THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 06:04:26 PM

Title: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 06:04:26 PM: This past week at the mom & pop game store where I help out in the winters, I was treated to a four hour visit from the 22 year old dude who works at the coffee shop across the way. During this visit, I learned:

-He once ran a biker gang.

-He knows someone in the government that can find you anywhere and have you "disappeared".

-He invented "The Clapper"

-His son is so good at fighting games, he can beat people at them "using his ass. He just sits on the controller and moves his ass around. It's AMAZING!"

-Aside from washing dishes at the coffee shop, this 98 pounds of bad dude is part of some green beret-esque squad, and is being sent back "into the shit overseas this summer. The things I've seen and done there, man....".

Wow. I bet all you jealous bastards wish you could meet cool dudes like that at your work. I'm so lucky. Lucky, lucky.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: WrikaWrek on February 24, 2009, 06:08:34 PM: Just a couple of bells and whistles.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Eric P on February 24, 2009, 06:08:46 PM: i met a guy who, i swear to god, just needed a dollar to get a cup of coffee.

these poor bankers.

:-\
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 06:16:48 PM: Quote from: WrikaWrek on February 24, 2009, 06:08:34 PM
Just a couple of bells and whistles.

Four hours. On the button. I don't think he stopped talking once to take a breath at any point either.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: brawndolicious on February 24, 2009, 07:00:34 PM: was he like, a paying customer? that sort of sounds like a description of a homeless dude.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 07:08:13 PM: Quote from: am nintenho on February 24, 2009, 07:00:34 PM
was he like, a paying customer? that sort of sounds like a description of a homeless dude.

Oh yeah. He doesn't spend a ton, but he's a regular apparently that I've somehow managed to miss on all my shifts so far. Fairly well-dressed to boot.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on February 24, 2009, 07:14:40 PM: Sounds like a typical 22 year old to me
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 07:34:53 PM: Quote from: T EXP on February 24, 2009, 07:14:40 PM
Sounds like a typical 22 year old to me

Perhaps. I just found it hard to keep a straight face while he earnestly told me the tale of him inventing "The Clapper" and it's subsequent theft.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Madrun Badrun on February 24, 2009, 07:37:06 PM: Once he said it you should have said "You invented the clap?"
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 07:45:46 PM: Quote from: Father_Mike on February 24, 2009, 07:37:06 PM
Once he said it you should have said "You invented the clap?"

I tried responding as little as possible in hopes he's get bored and leave. I'll know better next time.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: T234 on February 24, 2009, 08:29:58 PM: ACTS OF GORD ACTS OF GORD

YOU'RE EVEN CANADIAN :rofl
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 08:40:49 PM: Quote from: T234 on February 24, 2009, 08:29:58 PM
ACTS OF GORD ACTS OF GORD

YOU'RE EVEN CANADIAN :rofl

Oh wow. I just Googled this. Bookmarked!
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: lordmaji on February 24, 2009, 08:45:52 PM: :lol FA and I worked w/ a guy like that.

This is amazing! He told us that "he had Hussein in his crosshairs back in Desert Storm"

Amazing huh? He was also a member of the Delta Force...

smh ::) :lol
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Phoenix Dark on February 24, 2009, 08:50:42 PM: Quote from: lordmaji on February 24, 2009, 08:45:52 PM
:lol FA and I worked w/ a guy like that.

This is amazing! He told us that "he had Hussein in his crosshairs back in Desert Storm"

Amazing huh? He was also a member of the Delta Force...

smh ::) :lol

Seems like a perfectly logical thing to assert. It's also statistacally likely that he had some Mohameds and Alis in the crosshairs as well
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Bildi on February 24, 2009, 09:03:40 PM: Make sure to get a pic with him next time dude.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 09:06:50 PM: Quote from: Bildi on February 24, 2009, 09:03:40 PM
Make sure to get a pic with him next time dude.

I don't know, I don't want him having me "disappeared" in my sleep.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: lordmaji on February 24, 2009, 09:23:48 PM: Quote from: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 09:06:50 PM
Quote from: Bildi on February 24, 2009, 09:03:40 PM
Make sure to get a pic with him next time dude.

I don't know, I don't want him having me "disappeared" in my sleep.

:lol :lol

Tell him that you have important information for him, and you were sent to monitor him for sometime. Until now. Then tell him you were sent to tell him, he should be expecting someone soon to approach him with info & that you have no further information, your mission is complete by telling him to expect someone.

see if he acts funny. :P
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Mr. Gundam on February 24, 2009, 09:42:38 PM: Psh. Bjork's customer stories are better.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 10:00:01 PM: Quote from: distantmantra on February 24, 2009, 09:42:38 PM
Psh. Bjork's customer stories are better.

I won't argue that.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: xnikki118x on February 24, 2009, 10:00:03 PM: Quote from: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 06:04:26 PM
-His son is so good at fighting games, he can beat people at them "using his ass. He just sits on the controller and moves his ass around. It's AMAZING!"

Why has no one made a joke about this yet? EB, I'm disappointed! WHERE IS THE SUBTEXT?!
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Mr. Gundam on February 24, 2009, 10:05:57 PM: Quote from: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 10:00:01 PM
Quote from: distantmantra on February 24, 2009, 09:42:38 PM
Psh. Bjork's customer stories are better.

I won't argue that.

It was a good story.

I just miss Bjork.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: duckman2000 on February 24, 2009, 10:14:59 PM: I met this dude once who seemed perfectly normal until the moment he leaned over and told me that if I ever turned on him, I had better watch my step as he owned a clan of samurais that followed him in the shadows and were ready to strike against his enemies at a moment's notice.

Which is still less fucked up than my childhood acquaintance who, by the age of 17, alleged to own Ford and GM, and who had secretly worked as a producer on an unknown Guns N Roses album. The sad thing is that this was a progression of a life of lies, starting with him bragging about having once jumped from a swing, across the river and land on his moped which he then proceeded to kick into the secret 8th gear, which of course allowed for speeds upwards of 200km/h.

Everyone lies a little (or big) bit, but god damn.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: WrikaWrek on February 24, 2009, 10:17:30 PM: Never met liars that big.

Sure, you always meet that dude that lies through his teeth, and never seems to shut the fuck up, but damn.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: BlackMage on February 24, 2009, 10:21:37 PM: Quote from: duckman2000 on February 24, 2009, 10:14:59 PM
I met this dude once who seemed perfectly normal until the moment he leaned over and told me that if I ever turned on him, I had better watch my step as he owned a clan of samurais that followed him in the shadows and were ready to strike against his enemies at a moment's notice.

Which is still less fucked up than my childhood acquaintance who, by the age of 17, alleged to own Ford and GM, and who had secretly worked as a producer on an unknown Guns N Roses album. The sad thing is that this was a progression of a life of lies, starting with him bragging about having once jumped from a swing, across the river and land on his moped which he then proceeded to kick into the secret 8th gear, which of course allowed for speeds upwards of 200km/h.

Everyone lies a little (or big) bit, but god damn.

that was me and it's all true.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 10:22:06 PM: Quote from: duckman2000 on February 24, 2009, 10:14:59 PM
I met this dude once who seemed perfectly normal until the moment he leaned over and told me that if I ever turned on him, I had better watch my step as he owned a clan of samurais that followed him in the shadows and were ready to strike against his enemies at a moment's notice.

Which is still less fucked up than my childhood acquaintance who, by the age of 17, alleged to own Ford and GM, and who had secretly worked as a producer on an unknown Guns N Roses album. The sad thing is that this was a progression of a life of lies, starting with him bragging about having once jumped from a swing, across the river and land on his moped which he then proceeded to kick into the secret 8th gear, which of course allowed for speeds upwards of 200km/h.

Everyone lies a little (or big) bit, but god damn.

That's amazing.

Quote from: distantmantra on February 24, 2009, 10:05:57 PM
I just miss Bjork.

Me too. :'(
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Human Snorenado on February 24, 2009, 10:23:27 PM: When I was working at GS I met some characters. One dude was trying to convince us that he was in the Guinness book for the highest Donkey Kong score ever, and that he had "whipped that DK creator dude's ass at the game back in the 80's".

I think my favorite insane customer ever, though, was this short fat dude who kept wanting to talk about all of his autographed college football memorabilia and how valuable it was. One day he brought up some jersey from the Orange Bowl game one year and was showing it off like it was his first born or something. Fucking weirdo.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Bildi on February 24, 2009, 11:56:12 PM: Quote from: muckhole on February 24, 2009, 09:06:50 PM
Quote from: Bildi on February 24, 2009, 09:03:40 PM
Make sure to get a pic with him next time dude.

I don't know, I don't want him having me "disappeared" in my sleep.

:omg

It might be interesting to observe his reactions if you "accidentally" snapping a picture of him. If there's any shifty business, you'll just have to snap him like the twig he is.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: brawndolicious on February 25, 2009, 02:48:00 AM: A few years ago, my friends and I spent all night staying up in Sacramento and in the early morning some homeless dude comes up to us. He just started talking about politics and how he could get bin laden if he was in the Afghan mountains with only a .45 and that the niccas out in the hoods were total pussies and that they couldn't land a shot on him. Then he actually started to flex. The weirdest homeless person I've ever met.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Robo on February 25, 2009, 04:43:17 AM: Weirdest homeless person I've ever met tried to punch me in the face and threatened to piss in my mouth.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Human Snorenado on February 25, 2009, 07:46:29 AM: Quote from: RoboJ on February 25, 2009, 04:43:17 AM
Weirdest homeless person I've ever met tried to punch me in the face and threatened to piss in my mouth.

Eh, a homeless person dropped his pants while standing next to me on a train platform in Atlanta and proceeded to take a crap right there.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: BlackMage on February 25, 2009, 11:26:26 AM: one time a homeless person had the gall to look at me. I took out his eyes. now he's homeless and blind.
Title: Re: Retail Customer Profiles #683: The Pathological Liar
Post by: Van Cruncheon on February 26, 2009, 11:11:55 AM: Quote from: The Card Cheat on February 25, 2009, 07:46:29 AM
Quote from: RoboJ on February 25, 2009, 04:43:17 AM
Weirdest homeless person I've ever met tried to punch me in the face and threatened to piss in my mouth.

Eh, a homeless person dropped his pants while standing next to me on a train platform in Atlanta and proceeded to take a crap right there.

yeah, i saw a hobo in belltown seattle start cackling, drop his trou, and unload a drippin' deuce...

spoiler (click to show/hide)
...straight into the aforementioned trou. :'( it helps to crouch, duder.
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