Corona Thread |OT| Please scream inside your heart

[Stro]

I've spent more time just raging on junk food in the past 2 weeks than I have the past 2 years

The abs haven't fallen completely, they're still there and visible, but there's also an extra layer of fluff over them. I gotta crack down on this shit. I should be coming out of this absolutely shredded with a great mustache.

[Madrun Badrun]

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has left hospital after being treated for coronavirus, but will not immediately return to work, Downing Street says.

[Madrun Badrun]

[thisismyusername]

(Image removed from quote.)

Is there an interactive map of this? Or at least one that allows zooming? Seems cool and would be cool to track the movements.

Asking for a friendly intelligence agency.

Well, not necessarily asking for the last day. Just seeing the spread go/travel to the final cities. Not their actual locations/homes.

[Nintex]

https://twitter.com/SkyNews/status/1249341773517860864

Is it me or does Boris actually look more healthy after surviving a deadly virus? 

[Pissy F Benny]

its a deep fake and hes actually dead, heard it here first brehs

[Nintex]

its a deep fake and hes actually dead, heard it here first brehs

(Image removed from quote.)

The line: "Many people for some reason called Nick" disproves that theory but I'll allow it.

[Tripon]

https://twitter.com/MairavZ/status/1247788805941129216
https://twitter.com/inthenow/status/1248223648613367808

[nudemacusers]

My 6 yo daughter just called to tell me that she cried last night because she missed me and wanted me home.  Heartbreaking.

She then went on to mention in detail that the best way to keep her from crying more and being sad at night is to buy her a specific stuffed animal that she had by picked out by name and color. 

So I bought it for her.

[VomKriege]

Dad is the second greatest duty.

[Stro]

Lmao you got worked bro

[nudemacusers]

My wife was laughing in the background the entire time.  Apparently my daughter rehearsed this before calling me.

Women are evil.

[Madrun Badrun]

[Tripon]

Look at it this way, 20 years from now, you can tell that story to her future SO, and embrasse the hell out of her.

[Tripon]

Second-home owners are reportedly ignoring the coronavirus lockdown rules by posting their luggage ahead of them to avoid detection at police checkpoints.

According to The Sun, couriers have reportedly been tasked with transporting luggage for those looking to escape to coastal regions during the Easter bank holiday.

During the government’s lockdown, road blocks have been set up by several regional police forces to dissuade would-be holidaymakers from travelling.

By sending their luggage in advance of their trip, second-home owners have reportedly been able to pass through the checkpoints since officers have no reason to suspect they are on holiday.

 

Can't let a global pandemic stop my holiday plans.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/coronavirus-second-home-owners-lockdown-luggage-police-133809854.html

[Nintex]

Look at it this way, 20 years from now, you can tell that story to her future SO, and embrasse the hell out of her.

You mean to liven up the  mood in the trenches in the war against the android armies?

[nudemacusers]

This isn’t about me 

[Madrun Badrun]

[bluemax]

Second-home owners are reportedly ignoring the coronavirus lockdown rules by posting their luggage ahead of them to avoid detection at police checkpoints.

According to The Sun, couriers have reportedly been tasked with transporting luggage for those looking to escape to coastal regions during the Easter bank holiday.

During the government’s lockdown, road blocks have been set up by several regional police forces to dissuade would-be holidaymakers from travelling.

By sending their luggage in advance of their trip, second-home owners have reportedly been able to pass through the checkpoints since officers have no reason to suspect they are on holiday.

 

Can't let a global pandemic stop my holiday plans.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/coronavirus-second-home-owners-lockdown-luggage-police-133809854.html

Even on a smaller scale I've seen:

People fuck off to Joshua Tree for the weekend.
My roommate leave to Palm Springs for who knows how long
Go up to a cabin somewhere in the woods for a "solo" birthday weekend.

It's just impossible to get people to understand this.

In other news:

https://twitter.com/NPR/status/1248929825898758145

[Madrun Badrun]

[thisismyusername]

My 6 yo daughter just called to tell me that she cried last night because she missed me and wanted me home.  Heartbreaking.

She then went on to mention in detail that the best way to keep her from crying more and being sad at night is to buy her a specific stuffed animal that she had by picked out by name and color. 

So I bought it for her.

chAir Force, come get your man: He negotiated with a terrorist.

[Leadbelly]

back to work wagecucks 

Well, again, it goes back to that. For how long can we stay in lockdown? I've got a feeling that by the end of this month governments are going to start seriously considering it.

https://www.vox.com/2020/4/10/21215494/coronavirus-plans-social-distancing-economy-recession-depression-unemployment

I don’t want anyone to mistake this as an argument for surrendering to the disease. As unlikely as these futures may be, I think the do-nothing argument is even less plausible: It imagines that we simply let a highly lethal virus kill perhaps millions of Americans, hospitalize tens of millions more, and crush the health system, while the rest of us go about our daily economic and social business. That is, in my view, far less likely than the construction of a huge digital surveillance state. I care about my privacy, but not nearly so much as I care about my mother.

I think large scale testing as soon as possible is what we need. We need a more accurate picture of how deadly this virus is. Because the author is outlining here how disastrous the outcome of this might be. And then not even contemplating the possibility that we may have to return to normal as best we can. If that is not what we are going to do, then we need to be damn sure the virus is that deadly.

[toku]

imagine we had some clear leadership...president newsom 2024 i guess

[VomKriege]

Macron will talk tomorrow evening. Lockdown will probably be extended. 2 weeks ? Italy extended to May 3rd, so it won't be less. Most likely 4. Media seem to think he'll also say that schools might only return on September for the next school year and that gatherings, restaurants and bars will probably have to wait longer once things relax. Certain he'll detail some new measures to support vulnerable citizens and businesses.

Hospitals in Paris and the East took a beating but the official word is that we avoided saturation and having to triage.

[bluemax]

imagine we had some clear leadership...president newsom 2024 i guess

Too bad his wife is an Anti Vaxxer.

[Nintex]

Macron will talk tomorrow evening. Lockdown will probably be extended. 2 weeks ? Italy extended to May 3rd, so it won't be less. Most likely 4. Media seem to think he'll also say that schools might only return on September for the next school year and that gatherings, restaurants and bars will probably have to wait longer once things relax. Certain he'll detail some new measures to support vulnerable citizens and businesses.

Hospitals in Paris and the East took a beating but the official word is that we avoided saturation and having to triage.

What about the French economy?

Does it still exist?

[Stro]

Spain is loosening restrictions tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. Personally, I'd expect another explosion of cases in a week or so.

[VomKriege]

Macron will talk tomorrow evening. Lockdown will probably be extended. 2 weeks ? Italy extended to May 3rd, so it won't be less. Most likely 4. Media seem to think he'll also say that schools might only return on September for the next school year and that gatherings, restaurants and bars will probably have to wait longer once things relax. Certain he'll detail some new measures to support vulnerable citizens and businesses.

Hospitals in Paris and the East took a beating but the official word is that we avoided saturation and having to triage.

What about the French economy?

Does it still exist?

Economy is running at 66% or something apparently. Everything slowed down but I believe 75% or two-thirds of the active population is still working in some capacity.

The head of the most prominent business association (alongside a Secretary of State) already had some musings about pushing back holy days and paid leave this year to help kickstart the economy though.
 

[Tripon]

https://twitter.com/trvrb/status/1249414292396322816

https://twitter.com/trvrb/status/1249414295042965504

https://twitter.com/FT/status/1249458346010251270

https://twitter.com/NBCNews/status/1249450728051089416

[Nintex]

[Raist]

Look at it this way, 20 years from now, you can tell that story to her future SO, and embrasse the hell out of her.

No one but nudemac will be embarrassed in that scenario.

[Tripon]

https://twitter.com/latimes/status/1249475326603747328

 

[Tripon]

https://twitter.com/jburnmurdoch/status/1249444531189231616

[VomKriege]

That Spain curve looks like it may fall into a steeper slope down, hopefully it's the case for them, Italy and others.

[Leadbelly]

China reports highest infection count in weeks

The numbers are relatively small but the trend is upwards, and that is not good for China.

The 108 new confirmed cases is the highest number of daily infections in more than five weeks in the officially reported government statistics.

The main reason is a continued stream of Chinese nationals returning home. They account for almost all the confirmed cases. Among the rest - 10 cases - a majority are concentrated in the northern province of Heilongjiang, where some Chinese crossing from Russia have brought it with them.

Despite severe restrictions on international travel coming into China, the reality is the government hasn’t been able to completely stop new cases of the virus emerging.

In the province of Hubei, where it all began, the numbers are very small but people are still dying. Two new deaths there have been reported.

That’s despite the fact it was deemed safe enough to open up to the rest of China and the world.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/world-52266235

[bluemax]

That Spain curve looks like it may fall into a steeper slope down, hopefully it's the case for them, Italy and others.

I didn't read up fully on how Spain handled this, but someone I follow on IG who lives in Spain (Mallorca I think), showed them having 8pm curfews, and talked about how they were very limited in how much time and how far from their home they could go, even just to walk the dogs.

[benjipwns]

COVID-19 hasn't killed anyone in the surrounding counties in over a week, and the total for the year is three people. Also only one new case and it predates last week, the person was just late to report into the hospital. This means I'm on the downside of the curve and thus invincible right, going to immediately return to my pre-social distancing procedures of getting in people's carts, licking everything in sight, and attending tight-quarter large scale human events.

modwhining

Whitmer apparently considered shutting down all retail stores indefinitely but got talked out of it for the stupidity it is. This is probably more politics-thread jabber but the dichotomy between the national media talking about her as a rising star and likely VP due to the great response, versus the local media basically just dragging her for all her failures and the fact that she's done basically nothing but issue orders with disclaimers about how they're not to be enforced is stark. Detroit's been the only place with any kind of real outbreak and the DMZ built around the city plus strong local response has done more than Whitmer's statewide orders that have no enforcement provisions. She's also got her own little "resources being sent to politically favorable places that need them less versus sending it all to the Detroit area" scandal brewing. So good on her for showing that maybe she is ready to move up to Senator or so.

[close]

[VomKriege]

I think there's gonna be some mood whiplash when governments will relax current measures, which is bound to happen in the next few months. There will absolutely be a "cost-benefit analysis" of what level of infection & mortality is tolerable. Social desertification will drive people batty before too long.

[Nintex]

I've been looking at cool face masks.

Essentially we can all look like Bane, Hideo Kojima or Deus Ex characters




Or if you are james a Pikachu print

Meanwhile we can walk up to the normies and ask them if they have seen the DARPA CHIEF

[Raist]

https://twitter.com/BorisJohnson/status/1249336590482243585

"Special thanks to Jenny from NZ and Luis from Portugal".

Oh the irony.

[Nintex]

So our government wants an APP.

They announced last Friday that we could all submit plans, the deadline to submit a plan ends Tuesday 12:00.
The app must be deployed 2 weeks after submitting the plan. There's of course a whole series of rules and regulations that must be met.
You can also submit a plan for an app for the 'transition' phase when we lift the lockdown.

This can't possibly go wrong, which is why I'm trying to still submit a plan with less than 24 hours left despite not having started on it yet. 


I'm now working on two plans:

My plan:
- Everyone gets automatic locks on doors and windows and is isolated in their homes
- Everyone gets an app
- Everyone gets a test
- If you don't test your are locked in your home
- When you submit your test, you get a QR code in return
- This code can only be scanned with the app, so you don't know if you have corona chan or not before you scan it

SCAN NEGATIVE
- Locks released, enjoy your life

SCAN POSITIVE
- Locks engaged, placed in isolation
- App will monitor your vitals and automatically order food and other necessities delivered through a cat door
- If you get critical a drone ambulance pick you up to be delivered to the ICU

KILL SWITCH
- Like in the Dark Knight, both the government and general population pick 5 represenatives who each control a 'kiil switch' to disable this system
- When someone clicks the Kill Switch once, it simulates what will happen to the population based on the most recent data (number of deaths, economy etc.)
- When they click the kill Switch again the Kill Switches of all reps lit up, if they click they see the same simulation
- When they click again the system is destroyed
- If a rep dies, the system chooses a new rep at random

Co-workers plan:
- Crypto solution to decentralize health data gathering or something

[Madrun Badrun]

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-health-canada-approves-new-rapid-covid-testing-kits/

Health Canada has approved a new rapid test for COVID-19 that can produce results in under an hour, which is expected to alleviate the pressure on public health laboratories and help circumvent testing kit shortages.

Ottawa-based Spartan Bioscience received approval on the weekend and will be ready to start shipping tests for the federal and provincial governments as early as Monday, said Paul Lem, the company’s chief executive officer.

[Madrun Badrun]

https://www.thenation.com/article/society/coronavirus-class-war-labor/

https://www.propublica.org/article/coronavirus-er-doctors-nurses-benefits

Alteon Health, backed by private-equity firms Frazier Healthcare Partners and New Mountain Capital, will cut salaries, time off and retirement benefits for providers, citing lost revenue. Several hospital operators announced similar cuts. 
Emergency room doctors and nurses many of whom are dealing with an onslaught of coronavirus patients and shortages of protective equipment — are now finding out that their compensation is getting cut.

Most ER providers in the U.S. work for staffing companies that have contracts with hospitals. Those staffing companies are losing revenue as hospitals postpone elective procedures and non-coronavirus patients avoid emergency rooms. Health insurers are processing claims more slowly as they adapt to a remote workforce.

[Tripon]

https://twitter.com/KTNV/status/1249697683540807680

[Madrun Badrun]

https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2020/04/13/ontario-building-massive-health-database-to-aid-covid-19-response.html

Groups involved in the project include the non-profit Compute Ontario, which will manage the platform; provincial superagency Ontario Health; the health research institute ICES; the Toronto-based Vector Institute for Artificial Intelligence; and Queen’s University. The Centre for Advanced Computing at Queen’s will host the platform, the Health Ministry said.

 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

When Vector put out the call to work on Covid stuff, I was like LOL nope, got better things to do.  #shame

My supervisor is doing cool Covid stuff at one of the hospitals though.

[close]

[CatsCatsCats]

The 600/wk is ON TOP of unemployment benefit?

So there’s no way this isn’t going to be more than my actual salary, I just want to thank you all for my neet bucks

[Pissy F Benny]

God bless

[Tripon]

The 600/wk is ON TOP of unemployment benefit?

So there’s no way this isn’t going to be more than my actual salary, I just want to thank you all for my neet bucks

Aren't you in Florida? Are you even able to sign up? I heard Florida's UI system is particularly fuckery.

[CatsCatsCats]

Oregon. I got my letter of estimated benefit thing today

[VomKriege]

French lockdown extended to May 11th.
At this date daycares, schools and everything below universities should reopen. Bars, restaurants, cafés, etc... will stay closed.

Large gatherings (concerts, protest marches...) are not happening before mid-July at best.

Conditions will be relaxed for families to visit their agonizing relatives in hospitals and elder care institutions. That one sounds pretty grim.

Macron says that by May 11th, capacity to test everyone "with symptoms" will be there.
Also by that date a "general population mask" (cloth, I imagine...) should be available for everyone and they might become mandatory to wear.
France being France, he immediately detailed by saying that actually on May 11th the national authorities will make contact with every mayor to set up that "gen pop mask" thing so I wouldn't bet on every citizen having his before May 25th 

More economic packages to support partial unemployment benefits (furloughed with pay, basically) and poor families.

A lot of flowery words (apparently the spin doctors advised to quit the war rhetoric to be more compassionate) that doesn't cost a lot to say. Macron admitted that France was, manifestly, "not enough prepared" which is as much of a mea culpa he'll cop to... For now. But I think he's smart enough to know that the floodgate of criticism will open wide at one point imminently. I expect manifestations of humility to ramp up in the coming weeks.

[VomKriege]

There's also plans for an opt-in app using Bluetooth / proximity, reportedly.

Macron also called for a "massive write off" of African countries debt to help them fight the virus. Will probably live as long as it takes for a "NEIN" to be uttered, but he wouldn't be a French President if he didn't work on looking good at no cost.

[Madrun Badrun]

Conditions will be relaxed for families to visit their agonizing relatives

phrasing

[VomKriege]

https://apnews.com/fe0244481b222600528e0950a17f6aab

Some athletes under a doping ban might be eligible for the Olympics.

[Madrun Badrun]

https://www.thebeaverton.com/2020/04/governments-anxiously-await-modelling-to-predict-when-they-can-resume-cutting-health-budgets/

[VomKriege]

Tangential but Macron also has thrown shade to mayors who took additional measures (Paris recently banned jogging between 10am and 7pm, some cities tried to make masks mandatory, imposed curfews or restricted the sale of alcohol) by reminding that the rules should be the same for everyone and everywhere.

[OnlyRegret]

 

[Madrun Badrun]

US has had two decent days.  Hope its a trend that NY and NJ are starting to get under control. 

[VomKriege]

US has had two decent days.  Hope its a trend that NY and NJ are starting to get under control.

I wish but I expect a nasty rebound when all the stats that were pending this weekends come out at once.

[Nintex]

So our government wants an APP.

They announced last Friday that we could all submit plans, the deadline to submit a plan ends Tuesday 12:00.
The app must be deployed 2 weeks after submitting the plan. There's of course a whole series of rules and regulations that must be met.
You can also submit a plan for an app for the 'transition' phase when we lift the lockdown.

This can't possibly go wrong, which is why I'm trying to still submit a plan with less than 24 hours left despite not having started on it yet. 


I'm now working on two plans:

My plan:
- Everyone gets automatic locks on doors and windows and is isolated in their homes
- Everyone gets an app
- Everyone gets a test
- If you don't test your are locked in your home
- When you submit your test, you get a QR code in return
- This code can only be scanned with the app, so you don't know if you have corona chan or not before you scan it

SCAN NEGATIVE
- Locks released, enjoy your life

SCAN POSITIVE
- Locks engaged, placed in isolation
- App will monitor your vitals and automatically order food and other necessities delivered through a cat door
- If you get critical a drone ambulance pick you up to be delivered to the ICU

KILL SWITCH
- Like in the Dark Knight, both the government and general population pick 5 represenatives who each control a 'kiil switch' to disable this system
- When someone clicks the Kill Switch once, it simulates what will happen to the population based on the most recent data (number of deaths, economy etc.)
- When they click the kill Switch again the Kill Switches of all reps lit up, if they click they see the same simulation
- When they click again the system is destroyed
- If a rep dies, the system chooses a new rep at random

Co-workers plan:
- Crypto solution to decentralize health data gathering or something

Update:

I opted to watch Jojo Rabbit with 2 buddies (of course keeping our distance, OLED FTW  ) and started drinking afterwards.
We therefor decided my co-workers idea is probably better and we'll finish that first thing tomorrow morning.
I'm sorta surprised he managed to find a way to keep the government out of the data collection using crypto.

[OnlyRegret]

US has had two decent days.  Hope its a trend that NY and NJ are starting to get under control.

I no longer know if things are bad, better, or worse anymore.