The hardest job in the world is Ice Cream Scooper/SmoothieMan when it's above 65

[GilloD]

My arms hurt. My back aches.

Here's a rule: If you're on line at an ice cream joint, do NOT wonder aloud: "WHATS AN OREOCHINNO" because now every person on line wants a fucking Oreochino and I'm already 10 shakes in the weeds, with 4 smoothies coming up and your fat ass wants a BANANA BARGE? Fuuuck you.

What they don't tell you about are all the little side effects. You drag your knuckles over the ice cream when you scoop and they get frost bitten and raw. I have pain in all of my joints.

And would it kill you to fucking tip? Seriously. I'm not making a lot back there. A dime a person would make my day so much better. Instead, after 6 hours of non-stop madness, I've made an extra 75 cents! Thanks, OBESE AMERICA.

And to that fat lady who always shows up at 11:55, when everything is put away: Stop looking like this is your last meal. You come in every night. Don't lean over the counter and eyeball my topping distribution technique. You act like you've never seen ice cream before and yet, I know for a fact that you have. Because you come in. Every night. Right before. I close.

[Beezy]

Coldstones?

[GilloD]

Coldstones?

No. And that's another thing: See that awning over the door? No? See the logo on the cup? What about the one on the ice cream board? The one on the door? Hey, what's that attached to all the photos around the place?

Which one of those says Coldstone? None of them? Then I can't mix shit into your ice cream. Go do it yourself, I keep the tables clean.

[MrAngryFace]

I eat ice cream like once a year, that shits not good for you.

[Van Cruncheon]

so anyway, i went to Cold Stone Creamery to get a scoop of organic vanilla. now, i'm no fatass, but you wouldn't not BELIEVE what a whiny nerd the scooper was -- he was all in my face with his ORGANIC VANILLA you should get ROCKY ROAD LOL.

so i punched him in his fat complainer's face, threw his ass over the counter, yanked his too-tight off-brand jeans around his ankles and fucked him with a waffle cone until he promised to never bitch again. good on me, right? right!

[Madrun Badrun]

I eat ice cream like once a year, that shits not good for you.

Scotch is? 

[Van Cruncheon]

alcohol in moderation is a-ok! hard liquor doesn't make you fat, either, at least if it is consumed without food.

[MrAngryFace]

Scotch is when men drink.

[demi]

What's wrong with Rocky Road? I love Rocky Road.

[GilloD]

I also eat too much ice cream now. The Peanut Butter Oreo is boner town and the Deep Purple Cow makes me lovable.

[Madrun Badrun]

Scotch is when men drink.

But new age men don't eat icecream because men are now health conscious? 

[Van Cruncheon]

no, scotch is life. ice cream is a girlie indulgence. real men -- when they deign to eat -- chew chunks of meat torn from the flesh of their animal victims, not tee hee processed sugar and milk.

[MrAngryFace]

Ice cream makes you large and is for girls.

[demi]

What about ice cream covered in scotch? Swirl it up a bit.

[Van Cruncheon]

for large girls, no less, who cry into their couch pillows during grey's anatomy!

[Madrun Badrun]

I have so much to learn about being a man    Teach me!


...well at least I drink scotch, thats manly enough. 

[Madrun Badrun]

What about ice cream covered in scotch? Swirl it up a bit.

Butter ripple schnapps is good on icecream.