I guess I’m in the process of another “early life crisis”. I had a pretty terrible weekend. What was supposed to be a fun trip to Minneapolis has turned into a mini crisis for me.
The trip was to visit my old college friends. Well I dropped out of my 1st college and well am still floating around. These guys didn’t and have gotten on with their lives. Careers and wives and stuff.
And as you all know I’m probably a bit insecure.
And also a late bloomer.
Maybe 28 is too old, but over the last three years I’ve actively made an effort to go out to bars and stuff. I missed that part of life.
I guess the theme of the weekend for them was that they “have gotten it out of their system”.
So instead the weekend was full of old man stuff and just sitting around livings rooms and talking. Which during the day was fun somewhat. But I was lead to believe we would go out and do stuff during the day and night. We didn’t, which probably lead to me being a bit anxious and disappointed which lead to some petty comments thrown amongst the group. Which of course lead to a pretty unfunn time for myself.
I know this is a recurring theme about me. How I feel behind. How I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life. I don’t know if it’s true are not, but this weekend really brought it to the forefront and has put me back to a worse place then where I was before. I don’t think these guys think I’m a loser, but I sure took some of the comments that way.
And even then I’m constantly thinking about if I will ever get to a good place. Sure I think I’ve been a lot better about life in general recently. But I feel like I’m always reminded of how shitty I think I am. And really most of it it’s all in my head and an invention of my own. But I am afraid I’m going to snap back into something bad.