I mean honestly this is me probably just overthinking and just looking for it to fail.
I don't think we are dating. I think we are just enjoying each other's company, at least right now.
And I don't want to say anything to her because I think the best path is to just be cool and go with the flow.
But I mean everyone comments here positive or negative has had an ounce of truth.
I also agree I really don't think I should have asked the question "What are we doing" because yeah it was better to let this naturally grow. On her side I don't think it bothered her. She said everything was fine. It was honestly just me freaking out(I was kind of drunk ok). So after that everything quickly went back to normal. Our level of communication went back to normal. Texting, playing Battlefield, and hanging out(A quick hangout happen not to long afterwards). Then a few days later she said she had to ask me a question. Her question was "why are you uncomfortable talking about sex?" which I think came up because I did'nt respond well to one of her sex jokes. So I explained to her my reservations about sex. Then she told me that basically she has to be comfortable talking about sex with someone to have sex with them. She made it known that that did'nt mean that we were going to have sex though. Which again I kind of think has to do with her reservations about sex and people. Which I think she has many. A constant theme is her not wanting to be seen as a ho, her backstory, and so on. I mean right from the get go she told me she was hesitant about relationships, especially one with me. But I mean she still decided to hang out with me.
But anyway after having that conversation well I think we got even more comfortable with each other. Sex jokes were flying and so on. So on Super Bowl Sunday she texts me when she got off work to see if I want to hangout. Well I had gotten really drunk the previous day. Lost my glasses and just was a mess from it. So I just decide to call her and ask if she wants to come over and pick me up so we can get something to eat. She says yeah and she comes over and yeah it's basically a date(she later said it kind of was). She looks really nice and after going to a sit down bar and grill for food(her idea) we go home and she works on her resume. This time sitting on the same couch right next time me(Yes the couch thing again). I mean in retrospect this was probably the day she wanted me to make a move. Because I mean we were just sitting so close to each other and after playing video games we sat there for a bit just talking really close. But I did'nt and honestly when leaving she seemed a bit mad.
But it's times just hanging out that we are so chill and so vibed. Which is why I want more of them.
I was sick the next day(Monday) and we talked on Tuesday. She seemed pretty agitated. I mean she offered me a ride home from work and we did actually take lunch together, but after that she just seemed kind of mad at me.
Then on Weds she just says basically "hey I get off at 6:30pm lets hang out". And I say yeah of course. We hang out. Go get a bite to eat and she comes back and works on her resume. This time not sitting next to me. So I think I blew it. But eventually she moves over to me while playing video games. Then that's over and for the rest of the night(from 12-4am) we're just talking. We are pretty close, she at some point touches my back and I mean we are shoulder to shoulder basically. She's playing with her hair, which then leads to me playing with her hair. I remember those stupid "How to tell if a girl likes you guides" that I read because I'm a loser. I notices she's mimicking my leg movements. I actually do think playing with her hair is a thing with her btw. Eventually she says to me. "Hey do you still want to go out for food? and stuff". I reply "Like a date". And she says yeah. She says even though Sunday basically was a date. She also makes jokes about sex and changes from not looking to do that to maybe if were to do that. So from there I feel like I must have cleared her hesitation and I just go for the kiss. I suck at it and it's awkward. I think she bit my lip, but it's ok. She says we can work on that. In the post night texts she says "hey you don't have to just do kiss goodnights. You can kiss me during the time we hangout" and so on. Also she agrees that I should have made a move on Sunday, but understood I was hungover.
So I mean that sounds great to me, but I mean I don't know I feel our texts haven't been as great since then. Still text everyday, but they aren't as funny, in depth, or as frequent. Though this could just be me overthinking.
She hasn't mentioned our date, but again she did say "I guess thanks to the schedule Tuesday is the next time we will be able to hangout".
I've said we should hangout even though I get off late(10pm) and she's said yes then later changed her mind. But I mean even before I kissed her this happen. She works mornings and I think 10pm is past when she wants to start anything.
I guess I just thought after that it would get a little more intense. I guess I'm just anxious to see if it's going to progress anymore. I guess I'm getting excited at the prospect of being more physical. I guess I'm still overthinking pretty much everything and nothing. I think this can fall apart at any moment.
But see I'm acting crazy on this forum so that I don't say anything to her. I mean I guess honestly everything is probably ok. I mean she said before. If she disliked me she wouldn't talk to me. I also think she's been somewhat concerned with my feelings that if she felt like this needed to stop, shed tell me.
Yet I also hope I'm not giving her the vibe that I want her to simply come over so we can fuck. I think she wants to have sex(I mean she has said she can't live without sex). But I think by opening the physical barrier, she is afraid I may just want to have sex and nothing else. She's said before whats shes afraid of is not having sex, but the after effect. Which I think means that she's afraid that after giving it up, it just becomes about that and/or they don't give a shit anymore.
Which is'nt true in my case because I just actually want her company. I want to have sex with her obviously, but I want to ease into that. In fact I'd honestly just like to do making out and touching because I find that pleasurable too.
So I don't know.
