Random talk thread: It just keeps happening

[Atramental]

I think my tastes in women are changing. 

I used to be really into thin dark haired chicks with blunt bangs but now I'm starting to really dig chubby, bubbly blondes with preppy hairdos. 

what-does-it-mean?.exe

I guess when your life is kinda bleak you want some kind of sunshine your life or something like that...


Also, god, I really want some weed but my stoner friend that gets me the weed never got back to me. Typical. 

[bork]

Amazing phone call I just got at work.  Call of the year.

Her: I need to dial a conference line, but it doesn't work!  It just takes me to an 888 number!  It's supposed to be an 800 number!!!!!!!
Me: OK, did you dial a 1 before the number or a 9?
Her: ONE.
Me: Try 9.
Her: THAT DOESN'T WORK EITHER!!!!!!
Me: Is this an internal conference line, like something generated from the conference software, or an outside line?
Her: IT'S OUTSIDE.  IT'S SUPPOSED BE ANOTHER FIRM!!
Me: OK, let me try the number.
...
I call the number and it doesn't redirect to anything.  Instead it goes to an automated phone menu for a sex chatline. 

Me: Uh...this is going to an adult chatline.
Her: I KNOW!!!  I GET THAT TOO!!!  WHY DOES IT KEEP DOING THAT!?!?  I NEED TO CALL THAT FIRM ASAP!!
Me: There's nothing we can do.  There's no problem with the number.  It's either incorrect or no longer in service for that company.
Her: OK THANKS  *hangs up*
Me:

[BlueTsunami]

Sounds like some office bros pranked her ass

[etiolate]

You should have added: "And it's not even one of the good sex chat lines."

[skullstorm]

Doctors are useless 

[Atramental]

Anyone here (besides Karakand) consume Soylent or its competitor’s products? Heul is the other one I believe?

I think it’s about time I got on the soyboy diet since my work schedule has been super hectic lately...

[nachobro]

I tried out the coffee Soylent for a few weeks as a breakfast replacement. It was pretty good, just tasted like smooth coffee and milk and it had the right amount of caffeine. Big drawbacks were the price and it made me fart constantly. I switched to just having a protein shake instead every morning and that's much better in both categories.

[agrajag]

Don't you people feel a little weird drinking something called Soylent?

[D3RANG3D]

[nachobro]

Don't you people feel a little weird drinking something called Soylent?

not any weirder than i do when i interact daily with any number of nightmares in the modern hellscape that is 2018

[Atramental]

Don't you people feel a little weird drinking something called Soylent?

Ride the Kali Yuga, breh. 

[Great Rumbler]

I tried Soylent once and it tasted like chalk water.

[Atramental]

Taste isn't an issue for me. I just need something to dull my hunger pains and not take up a lot of time to prepare (and be somewhat nutritious). I've got daily work quotas I need to meet and what not. 

[nachobro]

I'd go with protein shakes personally. The powder is cheaper, it makes you less gassy, and you could throw fruit, peanut butter or some other bullshit into the mix to change the taste and pretend you are being healthy.

Or just eat an apple.

[Great Rumbler]

Taste isn't an issue for me. I just need something to dull my hunger pains and not take up a lot of time to prepare (and be somewhat nutritious). I've got daily work quotas I need to meet and what not. 

Then eat a granola bar or something. Soylent is trash.

[agrajag]

Don't you people feel a little weird drinking something called Soylent?

Ride the Kali Yuga, breh. 

I don't know what you mean, but clearly Soylent was inspired by the Charlton Heston movie Soylent Green that was a meal replacement made out of the ground up corpses of poor people. (Sorry not sorry for spoilers). That is harrowing, breh.

[Atramental]

I’m just echoing nachbro’s post and saying that we’re in the end times (at least for this current cycle) and consuming soylent is just a sign of the times.

And the irony of soylent being named after soylent green hasn’t escaped me. I just don’t like writing lengthy posts on my phone.

[agrajag]

word, just wasn't sure what riding the kali yuga meant

[BlueTsunami]

My newly purchased LG V30 came in. I wanna shove it up my butthole so it can become a part of me, it's so beautiful.

[shosta]

I'm just asking to see more
Oooh ooh ooh ooh
We have something to show you
Like that like that. Do it like that!
Kaboooom
I want more of that. That feeling.
How can I go back to pretending... When I know what this feels like?

[TVC15]

Being sad sucks I’ve been in a coma all day, forcing myself to sleep. I just want the world to go away forever. I want someone or some disease to kill me as soon as possible.

[Valkyrie]

Being sad sucks I’ve been in a coma all day, forcing myself to sleep. I just want the world to go away forever. I want someone or some disease to kill me as soon as possible.

I won’t kill you, but I’ll hug you.

[BlueTsunami]

Being sad sucks I’ve been in a coma all day, forcing myself to sleep. I just want the world to go away forever. I want someone or some disease to kill me as soon as possible.

Not on my watch mofucka

[shosta]

Remember when you said you've made a lot of progress recently? This is part of that progress. Triumph.

[brawndolicious]

I honestly don't understand amps. I know they act as some sort of in between thingy that you need for your music player and speakers to have the right power or something. Still seems stupid when you consider a $3 video cable can send 4K video with no problems.

[agrajag]

I honestly don't understand amps. I know they act as some sort of in between thingy that you need for your music player and speakers to have the right power or something. Still seems stupid when you consider a $3 video cable can send 4K video with no problems.

what

[TVC15]

Ugh it’s another day

[toku]

yes

[Atramental]

I'm going to draw recreationally today.

Like... the first time in forever. 

[HardcoreRetro]

turned on my amp for the first time in... eight? nine months?

can't tell if it's a struggle or triumph

There should be a sticker on the back telling you what it is.

[Rufus]

Kind of? Spill.

[Raist]

Kind of? Spill.

He watched as two BBC took on his GF.

[agrajag]

Kind of? Spill.

He watched as two BBC took on his GF.

I guess Clinton supporters are cucks after all

[shosta]

Kind of took part in an mmf threesome. That was interesting.

devil's threesome

[BlueTsunami]

Kind of took part in an mmf threesome. That was interesting.

Did you join swords and make a super dick?

[TVC15]

Kind of? Spill.

He was roofied and woke up with SweetNicole and beseda.

[team filler]

Kind of took part in an mmf threesome. That was interesting.

how big was his dick and was she stingy with it? 

[kingv]

Had a random thought on the toilet today.

What if pooping is so satisfying because it massages your prostate? What if this also why men spend more time in the bathroom than women?

[Valkyrie]

Had a random thought on the toilet today.

What if pooping is so satisfying because it massages your prostate? What if this also why men spend more time in the bathroom than women?

Nah, it feels good for women too. That's why I looked it up, and found out it's because of a nerve.

Also, unless you spend 15 minutes pushing, it isn't relevant how long you stay in the bathroom just because you're taking a shit.

[agrajag]

I stay on my phone reading bore on the toilet that's why I take so long

[kingv]

Had a random thought on the toilet today.

What if pooping is so satisfying because it massages your prostate? What if this also why men spend more time in the bathroom than women?

Nah, it feels good for women too. That's why I looked it up, and found out it's because of a nerve.

Also, unless you spend 15 minutes pushing, it isn't relevant how long you stay in the bathroom just because you're taking a shit.

Now I want to know what happens to people that have a missing or dysfunctional “butthole nerve” 

Maybe they hate pooping and need a device that gives them a small dose of dopamine every time they poop to live a happier life.

[team filler]

finally looked up seagram's pics and disappointed at the lack of beak 

[Valkyrie]

I stay on my phone reading bore on the toilet that's why I take so long

It isn’t a successful toilet trip unless you’ve got red marks on your knees/thighs.

[shosta]

I can think of something else that isn't successful unless everyone's got red marks on their knees and thighs
 

[agrajag]

I stay on my phone reading bore on the toilet that's why I take so long

It isn’t a successful toilet trip unless you’ve got red marks on your knees/thighs.

I would never even get up if my thighs didn't fall asleep.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

and I don't do courtesy flushes because I don't like having a whirlpool underneath my bare ass 

[close]

[agrajag]

god damn, Denny's breakfast food is disgusting 

[Valkyrie]

I stay on my phone reading bore on the toilet that's why I take so long

It isn’t a successful toilet trip unless you’ve got red marks on your knees/thighs.

I would never even get up if my thighs didn't fall asleep.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

and I don't do courtesy flushes because I don't like having a whirlpool underneath my bare ass 

[close]

That’s why you put some toilet paper in the bowl right before. Shitting 101

[agrajag]

I stay on my phone reading bore on the toilet that's why I take so long

It isn’t a successful toilet trip unless you’ve got red marks on your knees/thighs.

I would never even get up if my thighs didn't fall asleep.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

and I don't do courtesy flushes because I don't like having a whirlpool underneath my bare ass 

[close]

That’s why you put some toilet paper in the bowl right before. Shitting 101

I only do that when I'm not pooping at home. Home splashback does not gross me out as much, but I still don't like the idea of a vortex underneath me, I feel like I might get sucked in. Yes, I have some toilet hang ups.

And please, do not mistake me for one of those hapless Gaffers who do not know how to wipe their butts. I have well-honed techniques for every occasion. 

[agrajag]

Speaking of gaffers who dunno how to wipe.

If you care about direction of wiping, you're doing it wrong.

The butthole is a small area along the crack. You're supposed to wipe that, not the entire fucking ass crack. Therefore direction does not matter.

They probably have hairy arses and liquid diarrhea like TVC so that stuff gets all over their ass hair, therefore they have to wipe all over.

The direction thing is mostly relevant to women, because the concern is dragging shit cooties into their coochies, causing an infection.

[team filler]

beak talk was started by a false flag event. I was lied to goddamnit

[TVC15]

Speaking of gaffers who dunno how to wipe.

If you care about direction of wiping, you're doing it wrong.

The butthole is a small area along the crack. You're supposed to wipe that, not the entire fucking ass crack. Therefore direction does not matter.

They probably have hairy arses and liquid diarrhea like TVC so that stuff gets all over their ass hair, therefore they have to wipe all over.

The direction thing is mostly relevant to women, because the concern is dragging shit cooties into their coochies, causing an infection.

STFU. I have a baby’s asshole. Perfectly smooth.

[CatsCatsCats]

I stay on my phone reading bore on the toilet that's why I take so long

It isn’t a successful toilet trip unless you’ve got red marks on your knees/thighs.

My right elbow leaves a telling dent in the toilet paper roll

[Great Rumbler]

I need to get through at least 5 pages of my book or the trip to the bathroom isn't even worth the effort.

[agrajag]

Speaking of gaffers who dunno how to wipe.

If you care about direction of wiping, you're doing it wrong.

The butthole is a small area along the crack. You're supposed to wipe that, not the entire fucking ass crack. Therefore direction does not matter.

They probably have hairy arses and liquid diarrhea like TVC so that stuff gets all over their ass hair, therefore they have to wipe all over.

The direction thing is mostly relevant to women, because the concern is dragging shit cooties into their coochies, causing an infection.

STFU. I have a baby’s asshole. Perfectly smooth.

I was referencing the split pea soup that comes shooting out of your cock receptacle

[TVC15]

Speaking of gaffers who dunno how to wipe.

If you care about direction of wiping, you're doing it wrong.

The butthole is a small area along the crack. You're supposed to wipe that, not the entire fucking ass crack. Therefore direction does not matter.

They probably have hairy arses and liquid diarrhea like TVC so that stuff gets all over their ass hair, therefore they have to wipe all over.

The direction thing is mostly relevant to women, because the concern is dragging shit cooties into their coochies, causing an infection.

STFU. I have a baby’s asshole. Perfectly smooth.

I was referencing the split pea soup that comes shooting out of your cock receptacle

If it were split pea soup, I’d have tubing connecting my asshole to my mouth. I love split pea soup.

[TVC15]

Also, you’ll all be happy to know I’ve been (barely) holding in a massive dump for like two and a half hours because I’m nauseous and I’m gonna puke when the shit hits the water and the smell hits my nose. I generally like throwing up, but not in these circumstances. Throwing up on a pile of disgusting shit is only sexy if I’m watching someone else do it.

[agrajag]

Speaking of gaffers who dunno how to wipe.

If you care about direction of wiping, you're doing it wrong.

The butthole is a small area along the crack. You're supposed to wipe that, not the entire fucking ass crack. Therefore direction does not matter.

They probably have hairy arses and liquid diarrhea like TVC so that stuff gets all over their ass hair, therefore they have to wipe all over.

The direction thing is mostly relevant to women, because the concern is dragging shit cooties into their coochies, causing an infection.

STFU. I have a baby’s asshole. Perfectly smooth.

I was referencing the split pea soup that comes shooting out of your cock receptacle

If it were split pea soup, I’d have tubing connecting my asshole to my mouth. I love split pea soup.

it is quite good, especially if it's made with ham hocks

[TVC15]

Did the deed. Wasn’t as bad as I expected. All solid. It was pretty complete. Nothing showed up when I wiped.

Anyway, reading up on Lil Tay. never heard of her before, but she’s making me want to have kids just so I could exploit them into being social media stars. I could never be a social media whore myself (too shy), but I’d have no problem social media pimping out my young daughter. I’d be really shameless. It would border on child abuse.

[Madrun Badrun]

I've taken up wood carving as a hobby.  I suck but it relaxing.

https://imgur.com/a/IVG6DQS

[TVC15]

I don’t think you suck. Looks good to me!