I AM gonna shill my dumb book (general ✔ off that bucket list ebook thread)

[MrAngryFace]

pretty much

[Great Rumbler]

Since this is now the official thread for shilling stuff, I'll shill my own Amazon e-books:

http://www.amazon.com/Eminence-Bardon-Roket-ebook/dp/B007PY9CGC/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_2_title_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-2
http://www.amazon.com/Fragments-of-Mind-ebook/dp/B0085RCI50/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_3_title_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-3
http://www.amazon.com/Deadeye-ebook/dp/B00945B9YS/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_5_title_0_main?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-5
http://www.amazon.com/Murder-at-End-World-ebook/dp/B0072NYPO0/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_6_title_0_main?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-6

I've also got them on another site that has other kinds of digital versions, if anybody doesn't have a Kindle.

[Eel O'Brian]

Man, Kindle's page counts are really off, wish I had the option to get rid of that. I took an average across five different books of different typesets, and even the densest one doesn't have the word-per-page count Kindle uses.

[Eel O'Brian]

dp

[Cerveza mas fina]

I sent it to my mom. She has an internet reading group thing that has like 200 people in it so hopefully she'll get it some word of mouth.

Is this really something for mom though

[Eel O'Brian]

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I never buy digitally, how would i get this on an android?

[close]

Kindle app for android, you can send it to your device from the web page

Have the Cruncheons cast record the Audio Book version and I'm in!

awwww shit- best idea. Also, do a commercial break for the book in the next cast

Neat idea, but I wouldn't ever use the show to hawk my own shit. Kinda regretting hawking it here, tbh.

I sent it to my mom. She has an internet reading group thing that has like 200 people in it so hopefully she'll get it some word of mouth.

Thank you.

I tried to read the sample, but couldn't make it through it. The lack of an editor (or what you call the grammatical mistakes for effect) makes it too difficult to read or take seriously.

fixed yours for you, mr. strunk

 

Chapter 1, Elementary Rules of Usage—Rule 3.) "Enclose parenthetic expressions between commas."

Noted. I think my point still stands, though. You can "break" grammar for effect. Things like run-on sentences can denote panic, stream of consciousness, a character's jumbled thoughts, etc. If everyone strictly adhered to those rules, it would get pretty boring. If you're writing in first-person as a character who's borderline illiterate, for instance, you're technically breaking grammatical rules. I know a woman (known her since high school) who's a decent writer, used to let me read her stuff. Historical romance, not my cup of tea, but there was some spark to it. She's published now, bought her first book a couple of years ago. I was sort of shocked at how clipped the content read. Still decent, but it felt like some of the heart had been torn out of it. Maybe she just has an editor with a heavy hand.

What kind of stories are these?  Cthulu-horror stuff?

No, I just thought that illustration suited one of the stories inside. One is "monster" horror, one is psychological horror, and one is horror-tragedy, I guess?

[Steve Contra]

Is there any gay stuff?  Bought for sure if yes.

[MrAngryFace]

Since this is now the official thread for shilling stuff, I'll shill my own Amazon e-books:

http://www.amazon.com/Eminence-Bardon-Roket-ebook/dp/B007PY9CGC/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_2_title_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-2
http://www.amazon.com/Fragments-of-Mind-ebook/dp/B0085RCI50/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_3_title_1_kin?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-3
http://www.amazon.com/Deadeye-ebook/dp/B00945B9YS/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_5_title_0_main?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-5
http://www.amazon.com/Murder-at-End-World-ebook/dp/B0072NYPO0/ref=la_B0072V78NC_1_6_title_0_main?ie=UTF8&qid=1351112461&sr=1-6

I've also got them on another site that has other kinds of digital versions, if anybody doesn't have a Kindle.

I will buy ONE

[MrAngryFace]

Bought DEADEYE cause it sounds like OLD MARSHALL BEING OLD N SOLVIN CRIMES

[Verdigris Murder]

Undercarriage is slang for the male genitals. So I'm guessing its pretty gay or a romancing book for the ladies.

[Robo]

I definitely agree re: grammatical style.  It simply needs to be consistent and lend appropriately to the "voice" that's being used while maintaining adequate readability to folks who aren't as fully engrossed in it as the author, and even to that point I'm not fully committed.  Otherwise, rules shmules.

[Verdigris Murder]

Actually I didn't realise there was a second page.

[Verdigris Murder]

One guy writes like Rothko with downs, and the other guy fumbles around descriptors.

In my subjective opinion guys. It's still awesome that you're having a go.

[Pringo]

I like how when searching other works by this author on Amazon you get Sex in the City: London. 

Also do you have any plans to get this on iBooks? I'm pretty sure I have some credit on there and I don't own a Kindle (yet).

[Eel O'Brian]

Yeah, eventually. I'll probably have to use Smashwords or some other service, not sure how I'd go about putting it on the iBook store myself (and I don't own a Mac , so I can't use the iBooks Author app).

[Verdigris Murder]

In summation: I think both of your styles are not unlike Air Supply's mega-smash pop hit 'All out of love', there are great bits hidden under clichay.

[TakingBackSunday]

that escalated quickly

[Cormacaroni]

i would buy it but i know that you'll just release a newer book 6 months from now.

I've always liked the look of Feelbad's undercarriage, can't wait to get my hands on it

[Eel O'Brian]

The Business has never been anything less than an asshole to me on this board, so I don't really care. You'll note there have been other criticisms here, and I have no problem with someone not liking my stuff.  Point is, sweetheart, if you're gonna take two sentences just to shit all over someone's grammar, those sentences better be spit-shined, otherwise it just shows you're not quite the fount of knowledge you think you are.

Fuck your poorly written life, you sour motherfucker.

[MrAngryFace]

Business is kinda that way- he's flipped out on me a lot. To be fair- lives up to the name. GIVIN U THE BUSINESS

[Eel O'Brian]

I'll take his hatred as a ringing endorsement. Also, I never claimed to be that good. They're just some pulpy horror stories. Some will be better than others, and I probably did lead off with the weakest one of the bunch, not taking into consideration the "sample" feature.

[Tasty]

I don't even know who this T-Biz guy is.

[MyNameIsMethodis]

i dont have the money for it but i have the willpower to write you a 5 star review

[Eel O'Brian]

"It's not My Life with the Bears by Demi."

[Great Rumbler]

Bought DEADEYE cause it sounds like OLD MARSHALL BEING OLD N SOLVIN CRIMES

He is pretty old, yeah.

[Eel O'Brian]

So I said I'd post the process for anyone interested in publishing an ebook of their own, to check off their bucket list before they take a hot air balloon ride or whatever. Rumbler might do it differently, this is what I found to be easiest.

Formatting sucks. You'd think it would be easy, it's just text, but there are a thousand things that can go wrong and you're staring at a wall of bold italic.

After much frustration, I just imported everything into OpenOffice. You'll want to click the puzzle piece on the main page, which will take you to their extensions website, and search for Write2ePub. Download and install that extension, and restart OpenOffice. Write or import your story/novel/etc. Use the three buttons to adjust your ePub output settings, add a cover and metadata, etc. and then export.

Now, from there, I use a program called Sigil. It's a WYSIWYG ePub editor. Import the ePub file you created in OpenOffice, and use Sigil for any cleanup (deleting blank pages, etc.). Save the file.

http://code.google.com/p/sigil/downloads/list

Finally, add that file to your Calibre library (it's sort of like iTunes for ebooks).

http://calibre-ebook.com/

In Calibre you can tweak the metadata info of your book, but more importantly you can convert your book to other formats. If you plan on publishing to Kindle/Amazon, convert to MOBI and select Kindle under page setup. Do your conversion, check the book on the built in ereader, go back and do any tweaking and reformat if necessary.

You also might want to download the Kindle Previewer to see how it's gonna look on an actual Kindle, if you don't own one:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/?docId=1000765261

That's it.

To publish on Kindle/Amazon, go here:

https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing/signin

To publish on Nook, go here:

http://pubit.barnesandnoble.com/

Both sites will walk you through what you need to do, and it's dead simple. I haven't started an account anywhere else yet (Google Books Partner Program keeps giving me an error page THANKS ANDREX), so I have no advice there. I'll update once I do.

[MrAngryFace]

*thumbs up*

[Great Rumbler]

*thumbs up*

I actually updated Deadeye today, but the new version isn't up yet. So, the version you got probably still has a few typos [notably, "reigns" instead of "reins" and "peak" instead of "peek"]. I don't know how the former got through, because I distinctly remember thinking that I needed to fix it. Working without an editor is no fun. 

[Eel O'Brian]

Weird, I think I lost my earlier post but it shows up in the preview. Anyway, here it is again:

So I promised I'd go through the process of making and self publishing an ebook, for those who wish to cross it off their bucket lists before taking a ride on a hot air ballon or whatever. Rumbler may do it differently, but this is what I found to be easiest for me.

I use OpenOffice to write, then Write2ePub to fill in metadata, add the cover, and export as an ePub file. You can find Write2ePub on the OpenOffice extensions site.

Then, I import the created ePub file into a program called Sigil to generate a Table of Contents and do any cleanup (sometimes W2E creates extra blank pages, etc).

http://code.google.com/p/sigil/downloads/list

Save your work, and add the ePub to Calibre Library (it's like iTunes for ebooks).

http://calibre-ebook.com/

From there you can tweak the metadata info about your books, but more importantly you can use it to convert your book to other formats. If you want to publish on Kindle, select the MOBI format (I find it works best), and select Kindle for the output on Page settings.
Save, and check it out on the built in ereader. Correct any issues using the original ePub in Sigil, and reformat to MOBI if necessary.

You also might want to check it out on the Kindle Previewer to see how it's going to look there:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/?docId=1000765261

That's it.

To publish on Kindle/Amazon, go here:

https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing/signin

To publish on Nook (uses your original epub), go here:

http://pubit.barnesandnoble.com/pubit_app/bn?t=pi_reg_home

Both sites will walk you through creating an account and setting up your book info, and they're both dead simple. I haven't submitted anywhere else yet (Google keeps giving me an error page THANKS ANDREX), so I can't offer any advice there.

Good luck. Hopefully you won't get your feet spit on!

[Van Cruncheon]

will buy, will read, will give you constructive feedback if needed. will also shill!

[Van Cruncheon]

ignore the business. good-lookin dude who hates himself -- the saddest form of manchild.

[Great Rumbler]

Smashwords.com is a good site for converting a Word file into just about any digital format you can think of, which it does automatically. Amazon will also directly convert a Word file, but only to Kindle format.

[Shaka Khan]

I promise to read and review this book.

[Eel O'Brian]

You guys don't have to, but I would appreciate it if you did. And again, I am not that sensitive to actual critique.

[MrAngryFace]

*thumbs up*

I actually updated Deadeye today, but the new version isn't up yet. So, the version you got probably still has a few typos [notably, "reigns" instead of "reins" and "peak" instead of "peek"]. I don't know how the former got through, because I distinctly remember thinking that I needed to fix it. Working without an editor is no fun. 

I know what i'm getting into...assuming I read it! ha ha too much to do as it is!

[Tasty]

Both sites will walk you through creating an account and setting up your book info, and they're both dead simple. I haven't submitted anywhere else yet (Google keeps giving me an error page THANKS ANDREX), so I can't offer any advice there.

Sorry, I'll get someone on that first thing tomorrow.

[Great Rumbler]

*thumbs up*

I actually updated Deadeye today, but the new version isn't up yet. So, the version you got probably still has a few typos [notably, "reigns" instead of "reins" and "peak" instead of "peek"]. I don't know how the former got through, because I distinctly remember thinking that I needed to fix it. Working without an editor is no fun. 

I know what i'm getting into...assuming I read it! ha ha too much to do as it is!

I've got a ton of books in my reading queue, so I certainly know the feeling.

And Deadeye isn't filled with typos and errors! I've gotten good at getting rid of most of them, but some really weird ones slip through sometimes. Even those really drive me crazy when I come across them later, the perfectionist in me totally freaks out and I can't stand the fact that people are actually seeing my mistakes.

Both sites will walk you through creating an account and setting up your book info, and they're both dead simple. I haven't submitted anywhere else yet (Google keeps giving me an error page THANKS ANDREX), so I can't offer any advice there.

I wouldn't really worry too much about other sites. Smashwords is good for a quick conversion to other formats, but beyond that you really only need Amazon/Kindle, since that seems be where the bulk of ebook traffic comes from. There's a big thread about this kind of thing on GAF, actually:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=453848

[Eel O'Brian]

Just signed up for Kobo:

https://writinglife.kobobooks.com/

this was easiest of them all, so far

[Diunx]

Will buy it on friday and figure out how to read it without a kindle.

[Eel O'Brian]

If you prefer the ePub format, it's on sale at Kobo now:

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Undercarriage-v-1/book-kwEQp_E2n0-z-6e_aJYS2A/page1.html?s=Gjc4LVIGgka4vQHzIz6VaQ&r=1

I don't use DRM so you can import it into whatever reader app you like.

EDIT: I apparently checked the wrong box, so it is showing up as Adobe DRM. It's been corrected, should show up as DRM-Free in a few hours.

[Joe Molotov]

If you prefer the ePub format, it's on sale at Kobo now:

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Undercarriage-v-1/book-kwEQp_E2n0-z-6e_aJYS2A/page1.html?s=Gjc4LVIGgka4vQHzIz6VaQ&r=1

I don't use DRM so you can import it into whatever reader app you like.

EDIT: I apparently checked the wrong box, so it is showing up as Adobe DRM. It's been corrected, should show up as DRM-Free in a few hours.

Bought it. 

[Steve Contra]

You guys don't have to, but I would appreciate it if you did. And again, I am not that sensitive to actual critique.

It actually takes some balls to decide to actually publish your work, but to put it up for criticism on a board full of anonymous game cretins is a true test of manliness.  Kudos.  Will buy.

[Eel O'Brian]

If you prefer the ePub format, it's on sale at Kobo now:

http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Undercarriage-v-1/book-kwEQp_E2n0-z-6e_aJYS2A/page1.html?s=Gjc4LVIGgka4vQHzIz6VaQ&r=1

I don't use DRM so you can import it into whatever reader app you like.

EDIT: I apparently checked the wrong box, so it is showing up as Adobe DRM. It's been corrected, should show up as DRM-Free in a few hours.

Bought it. 

Thank you. You may have to redownload to get the DRM-Free version, they said it takes about 12 hrs for it to update.

EDIT: Already updated to DRM-Free. Kobo is on the ball. The Nook version I uploaded is still "processing" two days later. Barnes and Noble have been the slowest out of the three so far.

You guys don't have to, but I would appreciate it if you did. And again, I am not that sensitive to actual critique.

It actually takes some balls to decide to actually publish your work, but to put it up for criticism on a board full of anonymous game cretins is a true test of manliness.  Kudos.  Will buy.

Thank you.

[Momo]

Didnt realise there was a kindle app for android

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.amazon.kindle&feature=apps_topselling_free

Thanks Feelbad!

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Kindle is a pretty good market.  On SA, there's a lot of people making shitloads of money writing low grade disposable erotica for the Kindle.  I'm talking tens of thousands of dollars per annum if they're to be believed.

[Great Rumbler]

Kindle is a pretty good market.  On SA, there's a lot of people making shitloads of money writing low grade disposable erotica for the Kindle.  I'm talking tens of thousands of dollars per annum if they're to be believed.

Obviously I'm going about this writing stuff the wrong way, then.

[Joe Molotov]

I used a coupon, though. Sorry.

[MyNameIsMethodis]

do u have that SA thread link txp i can't find it for some reason

[Eel O'Brian]

maybe i will write squidpussy

[Eel O'Brian]

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Here it is: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3503700

[Eel O'Brian]

http://www.amazon.com/Goblins-UNLTD-Halloween-Cheer-ebook/dp/B009XIJ3KS/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1351349452&sr=1-3

I've put up a 99 cent Halloween story from Undercarriage v.1 as a sampler. It's about 50-60 pages long, depending on however Kindle's arbitrary word-to-page count estimates it. It's probably the best story from the trio in the first collection. That's a flaming bag of pigshit on the cover.

The Walters family have been bothered by Halloween pranksters for years. This Halloween, Nick Walters intends to do something about it, by answering a newspaper ad from GOBLINS, UNLTD, a company who promise their...unusual methodology will put a permanent end to the Walters All Hallows' Eve woes.

A tale of Halloween Cheer from the Undercarriage series.

Frustrated by overzealous Halloween pranksters?
Tired of cleaning the aftermath every November 1st?
With our EXCLUSIVE (patent pending) process
you can RENT-A-SPECTRE
the MODERN vandalism deterrent!
Clip this advertisement and bring to:
GOBLINS, UNLTD
1229 Malton St. Suite D
THIS IS A LIMITED OFFERING
* closing for the holiday at 6:30 p.m. *

[Great Rumbler]

Have you thought about doing a paperback version? I've been using CreateSpace [which is an Amazon partner] and the results [with a little work put in] have turned out really good.

[Eel O'Brian]

I will do a paperback compendium when I get about 3-4 volumes in the can, and I plan on doing a simultaneous ebook/paperback release whenever I finish rewriting the novel.

[Eel O'Brian]

For anyone with a Nook, the collection and story are now available on Barnes & Noble:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/undercarriage-v1-matt-lloyd/1113610962?ean=2940015855166

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/goblins-unltd-matt-lloyd/1113635796?ean=2940015887716

[Eric P]

EVERYONE DEMAND A REFUND SO YOU CAN BUY THIS INSTEAD

http://www.amazon.com/Mein-Poni-Kampf-Poniworld-Chronicles-ebook/dp/B005G9TGV4

This second stand-alone volume of the Poniworld Chronicles shifts its attention onto one of the most controversial figures in Poniworld history, Adolf Poni. Follow him as he goes from being a child with a love of dunking cookies in milk to being a murderous adult. Find out how a strawberry milk mustache led to mass murder. This account is humorous and horrific at the same time. For mature audiences. This ain't your little sister's book about Nazi ponies.

The events of this book take place several decades before volume 1 of the Poniworld Chronicles, MachoPoni: A Prance with Death.

~*The Battle Hymn of the Nazi Ponies*~

My little nazi, My little nazi,
Bringing the world a master race.
My little nazi, My little nazi,
Rise of the Bipeds will speed the pace!
Changing and growing, strong and all-knowing,
Bringing you horrors untold.
Mein Über-Poni, Mein Über-Poni,
What does the future hold?

[Joe Molotov]

Thank God it's a stand-alone volume, I didn't read the last volume and I don't want to be lost when I read this one.

[Eel O'Brian]

http://www.amazon.com/Ass-Goblins-Auschwitz-Cameron-Pierce/dp/1933929936

http://www.amazon.com/The-Faggiest-Vampire-Carlton-Mellick/dp/1933929804/ref=pd_sim_b_5

[Joe Molotov]

http://www.amazon.com/Rampaging-Fuckers-Everything-Shitting-Atmosphere/dp/1933929782/ref=pd_sim_b_4

[Eel O'Brian]

I have a favor to ask of anyone who bought my stuff. If you could, would you let me know the date you bought it? Over the past few days I've had a few folks tell me they bought either the story or the collection (one even left a review), but those sales aren't showing on my report at all. Apparently sales not being reported is an ongoing problem with Amazon, there's a huge thread about it here:

https://kdp.amazon.com/community/thread.jspa?threadID=46984&start=525&tstart=0

They're asking for purchase dates so they can try and get Amazon to correct the problem. Thanks in advance.