THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 01:01:59 PM

Title: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 01:01:59 PM
http://www.amazon.com/Undercarriage-v-1-ebook/dp/B009VPREN6/

(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c121/KParrott/Finalcover800x600_zps357586b5.jpg)


This is the one day all year I've felt pretty good about myself, so yeah, I'm gonna shill my dumb fucking book because I worked hard on it and I think some people might like it. I'm not stupid enough to think everyone will, and I'm not the biggest fan of myself so I can't say how much anyone will, but there it is anyway.

It's a collection of three stories. There will be further volumes, next one probably early December. Some will have more stories in them than this first one. It's about 110 pages long, going by how I averaged word-per-page counts. If you don't have a Kindle or Kindle app it's also gonna be on Nook soon, and wherever else I can put it, but it takes longer for that stuff to be approved for sale. It also won't show up on foreign Amazon sites for another day or so.

If you're already saying to yourself "That's pretty short for 3 bucks..." or are one of those people who thinks once you've bought a Kindle all the books should come free, keep your money. Even though I know you've spent 3 bucks on much worse things, probably since this morning, you obviously need that money more than I do - and I need it quite badly. Besides, if ten pages in you think a book is shitty, why would you  want more of it? "It sucked, but there sure were a LOT of words!" Three bucks, three stories, many hours of my life, I thinks that's fair. If $3 stretches your budget too far I'm putting up one of the stories separately for a dollar. Just waiting on my friend to finish the cover so I can upload it. If you think a dollar is too much, give me your address so I can send you a can of soup or something.

That's my pen name. Just figured it would be easier to search for, as just about everyone I know in person misspells my real last name (even family members). I'm not so high on myself I need my real name plastered all over everything.

Yeah, there are a couple of typos and one mistake in the last story, noticed them after it had already hit the store this morning. I was so tired last night I copied and pasted the previous version of the story into the epub program I was working with.  It'll be fixed, but it takes twelve hours for any changes to propogate, so until then feel free to think I'm just a dumbass. Nothing that changes it, just cleanup fixes. I may leave the mistake, just for the "huh?" factor. Everything else is all me, run-on sentences and what have you. I know the rules, I break them all the time for effect.

Anyway, if you buy it I hope you enjoy it and don't feel ripped off. If you steal it from somewhere because you're broke, I totally understand, but you lose all rights to hate it then.

Now go ahead, post your TL;DR LOL gifs and take your shots, I can feel the eagerness in your little black hearts. 
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: CajoleJuice on October 24, 2012, 01:04:15 PM
stupid cover lol what is this a tool album amirite guyz
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 01:04:23 PM
Bought- I have a nook so i'll need to read this on my iPad at some point. ;)
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MCD on October 24, 2012, 01:05:53 PM
I am too dumb for books can only read mango.

But I can donate. Just PM me your cock mail.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Cerveza mas fina on October 24, 2012, 01:06:22 PM
Quote
A trio of twisted tales from the elusive Matt Lloyd,

 :omg :omg :omg
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Robo on October 24, 2012, 01:07:12 PM
SQUIDPUSSY

by Matt Lloyd
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Cerveza mas fina on October 24, 2012, 01:07:28 PM
The cover is pretty bad ass, who made it?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 24, 2012, 01:07:45 PM
Going for dat Asian male demographic

I'll buy it
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: archnemesis on October 24, 2012, 01:08:09 PM
I don't have a ebook reader or a tablet. Can you send me a PDF or something? I can PayPal you the money.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 01:11:07 PM
The cover is pretty bad ass, who made it?

My friend Richard (Rick) Eller, it was a design he made back when we were trying to shill T-shirts instead of books.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 01:11:53 PM
I don't have a ebook reader or a tablet. Can you send me a PDF or something? I can PayPal you the money.

Kindle has a program that lets you read right on the PC (dunno about Nook).
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Steve Contra on October 24, 2012, 01:14:37 PM
I knew you weren't a doctor.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: archnemesis on October 24, 2012, 01:15:58 PM
Oh, that's pretty cool. I might get a Kindle Paperwhite for Christmas so that isn't a bad suggestion.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Dickie Dee on October 24, 2012, 01:16:03 PM
gonna put kindle on my phone just to get this
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 01:17:01 PM
I'm just all for supporting a person pursuing a real craft- I cant write creatively for shit
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 01:17:32 PM
I don't have a ebook reader or a tablet. Can you send me a PDF or something? I can PayPal you the money.

Kindle has a program that lets you read right on the PC (dunno about Nook).

Yeah I just installed the free PC app so it'd let me buy it
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Mupepe on October 24, 2012, 01:17:36 PM
stupid cover lol what is this a tool album amirite guyz
:(
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 24, 2012, 01:17:37 PM
I knew you weren't a doctor.

lol
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 01:20:57 PM
If you're wondering what the fuck Undercarriage means, it's the bottom of a typewriter, where you can see all the keys and gears and shit. I had an old 1940s typewriter I used to use when I was a kid, and dug it out of storage a while back. Nested in the undercarriage was a giant black spider, and I thought about how fucked up it would have been had I not noticed that and started typing and that spider emerged to crawl across my hands. Undercarriage just sounds vaguely ominous.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: archnemesis on October 24, 2012, 01:21:06 PM
"Due to copyright restrictions, the Kindle title you're trying to purchase is not available in your country: Sweden."

Where can I pirate this book?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 01:21:48 PM
hahaha wtf
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 01:24:45 PM
Seriously, if you dislike it don't hold back in your criticism. If several people are telling me the same things, then I have to work on these things. I see nothing but flaws in my own work, anyway.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 01:25:41 PM
"Due to copyright restrictions, the Kindle title you're trying to purchase is not available in your country: Sweden."

Where can I pirate this book?

That's weird, I checked all the "worldwide" boxes.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: bork on October 24, 2012, 01:26:54 PM

Now go ahead, post your TL;DR LOL gifs and take your shots, I can feel the eagerness in your little black hearts.

OK.

(http://www.gifsoup.com/view6/2586335/didn-t-read-lol-l.gif)
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Steve Contra on October 24, 2012, 01:27:50 PM
That's actually pretty awesome that you did this.  How does the self publishing thing work?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 01:29:06 PM
I have to go back in to work now, but I'll give a step-by-step here later for anyone interested in publishing their own ebooks.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: archnemesis on October 24, 2012, 01:33:52 PM
It seems I can't use Amazon.co.uk for e-books unless I have a British street address. I'll Amazon.com once I get home and see if that works.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 01:35:18 PM
Check your PMs.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Tasty on October 24, 2012, 01:35:23 PM
Will buy when it hits Google Play.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Cerveza mas fina on October 24, 2012, 01:40:41 PM
It seems I can't use Amazon.co.uk for e-books unless I have a British street address. I'll Amazon.com once I get home and see if that works.

Your account can get wiped if you buy ebooks from the UK outside of the UK.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Momo on October 24, 2012, 01:41:16 PM
spoiler (click to show/hide)
I never buy digitally, how would i get this on an android?

[close]

(http://i.imgur.com/oiAfr.gif)


oh yeah

spoiler (click to show/hide)
(http://i40.tinypic.com/k013lg.jpg)
[close]

:heart
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Tasty on October 24, 2012, 01:42:22 PM
http://support.google.com/books/partner/bin/static.py?hl=en&topic=1346916&guide=1346912&page=guide.cs

http://books.google.com/partner/signon
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 24, 2012, 01:43:43 PM
I honestly had no idea what the purpose of that first thread was supposed to be, so sorry about that.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Mr. Gundam on October 24, 2012, 01:49:31 PM
I don't have an e-reader, but I'll probably pick it up.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: bork on October 24, 2012, 01:50:45 PM
What kind of stories are these?  Cthulu-horror stuff?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Tasty on October 24, 2012, 01:58:35 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/SNr6N.png)

:teehee
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 24, 2012, 02:13:51 PM
Where's my nook version, powered by Google Android 2.1??
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: demi on October 24, 2012, 02:29:36 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/SNr6N.png)

:teehee

Dont be rude, Andrew
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich on October 24, 2012, 02:39:48 PM
 :yuck dat ubuntu font rendering
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Tasty on October 24, 2012, 02:41:54 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/SNr6N.png)

:teehee

Dont be rude, Andrew

He's busted my balls so many times though. :(
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: king of the internet on October 24, 2012, 02:47:11 PM
I'm sorry I said your book was dumb. I'm sure it's nice. Good luck.
Title: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Shaka Khan on October 24, 2012, 02:47:16 PM
Worst book ad ever.

Can you show some enthusiasm instead of sounding like you're about to kill yourself? Or is that some kind of ARG that ties into the book?

Show some excitement, man! MAKE ME WANT TO READ! * SLAP*
Title: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Shaka Khan on October 24, 2012, 02:48:00 PM
Bought.
Title: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Shaka Khan on October 24, 2012, 02:48:48 PM
Also, ban Andy.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 02:49:19 PM
only point of criticism i'll make without reading it is that you almost broke the 'author name bigger than title' rule. iirc it goes something like the quality of the book declines as the author's name gets bigger, and once its bigger than the title its all over.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eric P on October 24, 2012, 02:51:36 PM
i would buy it but i know that you'll just release a newer book 6 months from now.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 02:53:10 PM
a FASTER book
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Reb on October 24, 2012, 02:56:30 PM
Worst book ad ever.

Can you show some enthusiasm instead of sounding like you're about to kill yourself? Or is that some kind of ARG that ties into the book?

Show some excitement, man! MAKE ME WANT TO READ! * SLAP*

Cosign, it's like a homicidal pledge drive.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: fistfulofmetal on October 24, 2012, 03:04:00 PM
is it better than greatrumblers book?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Diunx on October 24, 2012, 03:38:24 PM
Is there any sex in the book?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Tasty on October 24, 2012, 03:40:20 PM
Also, ban Andy.

I didn't actually rate it.  :gloomy
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Robo on October 24, 2012, 03:45:26 PM
Ban Andy for being a PUSSY.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 24, 2012, 03:47:02 PM
is it better than greatrumblers book?

Unpossible!
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Steve Youngblood on October 24, 2012, 03:50:30 PM
Have the Cruncheons cast record the Audio Book version and I'm in!
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 04:03:35 PM
I tried to read the sample, but couldn't make it through it. The lack of an editor (or what you call the grammatical mistakes for effect) makes it too difficult to read or take seriously.

fixed yours for you, mr. strunk

Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 04:07:51 PM
Have the Cruncheons cast record the Audio Book version and I'm in!

awwww shit- best idea. Also, do a commercial break for the book in the next cast
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: TakingBackSunday on October 24, 2012, 04:33:23 PM
i would buy it but i know that you'll just release a newer book 6 months from now.

dying

also, gladly bought.  always like to support the efforts and work from fellow borians.  I only hope that ya'll will do the same for me!  The next couple of months, my company will be pushing out some awesome new apps for iOS and Android, keep on the lookout.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 04:38:55 PM
I like supporting people chasin DEM DREAMS
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Robo on October 24, 2012, 04:40:35 PM
I tried to read the sample, but couldn't make it through it. The lack of an editor (or what you call the grammatical mistakes for effect) makes it too difficult to read or take seriously.

fixed yours for you, mr. strunk

 :wag

Chapter 1, Elementary Rules of Usage—Rule 3.) "Enclose parenthetic expressions between commas."
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Mr. Gundam on October 24, 2012, 04:41:17 PM
I like supporting people chasin DEM DREAMS

So do I. I don't think I'm creative enough to write a book, so when others do, I'm impressed.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 04:42:26 PM
pretty much
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 24, 2012, 05:16:59 PM
Since this is now the official thread for shilling stuff, I'll shill my own Amazon e-books:

http://www.amazon.com/Eminence-Bardon-Roket-ebook/dp/B007PY9CGC/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_2_title_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-2
http://www.amazon.com/Fragments-of-Mind-ebook/dp/B0085RCI50/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_3_title_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-3
http://www.amazon.com/Deadeye-ebook/dp/B00945B9YS/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_5_title_0_main?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-5
http://www.amazon.com/Murder-at-End-World-ebook/dp/B0072NYPO0/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_6_title_0_main?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-6

I've also got them on another site that has other kinds of digital versions, if anybody doesn't have a Kindle.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 05:24:06 PM
Man, Kindle's page counts are really off, wish I had the option to get rid of that. I took an average across five different books of different typesets, and even the densest one doesn't have the word-per-page count Kindle uses.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 05:22:38 PM
dp
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Cerveza mas fina on October 24, 2012, 05:39:22 PM
I sent it to my mom. She has an internet reading group thing that has like 200 people in it so hopefully she'll get it some word of mouth.

Is this really something for mom though
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 05:42:48 PM
spoiler (click to show/hide)
I never buy digitally, how would i get this on an android?
[close]


Kindle app for android, you can send it to your device from the web page

Have the Cruncheons cast record the Audio Book version and I'm in!

awwww shit- best idea. Also, do a commercial break for the book in the next cast

Neat idea, but I wouldn't ever use the show to hawk my own shit. Kinda regretting hawking it here, tbh.

I sent it to my mom. She has an internet reading group thing that has like 200 people in it so hopefully she'll get it some word of mouth.

Thank you.

I tried to read the sample, but couldn't make it through it. The lack of an editor (or what you call the grammatical mistakes for effect) makes it too difficult to read or take seriously.

fixed yours for you, mr. strunk

 :wag

Chapter 1, Elementary Rules of Usage—Rule 3.) "Enclose parenthetic expressions between commas."

Noted. I think my point still stands, though. You can "break" grammar for effect. Things like run-on sentences can denote panic, stream of consciousness, a character's jumbled thoughts, etc. If everyone strictly adhered to those rules, it would get pretty boring. If you're writing in first-person as a character who's borderline illiterate, for instance, you're technically breaking grammatical rules. I know a woman (known her since high school) who's a decent writer, used to let me read her stuff. Historical romance, not my cup of tea, but there was some spark to it. She's published now, bought her first book a couple of years ago. I was sort of shocked at how clipped the content read. Still decent, but it felt like some of the heart had been torn out of it. Maybe she just has an editor with a heavy hand.

What kind of stories are these?  Cthulu-horror stuff?

No, I just thought that illustration suited one of the stories inside. One is "monster" horror, one is psychological horror, and one is horror-tragedy, I guess?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Steve Contra on October 24, 2012, 05:44:02 PM
Is there any gay stuff?  Bought for sure if yes.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 05:47:17 PM
Since this is now the official thread for shilling stuff, I'll shill my own Amazon e-books:

http://www.amazon.com/Eminence-Bardon-Roket-ebook/dp/B007PY9CGC/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_2_title_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-2
http://www.amazon.com/Fragments-of-Mind-ebook/dp/B0085RCI50/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_3_title_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-3
http://www.amazon.com/Deadeye-ebook/dp/B00945B9YS/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_5_title_0_main?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-5
http://www.amazon.com/Murder-at-End-World-ebook/dp/B0072NYPO0/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_6_title_0_main?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-6

I've also got them on another site that has other kinds of digital versions, if anybody doesn't have a Kindle.

I will buy ONE
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 05:48:49 PM
Bought DEADEYE cause it sounds like OLD MARSHALL BEING OLD N SOLVIN CRIMES
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Verdigris Murder on October 24, 2012, 06:07:27 PM
Undercarriage is slang for the male genitals. So I'm guessing its pretty gay or a romancing book for the ladies.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Robo on October 24, 2012, 06:12:22 PM
I definitely agree re: grammatical style.  It simply needs to be consistent and lend appropriately to the "voice" that's being used while maintaining adequate readability to folks who aren't as fully engrossed in it as the author, and even to that point I'm not fully committed.  Otherwise, rules shmules.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Verdigris Murder on October 24, 2012, 06:15:38 PM
Actually I didn't realise there was a second page.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Verdigris Murder on October 24, 2012, 06:29:16 PM
One guy writes like Rothko with downs, and the other guy fumbles around descriptors.

In my subjective opinion guys. It's still awesome that you're having a go.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Pringo on October 24, 2012, 06:40:04 PM
I like how when searching other works by this author on Amazon you get Sex in the City: London.  :lol

Also do you have any plans to get this on iBooks? I'm pretty sure I have some credit on there and I don't own a Kindle (yet).
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 06:43:22 PM
Yeah, eventually. I'll probably have to use Smashwords or some other service, not sure how I'd go about putting it on the iBook store myself (and I don't own a Mac , so I can't use the iBooks Author app).
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Verdigris Murder on October 24, 2012, 07:01:07 PM
In summation: I think both of your styles are not unlike Air Supply's mega-smash pop hit 'All out of love', there are great bits hidden under clichay.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: TakingBackSunday on October 24, 2012, 08:23:27 PM
that escalated quickly
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Cormacaroni on October 24, 2012, 08:26:09 PM
i would buy it but i know that you'll just release a newer book 6 months from now.

:lol

I've always liked the look of Feelbad's undercarriage, can't wait to get my hands on it
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 08:31:35 PM
The Business has never been anything less than an asshole to me on this board, so I don't really care. You'll note there have been other criticisms here, and I have no problem with someone not liking my stuff.  Point is, sweetheart, if you're gonna take two sentences just to shit all over someone's grammar, those sentences better be spit-shined, otherwise it just shows you're not quite the fount of knowledge you think you are.

Fuck your poorly written life, you sour motherfucker.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 08:32:19 PM
Business is kinda that way- he's flipped out on me a lot. To be fair- lives up to the name. GIVIN U THE BUSINESS
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 08:41:10 PM
I'll take his hatred as a ringing endorsement. Also, I never claimed to be that good. They're just some pulpy horror stories. Some will be better than others, and I probably did lead off with the weakest one of the bunch, not taking into consideration the "sample" feature.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Tasty on October 24, 2012, 08:47:49 PM
I don't even know who this T-Biz guy is.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MyNameIsMethodis on October 24, 2012, 08:50:17 PM
i dont have the money for it but i have the willpower to write you a 5 star review :)
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 08:52:21 PM
"It's not My Life with the Bears by Demi."

:lol
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 24, 2012, 09:14:44 PM
Bought DEADEYE cause it sounds like OLD MARSHALL BEING OLD N SOLVIN CRIMES

He is pretty old, yeah.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 09:42:36 PM
So I said I'd post the process for anyone interested in publishing an ebook of their own, to check off their bucket list before they take a hot air balloon ride or whatever. Rumbler might do it differently, this is what I found to be easiest.

Formatting sucks. You'd think it would be easy, it's just text, but there are a thousand things that can go wrong and you're staring at a wall of bold italic.

After much frustration, I just imported everything into OpenOffice. You'll want to click the puzzle piece on the main page, which will take you to their extensions website, and search for Write2ePub. Download and install that extension, and restart OpenOffice. Write or import your story/novel/etc. Use the three buttons to adjust your ePub output settings, add a cover and metadata, etc. and then export.

Now, from there, I use a program called Sigil. It's a WYSIWYG ePub editor. Import the ePub file you created in OpenOffice, and use Sigil for any cleanup (deleting blank pages, etc.). Save the file.

http://code.google.com/p/sigil/downloads/list

Finally, add that file to your Calibre library (it's sort of like iTunes for ebooks).

http://calibre-ebook.com/

In Calibre you can tweak the metadata info of your book, but more importantly you can convert your book to other formats. If you plan on publishing to Kindle/Amazon, convert to MOBI and select Kindle under page setup. Do your conversion, check the book on the built in ereader, go back and do any tweaking and reformat if necessary.

You also might want to download the Kindle Previewer to see how it's gonna look on an actual Kindle, if you don't own one:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/?docId=1000765261

That's it.

To publish on Kindle/Amazon, go here:

https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing/signin

To publish on Nook, go here:

http://pubit.barnesandnoble.com/

Both sites will walk you through what you need to do, and it's dead simple. I haven't started an account anywhere else yet (Google Books Partner Program keeps giving me an error page THANKS ANDREX), so I have no advice there. I'll update once I do.

Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 09:44:33 PM
*thumbs up*
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 24, 2012, 09:54:49 PM
*thumbs up*

I actually updated Deadeye today, but the new version isn't up yet. So, the version you got probably still has a few typos [notably, "reigns" instead of "reins" and "peak" instead of "peek"]. I don't know how the former got through, because I distinctly remember thinking that I needed to fix it. Working without an editor is no fun.  :-\
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 10:07:10 PM
Weird, I think I lost my earlier post but it shows up in the preview. Anyway, here it is again:

So I promised I'd go through the process of making and self publishing an ebook, for those who wish to cross it off their bucket lists before taking a ride on a hot air ballon or whatever. Rumbler may do it differently, but this is what I found to be easiest for me.

I use OpenOffice to write, then Write2ePub to fill in metadata, add the cover, and export as an ePub file. You can find Write2ePub on the OpenOffice extensions site.

Then, I import the created ePub file into a program called Sigil to generate a Table of Contents and do any cleanup (sometimes W2E creates extra blank pages, etc).

http://code.google.com/p/sigil/downloads/list

Save your work, and add the ePub to Calibre Library (it's like iTunes for ebooks).

http://calibre-ebook.com/

From there you can tweak the metadata info about your books, but more importantly you can use it to convert your book to other formats. If you want to publish on Kindle, select the MOBI format (I find it works best), and select Kindle for the output on Page settings.
Save, and check it out on the built in ereader. Correct any issues using the original ePub in Sigil, and reformat to MOBI if necessary.

You also might want to check it out on the Kindle Previewer to see how it's going to look there:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/?docId=1000765261

That's it.

To publish on Kindle/Amazon, go here:

https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing/signin

To publish on Nook (uses your original epub), go here:

http://pubit.barnesandnoble.com/pubit_app/bn?t=pi_reg_home

Both sites will walk you through creating an account and setting up your book info, and they're both dead simple. I haven't submitted anywhere else yet (Google keeps giving me an error page THANKS ANDREX), so I can't offer any advice there.

Good luck. Hopefully you won't get your feet spit on!
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 24, 2012, 10:13:58 PM
will buy, will read, will give you constructive feedback if needed. will also shill!
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 24, 2012, 10:15:19 PM
ignore the business. good-lookin dude who hates himself -- the saddest form of manchild.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 24, 2012, 10:16:04 PM
Smashwords.com is a good site for converting a Word file into just about any digital format you can think of, which it does automatically. Amazon will also directly convert a Word file, but only to Kindle format.
Title: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Shaka Khan on October 24, 2012, 10:20:12 PM
I promise to read and review this book.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 24, 2012, 10:25:38 PM
You guys don't have to, but I would appreciate it if you did. And again, I am not that sensitive to actual critique.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 24, 2012, 10:28:06 PM
*thumbs up*

I actually updated Deadeye today, but the new version isn't up yet. So, the version you got probably still has a few typos [notably, "reigns" instead of "reins" and "peak" instead of "peek"]. I don't know how the former got through, because I distinctly remember thinking that I needed to fix it. Working without an editor is no fun.  :-\

I know what i'm getting into...assuming I read it! ha ha too much to do as it is!
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book
Post by: Tasty on October 24, 2012, 10:28:42 PM
Both sites will walk you through creating an account and setting up your book info, and they're both dead simple. I haven't submitted anywhere else yet (Google keeps giving me an error page THANKS ANDREX), so I can't offer any advice there.

Sorry, I'll get someone on that first thing tomorrow.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 24, 2012, 10:49:56 PM
*thumbs up*

I actually updated Deadeye today, but the new version isn't up yet. So, the version you got probably still has a few typos [notably, "reigns" instead of "reins" and "peak" instead of "peek"]. I don't know how the former got through, because I distinctly remember thinking that I needed to fix it. Working without an editor is no fun.  :-\

I know what i'm getting into...assuming I read it! ha ha too much to do as it is!

I've got a ton of books in my reading queue, so I certainly know the feeling.

And Deadeye isn't filled with typos and errors! I've gotten good at getting rid of most of them, but some really weird ones slip through sometimes. Even those really drive me crazy when I come across them later, the perfectionist in me totally freaks out and I can't stand the fact that people are actually seeing my mistakes.

Both sites will walk you through creating an account and setting up your book info, and they're both dead simple. I haven't submitted anywhere else yet (Google keeps giving me an error page THANKS ANDREX), so I can't offer any advice there.

I wouldn't really worry too much about other sites. Smashwords is good for a quick conversion to other formats, but beyond that you really only need Amazon/Kindle, since that seems be where the bulk of ebook traffic comes from. There's a big thread about this kind of thing on GAF, actually:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=453848
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 25, 2012, 12:02:06 AM
Just signed up for Kobo:

https://writinglife.kobobooks.com/

this was easiest of them all, so far
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Diunx on October 25, 2012, 01:21:13 AM
Will buy it on friday and figure out how to read it without a kindle.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 25, 2012, 12:45:42 PM
If you prefer the ePub format, it's on sale at Kobo now:

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Undercarriage-v-1/book-kwEQp_E2n0-z-6e_aJYS2A/page1.html?s=Gjc4LVIGgka4vQHzIz6VaQ&r=1

I don't use DRM so you can import it into whatever reader app you like.

EDIT: I apparently checked the wrong box, so it is showing up as Adobe DRM. It's been corrected, should show up as DRM-Free in a few hours.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 25, 2012, 01:03:07 PM
If you prefer the ePub format, it's on sale at Kobo now:

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Undercarriage-v-1/book-kwEQp_E2n0-z-6e_aJYS2A/page1.html?s=Gjc4LVIGgka4vQHzIz6VaQ&r=1

I don't use DRM so you can import it into whatever reader app you like.

EDIT: I apparently checked the wrong box, so it is showing up as Adobe DRM. It's been corrected, should show up as DRM-Free in a few hours.

Bought it.  :-*
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Steve Contra on October 25, 2012, 01:10:28 PM
You guys don't have to, but I would appreciate it if you did. And again, I am not that sensitive to actual critique.
It actually takes some balls to decide to actually publish your work, but to put it up for criticism on a board full of anonymous game cretins is a true test of manliness.  Kudos.  Will buy.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 25, 2012, 01:14:24 PM
If you prefer the ePub format, it's on sale at Kobo now:

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Undercarriage-v-1/book-kwEQp_E2n0-z-6e_aJYS2A/page1.html?s=Gjc4LVIGgka4vQHzIz6VaQ&r=1

I don't use DRM so you can import it into whatever reader app you like.

EDIT: I apparently checked the wrong box, so it is showing up as Adobe DRM. It's been corrected, should show up as DRM-Free in a few hours.

Bought it.  :-*

Thank you. You may have to redownload to get the DRM-Free version, they said it takes about 12 hrs for it to update.

EDIT: Already updated to DRM-Free. Kobo is on the ball. The Nook version I uploaded is still "processing" two days later. Barnes and Noble have been the slowest out of the three so far.

You guys don't have to, but I would appreciate it if you did. And again, I am not that sensitive to actual critique.
It actually takes some balls to decide to actually publish your work, but to put it up for criticism on a board full of anonymous game cretins is a true test of manliness.  Kudos.  Will buy.

Thank you.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Momo on October 25, 2012, 02:25:35 PM
Didnt realise there was a kindle app for android

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.amazon.kindle&feature=apps_topselling_free

Thanks Feelbad!
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on October 25, 2012, 10:20:47 PM
Kindle is a pretty good market.  On SA, there's a lot of people making shitloads of money writing low grade disposable erotica for the Kindle.  I'm talking tens of thousands of dollars per annum if they're to be believed.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 25, 2012, 10:47:43 PM
Kindle is a pretty good market.  On SA, there's a lot of people making shitloads of money writing low grade disposable erotica for the Kindle.  I'm talking tens of thousands of dollars per annum if they're to be believed.

Obviously I'm going about this writing stuff the wrong way, then. :lol
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 25, 2012, 10:48:54 PM
I used a coupon, though. Sorry. :teehee
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: MyNameIsMethodis on October 25, 2012, 10:51:10 PM
do u have that SA thread link txp i can't find it for some reason
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 25, 2012, 11:56:58 PM
maybe i will write squidpussy
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 26, 2012, 12:54:18 AM
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c121/KParrott/squidpussy.jpg)
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on October 26, 2012, 07:05:20 AM
Here it is: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3503700

Title: 99 cent Halloween story for the poors
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 27, 2012, 11:06:26 AM
http://www.amazon.com/Goblins-UNLTD-Halloween-Cheer-ebook/dp/B009XIJ3KS/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1351349452&sr=1-3

I've put up a 99 cent Halloween story from Undercarriage v.1 as a sampler. It's about 50-60 pages long, depending on however Kindle's arbitrary word-to-page count estimates it. It's probably the best story from the trio in the first collection. That's a flaming bag of pigshit on the cover.

Quote
The Walters family have been bothered by Halloween pranksters for years. This Halloween, Nick Walters intends to do something about it, by answering a newspaper ad from GOBLINS, UNLTD, a company who promise their...unusual methodology will put a permanent end to the Walters All Hallows' Eve woes.

A tale of Halloween Cheer from the Undercarriage series.

Frustrated by overzealous Halloween pranksters?
Tired of cleaning the aftermath every November 1st?
With our EXCLUSIVE (patent pending) process
you can RENT-A-SPECTRE
the MODERN vandalism deterrent!
Clip this advertisement and bring to:
GOBLINS, UNLTD
1229 Malton St. Suite D
THIS IS A LIMITED OFFERING
* closing for the holiday at 6:30 p.m. *

(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c121/KParrott/Goblinscover_960x600.jpg)


Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 27, 2012, 11:13:20 AM
Have you thought about doing a paperback version? I've been using CreateSpace [which is an Amazon partner] and the results [with a little work put in] have turned out really good.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 27, 2012, 11:26:10 AM
I will do a paperback compendium when I get about 3-4 volumes in the can, and I plan on doing a simultaneous ebook/paperback release whenever I finish rewriting the novel.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 29, 2012, 09:11:27 AM
For anyone with a Nook, the collection and story are now available on Barnes & Noble:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/undercarriage-v1-matt-lloyd/1113610962?ean=2940015855166

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/goblins-unltd-matt-lloyd/1113635796?ean=2940015887716
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eric P on October 29, 2012, 11:19:09 AM
EVERYONE DEMAND A REFUND SO YOU CAN BUY THIS INSTEAD

http://www.amazon.com/Mein-Poni-Kampf-Poniworld-Chronicles-ebook/dp/B005G9TGV4

Quote
This second stand-alone volume of the Poniworld Chronicles shifts its attention onto one of the most controversial figures in Poniworld history, Adolf Poni. Follow him as he goes from being a child with a love of dunking cookies in milk to being a murderous adult. Find out how a strawberry milk mustache led to mass murder. This account is humorous and horrific at the same time. For mature audiences. This ain't your little sister's book about Nazi ponies.

The events of this book take place several decades before volume 1 of the Poniworld Chronicles, MachoPoni: A Prance with Death.

~*The Battle Hymn of the Nazi Ponies*~

My little nazi, My little nazi,
Bringing the world a master race.
My little nazi, My little nazi,
Rise of the Bipeds will speed the pace!
Changing and growing, strong and all-knowing,
Bringing you horrors untold.
Mein Über-Poni, Mein Über-Poni,
What does the future hold?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 29, 2012, 11:34:30 AM
Thank God it's a stand-alone volume, I didn't read the last volume and I don't want to be lost when I read this one.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 29, 2012, 11:42:03 AM
http://www.amazon.com/Ass-Goblins-Auschwitz-Cameron-Pierce/dp/1933929936

http://www.amazon.com/The-Faggiest-Vampire-Carlton-Mellick/dp/1933929804/ref=pd_sim_b_5
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 29, 2012, 11:46:05 AM
http://www.amazon.com/Rampaging-Fuckers-Everything-Shitting-Atmosphere/dp/1933929782/ref=pd_sim_b_4
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 31, 2012, 11:09:15 PM
I have a favor to ask of anyone who bought my stuff. If you could, would you let me know the date you bought it? Over the past few days I've had a few folks tell me they bought either the story or the collection (one even left a review), but those sales aren't showing on my report at all. Apparently sales not being reported is an ongoing problem with Amazon, there's a huge thread about it here:

https://kdp.amazon.com/community/thread.jspa?threadID=46984&start=525&tstart=0

They're asking for purchase dates so they can try and get Amazon to correct the problem. Thanks in advance.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Tasty on October 31, 2012, 11:40:29 PM
Gonna try and do something for NaNoWriMo. Any tips Eel dude?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on October 31, 2012, 11:55:17 PM
Not really, but I'd say set realistic daily goals for yourself so you don't get bummed and want to quit. Make a brief outline of your book before you start writing so you'll know where you're headed and won't write yourself into a corner. Worry about corrections later, since speed is the key for this event. Don't get bogged down picking at it. Don't show it to anyone until you've finished. As far as anyone here knows I only have three stories, but I have a couple of reams of stuff sitting here waiting to be rewritten, and a 491 page novel which is awful but has enough "okay" in it that I may be able to salvage. This was me dipping my toe in the water.  I've been writing off and on since I was around 16 (mostly off). I still don't know anything.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Tasty on November 01, 2012, 12:03:50 AM
Cool beans, thanks. Definitely need to do an outline.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on November 11, 2012, 03:41:25 PM
How's this for an author page:

www.amazon.com/author/mattlloyd

Also, my bullshit is up on Smashwords now, so it should be on iBooks and some other ebook sellers in a few days (provided Smashwords arcane formatting requirements don't fuck me over)

https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=Matt+Lloyd

gonna do a thanksgiving black friday promo next week

Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: archnemesis on November 11, 2012, 03:42:18 PM
Do you want feedback in this thread or in a PM?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on November 11, 2012, 03:45:20 PM
how large a hole can i expect my asshole to be torn into? :lol
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on November 11, 2012, 03:47:09 PM
here is fine, i can take it
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: archnemesis on November 11, 2012, 04:09:12 PM
Overall, I really like it. I'm almost done with the third short story and you've done a good job with the plot, style, characters, and setting. Some of the sentences in the first story were unnecessary long and could probably be better if you rewrote them. I also had to reread a few sentences where I got confused by the transition of perspective. To be fair, I've been reading it during subway trips so it could be a problem with my concentration. In the third story you have a few typos. Stan is called "Bubble" instead of "Dibbles" and a few paragraphs later you have a "the the".

I recognized some film noir, but if you want more inspiration from morbid short stories I suggest you read some Ryunosuke Akutagawa. I have this collection (http://www.amazon.com/Rashomon-Seventeen-Stories-Penguin-Classics/dp/0140449701/), but there is also a shorter $0.99 Kindle version (http://www.amazon.com/Rashomon-Stories-Tuttle-Classics-ebook/dp/B005CVV1SM/).
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on November 11, 2012, 04:48:57 PM
Thanks for the feedback! I uploaded a corrected version to the various ebook retailers a while back, that was a final working copy I mistakenly uploaded the first time. I will check out the Akutagawa, I have some time off from work later this week.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: chronovore on November 12, 2012, 09:41:38 PM
I bought a copy just now; hopefully that shows up in the report.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on November 12, 2012, 10:31:27 PM
Thank you!
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Don Flamenco on November 13, 2012, 08:28:05 AM
http://www.amazon.com/Ass-Goblins-Auschwitz-Cameron-Pierce/dp/1933929936

http://www.amazon.com/The-Faggiest-Vampire-Carlton-Mellick/dp/1933929804/ref=pd_sim_b_5

welp. my amazon recommendations + gold box are gonna be fucked for a while  :lol 

they always give me the shit I checked once and never the gaming stuff I check every day
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Great Rumbler on November 13, 2012, 10:05:51 AM
http://www.amazon.com/Ass-Goblins-Auschwitz-Cameron-Pierce/dp/1933929936

http://www.amazon.com/The-Faggiest-Vampire-Carlton-Mellick/dp/1933929804/ref=pd_sim_b_5

welp. my amazon recommendations + gold box are gonna be fucked for a while  :lol 

Or you can just go into your Amazon viewing history and delete those items...
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on November 13, 2012, 11:07:33 AM
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c121/KParrott/yech.png)

(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c121/KParrott/yech2.png)




 :-\
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: archnemesis on November 13, 2012, 11:15:45 AM
There are five Orc's Quest for Slave Queens?

At least now you know what your target audience is into.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eric P on November 13, 2012, 11:28:45 AM
I think you just need to create sexy slutty zombie books

"night of the living dead sluts"

Dave held the shovel tight in his hands as sweat broke out on his brow.  He had been hiding for days from their insatiable lust.  A moaning rose in the distance that coalesced into a hungry demand; "diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicks." A hundred voices calling out for cock, for HIS cock!  How could Dave escape this fate?
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on November 13, 2012, 11:34:05 AM
I once tried to write something for Penthouse Letters because they paid $50 a pop, but I couldn't get through it without it creeping into parody.  There is apparently good money in that kind of stuff, but I'd be miserable.
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Tasty on November 13, 2012, 12:08:55 PM
I think you just need to create sexy slutty zombie books

"night of the living dead sluts"

Dave held the shovel tight in his hands as sweat broke out on his brow.  He had been hiding for days from their insatiable lust.  A moaning rose in the distance that coalesced into a hungry demand; "diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicks." A hundred voices calling out for cock, for HIS cock!  How could Dave escape this fate?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NncSTz5V9G4
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Don Flamenco on November 13, 2012, 12:22:51 PM
http://www.amazon.com/Ass-Goblins-Auschwitz-Cameron-Pierce/dp/1933929936

http://www.amazon.com/The-Faggiest-Vampire-Carlton-Mellick/dp/1933929804/ref=pd_sim_b_5

welp. my amazon recommendations + gold box are gonna be fucked for a while  :lol 

Or you can just go into your Amazon viewing history and delete those items...

I meant "fucked" in a good way
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Joe Molotov on November 13, 2012, 01:01:24 PM
Orc Quest for Slave Queens 5 is where the series really jumped the shark, but honestly none of them have been as good as Orc Quest for Slave Queens 2, a rare sequel that improved on the original in every way. And the Erotic Pirate Tales series is just riding the coat tails of the Randy Buccaneer Shanties series; totally derivative, I'd just avoid it all together. The rest of those books are pretty solid though, good pick ups Eel!
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Steve Contra on November 13, 2012, 02:33:21 PM

http://www.amazon.com/The-Faggiest-Vampire-Carlton-Mellick/dp/1933929804/ref=pd_sim_b_5
Please change Van Cruncheon's name to The Faggiest Vampire
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: chronovore on November 13, 2012, 05:22:39 PM
:rofl
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Eel O'Brian on November 13, 2012, 08:38:25 PM
:lol do itttttttttt
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Van Cruncheon on November 13, 2012, 09:12:29 PM
do it :lol
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Positive Touch on November 13, 2012, 09:17:41 PM
:lol fuck you guys for making me laugh at that
Title: Free story through Thanksgiving and Black Friday
Post by: Eel O'Brian on November 20, 2012, 01:29:47 PM
Because Thanksgiving and Black Friday are more terrifying than Halloween for some folks, I am making GOBLINS, UNLTD free through the 26th. Gives you something to read while ignoring family members or standing in line.

It's free on Kobo and Smashwords. Kindle and B&N won't let me set the price to free. It's DRM-free so you can send it to whatever device you read on, Smashwords offers almost every format as a download, you can DL the .mobi file and send it to your kindle as a personal doc. Kobo offers it as epub.

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/253992

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Goblins-UNLTD/book-XWWyEtqr4k6GK-OdKKV-bg/page1.html

I have also dropped the price of Undercarriage v.1 to .99 cents on Kindle, B&N, Kobo, and Smashwords through the 26th as well. It contains GOBLINS, UNLTD plus 2 other stories.

http://www.amazon.com/Undercarriage-v-1-ebook/dp/B009VPREN6

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/undercarriage-v1-matt-lloyd/1113610962

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Undercarriage-v-1/book-kwEQp_E2n0-z-6e_aJYS2A/page1.html

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/253984

I hope you enjoy the free story, and all I ask is that you leave a review if/when you have the time, on Amazon or B&N. Doesn't have to be long, doesn't have to be a good review, just be honest. Thanks!
Title: Re: I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)
Post by: Great Rumbler on February 15, 2013, 11:58:58 AM
Since I've got a new book out this week [the second in a series of mostly stand-alone novels], I thought I'd give everybody a run down on the two that I've written so far:

(http://i.imgur.com/niqzzmk.jpg)

Murder at the End of the World

Quote
When the wife of a politician is murdered in the isolated port-city of Illdara, junior detective Allison Newberry is sent in to keep the case from growing cold. It's the assignment that no one else wants to deal with.

The case is immediately complicated by the nature of the city. Everyone is cold and unfriendly, unwilling to answer even the most basic questions from an outsider. Even the chief inspector is more concerned with Allison's eventual departure than with the actual outcome of the case.

To make matters worse, clues are scarce and little about the murder makes sense. No attempt was made to hide the woman's body, nor was her money or jewelry taken. The initial investigation turns up nothing but dead ends. Then a second victim appears: a homeless man killed in exactly the same manner. A single clue is left behind, the petal of a flower, which leads Allison to the darkest corners of the city.

The suspicion and paranoia, the empty buildings and empty streets, the whispers of strange happenings in the night, it's clear that something is wrong in Illdara. Somehow it all ties back to the murders, somehow everything makes sense, but Allison constantly struggles against the very nature of the city to try to find some clue, some shred of evidence that will bring the killer to light. Something is wrong in Illdara, something very wrong, and it may put Allison's life in danger.

Even so, murder has been committed and there's still a murderer out there who needs to be brought to justice.

Amazon Kindle version (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0072NYPO0)
Create Space paperback version (https://www.createspace.com/3784375)



(http://i.imgur.com/rzkQKaQ.jpg)

Eyes of Diamond, Hair of Gold

Quote
Having finally returned from her first case, Detective Allison Newberry is immediately sent on to her next: the murder of a famed inventor. But she won't be solving this one alone. Another detective, the opinionated and unlikable Alistair Mooney, has been sent along as her assistant.

The murdered inventor, Gregory Williams, had surrounded himself with a technological world filled with his own creations, even going so far as to build a fake town to act as the outward expression of his personal obsessions. The few who live in the town full-time were utterly devoted to him, even as they despised each other, making it difficult to determine who might have committed the crime.

However, it is not the people or the town that make this case so bizarre. Living within the walls of the house are dozens of automatons, mechanical servants who will never grow tired and will never complain about any orders they're given. One automaton in particular, Maximilian, is far more advanced than any of the others, and even possesses the ability to speak in the voice of his creator.

Allison is suspicious of him, Alistair despises him, but it is not Maximilian that poses the greatest threat to all those gather for the funeral, but rather it is Gregory Williams himself...

Amazon Kindle version (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BFCMHBW)
Create Space paperback version (https://www.createspace.com/4151826)



What is this series about?

When I decided to start writing a mystery [before that I had written science fiction and fantasy almost exclusively], I wanted to write about murders that were a bit different from the norm. The idea was to set up situations and cases that other detectives didn't necessarily want to deal with, either because of their sensitive nature or because of their perceived complexity.

So, the case would fall to one detective in particular: Allison Newberry, a junior detective who is given the case in the first novel because no one else wanted it. And rather than just a standard investigation into a case, finding clues, piecing together clues, and then making an arrest, I wanted to have the investigation uncover something even more sinister and dangerous than the original murder.

Who is Allison Newberry?

My two biggest inspirations for writing in the mystery genre are Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot and Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes. Having said that, I don't really consider Allison to fit in the mold of the neurotic detective who notices little details or makes connections that no one else notices. She's also not an action hero who goes in with two guns blazing. I wanted to build a character who isn't necessarily the greatest detective in the world, but makes up for a lack of experience with a deep-seated tenacity that makes her willing to see any case through to its end, regardless of how dangerous her situation becomes.

With all my characters, I've striven to keep them gray, rather than strictly black and white. There are no great heroes, there are no happy endings with all the loose ends neatly tied up into a bow. I've always kind of disliked the ending where all the good guys win and all the bad guys lose, everyone goes home happy. That thinking permeates my writing. So, to tie back into Allison Newberry, she's not a hero who returns from her cases to bask in glory, but rather someone who strongly believes those who perpetrate the crime of murder should be brought in to answer for their actions.

What's the world like?

Having been inspired by Poirot and Holmes, I wanted to use a similar setting [late-Victorian England]. However, as I mentioned earlier, I come from a background of fantasy and science fiction, so I decided to build my stories around a custom-made world.

Using a "fantasy" world, however, is a double-edge sword. On the one hand, I'm not constricted by reality, I can build my world however I want to and do whatever I want with it. On the other hand, it loses that connection to the real world and some people might be put off by that. Nevertheless, this is how I'd like to write my stories, since I can do things that a historical setting wouldn't allow me to do.

The world is heavily inspired by Victorian England, all the way down to many of the terms used. The level of technology is roughly somewhere between late-19 century and early-20th century, with the industrial revolution kicking into full swing, the prevalence of flint-lock weapons, and a continued reliance on horses that is slowly giving way to steam-powered transportation. It does contain a few elements of steampunk, but they're definitely not steampunk stories. I've drawn a few ideas from that subgenre and used them in my stories, but they're not about cramming in every steampunk element I could find and then hoping that it somehow results in an interesting story. I've tried to use them judiciously and in ways that make sense for each story.

And now I'm rambling...

Okay, it's more than clear that I'm going on way too much about these stories. There's more I could go into, but perhaps that would be better suited for subsequent posts where people actually start asking about it. Anyway, I'm open to discuss any of this in more depth, if that's what you guys want, and I can posts some excepts, too. Just ask me.