PIRACY: If you can't find it online, you don't deserve it. Don't support lazy thieves and avoid posting links.
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https://twitter.com/ANDREW1ALBERTT/status/1187245944678604800
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https://www.reddit.com/r/thalassophobia/comments/dhprz2/trying_to_fight_a_great_white_shark_off_in_murky/
https://www.facebook.com/nafisa.alharazi/videos/10157720119942790/
Aww thats not cool
Recently, after misjudging a yellow’s timing, I unintentionally but flagrantly ran a red light right in front of a cop. Before he could even flash his lights, I’d pulled over on the other side of the intersection, license and registration in hand. A few minutes later, I was back on my way with a $500 ticket and a point dangling over my license like a sword of Damocles. To keep the infraction off my record and hidden from my insurance, I’d have to complete something I’d only ever encountered in sitcom B stories or the atrocious 1985 comedy Moving Violations: traffic school.After prematurely mourning a Saturday sacrificed to hours of dry lecturing from a listless civil servant, I was relieved to discover that modern traffic schools can also be done entirely online. But as I scrolled through the list of DMV-approved schools, a new problem emerged. While other large states like Texas or Florida offer 57 and 33 school options, respectively, my state, California, has 2,977.
I ultimately decided to matriculate at World Famous Comedy Traffic School since it was “powered by” Funny or Die, Comedy Central, and the Laugh Factory, institutions that had all successfully earned laughs from me in the past. The school’s home page promised “hilarious comedy breaks” with videos of David Spade stand-up, “Toy Vehicles GONE Bad,” and “Baseball Follies!” But what sealed the deal was the photo of comedian Regan Burns stamped with a word-bubble guarantee that I’d “laugh [my] mouse off.”I fired up the course, opting to splurge on the video instruction upgrade. This $5 add-on would bring the total cost my class to around $30, but that was a small price to pay to get CHiPs’ very own Erik Estrada steering me through the material. Erik opened with a self-deprecating joke about me possibly being too young to recognize him before juggernauting headfirst into the curriculum. Had I known this comedy crumb would be the only levity before 15 minutes of clinical driver’s manual recitation, I’d have savored it.Erik and his “funny friends” co-hosts began to drag, so I scrolled down to the text version of the material to see if more fun could be found there. A comedy break in the middle of the wall of text suggested I check out the linked Obama episode of Between Two Ferns where “Zack [sic] interviews the president!”With 19 more sections and a final ahead of me, I decided to jump ahead to the next section. There, Erik skipped the comedy foreplay and dove right into the second lesson. Things were even more grim in the text below. Captain Traffic, the Clippy-esque cartoon-superhero school mascot who’d been tagging along through the course, announcing breaks and quizzes, started delivering jokes of his own. While there were a few vehicular arrows in his joke quiver, a lot of the material was just about how much he hates his wife.
Over the coming days, I reached out to the comedy traffic school–affiliated comics I’d encountered, hoping to find clarity. It quickly became clear that this was not work their reps were keen to have associated with their clients.“That’s quite a bit of trivia you dug up,” wrote Regan Burns’s PR contact. “I can’t reach him,” lamented Adam Carolla’s publicist. I thought I’d finally caught a lucky break when Erik Estrada’s rep saw my 717 area code during our phone conversation and noted that he too hailed from central Pennsylvania. But the hometown camaraderie was short-lived before he made it abundantly clear that there was no way I’d be getting an Estrada exclusive for this story.
https://twitter.com/Ketflix_Pills/status/1191388764209328129
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