Choose Your Outrage!
The worst part about this is:
a. That it involves Southwest Airlines.
b. That it involves Kevin Smith.
c. That it forces you to imagine sitting in a cramped Southwest Airlines seat next to Kevin Smith for the entirety of a long Southwest Airlines flight.
d. That it forces you to imagine being on a Southwest Airlines flight at all.
e. That anyone would actually expect a good flying experience from an airline that doesn't even bother to assign seats to its passengers, instead opting for
an "Okay, on the count of three, everyone panic and run to get in line for seats...1...2...3!" policy.
f. This line from a People article about the incident, "'I know I'm fat,' Smith confesses." (Oh, well now that he's "confessed," what is his penance?)
g. Kevin Smith's insistence that this isn't just a giant hissy fit made public...it could happen to you! ("Wanna tell me I'm too wide for the sky? Totally cool. But fair warning, folks: IF YOU LOOK LIKE ME, YOU MAY BE EJECTED FROM @SOUTHWESTAIR.") But only if you also are in the habit of both flying Southwest and buying two seats when you fly Southwest.
h. That because of this story, you learned (via a pop-up ad) that Jason Alexander is now a Jenny Craig spokesperson.
(http://media.avclub.com/images/articles/article/38216/george_tiff_300x1000_q85.jpg)
i. All of the above.
Not So Silent Bob
Sun, 02/14/2010 - 14:57 - Christi Day
Many of you reached out to us via Twitter last night and today regarding a situation a Customer Twittered about that occurred on a Southwest flight. It is not our customary method of Customer Relations to be so public in how we work through these situations, but with so many people involved in the occurrence, you also should be involved in the solution. First and foremost, to Mr. Smith; we would like to echo our Tweets and again offer our heartfelt apologies to you.
We are sincerely sorry for your travel experience on Southwest Airlines.
As soon as we saw the first Tweet from Mr. Smith, we contacted him personally to apologize for his experience and to address his concerns on both Twitter and with a personal phone call. Since the situation has received a lot of public attention, we'd like to take the opportunity to address a few of the specifics here as well.
Mr. Smith originally purchased two Southwest seats on a flight from Oakland to Burbank - as he's been known to do when traveling on Southwest. He decided to change his plans and board an earlier flight to Burbank, which technically means flying standby. As you may know, airlines are not able to clear standby passengers until all Customers are boarded. When the time came to board Mr. Smith, we had only a single seat available for him to occupy. Our pilots are responsible for the Safety and comfort of all Customers on the aircraft and therefore, made the determination that Mr. Smith needed more than one seat to complete his flight. Our Employees explained why the decision was made, accommodated Mr. Smith on a later flight, and issued him a $100 Southwest travel voucher for his inconvenience.
You've read about these situations before. Southwest instituted our Customer of Size policy more than 25 years ago. The policy requires passengers that can not fit safely and comfortably in one seat to purchase an additional seat while traveling. This policy is not unique to Southwest Airlines and it is not a revenue generator. Most, if not all, carriers have similar policies, but unique to Southwest is the refunding of the second seat purchased (if the flight does not oversell) which is greater than any revenue made (full policy can be found here). The spirit of this policy is based solely on Customer comfort and Safety. As a Company committed to serving our Customers in Safety and comfort, we feel the definitive boundary between seats is the armrest. If a Customer cannot comfortably lower the armrest and infringes on a portion of another seat, a Customer seated adjacent would be very uncomfortable and a timely exit from the aircraft in the event of an emergency might be compromised if we allow a cramped, restricted seating arrangement.
This came via Twitter, from a woman we’ll call FattyHater.
“Obviously Smith expected special treatment as a celebrity.”
You’re right, Jessica Fletcher. It was murder, I wrote, when I was ejected from that plane. You’re quite the aging, local lady-sleuth; a credit to Cabot Cove.
And to be completely honest? I did expect special treatment: the same special treatment every PAYING CUSTOMER SHOULD GET.
I know you can’t be bothered to track all the details because it’s just way too easy to run with “Hollywood had it coming!” But for those who came in late:
a) I fit in the seat on an Oakland to Burbank Southwest Airlines flight
b) My lard didn’t spill over onto my fellow passengers
c) I could buckle the belt. I complied with the Southwest Airlines standards… and yet they bounced me regardless.
So what you call “expecting celebrity treatment” I call “expecting what I paid for.” In other words, a seat; which I fit into. I am fat, yes; but not Too Fat To Fly (yet).
I don’t know how you’re somehow finding a way to paint this as a portrait of Hollywood ego and excess run amok, but you flatter me, madam: I’m not that guy. One can’t have a giant-sized ass and a giant-sized ego (must… resist urge… to make… circa… 2004… JLo joke…). Your anger with me over what’s very clearly a case of an airline fucking up (then continuing to fuck up, compounding the fuck-up with mistruths and half-information) is better saved for those who SEEK extra privilege. I don’t and certainly didn’t in this case. I wanted nothing more nor less than EVERY OTHER PASSENGER: to sit in the seat I paid for. That I fit into.*
From time-to-time, my small degree of success in film will lead to some kind of expression of irrational resentment from a total stranger. It sucks, but I get it: in the past, there have been times when I, too, resented others who’ve had more/done more than me. But while resentment is a very human (albeit petty) emotion, I still don’t want to be on the receiving end of it - particularly resentment from a person you don’t even know/have never met.
I’ll ask that you search for another emotion at the bottom of your box, Pandora: how about some fucking empathy? I know I deserve no compassion because I’m a twisted creature of Hollywood, pockets stuffed with hundies and Ricotta cheese, but take off your hate-specs and ask if you’d be as dismissive about what happened to me if it happened to that friend at your birthday party - the big girl you’ve got your arm around (I saw her pic at the top of your linked site)? Would you still dismiss it as your friend expecting special, celebrity treatment? (And does she know how much you blindly respect Southwest Airlines, including their Shame-the-Slobs policy?)
Stereotype me all you like, ma’am, but I hope if you’re ever wronged, people don’t treat you in the same way you’re treating me, blaming the victim. “Whelp - that’s what he gets for being slightly recognizable due to his occupation. That smug bastard…”
If you’re interested in the complete story, and not just the superficial incomplete details, please listen to SModcast 106. You’ll find the tale is not about my raging, ravenous celebrity ego; it’s about an airline that continues to dig a PR nightmare hole with every minute that goes by sans phone call or meaningful apology (as many have pointed out, that blog was more insult than apology, as they merely used that statement to maintain their position: “See, we made no real error because we’ve got this Fuck-the-Fatties policy…”).
Talking about what happened to me is a way to present people who look like me (or are heavier, if that’s possible) with some facts about what happens when you’re morbidly obese and you try to ride the SWAyze-dog. I’d like other people who aren’t thin to know this could happen to them, too, on Southwest Airlines; because it was kinda humiliating, and I wouldn’t wish that shit on a fuck-knuckle like yourself, let alone a fellow Fatty for whom I’d feel the compassion you apparently can’t feel for someone you’ve damned and dismissed as an… ugh… “celebrity”.
Just, do me a favor ma’am: could you stand over there, on that large piece of plastic? That’s right: a bit more to the left, annnnnnd…
KA-BLOCK!
Fucking psycho…
*Do you know how fucking humiliating it is to have to stress that point, over and over; but it’s the whole crux of their case, and it’s the central lie this whole affair is predicated upon. I’m not denying I’m fat at all; I’m denying their accusation that I didn’t fit in the seat - which is their entire justification for kicking me off the plane. And earlier, on Twitter, I already offered to prove I could easily fit into the seat in question (as well as buckle the seat belt) in front of a live studio audience. But contrary to the ramblings of all the chucklefucks who think this is good publicity for me, it sucks to have to subject myself to public scrutiny for what I look like. You think I dig being acknowledged for this dubious honor of Too Fat To Fly? Fifteen years of being “the CLERKS-guy” became TF-TF overnight. Awesome legacy.
I can go down to the men's shelter right now and find better dressed people than Kevin Smith.
Fuck the too fat to fly thing. Those pants are the real crime here.
I thought it was McWorld and he wanted a few free doubles. When he discovered his mistake, he tweeted about how Apple is ignoring the edible electronics market.
(http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/la/kevin_smith_170608/kevin_smith_5152265.jpg)
he's like superfat, now, and well over 300 pounds. dude needs to get some help.I wonder what Jay thinks of this.
(http://i46.tinypic.com/25fm539.jpg)
Seth Rogan isn't really even chubby anymore, though. Plus fat comedians need to stay fat or we won't love them.But they all die under 40.
(http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/la/kevin_smith_170608/kevin_smith_5152265.jpg)
Kevin Smith is to fat even for demi? Wow.
I think I should start a weight loss competition with Kevin Smith. The winner has to pay for the other's airline ticket to come out and visit.
Hey, if I win, he gets a free plane ticket to fly out here.
.... if he can fit in his seats. :smug
yeah, the scale goes
a few extra pounds
overweight
fat
pretty fat
obese
hambeast
Kevin Smith has reached hambeast territory
yeah, the scale goes
a few extra pounds
overweight
fat
pretty fat
obese
hambeast
Kevin Smith has reached hambeast territory
actually it is
1. could stand to lose a few
2. thick (women) / husky (men)
3. chubby
4. fat
5. fuckin fatass
6. obese
7. butter monster
8. hambeast
kevin is in butter monster country, heading to hambeast territory
Does he really have that much money, though?
Twitter is over capacity.
.... if he can fit in his seat. :smug
To be fair, I bet his problem is that he's hella insulin resistant/prediabetic and is constantly eating the stuff and snacks on set (which got him insulin resistant in the first place), mixed with not exercising. Staying in shape while traveling is also difficult if you don't plan for it.I'd agree. Belly fat is key marker for insulin resistance and the dude looks pregnant.
I bet he actually does spend a bit on clothes-that stuff looks like it was made purposely to hide his incredible bulk.
I'd love to see the Rascal Scooter Butter Monster model.
and the picture is this:
(http://s.twimg.com/images/whale_error.gif)
:rofl
Who are you looking for?
Examples: Bill, Bill Smith, or Whole Foods
and the picture is this:
(http://s.twimg.com/images/whale_error.gif)
:rofl
To be fair, I bet his problem is that he's hella insulin resistant/prediabetic and is constantly eating the stuff and snacks on set (which got him insulin resistant in the first place), mixed with not exercising. Staying in shape while traveling is also difficult if you don't plan for it.That's like every person in the entire country. There's mountains of readily available garbage on every store. Delicious, carbohydrate flush garbage. And staying in shape is never easy. If it was easy, the majority of Americans wouldn't be chunky devils.
On the opposite we've got Smith trying to find the perfect angle where his back isn't hurting, which apparently involves sitting on his leg (which will eventually die and need to be amputated).
Is there a worse stand-up comedian than Gabriel Iglesias? I'm struggling to think of one.Robo? Why? Why the hell? Oh god :( Please tell me you're joking. Pwease.
Is there a worse stand-up comedian than Gabriel Iglesias? I'm struggling to think of one.
Downloading his stand up right now drew, will check it out.
Downloading his stand up right now drew, will check it out.
make sure you watch intimate moments for a sensual evening before you pass judgement
Gabriel is friggin adorable :( He's the cutest fat guy ever.
IT'S TRUE!
is there a better stand up comedian than aziz ansari?That one old guy from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventurespoiler (click to show/hide)nnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo[close]
With regard to Latinos, it seems like the older they are the funnier they get. Old Mexicans have some of the funniest stories.like who? I hate george lopez. Goddamn. I hate most hispanic comedians. i hate hearing the same cliche jokes about hispanic families. Maybe I don't find it funny because i despise most of it. Like hispanic remedies for shit and all their "don't do that because it's bad for you." shit. it annoys the fuck out of me. and i don't want to hear some other mexican talking about how funny it is. it's not. it's stupid. fkjakldfja;lfkjafkja;dkfja;dfj i want to kill every hispanic like that.
“Linda - there’s nothing about me not being Too Fat To Fly,” I said.
“The people around you said they had to lean over to make room for you,” Linda offered.
“Linda, they didn’t! The older lady was leaning against the window like she was gonna nap, and the lady to my left was already leaning toward the aisle. I would never pick a seat that might possibly make me look even fatter because I don’t fit in it or something.”
“That’s the report I have,” she continued, then sighed and added “This is so embarrassing to talk about.”
“Wait - what people around me?” I asked.
“The people seated next to you.”
“You guys went to their houses and interviewed them?”
“No.”
“Then where’d that statement come from?”
“Others people around you.”
“Linda, there was nobody but me, the two ladies, and Suzanne. Are you telling me this is Suzanne’s report?”
“The report we received said the ladies were leaning away from you.”
“They were already leaning when I sat down! They didn’t lean because of me! I even asked them both if I was a problem. But you said you took their statements, and now you’re saying they weren’t interviewed at all. You said we’d get to the bottom of who made the decision to boot me, since it WASN’T the Pilot.”
And Linda apologized and pointed out the blog apologies for putting me on and taking me off the plane, as well as the refunded fares.
“But the last paragraph is still all about your two seat rule. By including it, you guys are still saying I was Too Fat To Fly - or at least NOT correcting it. You even say ‘You’re not here to debate the decision the Employees made.’ But when we spoke, you told me they were wrong, and THAT’S why I was happy and ready to drop all this. I don’t want your money, I just want you to put in print what you told me: that I was grabbed because I was the last guy on, not because I didn’t fit with the arm rests down, or because I couldn’t buckle the seat belt. Because I did. And we both know this.”
I feel like a broken record with that stupid “But I could buckle and fit” shit. Pathetic, right? Grasping at any dignity straws. But that’s what you do when you’re kinda stripped of your dignity.
You guys screwed up, SWA; why’s it so hard to own up to it? Now I’m gonna carry this Too Fat To Fly shit around like herpes for the rest of my life, and it was never even true.
You guys screwed up, SWA; why’s it so hard to own up to it? Now I’m gonna carry this Too Fat To Fly shit around like herpes for the rest of my life, and it was never even true.
You think I dig being acknowledged for this dubious honor of Too Fat To Fly? Fifteen years of being “the CLERKS-guy” became TF-TF overnight. Awesome legacy.
Z&M had no commentary track? What a waste.
I bet he smells too. Most people that big usually start smelling throughout the day. All that ass and thigh friction. I bet it would be unbearable sitting next to him in a recycled air sardine can for a few hours.apparently mold accumulates in the fat folds in obese peoples. food for thought (I made a pun lawl).
^ Moronyea yeah go stick your weenie in some mold folds.
smilinstanlee
Maybe us thin guys who don't take up the whole seat on a plane should ask for a discount! It ought'a work both ways!
apparently mold accumulates in the fat folds in obese peoples. food for thought (I made a pun lawl).
^ Moron