THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: TVC15 on June 26, 2014, 08:18:49 PM

Title: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 26, 2014, 08:18:49 PM: I had clearly been reading some Huysmans. This is untouched. I apologize for the terribleness, but I thought it was enough of a curiosity to post:

Upon reading too many articles on Wikipedia on subjects that he was not ready to handle, our “hero” Arvie decides that the modern age of the world is the one that he would most like to freeze in time, and he logically decides that if freezing the age, he must too freeze his own age, as not to air by preserving an era tied to the passing fancies associated with growing up.

Filled with the Spirit of Des Esseintes, modern consumerism, and Emile Zola, the death of the ones closest to him encourages him to gather all the worldly things he loves, and barricade himself in his isolated cottage in the wilds of Newfoundland.

Crates of the finest consumables of our age, the ones preferred bysexy drunk childrens, are brought in by the truckload. Ramen, Chef Boyardee, Carlo Rossi wine, Olde English, the most delectable easily-appreciated sorts of tasty poisons. Along with the food, the pleasures of the age are brought in as well, in quantities large enough to prepare our Boy-Prince to remain alone and isolated forever, in a world devised by his own “nature,” a paradise that he can always appreciate. Cravats and DVDs filled with (dubbed) Naruto episodes. Fleshlights with the most modern attachments. Pornography filmed in every corner on earth, in every corner of the body.

With enough foresight to know that he must preserve his age if he is to forever love his banal paradise, Boy-Prince Arvie makes the difficult decision to eliminate any further information from entering his retreat. There would be no daily papers. No internet. Only books he has already read. Anything that could give him new ideas must eliminated. In his paradise, there could be no change. Stagnation is essential for any measurable paradise; one of Arvie’s smarter friends on a message board once told him that. His one lifeline to the outside world is a printed out copy of some Wikipedia pages with pictures, circa 2007.

Knowing that being cut off from the outside world might eventually make survival difficult, he decides that some of nature needed to be in his house with him. Arvie brought in a couple of squirrels and bushes, knowing that a means of producing food was necessary and that encountering nature regularly is important in being able to appreciate the artificialities to life.

Things begin well. It was pornography and ramen for days on end. As the months racked up, fleshlights had been worn out or become completely unsanitary, and squirrels had been befouled in the most worrying ways. Without the ability to obtain new clothes, nor mend his old clothing, Arvie wore nothing but a single cravat, and a strategically placed squirrel skin, the hide of the first animal he fucked to death.

Malnutrition lead to Arvie ballooning in weight, and it is not too long before all the furniture in the house was either soiled with urine and feces or bent completely out of shape into positions that would cause the opposite of comfort. In a frightful episode in the summer, dysentery caused an obese Boy-Prince to completely annihilate the toilet in his last tolerable bathroom, a water balloon of unintentional porcelain sodomy and feces flooding the room.

The bent up furniture meant Arvie shuffled around like a hunched crippler. A nightmare episode on his bed, springs punching through, had him envisioning himself being set upon a bed of pins by the Inquisition. Sores cover his bottom, and hair everything else, but Arvie continued to fight on, knowing that return to the real world was no longer possible--this was his only world now. He would be laughed to death by his peers, by society. He continued soldiering on in his rotting “paradise.”

Things went from grim to grimmer. As winter came on, Arvie found that he had filled everything in the house with shit. Once that toilet had broken he sought out unorthodox solutions. In December, he went to turn on the stove for heat discovering, odorously, that he had filled the stove with elimination some months back. Arvie had to make the painful decision, choosing between his pride, his paradise, or cooking an oven of shit.

In the end, Arvie broke down his front door, wearing nothing but a cravat and a black, cassock-like sheet. He walked up to a nearby highway exit, onto an overpass, and huns himself from it with his cassock, naked for all the world to see. Because we are all metaphorically naked beneath our cassocks As anyone that has read reports of hangings knows, the last thing a hanging man does before he dies is orgasm. Or maybe shits. I forget. Either way, Arvie orgasms and/or shat onto the overpass below, just happening to hit the vehicle of the ONE WOMAN that could have ever loved him. She was very fat. If he had instead waited a few moments on the overpass and waved at cars, he would have found the one true love of his life, and his past misadventure would have been forgotten. But instead he died because he was DUMB.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 26, 2014, 08:20:39 PM: Oooh, I also found a skeleton of a Boogie one that features a "cough medicine sex barn"
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: recursivelyenumerable on June 26, 2014, 08:21:57 PM: I'm not sure he ever liked Chef Boyardee ... accuracy questionable.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 26, 2014, 08:57:57 PM: I found the full Boogie one. It's uh, well, I can't post it. Let's just leave it at that.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 26, 2014, 09:00:14 PM: Actually, here's the ending:

"He walked up a nearby highway exit ramp, onto an overpass. Taking a cassock that he retrieved from the teen's cough medicine sex barn, he stripped naked, and hung himself from the overpass. Right before he died, well, when you die from hanging, the last thing you do is simultaneously orgasm and shit, or so I've been told. Since he was "empty" due to his liquor- and Robitussin-fueled sexcapades, he blew dust as he hangs. But he still shat. Right onto the car of the one woman that possibly could have loved his alcohol-imbibing, cough medicine-chugging, pederast ass."
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Boogie on June 26, 2014, 09:47:43 PM: Quote from: TVC 15 on June 26, 2014, 08:57:57 PM
I found the full Boogie one. It's uh, well, I can't post it. Let's just leave it at that.

The fuck you say?

Is this pre- or post-Mountiehood?

(I don't know why that makes a difference to me.....)

edit: I'm going to guess from that ending that this is Pathetic-Virgin-Boogie, not Mountie-Boogie.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 26, 2014, 09:52:58 PM: Yeah, it's also from 2007.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Boogie on June 26, 2014, 10:02:05 PM: So, neither, then.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 26, 2014, 10:14:55 PM: Ooooo, unfinished, but I found one called The Father Mike and Demi Mysteries where the intention appears to have been Father Mike, a priest, and Demi, who cross dresses as a nun, go around and solve mysteries together.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 26, 2014, 10:29:22 PM: from a script I just found about a fictionalized Bz and Roxy:

His eyes dart around the room, resting momentarily on a pair of used condoms sitting on top of his Playstation 2.

Neez

Shit, she mustn’t have noticed those yet. Fuck.

He looks to the computer.

Neez

Fuck. How did I get into this mess.

He looks to the stretched, ripped panties on the floor that he uses as masturbatory fetish wear.

Neez

What the fuck is wrong with me?

He finally speaks aloud to Rosanne.

Neez

Roxy, I can expla. . .

Rosanne

My name is Rosanne, you disgusting, lush fuck. We’re through! Kaput! Done! You’ve got no one now. Let’s see you fucking deal with the world. You don’t have my panties to strut around in anymore, you disgusting clod. I was the best thing that ever happened to you, and now you’re going to have to learn to put on some fucking clothes again. You don’t have me to fuck anymore!

Neez

Aw, nuts.

Rosanne

And don’t think I didn’t notice those condoms

Titles begin. Voiceover.

Later on he jerks off a dog for an hour before realizing it's fixed and can't really jizz. The whole thing is...12 pages long.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: recursivelyenumerable on June 27, 2014, 03:43:32 AM: this is ...
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 27, 2014, 03:55:35 AM: There's also about a page and a half of a shirtless Bz describing an episode of Seinfeld in detail to a mortified stranger at a bus stop.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: G The Resurrected on June 27, 2014, 04:01:20 AM: Don't know what to say honestly. Mistakes were made!!!
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 27, 2014, 04:06:15 AM: I love you now, G. This was years ago!
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: G The Resurrected on June 27, 2014, 04:35:52 AM: I love you too buddy! You should post all of this stuff so we can read it.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 27, 2014, 12:25:31 PM: Only if G will allow it. or maybe later when I'm at a computer.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 28, 2014, 01:51:17 AM: Well, G is clearly done with this thread, sooooo

Neez is walking down the street, still shirtless. He’s in the shitty, mostly abandoned, homeless-infested portion of town. He’s is walking toward the 110th street overpass. He passes an old, abandoned hog rendering plant.

Neez

Smells like <sniffs> Rosie.

He pounds against a boarded up door a few times, hoping his weight will crack it open. It quickly becomes evident that this will not happen. He instead opts to grab a brick and throw it at a window that is at ground height. He climbs through, comically slicing up both of his hands on leftover shards of glass. He lets out a “fuck!”

Neez takes a step into the wide open, mostly empty factory. There are a few large cylindrical tanks wherein the action used to take place.

Neez

No Rosie—but still, the memories.

Neez notices a smallish dog sleeping on its side, its legs completely sprawled out as if it had just been pushed over while standing. It was kind of ratty, but still it had a collar on. Neez walks over.

Neez

But still, the memories. The mood.

Neez gazes at the dog’s junk.

Neez

Just about the same size as her’s.

He took a deep smell of the place again--it smelled a little like piss, too--then looked at the dog’s tiny, tiny penis, and said “hmmm.” He took a deep smell of the place, then looked at the dog’s tiny, tiny penis, and said “hmmm.” He took a deep smell of the place again, then looked at the dog’s tiny, tiny penis “hmmm.”

Neez

No one would ever know. Not even her.

Neez began rubbing the dog’s penis, his chubby fingers mangling it just like he had to do with Rosie’s clit because he always jazzed after 3 seconds. Neez was so entranced by the magic moment that he didn’t even notice that the dog was sporting an erection. Intertitles say 20 minutes passed.

Neez

Jeez, this is taking a long time to finish. I’m usually in the living room boosting the ol’ gamer score with demi by now.

Another 20 minutes pass according to intertitle. Neez is now visibly sweating, swaying back and forth due to the energy exertion that being active for more than 5 minutes causes. His breasts are visible bouncing.

Neez

Come on! I have overpasses to hang myself off of! What the fuck is wrong?

Several stills move across the screen showing the dog in its litter after being born, the dog being picked out by a family, the son from the family playing with the dog, a slightly older dog getting snipped, one of the dog running away from home, and finally one of him running towards the rendering factory.

Neez

Fuck this. You really can’t go home again, can you?
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: G The Resurrected on June 28, 2014, 01:53:35 AM: Oh god this shit is hilarious. It's so funny I can't even be offended by it. :lol
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 28, 2014, 01:54:42 AM: Quote from: G The Resurrected on June 28, 2014, 01:53:35 AM
Oh god this shit is hilarious. It's so funny I can't even be offended by it. :lol

I figured you'd be okay with it :p There's even more offensive material but I'm too embarrassed by it.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: G The Resurrected on June 28, 2014, 01:58:35 AM: That's what PM's are for :P
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Tasty on June 28, 2014, 02:09:42 AM: Quote from: AWESOM-O on June 27, 2014, 03:46:32 AM
I wish I had that duckroll/Ichirou fanfiction I wrote last year. The only copy was on my old computer, which no longer boots :(

You can't tease something like this and then not post it.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 28, 2014, 02:16:07 AM: I'm REALLY surprised I didn't write any Malek fanfiction.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 28, 2014, 07:43:15 PM: I might write some TVC-based fanfiction. I'd call it Life in a Drain.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 28, 2014, 08:48:31 PM: I am watching Tetsuo The Iron Man--the only good Japanese movie ever made--in order to prepare for drafting my fanfic.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: G The Resurrected on June 28, 2014, 09:37:15 PM: I want a small cameo in these new writings.

You should release these on Amazon with some amazing cover art and see if people buy it up.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 29, 2014, 02:25:39 AM: I'm probably baring too much here. It's not so much funny as it is a view into my psychology.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: chronovore on June 29, 2014, 11:08:32 AM: Quote from: Boogie on June 26, 2014, 09:47:43 PM
Quote from: TVC 15 on June 26, 2014, 08:57:57 PM
I found the full Boogie one. It's uh, well, I can't post it. Let's just leave it at that.

The fuck you say?

Is this pre- or post-Mountiehood?

(I don't know why that makes a difference to me.....)

edit: I'm going to guess from that ending that this is Pathetic-Virgin-Boogie, not Mountie-Boogie.

I think you mean "pre-Mounted," don't you?
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 29, 2014, 11:27:15 AM: Well, if you're talking like that, it's pre- and post-mounted since that happens in the middle of the story.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Raban on June 29, 2014, 05:13:12 PM: these are amazing. I love the parallels between the stories, especially the overpass-hanging. I would be very grateful if you'd PM the full texts to me!
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on June 29, 2014, 06:42:52 PM: The story in the OP reminds me a lot of this story that circulated around the internets about a decade ago: http://www.wyseguys.com/blag/shitty-roommate/meet-jed/
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 29, 2014, 08:21:14 PM: Yeah, Life in a Drain isn't going to be posted. I'm deleting it.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Raban on June 29, 2014, 08:50:00 PM: :(
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Kara on June 30, 2014, 12:26:34 AM: Instead of ruminating while jogging tonight I started piecing together the ~~oft~~ once requested TVC x Karakand fanfic with possible incest overtones, and while I was certainly able to construct enough material to at least present a fully fleshed out scene, I feel like no one would find reading it enjoyable in the slightest given its subject matter.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Raban on June 30, 2014, 12:32:50 AM: I can guarantee you at least one person would :mouf
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 30, 2014, 01:53:46 AM: So I used to document my dreams a lot. I usually sleep 1-2 hours at a time, but I usually dream every sleep session. If I could stay awake long enough, I'd pull out my laptop and quickly write down my dream. I haven't actually looked at these until now, but they're completely incomprehensible seem like they were written by an extremely drunk man who can't spell or put together a sentence. When I say incomprehensible, I mean it. Incoherent!

This old google drive account is a gold mine. It's a mess, though.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: G The Resurrected on June 30, 2014, 06:51:53 AM: If it makes you feel better I too used to write down nonsense from dreams I had. Reading about them years later has proved to be a very interesting journey for me. A lot of the the dreams I had then I no longer have, but a few of them are continuations of a theme/story and it's interesting to relate to nowadays.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Phoenix Dark on June 30, 2014, 09:52:34 AM: i still have nude pics of G in my PM box
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 30, 2014, 11:40:43 AM: Quote from: Phoenix Dark on June 30, 2014, 09:52:34 AM
i still have nude pics of G in my PM box

Do you have -the- picture?

Quote from: G The Resurrected on June 30, 2014, 06:51:53 AM
If it makes you feel better I too used to write down nonsense from dreams I had. Reading about them years later has proved to be a very interesting journey for me. A lot of the the dreams I had then I no longer have, but a few of them are continuations of a theme/story and it's interesting to relate to nowadays.

It's not just they're weird dreams, it's that everything is misspelled and sentences don't make sense, not because the dream was that weird, but because I was probably still half asleep while writing them.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 30, 2014, 02:48:55 PM: Well, keep in mind that I haven't written any -new- fanfics. Everything here is just stuff I found on my old, untouched Google Drive account.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Kara on June 30, 2014, 03:26:39 PM: Quote from: Raban on June 30, 2014, 12:32:50 AM
I can guarantee you at least one person would :mouf

It would be more melodramatic than lurid, I'm afraid. Keep in mind your subject matter here.

I could probably work in a dick pic though, I mean if Tony Kushner could manage to do that in Angels in America, so can I. :yeshrug

Tangent: When I saw that play performed, the actor who whipped out his junk was also the actor who had played Andrew Jackson in Bloody Blood Andrew Jackson which I had previously seen at that same theatre sometime before... let's just say I can never look at a twenty dollar bill the same way anymore. :phil
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 30, 2014, 03:31:19 PM: Quote from: Exodust SoulBurn on June 30, 2014, 02:50:35 PM
I'm just going to write my own for personal use.

It's tough to do. It's easy when you're writing based on a caricature of someone from a message board, but when you write about yourself it can get a little too intimate. Not in the sexy way.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 30, 2014, 05:17:24 PM: almost just posted Life in a Drain again.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: G The Resurrected on June 30, 2014, 06:16:59 PM: Quote from: Phoenix Dark on June 30, 2014, 09:52:34 AM
i still have nude pics of G in my PM box

Do you want more? Or was one enough? :lol /shame :-\

I regret being that juvenile, thankfully I've gotten my act together since then.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 30, 2014, 06:31:53 PM: PD send me the panty picture!
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Kara on June 30, 2014, 07:16:38 PM: Quote from: TVC 15 on June 30, 2014, 05:17:24 PM
almost just posted Life in a Drain again.

I think I'm going to end up writing and posting what I came up with.

It's gonna be so self-serving. :lawd
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: TVC15 on June 30, 2014, 07:18:13 PM: Well, at least it won't be sad and deranged.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Kara on June 30, 2014, 07:31:56 PM: Honey you know it will be. :-*
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Phoenix Dark on July 01, 2014, 06:11:57 PM: Quote from: TVC 15 on June 30, 2014, 06:31:53 PM
PD send me the panty picture!

after I leave work, I'm not getting fired over that pic.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Brehvolution on August 19, 2014, 02:29:39 PM: (http://i.imgur.com/tJ0FXQV.gif)
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Brehvolution on August 19, 2014, 03:33:54 PM: I laughed pretty good at the end of the first part.

Quote
Bill decided to look for a place to have dessert.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Phoenix Dark on August 19, 2014, 03:48:18 PM: Quote from: Esch on August 19, 2014, 03:45:38 PM
Another thing you can't really do is inject your personal biases heavily into the joke. For example all these people; Federman, Ichirou, Duckroll, we all know of them to a different extent and have different opinions on who they are on the internet and what they act like. So you shouldn't waste time describing them or their proclivities. Instead, highlight humorous aspects of each character by their actions and their dialogue. Some light description of their garb, demeanor, physique is alright, but should be cursory at best.

Also; gore and violence is rarely that great as a part of a joke, but their nature. Avoid whenever possible.

you weren't around back then breh, why you fronting
:ufup

spoiler (click to show/hide)
my nicca Esch reading up on Bore lore in his down time
:whew
[close]
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Phoenix Dark on August 19, 2014, 04:15:38 PM: Ichi being President Soreoto still makes me :lol
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Kara on August 19, 2014, 05:20:24 PM: Quote from: Esch on August 19, 2014, 03:45:38 PM
Another thing you can't really do is inject your personal biases heavily into the joke. For example all these people; Federman, Ichirou, Duckroll, we all know of them to a different extent and have different opinions on who they are on the internet and what they act like. So you shouldn't waste time describing them or their proclivities. Instead, highlight humorous aspects of each character by their actions and their dialogue. Some light description of their garb, demeanor, physique is alright, but should be cursory at best.

Also; gore and violence is rarely that great as a part of a joke, but their nature. Avoid whenever possible.

:bow The message board poster fanfic author god.
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Steve Youngblood on August 19, 2014, 05:25:37 PM: Quote from: Phoenix Dark on August 19, 2014, 03:48:18 PM
Quote from: Esch on August 19, 2014, 03:45:38 PM
Another thing you can't really do is inject your personal biases heavily into the joke. For example all these people; Federman, Ichirou, Duckroll, we all know of them to a different extent and have different opinions on who they are on the internet and what they act like. So you shouldn't waste time describing them or their proclivities. Instead, highlight humorous aspects of each character by their actions and their dialogue. Some light description of their garb, demeanor, physique is alright, but should be cursory at best.

Also; gore and violence is rarely that great as a part of a joke, but their nature. Avoid whenever possible.

you weren't around back then breh, why you fronting
:ufup

I wasn't around here back then, but can I pretend to be cool by noting that I remember Federman from all the way back to about 2000 when he wrote for the site Nintendorks.com and posted on those forums?
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Kara on August 19, 2014, 05:47:13 PM: Nintendorks... Now, that's a name I've not heard in a long time. A long time.

(http://i.imgur.com/hfCFmTp.jpg)
Title: Re: So I found some Father Mike fanfiction I wrote in 2007
Post by: Phoenix Dark on August 19, 2014, 06:11:43 PM: :dead