GameStop only hires 3 types of employees (also CrystalGemini saved my ass)

[The Fake Shemp]

So, I woke up to begin working today at 7 AM.  Well, I should have.  I woke up, in reality, when CrystalGemini called me at near 8 AM.  I should have been ready to go about 30 minutes prior to that - I hadn't showered or anything.  And I had to be at the store at 9:30 AM to open, with about 45 to 60 minutes worth of traffic in between me and the store, for my first day (I take BART and a shuttle).  I was so fucked.

She saved my butt and hauled my ass over to the store.  I am going to have to seriously rethink her birthday present now.

The store is cool, but the list of stuff for management to do is ridiculous.  Throughout the day I became aware of the process and staff, and that's when I realized GameStop/EB Games only hires three types of people:

FIRST TYPE: THE FANBOY

This guy is usually in his late teens to mid twenties, and lacks social skills, the ability to dress himself and not be obnoxious after a few minutes.  He's usually a virgin and lives at his parent's house, playing World of Warcraft as his flabby skin grafts to his computer chair.  If he's skinny, please adjust the previous description to, "... as his muscle mass deteriorates to that of a Holocaust survivor."  The plus side is that GameStop and EB Games does not like to hire this type of employee as anything but part-time and seasonal, and I have not met a manager who has been one.

SECOND TYPE: THE RICER/GANGSTA

This guy is usually urban in clothing style, entertainment tastes and language.  He loves cars and spends most of his time talking about his new "hawt" vehicle that he wants to buy or a friend got.  He constantly refers to games as "hawt", and usually recommends sports titles or racing games.  Her refers to RPGs and Nintendo stuff as "ghey", but then gives homo erotic rantings about the new body kit he is going to buy for his Mazda.  Like "The Fanboy", this person is often relegated to just part-time staff, but dependent on location, there are a bunch that serve as management in very urban locations.

THIRD TYPE: NORMAL, GAME-SAVVY GUY

This guy is usually a manger.  He usually is married or in a serious relationship, and focused on sales goals so he can make more money to pay off the massive amounts of debt he has accumulated.  He usually purchases things outside of his means or to appease the significant other.  He is also two steps away from getting into a car and driving to North Dakota, where he will start a new life with the alias of Donnie McGee and become a musician.

[Mupepe]

you almost got in trouble at a Gamestop.  you need to rethink your life  :'(

[Robo]

You left off the most important one: THE GIRL.

[The Fake Shemp]

That's true, but THE GIRL is a rare and horrifying specimen!

Mupepe, I didn't get at trouble at all!  I was almost late on my first day, although I was schedule at 10 AM (I wanted to arrive at 9:30 to learn how to physically open the store).  I attribute more with the fact that I went to bed at like, 3 AM and my body did not want to wake up four hours later after a very long and tedious week.

[Madrun Badrun]

You left off the most important one: THE GIRL.

She stole my heart.  When ever she would ask if I wanted to preorder, I'd say yes and throw is some subscriptions too.  Then I would return home only to call her and recite poetry to her. 




...Fucking restraining order. 

[Beezy]

you almost got in trouble at a Gamestop.  you need to rethink your life  :'(

[The Fake Shemp]

Yeah, I really laughed because CrystalGemini's sister is also an ASM (she was the one that referred me to the district manager) and she talks about how easy it is for her to get magazine subs and people to pre-order.  I didn't get a single one on my first day (although, I only did maybe eight transactions, as I had a bunch of management crap to learn).

That's when I realized it's not that easy - it's only easy for her because she's a girl.  And she's not bad looking, but let's say I got the best looking sister in CrystalGemini's family.  So, I think the demographic is slanted or something.

[Vizzys]

you forgot the old person who has given all hope up in life.

[The Fake Shemp]

I have not seen an old person.  Maybe there's an Alaskan sub-species of employees.  I dunno.

[Vizzys]

yeah it seems old people work at gamestop in anchorage. just something I noticed

they have no light left in their eyes.

[demi]

That's when I realized it's not that easy - it's only easy for her because she's a girl.  And she's not bad looking, but let's say I got the best looking sister in CrystalGemini's family.  So, I think the demographic is slanted or something.

OH MY GOD this one is a gimmie. Someone else finish the joke.

[Madrun Badrun]

the old guy is the "normal" guy wilco described and if wilco was oblivious to the fact that he was an old guy, well maybe wilco is on his way to become the new old guy.   

[The Fake Shemp]

I set that joke up on purpose - and I'm shocked and saddened that TVC did not finish it (that's who I was hoping would reply).

the old guy is the "normal" guy wilco described and if wilco was oblivious to the fact that he was an old guy, well maybe wilco is on his way to become the new old guy.   

I'm 23-years-old!

[Madrun Badrun]

only 23? 

well then your settling for the position of gamestop assistant manager too soon in life;  you need to live before you die!  Live damn it, live! 

[The Fake Shemp]

I'm not settling.  I need a second job to help finance school, pay rent and my bills!

[Vizzys]

You left off the most important one: THE GIRL.

She stole my heart.  When ever she would ask if I wanted to preorder, I'd say yes and throw is some subscriptions too.  Then I would return home only to call her and recite poetry to her. 




...Fucking restraining order. 

aeris is only a recording dude ;(

[Madrun Badrun]

aeris is only a recording dude ;(

 ... :'(


It's actually a joke I made long ago, and it got a girl to come over to my house 

[The Fake Shemp]

Also, when will people learn that the Wii is never in stock?  And to the dismay of my manager and other staff members, no GameStop or EB Games employee will be allowed to purchase a Xbox 360 Elite next week.

[Madrun Badrun]

Also, when will people learn that the Wii is never in stock?  And to the dismay of my manager and other staff members, no GameStop or EB Games employee will be allowed to purchase a Xbox 360 Elite next week.

my cousin just got one.  and if they didn't constantly call, they would never get their chance. 

[Mupepe]

Yeah, I really laughed because CrystalGemini's sister is also an ASM (she was the one that referred me to the district manager) and she talks about how easy it is for her to get magazine subs and people to pre-order.  I didn't get a single one on my first day (although, I only did maybe eight transactions, as I had a bunch of management crap to learn).

That's when I realized it's not that easy - it's only easy for her because she's a girl.  And she's not bad looking, but let's say I got the best looking sister in CrystalGemini's family.  So, I think the demographic is slanted or something.

is that a racial slur???

[Mupepe]

That's when I realized it's not that easy - it's only easy for her because she's a girl.  And she's not bad looking, but let's say I got the best looking sister in CrystalGemini's family.  So, I think the demographic is slanted or something.

OH MY GOD this one is a gimmie. Someone else finish the joke.

i did.

[Van Cruncheon]

you forgot THE HOT TOPIC GOTH GIRL who can only talk about Final Fantasy or Harvest Moon (or more recently, the Wii), isn't actually THAT attractive despite her edgy clothing, and almost always has a really annoying nasally voice. she's probably an attention whore on the IGN forums, has a MySpace site covered with Sanrio characters and messages from adoring nerds, and loves playing princess in her little dork domain.

[Mupepe]

you forgot THE HOT TOPIC GOTH GIRL who can only talk about Final Fantasy or Harvest Moon, isn't actually THAT attractive despite her edgy clothing, and almost always has a really annoying nasally voice. she's probably an attention whore on the IGN forums, has a MySpace site covered with Sanrio characters and messages from adoring nerds, and loves playing princess in her little dork domain.

dork domain

[bluemax]

you forgot THE HOT TOPIC GOTH GIRL who can only talk about Final Fantasy or Harvest Moon (or more recently, the Wii), isn't actually THAT attractive despite her edgy clothing, and almost always has a really annoying nasally voice. she's probably an attention whore on the IGN forums, has a MySpace site covered with Sanrio characters and messages from adoring nerds, and loves playing princess in her little dork domain.

So true once again.

[G The Resurrected]

Be prepaired for the secret shoper and fake phone calls they happen regularly.

[The Fake Shemp]

Everything is so scripted you don't have to worry about it.  Just greet every customer and mention trade-ins.  My manager does this simply by saying, "Hey, you trading in any games today?"  He meets both criteria without being obnoxious about it.

[TVC15]

I believe the standard way to thank someone for saving your ass is to eat their ass out.

[The Fake Shemp]

I believe the standard way to thank someone for saving your ass is to eat their ass out.

I think I will just do something nice for her instead!

[Madrun Badrun]

I believe the standard way to thank someone for saving your ass is to eat their ass out.

can't wait to save you from a bullet 

[xnikki118x]

I should make a "fast food places only hire ___ types of employees" thread.

[Madrun Badrun]

I should make a "fast food places only hire ___ types of employees" thread.

you work at a fast food place? 

[xnikki118x]

I should make a "fast food places only hire ___ types of employees" thread.

you work at a fast food place? 

I worked at Subway for a year and a half. Some people have said that Subway isn't fast food, but I think it is.

[Madrun Badrun]

I should make a "fast food places only hire ___ types of employees" thread.

you work at a fast food place? 

I worked at Subway for a year and a half. Some people have said that Subway isn't fast food, but I think it is.

sandwich artist   

what do you do now? 

[xnikki118x]

sandwich artist   

what do you do now? 

Haha it said that on our aprons. That was actually my job title, honest to god. Not like clerk or associate or anything--sandwich artist.

I sell shoes now at The Shoe Department.

[cloudwalking]

Yeah, I really laughed because CrystalGemini's sister is also an ASM (she was the one that referred me to the district manager) and she talks about how easy it is for her to get magazine subs and people to pre-order.  I didn't get a single one on my first day (although, I only did maybe eight transactions, as I had a bunch of management crap to learn).

That's when I realized it's not that easy - it's only easy for her because she's a girl.  And she's not bad looking, but let's say I got the best looking sister in CrystalGemini's family.  So, I think the demographic is slanted or something.

any incentives for selling subscriptions and warranties and shit? if all you have to do is have a vagina and it's that easy, i might have to grab a part time gig at gamestop!

[BlackMage]

sandwich artist   

what do you do now? 

Haha it said that on our aprons. That was actually my job title, honest to god. Not like clerk or associate or anything--sandwich artist.

I sell shoes now at The Shoe Department.

al bundy would be proud.

[etiolate]

I think I am applying to a store for a summer time job.  I am a bit of all three categories.

[xnikki118x]

I sell shoes now at The Shoe Department.

al bundy would be proud.

Eh, he might be disappointed that I couldn't look at peoples' feet and immediately determine their exact size.

Al Bundy did that right? I never watched much Married With Children because my parents were weird about it.

[etiolate]

al bundy coudl determine their shoe size was "fat"

[tiesto]

Our Gamestops around here usually have the following:

-Fat guy with thick beard and constant moodswings. Probably a PC-exclusive gamer.
-Detached hipster cunt
-Really skinny, hyper kid, with super spiky hair (this is Long Island, where you find more gelled, spiky hair than Square-Enix's back catalog). May be a fanboy.
-The fat lesbian with short hair, or is that just a guy with bitchtits?
-Token minority who knows jack and shit about games, but is the only employee who doesn't give you any grief, i.e. won't nag you to preorder, or buy the warranty plan, won't give you used games, etc.

[ToxicAdam]

THIRD TYPE: NORMAL, GAME-SAVVY GUY

This guy is usually a manger.  He usually is married or in a serious relationship, and focused on sales goals so he can make more money to pay off the massive amounts of debt he has accumulated.  He usually purchases things outside of his means or to appease the significant other.  He is also two steps away from getting into a car and driving to North Dakota, where he will start a new life with the alias of Donnie McGee and become a musician.

Holy shit, it's like you are staring into my soul!

[Tauntaun]

any incentives for selling subscriptions and warranties and shit? if all you have to do is have a vagina and it's that easy, i might have to grab a part time gig at gamestop!

yeah pretty much, I actually don't give a crap (only working 2 nights a week for guitar money) but if you could cut out your vagina and put it in a jar I could wear it around my neck and get awesome sales.  it would be fun.

[Tauntaun]

Probably a PC-exclusive gamer.

you're just jealous of PC gamers.

[tiesto]

Probably a PC-exclusive gamer.

you're just jealous of PC gamers.

I just wish I could afford to spend $2000 a year on graphics card and RAM updates just to play the latest derivative RTS. Actually, I don't, because I hate RTSes, and I hate MMOs too. =P But I am a big fan of FALCOM and indie/doujin PC games = Cave Story, La Mulana, the Touhou games, anything from Kenta Cho... And of course emulators like MAME.

[Tauntaun]

I wish I could afford that too, that's probably why I've basically stopped playing games, lul.  Oh well, there's always CSs and DODs.   

[Madrun Badrun]

any incentives for selling subscriptions and warranties and shit? if all you have to do is have a vagina and it's that easy, i might have to grab a part time gig at gamestop!

yeah pretty much, I actually don't give a crap (only working 2 nights a week for guitar money) but if you could cut out your vagina and put it in a jar I could wear it around my neck and get awesome sales.  it would be fun.

 

[Tauntaun]

  ur hawt F.M.

[Madrun Badrun]

 

[Tauntaun]

unf unf

[bluemax]

Probably a PC-exclusive gamer.

you're just jealous of PC gamers.

I just wish I could afford to spend $2000 a year on graphics card and RAM updates just to play the latest derivative RTS. Actually, I don't, because I hate RTSes, and I hate MMOs too. =P But I am a big fan of FALCOM and indie/doujin PC games = Cave Story, La Mulana, the Touhou games, anything from Kenta Cho... And of course emulators like MAME.

I've spent $0 on computing hardware this year and my primary computer is capable of enjoying most PC games on the market save for Supreme Commander. With a new MoBo and processor (less than the cost of a PS3) I could play that on my desktop rig as well.