THE BORE

General => Video Game Bored => Topic started by: dammitmattt on December 21, 2008, 02:49:40 AM

Title: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: dammitmattt on December 21, 2008, 02:49:40 AM: Here is the EW list compiled by complete tool Jeff Jensen:

1. Wii Fit
2. LittleBigPlanet
3. Grand Theft Auto 4
4. Braid
5. Rock Band 2
6. Madden '09 All-Play
7. Lego Indiana Jones
8. Pure
9. Dead Space
10. iPod Touch

Where do I start? The only thing that Jeff Jensen (the tool) really says about Wii Fit is that it feels like a game changer. He never says that it is fun. He never says that it works. He never actually says anything about the game. Yet somehow, it's his game of the year. Is being different/popular suddenly the only criteria needed to win awards now?

I mostly disagree with the next four slots, but they are respectable enough. It continues to go to shit with Madden '09 All-Play, which EW calls Madden's "Wii debut," which is very awesome. Especially since this version of the game was roundly criticized and is infinitely inferior to the HD versions.

Next up is Lego Indiana Jones, which isn't even the best Lego game of the year. The tool compares it to Mario, and says that Indy wins. I'm serious.

Dead Space at number nine is probably the one game he gets right, but in the text for Dead Space, he mentions Gears of War 2 and Fallout 3, games that are vastly more deserving than most others on this list. Oh, and he also said that these three games and Metal Gear Solid 4 have the same virtues: "eye-candy graphics, taut suspense, wicked wit, and die! die! die! visceral thrills." Amazing.

I've saved the best for number ten: the iPod Touch. That's right, the tenth best game this year is a music player. Why even cover games if your writers are so incredibly inept? I don't think you'd ever be seeing Owen Gleiberman touting the digital projector as one of the ten-best movies of the year, so why the hell is this acceptable. It just shows you how far gaming coverage still has to come in the mass media. EW has respectable critics for movie, television, music, literature, and theater, and yet they only manage to find a clueless tool for video games. Thanks, EW!

spoiler (click to show/hide)
For shits and giggles, the three worst games of the year are Saints Row 2, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, and EA Facebook Scrabble. I'm not even joking.
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Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: demi on December 21, 2008, 02:53:50 AM: i know you didnt say saints row 2... i will let you explain that one before i lock the thread
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Phoenix Dark on December 21, 2008, 02:58:27 AM: He got one thing right

spoiler (click to show/hide)
Wii Fit>GTA4
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Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: dammitmattt on December 21, 2008, 04:00:47 AM: Quote from: demi on December 21, 2008, 02:53:50 AM
i know you didnt say saints row 2... i will let you explain that one before i lock the thread

Don't shoot the messenger. Those worst three were from EW in case I wasn't clear. The writer is a complete idiot. He reviews games on a 1st grade level.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: EmCeeGrammar on December 21, 2008, 05:56:41 AM: I like wii fit, but it isnt top 5 material. Its very useful, but its not really for entertainment.

I dont know why top ten lists are ever thread-worthy material.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: demi on December 21, 2008, 06:01:11 AM: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCmOgo4ARWw
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Eel O'Brian on December 21, 2008, 07:43:19 AM: edit title to Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Everything

I got a "free" subscription when I bought the discount card at Moviestop the other week (about the same deal as Gamestop, 10% off used movies, 10% more for trades, only Moviestop offers a discount on preorders if you use the card) and they gave me a "starter issue"

what a useless rag that is, like People magazine for the fan culture set
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: djkimothy on December 21, 2008, 07:56:29 AM: Dead space should be before LBP. But whatever that list sucks.

And no Valkyria Chronicles love?
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Tucah on December 21, 2008, 08:32:28 AM: :lol at iPod Touch, surprised to see Dead Space up there instead of something shittier and even more casual like Mario Kart.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Cheebs on December 21, 2008, 09:12:55 AM: To be fair to the iPod Touch/iPhone Rolando and Fieldrunners are fucking great games.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Sho Nuff on December 21, 2008, 10:59:00 AM: He put Saints Row 2 in the top 5 worst.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Beezy on December 21, 2008, 11:04:14 AM: Probably the worst top 10 list I've ever seen. :lol
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: dammitmattt on December 21, 2008, 11:10:10 AM: Quote from: Cheebs on December 21, 2008, 09:12:55 AM
To be fair to the iPod Touch/iPhone Rolando and Fieldrunners are fucking great games.

I'm sure they are. But iPod Touch is not a game. And the games he did mention were Cookie Solitaire, Labyrinth Lite, and Flick Fishing. That's an all-star lineup if I've seen one.

Quote from: Sho Nuff on December 21, 2008, 10:59:00 AM
He put Saints Row 2 in the top 5 worst.

No, he put it as his number 1 worst. He called it "racist, misogynistic, crude, cynical, humorless, and stupid."
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Diunx on December 21, 2008, 11:18:11 AM: This the magazine that gave "Let The Right One In" a C- they fucking suck at everything they do except at sucking.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Kestastrophe on December 21, 2008, 11:36:08 AM: Quote from: dammitmattt on December 21, 2008, 11:10:10 AM
No, he put it as his number 1 worst. He called it "racist, misogynistic, crude, cynical, humorless, and stupid."

It is obvious that he did not play the game, otherwise he would know that everything is tongue in cheek. There is no way that somebody with half a brain would describe Saints Row in this way and then put GTA up on a pedestal. But I guess half a brain does seem to fit the requirement for game journos these days
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: archie4208 on December 21, 2008, 05:41:02 PM: Quote from: Jinfash on December 21, 2008, 05:16:34 PM
Quote from: dammitmattt on December 21, 2008, 11:10:10 AM
No, he put it as his number 1 worst. He called it "racist, misogynistic, crude, cynical, humorless, and stupid."

Isn't that GTA in a nutshell?

Does Saint's Row have an Oscar worthy story? I didn't think so. :wag
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: demi on December 21, 2008, 05:43:22 PM: Quote from: Cheebs on December 21, 2008, 09:12:55 AM
To be fair to the iPod Touch/iPhone Rolando and Fieldrunners are fucking great games.

God and you buy ipod touch games too, wtf
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Cheebs on December 21, 2008, 06:00:45 PM: Quote from: demi on December 21, 2008, 05:43:22 PM
Quote from: Cheebs on December 21, 2008, 09:12:55 AM
To be fair to the iPod Touch/iPhone Rolando and Fieldrunners are fucking great games.

God and you buy ipod touch games too, wtf
Some. It's good to pull at at college between classes or when bored. Since pulling out a DS or a PSP would seem waaay too embarrassing compared to a phone in places like that.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: demi on December 21, 2008, 06:01:38 PM: Yeah I am sure you are a landmark of cool, you bleach mophead
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Beezy on December 21, 2008, 06:03:51 PM: Quote from: demi on December 21, 2008, 06:01:38 PM
Yeah I am sure you are a landmark of cool, you bleach mophead
:lol
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on December 21, 2008, 06:09:08 PM: He can't compromise his image as a film and political insider
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Cheebs on December 21, 2008, 06:10:48 PM: Quote from: Jinfash on December 21, 2008, 06:05:47 PM
Quote from: Cheebs on December 21, 2008, 06:00:45 PM
Some. It's good to pull at at college between classes or when bored. Since pulling out a DS or a PSP would seem waaay too embarrassing compared to a phone in places like that.

You're the type that gets embarrassed of pulling a DS or a PSP? Start not giving a shit, it's much more fun.
In the middle of a college classroom during a lecture? Yeah. It would be weird.

and lolz. It's not like I am some IPHONE HIPSTER GAMER. I am putting in like 5+ hours a day into Fallout 3 during christmas break right now.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: pilonv1 on December 21, 2008, 06:50:05 PM: Good to see Pure get some recognition.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: drew on December 21, 2008, 06:56:44 PM: *stuffs an envelope full with anthrax*

*mails envelope*
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: drew on December 21, 2008, 07:02:05 PM: Quote from: Jinfash on December 21, 2008, 06:05:47 PM
You're the type that gets embarrassed of pulling a DS or a PSP? Start not giving a shit, it's much more fun.

leper this filth

Quote from: dammitmattt on December 21, 2008, 02:49:40 AM
I mostly disagree with the next four slots, but they are respectable enough.
Quote from: dammitmattt on December 21, 2008, 02:49:40 AM
4. Braid

leper this filth

Quote from: EmCeeGrammar on December 21, 2008, 05:56:41 AM
I like wii fit, but it isnt top 5 material. Its very useful, but its not really for entertainment.

I dont know why top ten lists are ever thread-worthy material.

fat sociopath

leper this filth
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Phoenix Dark on December 21, 2008, 07:48:20 PM: Quote from: demi on December 21, 2008, 06:01:38 PM
Yeah I am sure you are a landmark of cool, you bleach mophead

:rofl
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: drew on December 21, 2008, 07:59:02 PM: dude i bet youve got the hookup for some dank anthrax

hit a nicca up 419-555-5555
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: AdmiralViscen on December 21, 2008, 11:02:11 PM: Cheebs destroyed :o
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Phoenix Dark on December 22, 2008, 04:05:02 AM: Cheebs annihilated :spitzer
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: tiesto on December 22, 2008, 12:21:10 PM: Quote from: dammitmattt on December 21, 2008, 11:10:10 AM
Quote from: Cheebs on December 21, 2008, 09:12:55 AM
To be fair to the iPod Touch/iPhone Rolando and Fieldrunners are fucking great games.

I'm sure they are. But iPod Touch is not a game. And the games he did mention were Cookie Solitaire, Labyrinth Lite, and Flick Fishing. That's an all-star lineup if I've seen one.

Quote from: Sho Nuff on December 21, 2008, 10:59:00 AM
He put Saints Row 2 in the top 5 worst.

No, he put it as his number 1 worst. He called it "racist, misogynistic, crude, cynical, humorless, and stupid."

Fuck, sounds like I really need to get around to playing that...
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: cool breeze on December 22, 2008, 02:02:22 PM: Quote from: dammitmattt on December 21, 2008, 11:10:10 AM
No, he put it as his number 1 worst. He called it "racist, misogynistic, crude, cynical, humorless, and stupid."

seriously? he works for Entertaiment Weekly and doesn't understand satire?
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Bocsius on December 22, 2008, 09:10:16 PM: You care what Entertainment Weekly says about games. :lol
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: dammitmattt on December 22, 2008, 09:57:40 PM: Quote from: Bocsius on December 22, 2008, 09:10:16 PM
You care what Entertainment Weekly says about games. :lol

Before long it will be the only magazine covering games.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: Bocsius on December 22, 2008, 10:04:37 PM: Doesn't sound like a problem to me.
Title: Re: Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens
Post by: dammitmattt on December 23, 2008, 12:27:13 AM: Quote from: Bocsius on December 22, 2008, 10:04:37 PM
Doesn't sound like a problem to me.

You dirty hippies and your internet. I want to read about games a few times a month on the can and I'm not brining my iPhone or laptop into the bathroom.