In this thread, we reminiscence on idiotic things we have done

[Himu]

When I was in 7th grade, I was about FoC level in terms of approaching women. I was stupid, naive, and honestly not interested in anything sexual -- I was a late boomer, in fact, I discovered my first porn in 8th grade and masturbated the first time that same year. One day on the school bus, I asked a question by a girl, who was definitely attractive. She asked me,"Garrett, do you like pussy?". Now, being the idiotic prepubescent tween I was, I slyly retorted with a wonderful display of my sexual knowledge:

"Of course, I was born from one!"

Now remember, I was born premature via c-section. The reaction was horrible; She stopped talking to me, and began to avoid me. I was devastated and often questioned her reaction. Why did she act like that? It was only recently when I began to understand.

Another story of 7th grade horny tales is when I was at church one time. The girl I had a crush on (we always flirted with each other actually) happened to get in my face when we were alone in a room, and pretend she was
sucking a dick. At the time, I couldn't understand the appeal of having your member in someone's mouth. Talk about icky, who wants spit on their cock? So I asked her what the fuck she doing and she questioned,"Well, what are you going to do about it?". I walked out on her in the room.

Since that event we've only grown more far apart as time goes. Good going Garrett.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

Didn't we already have this thread...?


And since when are black people named Garrett? o_O

[Himu]

And since when are black people named Garrett? o_O

Don't be a dumbass.

[Tauntaun]

...One day on the school bus, I asked a question by a girl, who was definitely attractive. She asked me,"Garrett, do you like pussy?"....

You should have punched her as hard as you could in the crotch.

[MrAngryFace]

When I was 11 or so living in North Dakota I went to school in a town that had a merry go round on the playground. Well anyway it was a winter month, around christmas probably. I never really believed A Christmas Story. I mean a tongue on cold metal sticking? That's just weird.

Well I decided to try it out. On a cold cold cold day I went to the MERRY GO ROUND of all things, and plopped my tongue on. I knew the instant contact was made that I had done something monumentally stupid. Fearing SHAME I yanked my head back and yanked my tongue off. Staring me in the face was a round patch of tongue skin seperated from my person. My tongue bled for the entire day and eventually healed.

[Tauntaun]

When I was 11 or so living in North Dakota I went to school in a town that had a merry go round on the playground. Well anyway it was a winter month, around christmas probably. I never really believed A Christmas Story. I mean a tongue on cold metal sticking? That's just weird.

Well I decided to try it out. On a cold cold cold day I went to the MERRY GO ROUND of all things, and plopped my tongue on. I knew the instant contact was made that I had done something monumentally stupid. Fearing SHAME I yanked my head back and yanked my tongue off. Staring me in the face was a round patch of tongue skin seperated from my person. My tongue bled for the entire day and eventually healed.

    That's awesome!

[Himu]

...One day on the school bus, I asked a question by a girl, who was definitely attractive. She asked me,"Garrett, do you like pussy?"....

You should have punched her as hard as you could in the crotch.

Yeah well, I always thought that punching women in their vagina was fruitless.

[Beezy]

...One day on the school bus, I asked a question by a girl, who was definitely attractive. She asked me,"Garrett, do you like pussy?"....

You should have punched her as hard as you could in the crotch.

[CajoleJuice]

I saw Independence Day twice in theaters.

[Himu]

When I was 11 or so living in North Dakota I went to school in a town that had a merry go round on the playground. Well anyway it was a winter month, around christmas probably. I never really believed A Christmas Story. I mean a tongue on cold metal sticking? That's just weird.

Well I decided to try it out. On a cold cold cold day I went to the MERRY GO ROUND of all things, and plopped my tongue on. I knew the instant contact was made that I had done something monumentally stupid. Fearing SHAME I yanked my head back and yanked my tongue off. Staring me in the face was a round patch of tongue skin seperated from my person. My tongue bled for the entire day and eventually healed.

 

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

I saw Independence Day twice in theaters.

HAHAHAHAHAHA LOOOSER TIMES x 10000

[MrAngryFace]

That's really the only REALLY stupid thing I did...well wait..

There was this time in Arizona I had been sent to a BIBLE CAMP of all things by my parents. We were lutheran so it was pretty laid back, but even so...

So the day had come we all got to have "fun" by riding this barrel which was tied via bungie ropes to bunch of trees. The effect was that of a...mechanical bull I think. Anyway a person got on and the camp counselers yanked and people went wee its like a bull.

Anyway, it was my turn and I got on. After a few seconds of being on the counslers were yanking pretty hard. Probably determined to knock every kid in camp off of the rusty barrel with a saddle on it. Well they did, but unfortunately as a I fell to the cold hard dirt I uttered words I would regret for the rest of the month.

"JESUS CHRIST!"

[Mupepe]

I impregnated a girl at the age of 17.

Oh and I've fallen in love.  That's pretty idiotic.

[ananus]

one time in 7th grade this chick walked up to my chair, asked me where my notebook was, picked it up and put her phone number in it. i was like wtf are you doing woman. i thought about it over the weekend, if i should've called her but i was embarassed and just didn't know what to say. i thought my friends would just tell me she was outta my league if i told the story so i didnt bother

later on my senior year she was transferred from another class and we ended up having 15 days of school together. she approached me and even asked to play kirby and mario on my gba sp. i was going to ask her out but i chickened out in the end. i blame nintendo for that not working out.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

The first time I jerked off, I angled the johnny wrong and gave myself a cumshot*.





:blush





*in the mouth

[CajoleJuice]

I pulled a fire alarm in 4th grade. 

It was raining outside, too. So everyone got soaked.

[MrAngryFace]

Its not over kids, I just thought of another:

So while I was in North Dakota I had been put in a music appreciation class of sorts. This was like what 5th grade so it wasn't anything heavy beyond THIS IS A VIOLIN OMG. So anyway we had begun the vocal portion of our instruction and the teacher had been going around the room picking people at random asking them about singing blah blah. Well anyway she got to me and im like:

"I dont really sing, im not very good at it"

Of course smartass teacher inspirational wtf believed I was wrong.

"Oh im sure youre good at singing, you should give it a shot."

So she challenged me to sing a song, I dont remember which one because there was something much more important and ultimately traumatic about the event I remember far more clearly.

I sang, and badly. All I remember is the class laughing and the teacher quickly changing the subject.

[TVC15]

One time I let Willco talk me into watching Spider-man 2.

[The Fake Shemp]

I was in middle school.

My best friend was having a birthday party sleepover at his house (omg we had Surge and pizza!). Our other friend thought it'd be cool to go out at dusk to the nearby school and screw around, which was on a popular residential street in Wheaton, MD. If Mandark is reading, he may or may not know what school I'm referring to (it's an elementary schoo).

So we're sitting on the blacktop on the side of school, and my friend comes up with the brilliant idea of shining his laser pointer into passing cars. He does it several times, a few with noticeable results, like cars coming to a screeching halt and then everyone would laugh for a minutes. After a little bit, I started to get nervous and so did my other friend, so we thought it'd be best to stop.

Our friend begged to let us do one more, and we agreed.

We picked the wrong car.

The car stopped in the middle of the street, per usual, but then something frightening happened. He span around and started heading straight for us. He ran over the school entrance and over the curb, and came speeding for the blacktop. Everyone freaked. My friends, in the moment, did the brightest thing and ducked for the woods right next to the blacktop.

I, however, was like a deer in the headlights and decided to run in front of the car behind the school. I thought maybe he was joking, but this guy came barrelling down the blacktop and I heard him yelling profanities. The passenger threw a glass bottle.

I was pretty much scared to death and a shot of adrenaline gave me all the energy I needed, allowing me to hit Mach 5 and run behind the school. The driver would not give up. He started driving on the muddy grass, and made a sharp turn that looked like something out of a demolition derby. At this point, I think he lost control.

So I siezed the moment to get near an entrance door and hug the fucking wall like Sam Fisher.

The car stopped, and out comes two gargantuan 20-year-olds. Fresh off a football meet or something. The passenger had another bottle, looked like beer, and the driver started shouting profanities and looking for me. They began to walk towards the back of the school, and I crouched for my fucking life. I probably would've pissed myself if I could think straight. Right before they turned into the corner I was hiding, I heard the passenger go, "Fuck that piece of shit. He left, man. Let's go."

And they made for the car.

Meanwhile, my friends were taking the long way through the woods, pondering what they would tell my mom. "Sorry, your son got run over by some angry driver because we were shining laser pointers into cars." Or maybe something elaborate, like, "Nazi's took your son away." Maybe pirates.

So when I made it to the other side of the woods and intercepted them on the way back to their house, they were so damn relieved. I was too. I even hugged my best friend. Then I looked at my other friend, the one who was shining the laser pointer.

And I punched him in the face.

[CajoleJuice]

One time I let Willco talk me into watching Spider-man 2.

Whatever happened to your tales of depravity, White Man?

[Phoenix Dark]

I would post it if I could find it. Stupid search funtion

[CajoleJuice]

And Willco, I was just about to post about throwing snowballs at cars. That resulted in people getting out of their cars many a time. But we were smart enough to throw them from a place where they would not be able to follow on us with their car. We had some close calls though.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

Willco: yeah, like they would have actually killed you. No reason to punch your friend in the face.

[TVC15]

We used to sit on the roof of my house and shoot paintballs at passing cars.

[Mupepe]

I remember there was this kid down the street when I was like 12.  I hated him.  I hated his fucking family.  They were annoying bible thumpers that used to hunt us down to talk to us about Jesus and his kid was a total half-a-cigarillo.  So one night, my brother and I got a brick, climbed up on this hill that went behind all the houses in the neighborhood and throw it threw his parents window.  We wrote a letter that was attached to it as well:

Dear Ellen and James,

Please get your son some dick.

Your Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ.

[The Fake Shemp]

Willco: yeah, like they would have actually killed you. No reason to punch your friend in the face.

Uh, considering they almost ran me over and threw a glass bottle out at me - you're distinguished mentally-challenged.  Shut the fuck up, go bot.

[Himu]

I remember there was this kid down the street when I was like 12.  I hated him.  I hated his fucking family.  They were annoying bible thumpers that used to hunt us down to talk to us about Jesus and his kid was a total half-a-cigarillo.  So one night, my brother and I got a brick, climbed up on this hill that went behind all the houses in the neighborhood and throw it threw his parents window.  We wrote a letter that was attached to it as well:

Dear Ellen and James,

Please get your son some dick.

Your Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ.

 

[Van Cruncheon]

I had a similar experience to Willco's, although I woulda been the dude you punched in the face.

Me and a couple pals were REALLY bored and were contemplating cruising in Centralia (WA, not PA). One of 'em had a water weenie that we'd used to spray his sister earlier. We were gettin' ready to leave and one of us said "hey, fill that fucker up and let's hose off some Centralia kids." Then I said "haha, let's fill it with FRUIT PUNCH!" THEN, I said "no, let's fill it with PISS!" So we did -- we pissed in the fluid pump bay of his dad's air compressor and filled the water weenie with warm urine. We all shrieked like girls and refused to touch it, but eventually we wrangled that piss-packed length of hose into his Bronco 2.

So we cruised around in Centralia a bit until we rolled up next to this dude driving an old Toyota truck at a stoplight. We signaled like we wanted to race and he rolled down his window. One of my friends aimed the nozzle of the water weenie at the dude, and I fuckin' STOMPED the hose with my foot. PISS NAILED THE DUDE IN THE FACE LIKE A JET BLAST. We lol'd and then squealed off the line, and so did the dude. The guy was really in a fuckin' rage. He followed us out of town onto the freeway and 35 FUCKING MILES south to a little logging town called Onalaska, and onto fuckin' dirt roads. This was like 45 minutes of SHEER FUCKING TERROR. The dude looked like a crazy hick and we KNEW he was gonna kill us. Eventually, we planted the Bronco in a turnoff and ran into the fucking woods. The dude found the Bronco and was screaming, and he keyed the fuck out of the driver side door.

My friends were seriously pissed at me -- and probably rightfully so -- and I got punched pretty fuckin' hard in the shoulder for it. They STILL give me shit about this on the rare occasions I see them.

[CajoleJuice]

  Drinky

I used to have a 1987 Grey Volvo tank for a car. One of my friends had a 1986 Crown Vic that was already beat to shit. We both would utilize our cars to hit garbage cans. Didn't matter if they were full or not, we would blast them. My car never suffered any major damage from this endeavor, but my friend's car did. One day during his lunch break he drove through a pile of about 7 garbage cans right in front of the person who lived in the house. I wasn't there, but my friends said that the guy was cursing and waving his fist like a madman.

One night, we saw a full recycling can on the side of the road. My friend yelled, "LETS DOOR THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW" which meant I would drive right next to it and he would whip the door open to slam the can. We accomplished our goal better than we could ever imagine. Glass and plastic bottles flew across the lawn in a marvelous display of garbage.

We drove by the house about 20 minutes later, only to see two old people picking up the devastation. That's when I decided to not be a stupid juvenile asshole anymore.

[TVC15]

Centralia PA is like 6 miles from where I grew up.

[Himu]

Cajole is a goddamn asshole.

[Van Cruncheon]

There was a kid about three grades above me that used to play mailbox baseball while riding shotgun. Some old fucker near the school put a mailbox filled with FUCKING CONCRETE up after a Friday night football game and the kid took a swing at it.

Shattered his hand, his forearm, and pretty much ripped his arm off at the shoulder. Apparently the dude that put up the mailbox got sued and also did a little jail time for it, but MAN. OW.

[Mupepe]

We drove by the house about 20 minutes later, only to see two old people picking up the devastation. That's when I decided to not be a stupid juvenile asshole anymore.

Holy shit.  No wonder old people are so angry all the time.

[CajoleJuice]

At least I didn't kill a dog. 

[Himu]

Drinky that is an awesome story

[Mupepe]

Once when I was really drunk and high, a friend and I got an old can of blue paint from his dad's garage and went around painting "Farfelnoogin" on random cars in neighborhoods.

[Mupepe]

Also, the incident that made me inclined to learn how to fight...

Once when I lived in Tenn., I was walking to the Boys and Girls Club with my friend Joey and my girlfriend Emily.  This little black kid came walking by us talking shit.  I told him to go fuck himself and he said "Kind of like how I fucked your mother last night?"  Well, I was like "My girlfriend is watching!  I can't lose face!"  So I ran up to him and grabbed him by his shoulder and turned him around.  He beat the shit out of me.  When my friend Joey asked why I didn't fight back, I said "Nah, I know that kid, he would have told my mom."  But they both knew 

After that I became racist and I learned how to fight.

[Himu]

well fuck  you too, mexican 

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

well fuck  you to mexican 

Don't you mean "well fuck you back to Mexico"?

[CajoleJuice]

Basically the only black kid I came into contact with in elementary school stole something from me when I was in like kindergarten or 1st grade. He said he was going to fix it. 

[Himu]

well fuck  you to mexican 

Don't you mean "well fuck you back to Mexico"?

Don't be a dumbass.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

well fuck  you to mexican 

Don't you mean "well fuck you back to Mexico"?

Don't be a dumbass.

Learn how to spell.

[Himu]

Learn how to understand there's a thing called typos instead of being a bitch.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

Learn how to understand there's a thing called typos instead of being a bitch.

WHINE WHINE BITCH CRY

[Mupepe]

Basically the only black kid I came into contact with in elementary school stole something from me when I was in like kindergarten or 1st grade. He said he was going to fix it. 

I believe it.

[Himu]

RACISTS.

[Mupepe]

RACISTS.

Maybe if they all didn't sag their pants and listen to rap.

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

The first black kid I ever got to know ended up stealing all my pokemon cards, so... :'(

[CajoleJuice]

The first black kid I ever got to know ended up stealing all my pokemon cards, so... :'(

Long Island niccas...

[Van Cruncheon]

haha, when we pulled off on the logging road, I threw myself out of the truck 'cuz the dude was RIGHT BEHIND US. I swear, I've never been so fucking scared in my life. I got all fuckin' tangled up in wild blackberry vines in this snagpile I climbed in a panic, and I was like near crying with terror and pain. Only reason I kept quiet is because I didn't wanna get my ass beat/raped/strangled by a piss-soaked hillbilly. I think he saw us all run off in different directions and ultimately figured he'd never get his revenge.

Oh, another stupid act of juvenile delinquency that got me pwned: there was this hick kid in the class above me that everyone picked on. He was really poor and angry. Anyway, in shop class, I used to make fake shurikens by welding small framing nails to quarters or washers. (Segue: I also got busted in shop for A) dismantling all the desks in the shop classroom; B) taking everyone's "wooden owl" projects to a welding stall and making a bonfire out of them with an acetylene torch; and C) hitting a kid in the junk from behind with a T-square, right after a friend of mine had hit him in the junk with a 2x2.)

I was eating lunch with my stoner asshole friends in the auditorium, when we see the angry older kid down by the stage. I had a bunch of my "shurikens" and I chucked one at him because I WAS A FUCKING ASSHOLE STUPID FUCKING DIPSHIT. It nailed him square in the thigh and he yelled, and I got busted when he told one of the monitors. I lol'd it off.

Anyway, around the 4th, me and a friend were blowing holes in the asphalt of an abandoned strip mall parking lot with 1/4 sticks of dynamite and primer cord that he'd stolen from his old man (a steam plant foreman), and generally drinking way too much. Neither of us saw the kid I'd shurikenned pull in the back and come up with the fuckin' iron from his car jack, and he nailed me in the side of the face with it, knocking me the fuck out. Apparently my friend saw it and ran like hell. According to him, the guy thought he'd KILLED me and flipped the fuck out, crying and basically shitting himself. He ran off and my friend took me to ER. I had a crack in my jaw and a mild concussion, and I occasionally get TMJ which I think stems from that hit. God, I'm pretty fuckin' lucky he didn't nail me in the face. Anyway, I took that as a moral lesson and pretty much resolved on the spot to THINK before I fucked with people, because SHIT I WAS A FUCKING distinguished mentally-challenged fellow.

And you guys wonder why I think teens are scum!

[Himu]

Reading this thread has made me realize what a pussy I am. I haven't done shit half as bad as you fucks. What a goody two shoes.

RACISTS.

Maybe if they all didn't sag their pants and listen to rap.

WELL WHAT ABOUT ME I DON'T SAG

I HATE YOU

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

The first black kid I ever got to know ended up stealing all my pokemon cards, so... :'(

Long Island niccas...

Actually this was in Manhattan, but yeah.

[CajoleJuice]

Drinky is owning this thread holy shit

[Mupepe]

RACISTS.

Maybe if they all didn't sag their pants and listen to rap.

WELL WHAT ABOUT ME I DON'T SAG

I HATE YOU

You're not black.

[Himu]

RACISTS.

Maybe if they all didn't sag their pants and listen to rap.

WELL WHAT ABOUT ME I DON'T SAG

I HATE YOU

You're not black.

That settles it. 

[CajoleJuice]

The first black kid I ever got to know ended up stealing all my pokemon cards, so... :'(

Long Island niccas...

Actually this was in Manhattan, but yeah.

It was Beezy.

[Mupepe]

When I was in 4th grade, we had this German exchange student in our class.  She barely spoke any English.  So no one could really talk to her.  Well, my dad was stationed in Germany when he was younger, so I figured he must know!  So I kept asking him how to say random words like "kiss" and "boyfriend" in German and I eventually remembered whole sentences.

I asked her if I could be her boyfriend.  Then like 10 minutes, I asked her if we could kiss.  We ended up making out in the soccer field while like 6 other kids watched until a teacher broke it up.  

I always feel really dirty when I think about it.  I never spoke to her after that.  I got my jollies.  God, I feel dirty right now.

Oh yeah, and my stepmom beat the shit out of me and called me a little slut.

[Van Cruncheon]

Oh yeah, and my stepmom beat the shit out of me and called me a little slut.

was she hot?

[The Miles Trahan Burger Experiment]

A slut? You were fuckin' pimpin' Pepe, I ain't mad atcha!

[CajoleJuice]

Mupepe, you were born to have sex.