Uhhhh has anyone else seen this movie on amazon prime “The Chair To Everywhere”? I clicked on it cuz I was in the mood for zero budget trash and the title screen was a naked chick on a dorky sci-fi chair with lightning zapping around but oh lord it is so much more...
Film opens with a quote from Plato’s The Cave, features stock footage of a galaxy and cheap renders of a woman’s silhouette... cuts to a family home, pans by a older husband/wife and adult daughter photo to a guy trying to teleport a flower between two chairs decked out in gadgets in the living room. Daughter comes home and the two discuss her pending teleportation; she ponders this further on the toilet and dad fiddles with cords while missing the dead wife... daughter is ready, some weird hand holding takes place (more on this)... and she sits in the chair to test it out... unfortunately it burns her nightgown and she has to peel it off so dad can check her back for burns.
They discuss what went wrong, daughter has her eureka moment (only non-living organic material!)and strips naked for round 2... dad fakes modesty but had no problem zapping the shit out of her for the second test
Test two fails, the cause of which is her dental filling... so her solution is to have dad rip it out there on the spot while straddling her body (still nude on the chair btw)
Test 3 begins without a hitch, nude daughter seems ok... dad then gets up from the couch to strangle her with a rope to coax the process along... remember the nonliving part
This is of course very traumatic for pops, but the daughter, now successfully teleported, is pretty chill. To assuage his emotions, daughter cuddles in bed with him... dad protests lightly as he hasn’t been with a woman in years
but they spoon anyway
I kinda lost the plot from here but she disappears during the next teleport (this time dad kills her via lethal injection to the neck), gets switcheroo’d with a series of other naked chicks (who also get strangled to return back cuz why not). Notably, one chick tries to destroy the machine so naturally dad punches her in the face, sending her unconscious naked body to the chair in slow motion
Turns out these chicks are future lady soldiers whose teleportation has gotten intercepted by dad... the reason no dudes are coming is because future men are weak and tiny. Dad finally gets desperate, jumps in the seat nude, somehow this brings naked daughter back, they embrace, dad dies while his daughters tits hang over him... to drive home how creepy this is the film cuts to to the past where dad is holding her as an infant.
End “twist” is of course that some alien cyborg females are running a simulation of the universe, and the “teleportation” was really just an accidental hacking the system causing a reboot... movie ends with a crawl about the simulation hypothesis.. deep stuff on the nature of existence, wrapped in creepy psychosexual incesty love...
I checked this dude’s (Mol Smith) other work and this is prob the next Neil Breen. It’s all weird galaxy brain stuff mixed with tits.
One of a kind filmmaking,
F+/A-
