much always tell now when I need to get *some* sun, just any.
NO

seagrams hotsauce

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #262 on: February 17, 2018, 12:38:03 AM »
Changed the title to be more inclusive, essjaydub style.

Been struggling a lot the last couple weeks with anxiety and resisting the urge to blow through the prescribed benzos I have.

I'm giving it a shot but tbh none of the traditional fixes are really working right now. Exercise, sleep, diet, etc. Just really disillusioned with so many personal relationships right now that it's hard to see the bigger picture. I understand the myopia that depression instills, but even though this is an intensely familiar sensation, i'm kinda in the valley right now and it's hard to picture ever not feeling miserable.

shosta

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #263 on: February 17, 2018, 01:16:11 AM »
Any hobbies?
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TVC15

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #264 on: February 17, 2018, 02:45:24 AM »
Any hobbies?

Lying on my busted, back-breaking futon, staring at the ceiling.
serge

Bebpo

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #265 on: February 17, 2018, 05:37:55 PM »
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TVC15

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #266 on: February 17, 2018, 09:12:25 PM »
Iíve barely gotten out of bed the past four days. I feel really defeated.
serge

toku

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #267 on: February 17, 2018, 09:54:52 PM »
Lost my atm card today which was amazing to see how my mood which was shakey at the start of the day cratered thanks to this inconvenience. Been just in the pits last four or five days. It's like you're doing good, or trying to but sometimes the world is like "no fam plz go reflect quietly and remember the face of your father" or some shit. I'm mad at no one but myself.

Freyj

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Re: Depression thread
« Reply #268 on: February 17, 2018, 10:17:12 PM »
i also did some of my own research and i guess periactin has weight gain aspects to it, especially if just taken when you go to sleep (which my script is for), whereas the appetite effect is more if you're taking it while awake, also if you want to you can buy like a thousand pills of the stuff for $20 off the internet (4.6/5 stars!) but i think i'll just get the 30 from my regular pharmacist as the doc thinks i'd probably only need to take it until my next appointment or so, my weights going upward but my metabolism has always been such that it'll take months otherwise to get where he wants it, let alone where demi wants it at my routine Bore PM physical

Last time I was on antidepressants I gained like 30lbs in 2 months but I was also eating like shit because itís an easy vice to self medicate with.

I decided to not work through lunch today as my mood has been in pretty heavy decline the past few weeks, and worsening this week.

I can't tell you how much better I felt after just sitting in the sun for 30 minutes and shooting the shit about not work stuff with coworkers.

It's a simple ass thing but I can pretty much always tell now when I need to get *some* sun, just any.

Iím much more content with where Iím at career wise and mental health wise with this new remote gig, but I definitely miss going to lunch with the dream team from my last long term position. Having coworkers that donít suck to go to lunch with is the easy mode of adult social activities.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2018, 10:22:43 PM by Freyj »

Tasty

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #269 on: February 19, 2018, 12:17:51 AM »
sometimes the world is like "no fam plz go reflect quietly and remember the face of your father" or some shit.



Blessing up 🙏🏻
🕊

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #270 on: April 18, 2018, 04:22:00 PM »
Depression in full swing again.  Got up at 1 and wanted to go back to bed by 1:30.  Not doing anything I should be doing.
NtGay

shosta

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #271 on: April 18, 2018, 04:24:04 PM »
Dissertation wearing you down?
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Madrun Badrun

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #272 on: April 18, 2018, 04:47:36 PM »
I'm no where near dissertation lol.  More like road to road to dissertation wearing me down.
NtGay

thisismyusername

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #273 on: May 06, 2018, 07:57:28 AM »
Put a bullet in me already.

I know that feeling.

Benji: They upped the Wellbutrin between then and now. And outside of Remeron nightmares I'm a mix of "ok," and "fucking awful." I keep having these recurring thoughts that I'm probably better off dead, but that's always been the case for me so I don't think that's the meds or "lol go to the psychologist and tell them" material.

Also with how much I hate my dead-end life, I'm really a lazy ass when it comes to changing that stuff and these meds don't really change that. I don't know if they're supposed to help with motivation, but they really don't in my case. Partially due to factors that are primarily out of my control to where I don't feel like that shit will change if I put the effort in. I dunno. Just feeling like shit right now.

Freyj

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #274 on: June 09, 2018, 08:29:29 PM »
I think I really need to get back on Lexapro again. Iíd hoped I was done with this but Iím running pretty much a constant low to medium anxiety for reasons I canít fully explain. Working from home has been great for the most part but I think itís given me some weird sensitivities to noise and other shit that used to maybe irritate me a little but not, say, fuck my whole weekend up. Neck started hurting last week from the muscles / whatever just being constantly irritated.

Wish I didnít have weight and sleep problems on lexapro or Iíd just commit to it 365.

I'm a Puppy!

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #275 on: June 11, 2018, 02:13:16 PM »
My problem currently is my job. The stress is too much for me to handle. Really I just need to take a several month long breather. In general, my anxiety/depression is pretty manageable. But when work blows up, I become a huge mess. My wife was saying I should see a therapist about it, but part of me is like "I know what's wrong. It's my job. I'm pretty happy with everything else in my life." And while my wife things I should see a therapist to get the skills to be able to cope with the stress, part of me just thinks that it's toxic and not something I should get used to "coping" with. It's not like I'm a noob at this, I've been around the block many times and can point out a toxic situation when I see one. Further, there's the issue that I work so much and travel so much, I don't really see how I would deal with trying to squeeze a therapist in.
que

shosta

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #276 on: June 11, 2018, 02:52:17 PM »
Sorry about the job stress. I get serious anxiety so I know how immiserating it can be. I also don't know what a therapist is going to tell you that you don't already know. Don't you guys have interns or something you can unload more work onto?
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #277 on: June 11, 2018, 11:51:22 PM »
It's getting to that point. If I ddin't have kids I would've been done months ago. I have savings, but don't want to bet that I can find a job before I get into a point where I've expended too much of it.
que

chronovore

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #278 on: June 12, 2018, 04:15:06 AM »
If what you're doing is unsustainable, you've got to figure out how to protect yourself before anything else. You've previously said your bosses are aware of your stress, I think? Talk with them, because they know you're valuable. A leave of absence or sabbatical may be possible.

I'm a Puppy!

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #279 on: June 13, 2018, 10:41:25 PM »
They're in a catch 22. Several projects will fall apart if I'm not part of them. But at the same time if I don't stop I might not be around much longer either. They're caught there with me.
que

shosta

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #280 on: June 13, 2018, 10:46:20 PM »
Hire more people.
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I'm a Puppy!

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #281 on: June 13, 2018, 10:58:05 PM »
Hire more people.
That'll help in the future. Not in the now.
Market's really strange right now. It's sorta...stagnant?
I'm used to seeing the market go up and down but this is just weird. It's sorta swampy.
que

Madrun Badrun

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #282 on: June 13, 2018, 11:55:14 PM »
I'm fat and it's making me unhappy.  I put on like 15 pounds in the last 6 months.  Also, I might be having a midlife crisis because I have an extreme urge to get a mohawk again. 
NtGay

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #283 on: June 14, 2018, 11:36:53 AM »
This week has sucked. I don't even want to eat or do anything anymore. Going to work is hell because it's basically me forcing myself to breathe for hours a day just to get money and "live."

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #284 on: June 18, 2018, 04:32:58 PM »
Taking a health day. I'm always shaking. That can't be good. At this point trying to figure out if I can make rent working at Target for the next few months. Again the wife has been amazing in her support. I don't know what I'd do without her.
que

Cindi Mayweather

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #285 on: September 20, 2018, 12:33:53 PM »
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.
weed

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #286 on: September 20, 2018, 12:36:48 PM »
I don't think you're crazy, but all the attachment to different roles and identities is unhealthy. It's like you're trying to belong somewhere, get restless, then move on when it doesn't fill the unmet need underlying all of this.
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #287 on: September 20, 2018, 12:39:14 PM »
I'm fat and it's making me unhappy.  I put on like 15 pounds in the last 6 months.  Also, I might be having a midlife crisis because I have an extreme urge to get a mohawk again. 

Make your first steps towards being healthier. I've never felt as good as I feel now and I owe it to being active for at least an hour straight each day, consistently.
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #288 on: September 20, 2018, 12:42:25 PM »
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.

Nah, I think opinion and life changes are natural and should encouraged, if anything.

People ding you because you take some of these beliefs in a tribalistic, us vs. them direction, and get unnecessarily aggressive. If you can get that in check you'll probably get much like flak and enjoy fewer strained friendships.
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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #289 on: September 20, 2018, 12:45:19 PM »
As someone who has evolved from a:
1. conservative fundamentalist protestant christian
2. moderate egonovist christian/deist
3. liberal/progressive secular humanist & atheist
4. democratic socialist secular humanist & atheist
5. nihilist
6. apolitical apatheistic existentialist (where I'm at today)

I kinda get where you're coming from with shifting stances and perspectives.

It's your intensity and level of devotion that's a bit concerning at times, imho.

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #290 on: September 20, 2018, 12:54:27 PM »
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.

I'm going to go against the grain and say that extreme opinion changes you have a not normal.  Not because changing opinions and beliefs is a bad thing but because of how much of yourself you put behind those beliefs and how much of personality change these seem to go with.  You also tend to be very combative and aggressive about them - now that is partly what Tasty said is we here, myself included, have egged you on to be more aggressive and its natural to be combative when people are teasing or outright being mean to you, however, I do feel like your mental health is a contributing factor.  And I don't say this to be mean but in the decade you and I have been posting here, you have seemed to become more unstable, especially in the last couple of years. 
NtGay

Tasty

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #291 on: September 20, 2018, 12:56:53 PM »
I think CGP Grey had one of the most well-said, concise explanations for why you should never tie your sense of self to your opinions.



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Atramental

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #292 on: September 20, 2018, 01:00:26 PM »
Same thing with work. I've had to learn and am still learning that I am not my work/art and I shouldn't tie my sense of self worth to it.


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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #293 on: September 20, 2018, 01:48:47 PM »
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.

I'm going to go against the grain and say that extreme opinion changes you have a not normal.  Not because changing opinions and beliefs is a bad thing but because of how much of yourself you put behind those beliefs and how much of personality change these seem to go with.  You also tend to be very combative and aggressive about them - now that is partly what Tasty said is we here, myself included, have egged you on to be more aggressive and its natural to be combative when people are teasing or outright being mean to you, however, I do feel like your mental health is a contributing factor.  And I don't say this to be mean but in the decade you and I have been posting here, you have seemed to become more unstable, especially in the last couple of years.

What should I do?
weed

Cindi Mayweather

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #294 on: September 20, 2018, 02:00:07 PM »
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.

Nah, I think opinion and life changes are natural and should encouraged, if anything.

People ding you because you take some of these beliefs in a tribalistic, us vs. them direction, and get unnecessarily aggressive. If you can get that in check you'll probably get much like flak and enjoy fewer strained friendships.

As someone who has evolved from a:
1. conservative fundamentalist protestant christian
2. moderate egonovist christian/deist
3. liberal/progressive secular humanist & atheist
4. democratic socialist secular humanist & atheist
5. nihilist
6. apolitical apatheistic existentialist (where I'm at today)

I kinda get where you're coming from with shifting stances and perspectives.

It's your intensity and level of devotion that's a bit concerning at times, imho.

I don't think you're crazy, but all the attachment to different roles and identities is unhealthy. It's like you're trying to belong somewhere, get restless, then move on when it doesn't fill the unmet need underlying all of this.

How do I lower the devotion and intensity?
weed

Atramental

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #295 on: September 20, 2018, 02:10:40 PM »
There's probably not a straightforward answer for that.

I myself only have brief bursts of intense fiery passion and devotion that'll last for an hour or two and then it's just gone for weeks. Sometimes months.

Most likely due to my brain chemistry/temperament.

I'd suggest meditation, exercise, and journaling but I feel like you already do that on some level already.


Cindi Mayweather

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #296 on: September 20, 2018, 02:12:42 PM »
I see. I have a predisposition towards extremism so idk what to do about it.
weed

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #297 on: September 20, 2018, 02:50:36 PM »
There is no one size fits all answer, Cindi. Asking "what should I do" is fine but really the person you need to be asking that to is your therapist.

That said, being someone that's "known" you over forums for over a decade now, I will engage in some armchair diagnosis. This is all just my opinion but everything I'm saying stems from wanting the best for you.

First, I think asking "what do I do" or "how do I fix this" is getting ahead of yourself. First you need to ask "why" to a lot of this. In my amateur opinion, a lot of your issues stem from identity issues and wanting to belong. When I say "identity issues" I am absolutely NOT talking about gender identity, let me just say that for the record I 110% believe that you're a woman. You will get no argument from me on that. I'm talking in a more general "belonging to a group and feeling like you belong." It's hard enough being black in America, but to grow up a black nerd in a religious household, and be a trans woman on top of that has to be incredibly isolating. Humanity is all about tribalism in my opinion, and not feeling like you fit in with any given tribe has to suck and be stressful.

I think that need to belong is what drives you to "try out" so many different tribes, whether it's jiu-jitsu, fighting game community, forums, socialists and other political groups, firearm lunatics, and if I can remember just about every religion under the sun. I think your underlying need for this crazy life to make sense drives you to adopt whatever group you've just joined as a guiding life philosophy. Your lack of "belonging" drives your zealous commitment to whatever group/cause/culture you've just immersed yourself in.

So, there's my armchair diagnosis. Here's my prescription:
1. Don't try to make yourself fit into any particular world. Tell the world to accept you as you are.
2. Don't feel the need to believe in anything. There is no "why." There is no rhyme or reason. There is no God, Yahweh, Buddha, Allah, or Spongebob Squarepants. All there is, is a random chance and collection of atoms. There's no afterlife. Just this life. Make it count.

All just my opinion. Take it for what you will.
yar

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #298 on: September 20, 2018, 02:59:22 PM »
Good post all in all, but just to not end on a complete nihilistic downer: if you want meaning, you can make your own or find someone else's and hitch your ride to their's. That's fine, even if it's not 'big' or 'important'.

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Re: Depression/mental health thread
« Reply #299 on: September 20, 2018, 02:59:23 PM »
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.

I'm going to go against the grain and say that extreme opinion changes you have a not normal.  Not because changing opinions and beliefs is a bad thing but because of how much of yourself you put behind those beliefs and how much of personality change these seem to go with.  You also tend to be very combative and aggressive about them - now that is partly what Tasty said is we here, myself included, have egged you on to be more aggressive and its natural to be combative when people are teasing or outright being mean to you, however, I do feel like your mental health is a contributing factor.  And I don't say this to be mean but in the decade you and I have been posting here, you have seemed to become more unstable, especially in the last couple of years.

What should I do?

I don't know.  But being open to help is a good first step. 
NtGay