Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Making Gaming Top Tens

[dammitmattt]

Here is the EW list compiled by complete tool Jeff Jensen:

1. Wii Fit
2. LittleBigPlanet
3. Grand Theft Auto 4
4. Braid
5. Rock Band 2
6. Madden '09 All-Play
7. Lego Indiana Jones
8. Pure
9. Dead Space
10. iPod Touch

Where do I start?  The only thing that Jeff Jensen (the tool) really says about Wii Fit is that it feels like a game changer.  He never says that it is fun.  He never says that it works.  He never actually says anything about the game.  Yet somehow, it's his game of the year.  Is being different/popular suddenly the only criteria needed to win awards now?

I mostly disagree with the next four slots, but they are respectable enough.  It continues to go to shit with Madden '09 All-Play, which EW calls Madden's "Wii debut," which is very awesome.  Especially since this version of the game was roundly criticized and is infinitely inferior to the HD versions.

Next up is Lego Indiana Jones, which isn't even the best Lego game of the year.  The tool compares it to Mario, and says that Indy wins.  I'm serious.

Dead Space at number nine is probably the one game he gets right, but in the text for Dead Space, he mentions Gears of War 2 and Fallout 3, games that are vastly more deserving than most others on this list.  Oh, and he also said that these three games and Metal Gear Solid 4 have the same virtues: "eye-candy graphics, taut suspense, wicked wit, and die! die! die! visceral thrills."  Amazing.

I've saved the best for number ten: the iPod Touch.  That's right, the tenth best game this year is a music player.  Why even cover games if your writers are so incredibly inept?  I don't think you'd ever be seeing Owen Gleiberman touting the digital projector as one of the ten-best movies of the year, so why the hell is this acceptable.  It just shows you how far gaming coverage still has to come in the mass media.  EW has respectable critics for movie, television, music, literature, and theater, and yet they only manage to find a clueless tool for video games.  Thanks, EW!

spoiler (click to show/hide)

For shits and giggles, the three worst games of the year are Saints Row 2, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, and EA Facebook Scrabble.  I'm not even joking.

[close]

[demi]

i know you didnt say saints row 2... i will let you explain that one before i lock the thread

[Phoenix Dark]

He got one thing right

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Wii Fit>GTA4

[close]

[dammitmattt]

i know you didnt say saints row 2... i will let you explain that one before i lock the thread

Don't shoot the messenger.  Those worst three were from EW in case I wasn't clear.  The writer is a complete idiot. He reviews games on a 1st grade level. 

[EmCeeGrammar]

I like wii fit, but it isnt top 5 material. Its very useful, but its not really for entertainment.

I dont know why top ten lists are ever thread-worthy material.

[demi]

[Eel O'Brian]

edit title to Entertainment Weekly Sucks at Everything

I got a "free" subscription when I bought the discount card at Moviestop the other week (about the same deal as Gamestop, 10% off used movies, 10% more for trades, only Moviestop offers a discount on preorders if you use the card) and they gave me a "starter issue"

what a useless rag that is, like People magazine for the fan culture set

[djkimothy]

Dead space should be before LBP.  But whatever that list sucks.

And no Valkyria Chronicles love?

[Tucah]

at iPod Touch, surprised to see Dead Space up there instead of something shittier and even more casual like Mario Kart.

[Cheebs]

To be fair to the iPod Touch/iPhone Rolando and Fieldrunners are fucking great games.

[Sho Nuff]

He put Saints Row 2 in the top 5 worst.

[Beezy]

Probably the worst top 10 list I've ever seen.

[dammitmattt]

To be fair to the iPod Touch/iPhone Rolando and Fieldrunners are fucking great games.

I'm sure they are.  But iPod Touch is not a game.  And the games he did mention were Cookie Solitaire, Labyrinth Lite, and Flick Fishing.  That's an all-star lineup if I've seen one.

He put Saints Row 2 in the top 5 worst.

No, he put it as his number 1 worst.  He called it "racist, misogynistic, crude, cynical, humorless, and stupid."

[Diunx]

This the magazine that gave "Let The Right One In" a C- they fucking suck at everything they do except at sucking.

[Kestastrophe]

No, he put it as his number 1 worst.  He called it "racist, misogynistic, crude, cynical, humorless, and stupid."

It is obvious that he did not play the game, otherwise he would know that everything is tongue in cheek. There is no way that somebody with half a brain would describe Saints Row in this way and then put GTA up on a pedestal. But I guess half a brain does seem to fit the requirement for game journos these days

[archie4208]

No, he put it as his number 1 worst.  He called it "racist, misogynistic, crude, cynical, humorless, and stupid."

Isn't that GTA in a nutshell?

Does Saint's Row have an Oscar worthy story?  I didn't think so.

[demi]

To be fair to the iPod Touch/iPhone Rolando and Fieldrunners are fucking great games.

God and you buy ipod touch games too, wtf

[Cheebs]

To be fair to the iPod Touch/iPhone Rolando and Fieldrunners are fucking great games.

God and you buy ipod touch games too, wtf

Some. It's good to pull at at college between classes or when bored. Since pulling out a DS or a PSP would seem waaay too embarrassing compared to a phone in places like that.

[demi]

Yeah I am sure you are a landmark of cool, you bleach mophead

[Beezy]

Yeah I am sure you are a landmark of cool, you bleach mophead

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

He can't compromise his image as a film and political insider

[Cheebs]

Some. It's good to pull at at college between classes or when bored. Since pulling out a DS or a PSP would seem waaay too embarrassing compared to a phone in places like that.

You're the type that gets embarrassed of pulling a DS or a PSP? Start not giving a shit, it's much more fun.

In the middle of a college classroom during a lecture? Yeah. It would be weird.


and lolz. It's not like I am some IPHONE HIPSTER GAMER. I am putting in like 5+ hours a day into Fallout 3 during christmas break right now.

[pilonv1]

Good to see Pure get some recognition.

[drew]

*stuffs an envelope full with anthrax*

*mails envelope*

[drew]

You're the type that gets embarrassed of pulling a DS or a PSP? Start not giving a shit, it's much more fun.

leper this filth

I mostly disagree with the next four slots, but they are respectable enough.

4. Braid

leper this filth

I like wii fit, but it isnt top 5 material. Its very useful, but its not really for entertainment.

I dont know why top ten lists are ever thread-worthy material.

fat sociopath

leper this filth

[Phoenix Dark]

Yeah I am sure you are a landmark of cool, you bleach mophead

 

[drew]

dude i bet youve got the hookup for some dank anthrax

hit a nicca up 419-555-5555

[AdmiralViscen]

Cheebs destroyed

[Phoenix Dark]

Cheebs annihilated :spitzer

[tiesto]

To be fair to the iPod Touch/iPhone Rolando and Fieldrunners are fucking great games.

I'm sure they are.  But iPod Touch is not a game.  And the games he did mention were Cookie Solitaire, Labyrinth Lite, and Flick Fishing.  That's an all-star lineup if I've seen one.

He put Saints Row 2 in the top 5 worst.

No, he put it as his number 1 worst.  He called it "racist, misogynistic, crude, cynical, humorless, and stupid."

Fuck, sounds like I really need to get around to playing that...

[cool breeze]

No, he put it as his number 1 worst.  He called it "racist, misogynistic, crude, cynical, humorless, and stupid."

seriously? he works for Entertaiment Weekly and doesn't understand satire?

[Bocsius]

You care what Entertainment Weekly says about games.

[dammitmattt]

You care what Entertainment Weekly says about games.

Before long it will be the only magazine covering games.

[Bocsius]

Doesn't sound like a problem to me.

[dammitmattt]

Doesn't sound like a problem to me.

You dirty hippies and your internet.  I want to read about games a few times a month on the can and I'm not brining my iPhone or laptop into the bathroom.