Pallando will return in "Never Say Never Again"

[Am_I_Anonymous]

wtf is AiA even trying to prove here

I swear dude, you go into every single thread and try and "win" shit by saying "oh but have YOUUUUUU done X?"  "Oh, but have you ever actually BEEN to X???"

It's an exhausting and worthless way to try and prove that you're smarter than everyone.

.

[dkdk]

Think about how much effort you put into doing everything exactly right. What you say, what you do, what you wear, etc. All that to be the most perfect unique suitor.

Now imagine being the other side. Imagine having literally every guy throw themselves at you with every clever line they can think of. Sometimes it's a nice compliment, other times it's just mildly misogynistic. Most of the time they aren't going to be your type. You can't say yes to every guy. So 95% of the time you're turning them down. And unfortunately you don't know how that will turn out. Will they take it like a regular person? Blow up in anger?

When you begin to understand what kind of stuff women deal with on a constant basis, it helps you empathize their situation.

And for me, it made dating easier.

i guess looking at it like this would make it easier to not hate women. but i have been told that i lack empathy.

i dont see how thinking about it like that could make dating easier for yourself tho.

[Rufus]

i dont see how thinking about it like that could make dating easier for yourself tho.

If anything, it will tamper your expectations.

[fistfulofmetal]

I want to get her some kind of jewelry for v-day. but i know fuck-all about jewelry. anyone have a suggestion?

edit: keep in mind i already have another gift for her lined up that i think is *better* than just some jewelry but i think it would be a good thing to round it off with.

edit2: it's super annoying because one of her longest best friends got her a hobbit door locket necklace recently that I'm currently running into a lot in my search and would totally be something i'd get her so now I feel like I have to avoid something like that.

[fistfulofmetal]

I think I may really like this:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/120618199/silver-love-note-and-blue-bird-necklace?ref=br_feed_6&br_feed_tlp=valentines-day

edit: Decided to go with this. It's simple, gets the point across. I think it's pretty good for the first v-day in an early relationship. Figured going with my gut was better than sitting around for days worrying.

[Rahxephon91]

Rahx, you should try dating black girls.

I don't actually understand the thinking behind this.

Though honestly, I don't have a strong interest in black women. Though I find they have an interest in me..

[Rahxephon91]

Yeah probably, what you find attractive is probably informed by what your surrounded by. I've never found black women attractive and it seems to be a thing even among my black friends. They all find white, Mexican, and Asian women more attractive. I hate to say "I have many black friends", but actually I only have black friends. So it's not a conscious raciest thing. 

And like a lot of minorities I want a white woman.

[Rufus]

Securing majority prestige, breh. We're only animals.

[Phoenix Dark]

Yeah probably, what you find attractive is probably informed by what your surrounded by. I've never found black women attractive and it seems to be a thing even among my black friends. They all find white, Mexican, and Asian women more attractive. I hate to say "I have many black friends", but actually I only have black friends. So it's not a conscious raciest thing. 

And like a lot of minorities I want a white woman.

 

you one of those mixed people who dislikes black people huh

[Rahxephon91]

This is a complicated issue. Too complicated for this thread.

But no I don't dislike black people. I have maybe one white friend, with the rest of my friend group being nothing but blacks and a Filipino. Quite honestly, I mostly associate with black people. I didn't even say I don't find black women attractive. I just don't have a strong preference.

I mean no one in my family identifies as black. No one in my family identifies with anything actually. My mother and my father are also mixed and so were there parents. I grew up in a white neighborhood. Had mostly "white" friends until high school. Was considered "white" by most blacks, because I liked "white" things. I can't really help the way things turned out. It's not my fault I have privilege to float between groups, but the flipside is both groups are the first to point out that you aren't one of them.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

I've never found black women attractive

perfectly natural and/or reasonable





































to prefer women from your own race

Your closet hate mongering sucks. A lot.

[Cindi Mayweather]

Um



Ok?

[Cindi Mayweather]

Yeah, but I left my Okcupid open from when I trolled around trying to guage interest from like six months back so I'm posting this here in case people don't know okcupid gives you results based on attractiveness, which is something I didn't know. Given this is the relationship thread, and people here use OKC I thought it'd be helpful. Plus, it's really extra. Even for a dating site.

[fistfulofmetal]

afaik it's all bullshit. got it too when i first created my account and i had only been on for like a week or two.

[El Babua]

Got that like the day I signed up way back when

[Cindi Mayweather]

Oh. No wonder. I forgot I updated my profile pic when I wanted to see if it was possible to meet new (non-romantic, purely platonic) people on OKC before I realized that was a bad idea.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Rahx, all I'm saying is that going for white women hasn't worked out for you so far, so it might be time to look at other options.

I respect your opinion but I'm going to say the opposite. Don't let a few setbacks control your destiny man. You like what you like and you can't change that.

[chronovore]

Yeah, true, but sometimes what one likes can be the result of an unhealthy pathology.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Yeah, true, but sometimes what one likes can be the result of an unhealthy pathology.

The converse holds true too. Abandoning the things you are interested in is unhealthy. Let's say he meets a cool black girl and marries her...he's always going to think about white girls. He needs to date a few, realize that are batshit insane, then he won't be tempted to stray later in life.

Trust me....hitting your mid-life crisis is a bitch.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

realize that are batshit insane

they'd have to be insane to date outside their race 

which is why most of the ones who do already likely have severe daddy issues and are faaaaaaaaaaaaat

And yet I just know you are single with both an inferiority complex towards women with power and black guys with a bigger dick than yours. You can pretend the rest of this site believes you have something to offer to life other than a butthurt directed at a video game site but be damn sure I don't, B-Team.

You're the guy everybody invites to a party to laugh at to break the initial awkward social cycle....congrats.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

White girls are flabby and sick anyway, sometimes literally.  Latinas are the new hotness.

[nudemacusers]

pale white girls

[recursivelyenumerable]

 

[fistfulofmetal]

I'm going full on cliche for v-day. I feel so lame, lmao.

[Cindi Mayweather]

I broke up with my boyfriend today. I'm surprisingly calm about it. I'm utterly heartbroken, but I feel like it needed to be done before anyone got truly hurt. It helps that I'm grunt to be more positive, even if it's forced positivity.

The other day, We were talking about moving together to California. I said that after I get settled, I fully plan on saving for sexual reassignment surgery. This is the first time I've mentioned srs to him, and he recoiled. Like he was disgusted at the thought, and then he asked,"why would you want to do that? That's unnatural and you are attractive the way you are." Which is code word for "I like your cock". Gross. I haven't been able to see him differently since that conversation and I'm angry at myself for falling for a guy who would eventually be unsupportive because he likes dick.

A few days after the convo, he actually asked if he could go down on me. No. Never. I said at the beginning of the relationship that no one touches it, I'm not going to fuck anyone - especially a guy. He was supportive then, so why not now? I feel lied to and used. It's like he faked being okay with it the whole time so he could build himself to that one moment and see how much he likes cock versus a woman's body. All while under the guise of being straight I don't like dick no homo.

How utterly ficking contemptible. I spent the better part of this week crying my eyes out and eating ice cream out of the bucket, but it needed to be done and I don't regret it. I'm all for the modern sex revolution and dudes getting pegged by their GF's/wives or whatever, but don't expect me to do it. Fuck that. I'm not your experiment, asshole. God, I wish I liked chicks nearly as much as dudes.

Re: dating white people. I have dated only one white person it just felt so alienating. More than that, I really do not find white men attractive. It takes a certain something that makes me attracted to them. There's always exceptions, but most of the guys society tells me are hot, generally aren't. Looks like I'm racist! Honestly, the "most minorities desire white people" thing is odd to me.

[Phoenix Dark]

sorry to hear that naomi


but I'm glad that you stood up for yourself and your views.

[fistfulofmetal]

sorry to hear it didn't work out. get yourself to cali and find someone else. it'll happen.



RE: my thing

tonight we had a conversation about her moving to NYC. Her new job starts March 2nd, so we have less than 3 weeks before she's gone. Going in, my gut reaction is to move in together. She started and told me what she thinks.

She wants me there with her. She just doesn't feel she's ready to live with someone she's involved with. Throughout this entire relationship we've been working through the wall she's put up over countless years. We've acknowledged that I feel further along than she does. I do believe she loves me, but the way she shows it isn't as obvious as I do.

We discussed our points of view and explained how we felt about each scenario, felt about each other, where we are in the relationship, etc. It was a good talk. We've been pretty good at being honest with each other.

Ultimately we came down to this: She's leaving in March and I'm staying here. In March I'll take a week off and spend it down in NYC with her. We'll see where we're at and if things look OK, I'll see about moving to the city in April. Very likely we'll live separately and then we'll go from there.

It's all still very tough for me but we're going to try and that's the best we can do, really.

[Cindi Mayweather]

I'm still processing it. It's the first break up that ever emotionally destroyed me. Right now I'm just trying to pretend it didn't happen, but I cant. I had powerful feelings for him and I feel betrayed. I'm saddened that he disgusts me now, and I can't believe it ended like this. It's 3am and I can't sleep. I miss him already and yet I can't deal with the stuff he said. I'm kind of regretting it but it felt like it needed to be done.

As for the move, I wish you all the luck in the world. NYC is tough. What neighborhoods are you guys looking at?

[fistfulofmetal]

Try not to see him a bad guy. Feelings change and it doesn't sound like he was necessarily trying to be a bad guy but you guys just hit a snag that was not resolvable. Even if he something wrong, holding all that angst against them isn't gonna help anything.

As for the move, it's too early for me to be looking at places. She just started and she's probably going to find a roommate like she did when she lived there before. I'll likely go down that route as well. But I won't worry about that until next month.

[Kara]

Sorry, H. If you can, try to take it easy the next few days.

[brawndolicious]

That seems to be a common problem for trans people with dating. A lot of people just want to try something new but it sounds like he genuinely cared about you and really was in limbo with figuring out his own sexuality. My guess is that he was looking for a relationship, not an experiment, but he wasn't ready yet to find what he wants. There isn't any simple advice here other than what kak said about taking some time off.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

I got roped into a fucking couples weekend on Valentines weekend. Not super excited about going to a cabin in the woods in the winter with my wife and her friends but whatever. Happy Wife Happy Life.

Black folks camping brehs....in the winter brehs....

[Cindi Mayweather]

At least you have a cabin. I think that's be nice. Imagine the cuddly night against a warm fire. It sounds fun.

[Positive Touch]

lmaoooooo have fun eating warmed up canned food and going hiking in nine degree weather dude

[CatsCatsCats]

If you were white, you'd be doing mushrooms. That's what cabin trips are for.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

If you were white, you'd be doing mushrooms. That's what cabin trips are for.

+



=

[MrAngryFace]

Moving in together at the end of my lease 

[El Babua]

Sucks Himu. Sorry to hear.

[lennedsay]

Damn himu... I'm sorry to hear sis. It sounded so promising and that he really supported you.

[tiesto]

Shit... gotta get a V-day gift. I have no idea what to get this year. Did the 'flowers at work' last year.

[Cheddahz]

Pretty much was talking to someone for a while and she had to go to training for a month (she's in the military), so I was offered by her family to go up with them to see her graduate and yeah, I pretty much just got shot down whenever we had a chance to talk about it (even though things were looking differently a month or so ago)

I just feel like I wasted my time to go see her and I've felt like shit this week, but I'm not going to dwell on it

edit: I think more or less, I just feel hurt by the fact she told me she liked me and then shot me down whenever I made the effort to come see her (five hour drive there and back) and the fact she was the first chick I've actually liked since my ex cheated on me a year or so ago

[Mr. Gundam]

Moving in together at the end of my lease 

Congrats, man! For some reason I assumed you were already living together.

[E-DuB]

I got roped into a fucking couples weekend on Valentines weekend. Not super excited about going to a cabin in the woods in the winter with my wife and her friends but whatever. Happy Wife Happy Life.

Black folks camping brehs....in the winter brehs....

Sounds like what I've got going on next weekend. The GF and I are only going up to the cottage for 24 hours but you damn sure I'm going up there with a case of beer and a bottle of scotch.

My goal is to fight a bear. Human or otherwise.

[MrAngryFace]

Moving in together at the end of my lease 

Congrats, man! For some reason I assumed you were already living together.

Pretty much are though the logistics of having two places to live with three pets takes its toll.

[Atramental]

edit: That reminds me. I need to start painting again.

Shit's relaxing.

[Rahxephon91]

Every day is that picture for me.

[Barry Egan]

Every day is that picture for me.

[Rahxephon91]

Every day is that picture for me.

This is the only Lincoln Park song I've ever heard.

[Rahxephon91]

Well I mean the problem is confidence. Not even necessarily social skills. I have no problem talking and joking like a normal non-special fellow person to anyone even women. It's just women I want to actively have anything more then say friendship with that I don't know how to talk to. Which is pretty funny because the supposed "player" at work claims that I talk to everyone as if they are my friends and that puts me in that thing.....the friend zone. Not that I actually believe that or even understand it.

But I mean I don't know how you get confidence with women if you've never had a reason to actually believe that you should.

Then again, maybe I'm just too picky, but I never understand that point when people throw it at you. You should at least be psychically and mentally attracted to the person you want to date.

[toku]

You just gotta start taking more risks.

[Kara]

No Plato, but until you date you don't know what you're physically and mentally attracted to.

[ToxicAdam]

Well I mean the problem is confidence. Not even necessarily social skills. I have no problem talking and joking like a normal non-special fellow person to anyone even women.

That's the catch-22 of dating. You can't get the girl you want until you gain the skills needed to do so. How do you get those skills? Dating people that you might not (or barely) be interested in.

Also, DG makes a good point, what you want (or value) will change as you gain more experiences. You'll transition from very superficial things to deeper things that you haven't even considered yet.



 

[Am_I_Anonymous]

(Image removed from quote.)

edit: That reminds me. I need to start painting again.

Shit's relaxing.

I could only be so lucky to have that kind of free time to drink 6 beers without somebody calling/needing something/etc. I know single seems tough man but there are some perks you will miss when you find somebody. Trust me. Keep your chin up bro.

[Phoenix Dark]

Well I mean the problem is confidence. Not even necessarily social skills. I have no problem talking and joking like a normal non-special fellow person to anyone even women. It's just women I want to actively have anything more then say friendship with that I don't know how to talk to. Which is pretty funny because the supposed "player" at work claims that I talk to everyone as if they are my friends and that puts me in that thing.....the friend zone. Not that I actually believe that or even understand it.

But I mean I don't know how you get confidence with women if you've never had a reason to actually believe that you should.

Then again, maybe I'm just too picky, but I never understand that point when people throw it at you. You should at least be psychically and mentally attracted to the person you want to date.

Why not try to get involved with a woman you're able to casually talk to? Not to be your gf but surely you can try to bang one of these chicks. Just to see if you can.

You have to take risks, but if you have to level up your XP first...just see how things go with chicks you aren't necessarily interested in.

[Rahxephon91]

Eh. I just don't get this stuff.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Well I mean the problem is confidence. Not even necessarily social skills. I have no problem talking and joking like a normal non-special fellow person to anyone even women. It's just women I want to actively have anything more then say friendship with that I don't know how to talk to. Which is pretty funny because the supposed "player" at work claims that I talk to everyone as if they are my friends and that puts me in that thing.....the friend zone. Not that I actually believe that or even understand it.

But I mean I don't know how you get confidence with women if you've never had a reason to actually believe that you should.

Then again, maybe I'm just too picky, but I never understand that point when people throw it at you. You should at least be psychically and mentally attracted to the person you want to date.

Why not try to get involved with a woman you're able to casually talk to? Not to be your gf but surely you can try to bang one of these chicks. Just to see if you can.

You have to take risks, but if you have to level up your XP first...just see how things go with chicks you aren't necessarily interested in.

This is some seriously solid advice.

To achieve you can't be afraid to fail. And you will fail, anyone who says they never get told no is a straight up liar. Take it in stride man.


I know this is going to sound bad but you should find a solid 5 or 6 type girl who will appreciate your attention to get accustomed to handling their reactions to things.

[CatsCatsCats]

(Image removed from quote.)

edit: That reminds me. I need to start painting again.

Shit's relaxing.

I could only be so lucky to have that kind of free time to drink 6 beers without somebody calling/needing something/etc. I know single seems tough man but there are some perks you will miss when you find somebody. Trust me. Keep your chin up bro.

Lol I remember free time

[Am_I_Anonymous]

(Image removed from quote.)

edit: That reminds me. I need to start painting again.

Shit's relaxing.

I could only be so lucky to have that kind of free time to drink 6 beers without somebody calling/needing something/etc. I know single seems tough man but there are some perks you will miss when you find somebody. Trust me. Keep your chin up bro.

Lol I remember free time

Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and my children. They are everything to me, period. However a brother could use like an entire sunday off to fuck around and Cliff Huxtable around the house eating sandwiches.

[Phoenix Dark]

(Image removed from quote.)

edit: That reminds me. I need to start painting again.

Shit's relaxing.

I could only be so lucky to have that kind of free time to drink 6 beers without somebody calling/needing something/etc. I know single seems tough man but there are some perks you will miss when you find somebody. Trust me. Keep your chin up bro.

Lol I remember free time

Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and my children. They are everything to me, period. However a brother could use like an entire sunday off to fuck around and Cliff Huxtable around the house eating sandwiches.

[Am_I_Anonymous]

Hey man, Cliff Huxtable was my other uncle growing up, I got no beef with him.

The guy who played him though,