THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: Kara on September 29, 2014, 01:39:12 AM

Title: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 29, 2014, 01:39:12 AM
Season 1 Episode 1 - "Lies (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qf63D4EQtV8)" (These titles are my own, not the airing titles.)

Ironically this episode opens with Blossom (video) journaling. It's almost like this show knew what I'd be doing an eternity after it aired. :heh

This is a strange pilot because the parents Blossom has in this episode are not the parents she has in subsequent episodes. I guess this wouldn't be that strange, shit happens in TV after all, but the whole white sitcom navel gazing of the episode is Blossom being mortified at the prospect of her parents divorcing after overhearing them having a fight about their sex life. Like this is the whole premise of the episode, I can't recall any other subplots other than introductions to Blossom's two brothers.

Blossom is annoyingly precocious, think Frasier tier but without any basis for the character to be this able to mediate her life through references. BUT IT GETS WORSE, later in the episode her soon-to-be-replaced mom makes a referential joke at the dinner table about Steve Winwood and both Joey and Blossom look at her like she's from Mars. Are you fucking kidding me. :beli

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 1 in total viewings.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: G The Resurrected on September 29, 2014, 01:54:03 AM
oh fuck
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 29, 2014, 01:55:13 AM
Season 1 Episode 2 - "Blood for the Blood God (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmj0Vanuw4I)"

(http://i.imgur.com/9yOcfZS.jpg)

They're already hitting me with the tampon episode. :beli This is all that remains: blood and fury. Faith is a lie. Truth is a lie. Blood is shed as it has always been. Yes I just quoted Avitus' betrayal dialog from Chaos Rising.

Instead of having 2 middling bourgeois parents who work awful hours in LA, Blossom's parents are now divorced musicians. Her deadbeat mom is touring the world (currently in Paris) while pops holds down the fort back in the Valley. But for the sake of continuity, dad makes a joke about how awful the traffic on the LA freeway system is.

Six says ennui in this episode. Apparently Blossom isn't the only ersatz Frasier in this show.

This episode introduces the first Jewish joke, which after a few episodes I believe will be a recurring item. Niddah is like so hilarious y'all.

Remember when I said truth is a lie? Well this episode has our first woman of color in it.

(http://i.imgur.com/lYNqBc8.jpg)

The whitest sitcom of the 90s and there's someone who isn't white in the second episode. :beli Democracy in action. :beli

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 1 in total viewings.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: El Babua on September 29, 2014, 01:59:21 AM
As I had actually avoided this show as a kid, perhaps instinctively aware of the cacness judging from its commercials and whatever bits I got exposed to, this will be a journey of discovery for me as well.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 29, 2014, 02:12:45 AM
Season 1 Episode 3 - "Jung Love (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz-FoGp3p0s)"

From my notations I was belligerently drunk by this part in the night. Most of what I wrote was self-abuse and ranting about rakia, but there's enough commentary on the episode for me to write something up.

Sex is... very much in the forefront of this show (if only because Joey is a horndog who won't shut the fuck up about getting laid, yeah, like I believe Joey fucking Lawrence can't get laid :beli), which tbh I wasn't expecting since Blossom is barely 14 and this was just at the end of the Moral Majority but I have a sinking feeling this show is going to be Judy Blume tier from what I've watched already.

Anyway, this is an episode that's just a sex episode. One of Joey's friends, who's like a total dreamboat but still sensitive (http://i.imgur.com/m7jXgK7.gif) (http://i.imgur.com/m7jXgK7.gif) (http://i.imgur.com/m7jXgK7.gif) falls for Blossom even though he's moving to Arizona to play baseball for a prep school and asks her out to the junior prom (you go girl).

Naturally pops is having none of this because lol patriarchy but eventually he relents and lets her go so we can enjoy some top shelf sight gags.

(http://i.imgur.com/AkXIjSY.jpg)

There were 2 catcalls in this episode. We already have more catcalls than woahs. How the fuck did this show become about woahs. :beli

This episode introduces another running element: Joey's :fabulous wardrobe. Look at this stylish ensemble. mac you know where I can get something like this?

(http://i.imgur.com/SBiESGs.jpg)

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 1 in total viewings.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: recursivelyenumerable on September 29, 2014, 02:22:10 AM
i appreciate this thread, esp. the titles although you've def made a challenge for yourself
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 29, 2014, 02:35:58 AM
Season 1 Episode 4 - "The Carnality of Evil (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eichmann_in_Jerusalem)"

Blossom's dad is dating again. Blossom has a big problem with this because of reasons like "she can't put away the pots and silverware correctly" and "she moves around the kitchen weird" and "she peels potatoes weird." Maybe this show really is the whitest show of the 90s, it certainly makes the irrelevant seem like life and death.

Blossom's a good gal, after asking her fairy godmother to erase her dad's new squeeze from reality she then asks for world peace.

(http://i.imgur.com/c7abXQ8.jpg)

This is just another sex episode, but this time it's dad's sex life and not his children's. This is some fucking fresh content y'all. In the words of Joey (from this episode no less), "There is nothing other than sex."

We have our second stealthy Jewish joke - someone drops a Kurt Waldheim reference. Yeah, like Blossom is going to know about that verkakte goy. :beli

This episode has our first familial hug. Shit's going in my scrapbook. :tocry

(http://i.imgur.com/KvRXiZp.jpg)

(Jorts with leggings. :holeup)

It also has Joey being :fabulous.

(http://i.imgur.com/VXtGQEj.jpg)

Blossom's beef with her dad's girlfriend comes to words between the two of them and she breaks up with dad shortly thereafter. Naturally Blossom thinks this is solely her fault because in a show of self-absorbed cacs living utterly meaningless lives the titular character has to be acutely afflicted with this disease of the spirit. In truth dad tells her, his ex-gf just wasn't ready to step into a family with a neurotic crypto, Joey's poverty of intellect, and their other brother who's this awkward recovering addict who functions as equal parts wise counsel and source of bizarre or trite subplots.

The moral we're supposed to take away from this episode is that kids need to respect their parent's need to fuck up their lives with serial dating after they get divorced. Like pops literally says something to the effect of, "You have to respect my lifestyle Blossom." THE STRUGGLE IS REAL Y'ALL.

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 1 in total viewings.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 29, 2014, 02:55:51 AM
Season 1 Episode 5 - "Game of Groans (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3FkDECHGzA)"

Pops gets a gig out of town and the kids are left at home. While this is just another sex episode, it at least mixes things up by also making it a Zack Morris :ufup episode too. :rejoice

(In her attempts to get dad to take the gig Blossom tells him, "Dad I'm not a kid. I'm 14." It was about this moment that I wondered just where I had gone wrong with my life.)

Joey has a date with a senior (you go girl) and thinks he's on the express lane to Laysville. Unfortunately for him he acts like a total gentleman and she actually likes him and he doesn't get casual sex. Just a thought Joey, you might try wearing something other than this

(http://i.imgur.com/W584DJj.jpg)

or this.

(http://i.imgur.com/2pyk05r.jpg)

Unfortunately for everyone Joey parks their dad's car in a fire lane when he goes on a date with his senior admirer and the car gets towed. It is at this point that we discover that dad went Tywin Lannister and put each of the kids in charge without telling the others. After careful debate everyone decides that Blossom is actually the one in charge and that she has to take the L for this Zack Morris shit because all the men on this show are fucking worthless.

The other brother also has an admirer he met in AA and everyone is really happy for him until Blossom catches her stealing a golden statue of Little Richard that belongs to their father, presumably to pawn for drugs because lol addicts am I right y'all.

The only silver lining to this subplot is that Little Richard makes an appearance in one of Blossom's bizarre visual hallucinations.

(http://i.imgur.com/Z4X9nwS.jpg)

The moral of this episode is that you can't treat addicts with kid gloves because they're grown ups too.

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 2 in total viewings.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Barraco Barner on September 29, 2014, 03:50:11 AM
Do you fast-forward through the opening theme for each episode? Because it's Dr. John's greatest moment and you shouldn't.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 29, 2014, 03:57:19 AM
Do you fast-forward through the opening theme for each episode? Because it's Dr. John's greatest moment and you shouldn't.

I watch every second of it every time because I hate myself.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Momo on September 29, 2014, 05:12:03 AM
This is like gluing your scrotum flaps together and slowly tearing them apart
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Joe Molotov on September 29, 2014, 08:03:11 AM
This is like gluing your scrotum flaps together and slowly tearing them apart

I think that's Episode 11.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: ToxicAdam on September 29, 2014, 08:33:27 AM
Joey's hair looks relatively tame at this point. It must not be until much later that he goes 'Full Joey'.

Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on September 29, 2014, 08:34:43 AM
Quote
Remember when I said truth is a lie? Well this episode has our first woman of color in it.

I demand a revote

I bet Full House went 80 episodes before seeing anyone who wasn't as white as someone from Seattle  :ufup
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on September 29, 2014, 08:36:12 AM
That said, I am going to enjoy this. I don't remember much of Blossom outside of an episode where Six had an eating disorder and was counting calories and not eating and then passed out or something.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Great Rumbler on September 29, 2014, 09:11:21 AM
I really do feel sorry for you, Kara, but I'm also glad that you're doing this, because it's highly enjoyable seeing someone else writhe helplessly in an abyss of cacness.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Brehvolution on September 29, 2014, 10:28:22 AM
Yeoman's work, Karakand.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 29, 2014, 11:09:52 AM
This is like gluing your scrotum flaps together and slowly tearing them apart

Aside from every episode being about sex in some manner it's really not close to harming me yet.

In an ideologically correct way I actually kind of enjoy a sitcom that's preoccupied with a woman's journey through life, Judy Blumesque as it may be.

And the aggrandizement of the travails of insignificant lives is something that stopped driving me up the wall to the point of breaking ages ago because I wouldn't be able to exist in the U.S. of 2014 otherwise.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: ToxicAdam on September 29, 2014, 11:34:53 AM
I caught a few episodes back when it was on, and it always struck me that Six was the real star of the show and not anyone else. In the same way that Family Matters was actually Urkel's show and Family Ties was about Alex Keaton.





Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Human Snorenado on September 29, 2014, 12:15:58 PM
Just wait until they get into "A Very Special Blossom" territory, Kara. I think that starts in season 3 or so. You think you've seen heavy handed sanctimony delivered via CACishness? Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Yeti on September 29, 2014, 04:22:42 PM
It will become a cacophony
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: El Babua on September 29, 2014, 04:53:04 PM
Kara, are your hippy roommates aware of your self imposed cactivity? Or are you watching the show in a judgement free zone, such as your local Taco Bell?
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Joe Molotov on September 29, 2014, 06:31:05 PM
I hope Kara is indoctrinating his comrades with these great cacisodes.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 29, 2014, 06:45:45 PM
I'm watching it in my room, which for obvious reasons precludes it from being categorized as a judgment free zone.

I don't personally interact with the commune very much. By the time I get home every night they're already in the bag and head to bed shortly thereafter while I'm wired for the next 5-6 hours before human exhaustion or chemical inducement permit me a few precious hours of sleep and on the weekends I'm usually recuperating from my godawful workweek, Friday night, working more hours, or putting the remnants of my life back together instead of interacting with them.

As my wine glasses are a huge hit with my comrades (because they are oversized I surmise), I like to think of them as my equerry in household matters.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Great Rumbler on September 29, 2014, 07:23:17 PM
Just wanted to point out that "Watching a sitcom" ranked 5th on The Bore's list of favorite cactivities.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 30, 2014, 01:47:59 AM
Going to drink my dinner tonight (and by that I don't mean nutrient gruel) and watch some more fukken Blossom. :rejoice
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Yeti on September 30, 2014, 02:43:21 AM
I considered joining you in your self-flagellation because I have never seen an episode of Blossom, but you are plowing through those episodes at a pace I'd never be able to match. Godspeed on your journey good sir.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 30, 2014, 03:24:15 PM
Each episode barely 20 minutes long and they require little effort to watch, it's quite easy to blow through several at a time. :stahp

In truth I probably spend more time writing my episode summaries than I do watching the episodes.

Perhaps I can give you a list of the worst of the worst to sample at the conclusion of my journey.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Joe Molotov on September 30, 2014, 03:37:14 PM
Just wait till you get to the Blossom episode about blowing through several a time. :leon
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on September 30, 2014, 03:42:27 PM
Everyone seems to blow through romantic interests like I blow through episodes. :heh

And Blossom has already blown through the moral quandary of lying. There was an episode whose prime focus was her being troubled by lying to her father about where she was going on her date that week and then like 2 episodes later she lies to get out of a date with a geek (that in fairness she was pressured into going out with) like it was nothing. I must confess I am somewhat offended by this show's flippant attitude towards continuity.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: CatsCatsCats on September 30, 2014, 04:23:00 PM
Clearly the message is that lying to your fellow man is acceptable (especially so if they are considered lesser), but it is morally reprehensible to deceive the patriarch. Cac show.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: nudemacusers on September 30, 2014, 06:06:06 PM
Cool thread, watch closely in season 2 for subliminals in set design referencing the hermetic order of the golden dawn and rites of thelema.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 02, 2014, 02:11:12 AM
Season 1 Episode 6 - "Gang Bang Theory (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWwk8H0ituA)"

The actual title of this episode has sex in it. Like this shit was old 3 episodes ago Blossom. :beli

Six and Blossom arrange a double date but instead of it being at the movies like they originally planned, it's going to be at a house party renown for being a regular den of iniquity.

Blossom naturally cannot tell her doting father that she's eschewing a date he approves of for one where people just sit in a dim room and make out, so she lies to him. This culminates with her telling pops that she doesn't need a ride to the movies because she wants to take the bus instead. "I like taking the bus. It gives me a chance to brush up on my Spanish."

Of course Blossom being the fine upstanding human being that she is, deceiving her father like this weighs heavy on her. So much so that her celebrity hallucination in this episode involves her being outed on an episode of PHIL FUCKING DONAHUE Y'ALL. :rejoice

(http://i.imgur.com/7BODPhC.jpg)

Dream Phil is not only dreamy, but he's fucking ruthless in tearing Dream Blossom apart. Even Dream Six goes Iscariot on dat ass. :whew

But of course, weight on conscience aside, Blossom still decides to go. I mean who can resist this guy knowing all the residual checks he'll be earning years down the line for a godawful piece of fucking shit sitcom?

(http://i.imgur.com/aJmGzWO.jpg)

Earlier in the ep Joey got caught cheating on his schoolwork and being stupid (he bought a report on Abraham Lincoln that was about a late model automobile instead) so pops grounded him. Unfortunately for pops, this gal he'd been pining for for literal calendar years decides to stop by after turning him down on the phone earlier in the episode. What does that mean? Being cockblocked by his grounded ne'er-do-well son.

(http://i.imgur.com/UEYMp7K.jpg)

All is not lost though, when pops turns down the opportunity to go back to her place for some casual sex so he can be around in case Blossom needs him, we get some top shelf sight gagging!

(http://i.imgur.com/9RSQZmb.jpg)

Unfortunately for Blossom, the 'rents whose house is hosting the make out party come home unexpectedly and bust everyone for being lascivious brutes.

In this episode we also learn that pops keeps condoms in his sock drawer. Why? Because there is no god and eternal suffering is the only truth in existence.

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 3 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 02, 2014, 02:29:45 AM
Season 1 Episode 7 - "The Irrelevant Divorce (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Divorce)"

Because the Aztlan joke in the last episode wasn't enough, this episode opens with Blossom bemoaning the fact that she has to study French. "We go to an American school. We should speak what Americans speak: Spanish." :comeon

The kids intercept the final divorce papers pops is supposed to sign. Pops has been having a rough run of late despite what happened in the previous episode? Like I said this show has no fucking respect for continuity or my (questionable) intelligence.  :beli

It's cool though, hilarity ensues every time they try and tell him the final papers have arrived but they chicken out before following through.

(http://i.imgur.com/F4xhXr2.jpg)

Speaking of sight gags, one of Blossom's classmates gets a bad haircut and spends the rest of the episode concealing it in outrageous outfits even Joey wouldn't be caught dead in.

(http://i.imgur.com/b1iaBv0.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/KfXPe4e.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/7XeIGGa.jpg)

Well maybe I spoke in haste about Joey...

(http://i.imgur.com/DmMTJBj.jpg)

The real conflict in this episode is that Six and Blossom drift apart because Six makes friends with a new girl who manages to become popular from her first lunch period at school. Eventually they drift so far apart that they ether one another in a fit of anger at a rock concert where the headlining act is noted for their projectile vomiting on stage instead of their musical prowess. (No, it wasn't Gwar.) It's all good doe, they kiss and make up by the end of the episode.

(http://i.imgur.com/6FBx3lC.jpg)

The moral of this episode is that it's not easier to live life by destroying your family, but it is better.

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 3 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Barraco Barner on October 02, 2014, 03:17:05 AM
Does knowing that Blossom grew up to become an anti-vaccine person who believes in the development and protection of a Jewish nation genocidal shill enhance your viewings in any way?
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 02, 2014, 09:06:08 AM
Does knowing that Blossom grew up to become an anti-vaccine person who believes in the development and protection of a Jewish nation genocidal shill enhance your viewings in any way?

Well I assumed she didn't make it on the cover of Orange County Jewish Life Magazine for being Norman Finkelstein.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 02, 2014, 09:12:37 AM
I saw this in the summary of episode 51:

Quote
Blossom seeks information about Judaism from a wisecracking rabbi.

:whew
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 02, 2014, 09:35:25 AM
Season 1 - Episode 8 - "A la recherche des vacances perdu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rfDvpfC2bw)"

In a rare moment of continuity, Blossom spends this episode mourning the loss of her family and emblematic manifestations of it like the annual road trip to BFE every year. She's such a sad sack that she has the old family movies converted to the cutting edge technology of VHS.

(http://i.imgur.com/s4g6HrT.jpg)

Of course Blossom doesn't suffer in silence. She makes a family breakfast that's roundly ignored by the other members of the household.

Eventually this shit escalates and escalates until she browbeats the clan into going on a road trip to the ol' cabin by the lake. (Yes it's that cliched.) Unfortunately for the gang there's traffic on the freeway and dad forgets how to get to the lake. They spend ages and ages driving in circles until they stop at a roadside diner and have a jam session. :stahp

(http://i.imgur.com/TOpMU4U.jpg)

On a irrelevant note, why the FUCK does Six sleep on more or less a real bed when crashing with Blossom? I knew people in university that didn't sleep this well.

(http://i.imgur.com/d4FgwHA.jpg)

The only noteworthy thing about this episode is that it starts substantively working with Anthony's history of addiction. Joey lays out why he has beef with him while they're wandering around the side of the road, pops says that just trying to stay sober isn't good enough for him, etc.

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 3 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 02, 2014, 10:21:39 AM
Season 1 Episode 9 - "Blessed are the geek: for they shall inherit the earth (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST86JM1RPl0)"

A former object of Blossom's desires seems like he's going to ask her to the dance which for some reason floors her even though she already went through that schmuck. Continuity, it's so problematic friends.

Unfortunately for Blossom that asshole was just hoodwinking her into going to the dance with this Greek god.

(http://i.imgur.com/IqYIyKe.jpg)

Seriously, at one point this guy

(http://i.imgur.com/DhprXtE.jpg)

says he watches Soul Train.

Apparently it only influences his dancing and not his wardrobe. :yeshrug

Blossom decides that instead of telling Zorba the Geek that she was pressured into going out with him she's going to lie to get out of going to the dance. What does she tell him? That she has a trumpet competition... in Bulgaria. :comeon This wouldn't have happened if Todor Zhivkov could live forever.

Despite becoming an inveterate liar now, Blossom still hasn't worked through that pesky thing we call a conscience. That's alright though because we get my favorite celebrity hallucination yet as she struggles with it.

(http://i.imgur.com/So0PHlt.jpg)

Blossom goes to dad for advice and he tells her she should honor her commitments. (Just as a reminder, this is someone who constantly reminds Blossom that it was good that her parents didn't honor their commitments to each other. Do as I say not as I do y'all.) He also tells her that he was a geek in high school himself and spins that Revenge of the Nerds yarn about how geeks grow up to achieve despite being uncool now. ::)

Overlooking dad's intellectual inconsistency, Blossom decides to go crawling back to her spurned dance partner and ask if he'd consider going with her again. He tells her that he already has a date, but maybe she could teach him how to lie to her to get out of it. (http://i.imgur.com/jwCjLra.png)

Blossom is like :ohhh "How did you know?" to which Zorba the Geek replies that he has a Bulgarian pen pal who he queried about this alleged trumpet competition. Yeah, like you got a fucking letter to Bulgaria and one back in the duration of this episode. :heh

Joey also lied wrt to the dance, except his lie was that he had a Corvette he'd be taking his date to the dance in. When he doesn't pass his driving test on the day of the dance (this fucking guy), he has to come clean and naturally his date dumps him. It's all good though, the Russo clan has their own dance that THANK FUCKING CHRIST is cut short by a freeze frame fade out.

(http://i.imgur.com/Y3zALIZ.jpg)

Oh and I can't forget the Joey couture.

(http://i.imgur.com/IygmAOm.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/bMBsN3b.jpg)

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 4 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 02, 2014, 10:34:48 AM
I think that if only because they take longer to write than the episodes actually run for, writing these synopses crushes my soul more than watching the whitest sitcom of the 1990s as decided by a competition that was clearly rigged by the Elders of Zion. :tocry

Also that I can't be drunk while writing but I can while watching. Oh and that I see obvious writing problems that weren't readily apparent to an entire apparatus of people that created this fucking travesty. :stahp
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: CatsCatsCats on October 02, 2014, 10:41:30 AM
We've almost broken him, he'll be ready soon
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: ToxicAdam on October 02, 2014, 11:15:44 AM
A special appearance by Alf? That must have been an awesome sweeps month stunt like no other. I can just see the commercial teasers now.

Joey with his patented 4+ layer look with too many accessories. He's like a walking Chess King mannequin.

Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 02, 2014, 11:54:36 AM
We've almost broken him, he'll be ready soon

When was Kara ever not broken?
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: nudemacusers on October 02, 2014, 01:46:59 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FCaT17aVl0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSNUE3blMTE

Never made this connection until now. Layers brehs.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: larrydavid on October 02, 2014, 04:20:57 PM
i sure came back to another crazy upset, if only there had been a nonwhite poll tax.

can we get occasional readings of the other elite eight to break things up every once in a while? as much as i'm enjoying the person who believes in the development and protection of a Jewish nation analysis i really need to see some kara episode titles for the runner ups too.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 02, 2014, 05:14:34 PM
We've almost broken him, he'll be ready soon

I get a respite after I finish my next 2 synopses because I have to study for an Internal Revenue Service exam. :jawalrus :rejoice

While I have grown to respect my foe over the last few episodes, the last thing that even came close to truly breaking me was 2011's Something Borrowed, which if you ever find yourself in need of a torture device I highly recommend.

When was Kara ever not broken?

I was OK until 16 May 2014 at approximately 23:30 Pacific. :smug

spoiler (click to show/hide)
:tocry :brazilcry
spoiler (click to show/hide)
I can actually narrow it down to the minute, possibly second. :goty2
[close]
[close]

can we get occasional readings of the other elite eight to break things up every once in a while? as much as i'm enjoying the person who believes in the development and protection of a Jewish nation analysis i really need to see some kara episode titles for the runner ups too.

You like them? :uguu They feel rather staid to me, but that might be because I did them for years for College Football-GAF OPs and have no self-esteem.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
(Or that they're telegraphed as fuck. I mean seriously, In Search of Lost Vacations? :beli -Ed.)
[close]

Not really sure I can do this shit for 7 other shows, I'll have to think of something.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 03, 2014, 01:30:57 AM
Season 1 Episode 10 - "Itinerant Vice (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aZsISuqsG4)"

Anthony's past comes back to haunt him in this episode. Pops give him an ultimatum: get a job by Friday or you have to leave the house. (It's Tuesday.) Ah, the days when America didn't have crippling structural unemployment. (http://i.imgur.com/bU8oUMi.gif)

Naturally Anthony is flippant about pop's ultimatum after years of being enabled and the rosy conditions of the Southland labor market but isn't held to account because these are the days where you can try and get a job and get one that same day, which Anthony does on Friday when Blossom reminds him that he's going to get kicked out without a meal ticket.

(On a tangential note, Anthony says in a previous episode that he can't be treated with kid gloves just because he's a recovering addict but then is basically a dipshit in this episode. When I say, "conti," you say, "nuity." CONTI. (NUITY). (I answered for y'all, I hope you don't mind.))

...unfortunately pizza delivery is too much work for Anthony to handle and he gets fired on his first night. Now I'm no shyster, but it seems like he met pop's ultimatum--he had a job by Friday. Unfortunately in the Court of Dad there is little room for nuance and Anthony gets kicked to the curb when he tells pops the next day that he got fired.

Blossom doesn't take this well, having already lost her family already, and so she does what she always does--daydreams about celebrities!

(http://i.imgur.com/yWE2CXo.jpg)

(Dream Sonny Bono (RIP) makes a joke about wanting to be a senator someday. GET IT Y'ALL. )

Anyway, Dream Sonny Bono busts Anthony and Blossom for stealing his music while panhandling and loots their meager alms as restitution. DMCA, it's so demonic friends. :tocry

That probably seems like a strange fantasy, that's because I forgot to tell you that Blossom's storyline in this episode (besides worrying about her brother) is that she lied (there's a shocker) to get into a musical composition class and the song she "wrote" was "I Got You Babe," at least that's what pops told her.

(http://i.imgur.com/Cuc768C.jpg)

(It's OK Blossom, Nabokov probably stole the basic premise for Lolita unintentionally / subconsciously too.)

This storyline crescendos (no pun intended) with Blossom having a daydream about sailing a Mozart piece past her composition teacher but being busted by Mozart Sturm und Dranging into class and calling her (specifically) a nogoodnik. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.  Attack ships on fire off Orion. I watched a phantasmal icon of Western music scold a fictional character with a word my parents unironically used to describe my friends in the dark near South Gate, California. All these memories will be lost if I could just fucking die already.

As if alcohol wasn't omnipresent enough in this episode, Joey goes on a quest to get a fake ID to substantiate some lie (shocker) he told a girl he was interested in (again, shocker).

(http://i.imgur.com/vK4G3Hz.jpg)

Ralph Steinberg? :beli This meshugge boychik has some verkakte chutzpah, I mean look how he dresses. :larry

(http://i.imgur.com/qiIopU3.jpg)

Anthony spends his exile couch surfing and eventually gets a job at an all night doughnut shop whose clientele consists of coppers and the people coppers nick because apparently the second largest city in America has no other customer base for an all night doughnut shop. :comeon Urban sprawl, it's so demonic friends.

Eventually Blossom convinces pops to go see Anthony on the job and bury the hatchet, which they do but not before Joey tries his hand at being a punter... with an undercover police office... who recognizes pops because they went out awhile back. :badass

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 5 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 03, 2014, 02:09:57 AM
Season 1 Episode 11 - "A Syndication of the Image Rights of Woman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwvqUeosajs)"

Six is sleeping over on a school night (which is fucking bullshit BTW... I know Six's parents are suspect for making her honest to god legal name a digit but :comeon) and they start talking about things they'd wish for. Things like a boy to ask them to the dance on Friday!

Blossom will have none of that though, wishing for a date to the dance violates her "feminist sensibilities." But that's OK, it gives Six an out to peer pressure her into asking a guy to the dance herself even though that's a flagrant disregard for the patriarchal rules of society since this isn't a Sadie Hawkins dance. :bolo

(Who's the guy she wants to ask out you might wonder? Why it's the president of the chess club. Yes Blossom who went out with a star baseball prospect and spurned an uber nerd with fanciful tales of Thracian Thrashin' is now completely unable to work up the courage to ask out the president of the chess club. :beli Maybe he's a Mikhail Tal tier dreamboat? (http://i.imgur.com/mFVtWoJ.gif))

Blossom calls this poor schmuck like 4 times to ask him to the dance and chickens out every time because I need reasons to not go on living. When she finally gets over herself and asks he tells her that he got asked out 5 minutes ago by someone else. :ufup Apparently this flagrant disregard for patriarchal institutions is an epidemic. :yeshrug What's next, suffrage? :goty2

It's all good though, Blossom and Six decide they'll go to the dance together instead. The Vassar applications are already in the mail, girlfriends.

Pops is actually doing active, constructive parenting by teaching Joey how to pay bills instead of issuing edicts from the top of Mount Dipshit or punishing his kids after the fact even though they're clearly not equipped to function in the real world.

(http://i.imgur.com/2hHaDpe.jpg)

(Wonder how much SODA paid for that product placement...)

Unfortunately for Joey he ran up a several hundred dollar phone sex bill that is discovered during this process. Naturally he handles this situation like a reasonable human being.

(http://i.imgur.com/Kz2ygIG.jpg)

This gives pops the opportunity to school Joey on the particulars of how phone sex lines con people. :snoop This is how trite the fucking bullshit is in this show, pops is teaching his son the ins and outs of (actual sex trade) hustling. :beli "Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair," sayeth the cacdemon.

On a more somber note, one of Anthony's old party friends comes up on his 1 year sobriety birthday and thinks he's beat the beast, which he hasn't of course, and we're given a painful reminder how close Anthony is to being a worthless sack of protoplasm. But wait remember last episode when it didn't matter and Anthony needed to go back to the real world? Tonal dissonance, it's so harmonic friends.

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 5 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 03, 2014, 03:05:50 AM
Y'all I shouldn't have complained about continuity so much, the last episode I watched went Earth-Two on my ass. :mindblown
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 03, 2014, 03:34:52 AM
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING THEY'RE MAKING SHIT UP THAT HADN'T HAPPENED

THE

FUCK

IS

HAPPENING

THEY'RE

MAKING

SHIT

UP

THAT

HADN'T

HAPPENED
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on October 03, 2014, 08:21:00 AM
The breakdown is happening about 20 episodes before I expected it
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Brehvolution on October 03, 2014, 09:00:25 AM
Thank you for doing this so I don't have to.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 03, 2014, 10:48:22 AM
The breakdown is happening about 20 episodes before I expected it

My incredulity at them changing where Blossom went to high school and giving her a long-term boyfriend between episodes aside, a lot of my ranting is just Angry Video Game Nerd histrionics.

Seriously doe, I was already kind of concocting a cockamamie theory that much of this show is some St. Elsewhere shit and now it's gone Crisis on Infinite Earths on my ass or something. Joey is dressing like a reasonable human being now.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 03, 2014, 02:10:14 PM
You need a Zelda Timeline chart to explain this with. Is this episode's Blossom the daughter of the Blossom and the chess nerd from the earlier episode?
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 03, 2014, 05:53:58 PM
Here's my theory so far.

Earth-0 Blossom (aka Ur-Blossom) - The Blossom from the pilot. Given that the pilot establishes she is somewhat disconnected from reality, I hypothesize that the other Blossoms are in fact figments of her imagination but as I am unable to substantiate this hypothesis and really it is more conjecture than hypothesis, I will treat the other Blossoms as existing on parallel Earths because that is the obvious, rational explanation.

Earth-1 Blossom - The Blossom who attends public high school and has divorced musicians for parents. Different from subsequent Blossoms in that she regularly assists an old lady whose existence is never explained or commented on with her groceries. Joey dresses outrageously on this Earth and Anthony is a sort of melancholic recovering addict.

Earth-2 Blossom - The Blossom who attends public high school, has divorced musicians for parents, but does not assist an old lady whose existence is never explained or commented on with her groceries. Joey dresses outrageously on this Earth and Anthony is a flippant recovering addict on this Earth. Additionally, Blossom regularly experiences celebrity hallucinations.

Earth-3 Blossom - The Blossom who attended private high school because her father didn't want her dating. Her parents are divorced musicians. She does not assist an old lady with her groceries on the reg. Joey dresses passably on this Earth but is still a fucking sex-obsessed moron. Anthony is also a moron but disdain for him is tempered by his melancholic humors. Blossom does not hallucinate on this Earth.

Earth-4 Blossom - The Blossom who had a long-term boyfriend who went off to college. Her parents are divorced musicians. She does not assist an old lady with her groceries on the reg. Joey dresses passably on this Earth but is still a fucking sex-obsessed moron. Anthony is also a moron but disdain for him is tempered by his melancholic humors. Six is a much more outgoing person on this Earth and Blossom is so disconnected from reality that she has dreams within dreams ((http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)) on this Earth.

e: Adjusted the thread title to reflect this shocking realization.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
It's funny because the title is a reference to a comic book (Journey into Mystery) and comic books are fuckstupid with multiverses.
[close]
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 07, 2014, 01:11:52 AM
Season 1 Episode 12 - "Crisis of Infinite Rebirths (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE4uXrundHU)"

This episode opens with Blossom hallucinating. No big deal right?

(http://i.imgur.com/U8LHYv6.jpg)

OK, maybe it is a little weird.

(http://i.imgur.com/FblHihS.jpg)

Alright fine, fucking weird.

(http://i.imgur.com/LhPxVCT.jpg)

Did I mention all of this was a dream in a dream? (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

(BTW Blossom's response to this is rhetorically asking, "Why can't I have sex dreams like everybody else?" :beli)

It only gets worse when Blossom rouses from her slumber. For example, a pepperoni pizza with no pepperonis is a running subplot.

(http://i.imgur.com/mZke1ZH.jpg)

Something is clearly very wrong. (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

And we find out what's wrong--the writers on this fucking show have gone and changed a fundamental component of the story on us between episodes.

(No it's not Joey dressing with a modicum of restraint.)

(http://i.imgur.com/R4bbx2B.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/Uh0joOn.jpg)

Up until now Blossom has attended what I presumed was a public high school, what with her being 14, asked to junior proms and what have you. Well in this episode she actually attends private high school. Because her father doesn't want her dating and is concerned he can't be a substantial enough parental figure on his own. (Know that feel Blossom.) Even though she's been dating all fucking season already. (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

Blossom wants to go to public high school even though she had been for 11 previous episodes. She doesn't just want to go because it's a coed public high school (she currently attends Sisters of the Chaste Heart or some bullshit), but also because she wants to be a musician. Wasn't she lying her way into musical composition classes a couple of episodes ago? (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

This leads to her engaging in Zack Morris :ufup schemes to get out of private school, which for those of you unfamiliar with the parochial educational system is actually a lot harder than you might think since your parents are paying customers. (Trust me I would know.)

(http://i.imgur.com/FRP6NOe.jpg)

Because of a timing difference between the public school she wants to attend and Sisters of the Chaste Heart, Blossom decides that she's going to spend the last 2 weeks of her summer vacation going to public school of her own volition so she can impress all her teachers who will write her letters of recommendation to give to her father. :what ("It'll be like 21 Jump Street but with less makeup," she says. :beli)

This scheme comes to its Zack Morris conclusion when her music teacher who also happens to know her dad spots them at their monthly father-daughter dinner which has never been mentioned on the show until now and starts raving about what a great musician Blossom is while she hides underneath the table because Blossom couldn't lay out this massively :ufup scheme first.

I will spare everyone the gory details but after a tete-a-tete pops relents and allows Blossom to go to public school. Joey also passes the test he's been trying to avoid studying for all episode and thinks remembering facts you studied is actually cheating because suicide is painless and Anthony is revealed to be the pepperoni thief.

But just before the episode concludes Joey goes back to his old wardrobe. (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/Oq7dBrv.jpg)

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 6 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 07, 2014, 01:59:34 AM
Season 1 Episode 13 - "When a Manger Calls (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpFL7q7fLlU)"

We might be on a parallel Earth where Joey has a reasonable wardrobe, but at least he's still an obnoxious pubescent teenager.

(http://i.imgur.com/TBilL5W.jpg)

Speaking of fornication, a strange woman drops by the house insisting on an audience with pops who can't even remember her name. (Been there pops.) Despite being sent to her room Blossom eavesdrops on this conversation because her lack of moral fiber is a constant across the Blossom multiverse.

(http://i.imgur.com/QKI6CP0.jpg)

And it's a good thing she did because this evening caller drops a megaton: pops is going to be another pops. :ufup

(Joey's response to this? Taking pops aside and asking him, "Dad, didn't you use protection?" incredulously :snoop which gives pops the opportunity to teach his kids that no form of birth control is 100% effective. :snoop)

(http://i.imgur.com/KV1hOgh.jpg)

My thoughts exactly, Anthony.

Speaking of Anthony, he gets hooked up with a blind date with someone "normal," which given the trajectory of this show could mean anything from "actually normal" to "Lovecraftian horror." He spends the whole episode fretting about how he's going to talk about the last few years of his life, which is perfectly understandable assuming the Anthony on this Earth spent years of his life high and / or drunk.

(Anthony goes on his date, hates his date, she hates him, and he's really happy about this. Know that feel Anthony.)

Meanwhile Blossom on this Earth is clearly less of a feminist than she was on that other Earth because she does not trust this casual hook up as being anything other than someone looking for a meal ticket. Yeah, because a single dad who works grunt work in the music industry with 3 kids and a house is rolling in dough. :beli

She trusts her so little that she gets Six to come with her to her place of employment which happens to be an upscale eatery neither of them can afford to eat at. :snoop

(http://i.imgur.com/7v8vEfE.jpg)

Blossom gets busted :ufup because she's a poor imitation of Zack Morris and she has to have a heart to heart with pops' recent fling about life because I live walking distance from train tracks that trains frequently go over. :beli

In the end pops was not the father, BTW. Because this episode needed to send more problematic messages.

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 6 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on October 07, 2014, 02:11:21 AM
(Joey's response to this? Taking pops aside and asking him, "Dad, didn't you use protection?" incredulously :snoop which gives pops the opportunity to teach his kids that no form of birth control is 100% effective. :snoop)
http://www.abstinence.net/
http://www.abstinenceassociation.org/
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 07, 2014, 03:02:04 AM
Season 1 Episode 14 - "The Agony of Deceit (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgTIHPzU668)"

Season 1 is in the books. :rejoice

Blossom wakes up upside down on her bed at the beginning of the episode. (Been there B.) I've got a bad feeling y'all. (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/9fIOTO9.jpg)

Things only get worse downstairs. (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/zmr9ZPQ.jpg)

It turns out my suspicions were correct. Blossom's fantasy about being on a date at the opening of the episode wasn't idle imagination, it was her imagining what her first date with her college boyfriend that's never been talked about for the entirety of this season will be like when he comes home on break. :mindblown

(http://i.imgur.com/JVLiPeF.jpg)

(My thoughts exactly, pops.)

Pops is worried about Ricky Johnson coming home. Why? Because he had a high school girlfriend when he went away to college and he broke her heart by hooking up with someone else when he got there. (I for one am shocked by this revelation.)

Ricky shows up after Joey's baseball practice and confirms pops' suspicions.

(http://i.imgur.com/Xm4aa4z.jpg)

(Love the threads BTW, Ricky. :fabulous)

Apparently Ricky and Joey were bffs (it wasn't just awkward patriarchal institutions that prompted this meeting apparently) and Joey even introduced him to Blossom. This seems like a lot of important information that I hadn't been made privy too, Blossom. :beli

Instead of calling her or sending her a letter Ricky decides to dump Blossom on their dinner date, which he does. :mindblown Blossom has a mini-breakdown and understandably asks to go home but instead of going Full Karakand the next morning she puts on a stiff upper lip and fronts like this shit ain't no thing. Fuck y'all, I'm Earth-616 Blossom. :pacspit

Pops is worried about her maladaptive behavior, but not enough to cancel his dinner date with Daphne from Frasier.

(http://i.imgur.com/K9GzPTL.jpg)

(Rub the salt in Frasier's epic choke in the Whitest Sitcom of the 90s competition, why don't you Blossom?)

Fortunately for everyone Earth-616 Daphne is fucking psycho and her date with pops is cut short so he can work his fatherly magic by getting Blossom to watch... The Way We Were with him. FUCK YOU BLOSSOM THIS JOURNEY DOESN'T NEED TO HIT ME WHERE IT HURTS TOO. :stahp :tocry

(http://i.imgur.com/HpS2aua.jpg)

Lowlight of this episode: Anthony, in response to being denied the chance to get a checking account by pops because he wrote a lot of phony checks when he was an addict, "You bounce five thousand dollars of checks and all of a sudden you're a deadbeat!"

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 6 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Himu on October 07, 2014, 03:03:41 AM
blossom was a laugh track show? why did i assume it was similar to the wonder years in terms of direction? blossom was that show white people would talk about but i didn't know anyone who watched it.
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 07, 2014, 04:24:45 AM
It's not REALLY laugh track-y, but it does have a few per ep.

BTW just started season 2. They Flanderized Blossom being hallucinatory. :beli In ~10 minutes of episode maybe 1.4 of them have been "reality" on whichever Earth in the Blossomverse this is.
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: chronovore on October 07, 2014, 07:17:27 PM
It will become a cacophony
(http://i.imgur.com/wccaY.gif)
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: chronovore on October 07, 2014, 07:24:18 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/yWE2CXo.jpg)

(Dream Sonny Bono (RIP) makes a joke about wanting to be a senator someday. GET IT Y'ALL. )

Anyway, Dream Sonny Bono busts Anthony and Blossom for stealing his music while panhandling and loots their meager alms as restitution. DMCA, it's so demonic friends. :tocry

My favorite bit in this thread is the meta narrative of you watching these, presumably illicit copies of Blossom, doing screen grabs and posting them, in the face of Dream Sonny Bono’s Ghost and his Mickey Mouse legislation.
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on October 07, 2014, 07:37:36 PM
 :ohhh :ohhh :ohhh :ohhh
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 07, 2014, 09:23:27 PM
My favorite bit in this thread is the meta narrative of you watching these, presumably illicit copies of Blossom, doing screen grabs and posting them, in the face of Dream Sonny Bono’s Ghost and his Mickey Mouse legislation.

Just wait until you realize "When a Manger Calls" is a triple pun. :smug

spoiler (click to show/hide)
Manger is supposed to remind you of Jesus in the manger at first, but manger also means "food" or "to eat" in French and the key scene of the episode is in a fancy restaurant.

It's so self-indulgent friends.:lawd
[close]
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on October 07, 2014, 09:39:11 PM
Icon karakand
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 08, 2014, 03:50:54 AM
Season 2 Episode 1 - "L'enfer, c'est les autres personnages de fiction (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU-VCWl4SP8)"

New season, new opening. :gladbron

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iQmPm9d2iU

(I notice there's no more reference to the video journal from the pilot in it now. (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png))

(But the episode opens with Blossom writing in her diary. (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png))

Well technically Blossom is trying to write in her diary. What she wants to write about is very important but everyone in her family keeps barging in on her.

(http://i.imgur.com/DkDBfKK.jpg)

(Nice jorts, Joey. You trying to get on College Gameday when they're at an SEC game? :heh)

(http://i.imgur.com/USo4mrE.jpg)

(I'm not even going to touch that one, Anthony. :snoop)

But finally after telling everyone to FUCK OFF and locking her door, Blossom can get back to journaling. Journaling about the most important thing there is: boys (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JcBIg4xz8M).

(http://i.imgur.com/eEBBbho.jpg)

Well not boys per se, a boy. Her long-term boyfriend. (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png) Did I mention that despite being 14 last season she's now studying for the SAT? (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

Who's her beau nouveau? Why it's the dreamboat from "Jung Love" (http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=42381.msg1938531#msg1938531) that was supposed to be going to Arizona for prep school (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png) but then ended up tricking Blossom into going to the dance with His Royal Highness, the King of the Dorks in "Blessed are the geek: for they shall inherit the earth" (http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=42381.msg1940423#msg1940423). (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

Really though should I be lamenting this situation?

(http://i.imgur.com/aIAcaAR.jpg)

(Sit-Up Camp for Shirtless Boys :noah)

If you can turn off your libido after looking at that pic, I should mention that Blossom's proclivity for breaking with reality has now been Flanderized. Shit happens all the fucking time now.

(http://i.imgur.com/hzty1tG.jpg)

Not only is it incessant, but it's obnoxious on top of that. For example, when thinking back on hanging out with Six the other day: "It was a day like any other, Six and I were discussing Existentialism." (They are BTW, and Blossom says "Sartre" with the voiced uvular fricative even though she was fucking awful at speaking French in "The Irrelevant Divorce" (http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=42381.msg1940340#msg1940340). (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png) Did I mention that this fantasy compounds but in one of its latter incarnations Six sullenly chastises Blossom for kicking her out because Earth-2 Jimmy's come over by saying, "I'm good enough to talk to about Existentialism, but when it gets to the good stuff it's, 'Get out Six!'" (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png))

The hallucinating reaches its nadir when during an argument about what exactly constitutes (intimate) second base, Reggie Jackson comes on the TV and defines baseball's second base. :snoop

(http://i.imgur.com/URy8Cuj.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/BMmaW95.jpg)

(You and me both, girlfriend.)

I guess I should segue into what Blossom's been so desperate to journal about: her and Jimmy have been going out for months (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png) but just making out and Blossom thinks it might be time to move forward to getting felt up in the back of a Volkswagen.

idk what her fucking problem is tbh, who needs any more than this? :uguu

(http://i.imgur.com/CPvcaTy.jpg)

But because this episode is Rashomon by way of The Number 23, we're constantly strung along by what the particulars are of the night Blossom might have decided to go to second base. Just when we're finally going to get a payoff for all this fucking bullshit, the subplot about Anthony's earthquake anxiety interrupts when an honest to god "big one" hits the Southland.

(http://i.imgur.com/ZmiWbnc.jpg)

After the big one, Blossom decides that she shouldn't commit to page what happened that night, rendering the entirety of this fucking episode particularly pointless. Imma 'bout to go Meursault up in this lich, B. :beli

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 7 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Momo on October 08, 2014, 04:00:46 AM
I warned you about them balls :bolo
Title: Re: Journey into Masochism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: thisismyusername on October 08, 2014, 08:59:43 AM
Unfortunately for Blossom that asshole was just hoodwinking her into going to the dance with this Greek god.

(http://i.imgur.com/IqYIyKe.jpg)

Seriously, at one point this guy

(http://i.imgur.com/DhprXtE.jpg)

He's actually kinda adorable. (http://i.imgur.com/jwCjLra.png) Blossom doesn't know what she's missing. :pacspit

(http://i.imgur.com/aIAcaAR.jpg)

(Sit-Up Camp for Shirtless Boys :noah)

If you can turn off your libido after looking at that pic,

Can't, sorry. (http://i.minus.com/i6g1X6KbaJe1I.gif)

(This is the geek boy above? (http://i.minus.com/iPBcFXmJ13Dkd.gif))
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 08, 2014, 10:34:22 AM
Nah, sorry.

------------------------

Changed the link in the title, forgot that that was the song I wanted to use. :whew
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: jakefromstatefarm on October 08, 2014, 01:45:20 PM
Imma 'bout to go Meursault up in this lich, B. :beli
About to? :heh
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 08, 2014, 03:21:38 PM
About to? :heh

Please, a woman loved that knickerbocker. :pacspit
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Am_I_Anonymous on October 08, 2014, 03:24:48 PM
Growing up, the one and only time I got into a physical altercation with my sister is when she would not turn this piece of shit show off.
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on October 09, 2014, 12:23:44 AM
Growing up, the one and only time I got into a physical altercation with my sister is when she would not turn this piece of shit show off.
Going to pretend Red Reddington actually made this post.
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 09, 2014, 04:30:13 AM
Season 2 Episode 2 - "All That Razz (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQmktElSjvY)"

It's Blossom's 15th birthday. (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png) Did I mention that one of the gifts she receives is a glow in the dark watch even though she was rocking one in the previous episode while making out with Dreamboat Jimmy in the park? (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

Anyway, since it's her birthday that means she gets a visit from this pimple on the ass of humanity.

(http://i.imgur.com/RxTiKda.jpg)

(Her maternal grandfather.)

Like his daughter, gramps is a deadbeat who strolls in and out of the lives of his family, which hurts them but they can't do anything to stop it. Also like his daughter he happens to be a musician. (A jazz one to be precise. At one point he talks about a jazz club in LA. Yeah like those exist. :heh) Did I mention he pisses in their bushes? His only redeeming quality is that he rustles pops' jimmies like they're fall leaves underfoot. :lawd Too bad he makes up for it by giving us 2 sex-based subplots, one of which involves trying to get Joey to lose his virginity (he also gives him a vintage smut mag) and the other that he and pops both lost their virginity to the same woman (many years apart, obviously). :beli :snoop :stahp

(http://i.imgur.com/pewlTia.jpg)

But that's not the only new character introduced in this episode. I give you... TONI. (Not to be confused with Anthony, commonly known by the diminutive "Tony," even though every fucking character on this show does that. :beli Did I mention Toni and Tony met in AA? :beli)

(http://i.imgur.com/Rq5Tcyk.jpg)

Wait a minute, wasn't there a woman of color in episode 2 of season 1 (http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=42381.msg1938523#msg1938523)? (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png) I guess "I find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look (http://principiadiscordia.com/book/23.php)." :yeshrug

Don't look so shocked BTW, Six. You live in the Valley, not Irvine. :ufup

This is a lot of change for me to handle. I need my constant. Joey where you at?

(http://i.imgur.com/BHE9eAb.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/8O3p9dG.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/sGSBaT0.jpg)

(What the fuck is up with the vest thing, BTW? Even Anthony gets in on this fucking bullshit. :beli)

(http://i.imgur.com/c0ZvytA.jpg)

Eventually Blossom and a throw down with some sick ethers between gramps and pops convince gramps to stick around. I'm so excited for this fucking piece of shit to be a regular cast member. :beli Did I mention that Blossom confronts gramps at his hotel room and a strange woman comes out of the shower while they're talking? :beli

Oh and in a shocking twist we find out pops is a Raiders fan.

(http://i.imgur.com/DalUM5K.jpg)

(RIP Al :tocry)

"Woahs" - 2 in episode, 9 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Momo on October 09, 2014, 04:47:32 AM
When you look back on it, this is going to be the moment you identify as blackening your soul beyond repair. :tocry
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 09, 2014, 05:13:31 AM
In order for your soul to be blackened you have to have had one in the first place. :smug

spoiler (click to show/hide)
:goty2
spoiler (click to show/hide)
:shaq2
spoiler (click to show/hide)
:tocry
[close]
[close]
[close]
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: El Babua on October 09, 2014, 05:18:35 AM
Speaking of blackness, my browser starts fucking up every time I open this page and seemingly only this page.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
(http://i.imgur.com/cCIOYLnl.png)
[close]

Most likely because my CPU can't handle these multiple realities coalescing. The only conceivable way to solve the issue might be developing a working, generally usable quantum computer.

Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on October 09, 2014, 12:12:52 PM
Season 2 Episode 2 - "All That Razz (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQmktElSjvY)"

Don't look so shocked BTW, Six. You live in the Valley, not Irvine. :ufup


As of 2010 census, Irvine, California is minority white. :leon

(http://i.imgur.com/x589g7r.jpg)

check your cac privilege :ufup

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I used to live in Irvine :goty2
[close]
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Am_I_Anonymous on October 09, 2014, 02:14:00 PM
Growing up, the one and only time I got into a physical altercation with my sister is when she would not turn this piece of shit show off.
Going to pretend Red Reddington actually made this post.

(http://media.tumblr.com/954bd7ce112a0c853f59e16d3fee703a/tumblr_inline_nco6q3kyLb1sonkx9.gif)
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Yeti on October 09, 2014, 02:16:22 PM
What does the "Alone" part of that graph signify, and why is Hispanic the only race that doesn't get an alone?  ???
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 09, 2014, 02:26:14 PM
What does the "Alone" part of that graph signify, and why is Hispanic the only race that doesn't get an alone?  ???

Forever alone.
Title: Re: Journey into Multiverses - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 09, 2014, 02:45:34 PM
Alone means not biracial.

All Hispanic people are considered mestizos for demographic purposes.

As all mestizos are technically biracial, they can't be monoracial for demographic purposes.

This has been your daily lesson in Nazi racial theory.

(In Huntington Beach there's a Speer and Heil street.)

Also Howard is :mynicca now.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 11, 2014, 06:12:10 PM
Season 2 Episode 3 - "Sex and Lying in High Society (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibfteXy0yjk)"

This episode opens with Anthony making the "this is your brain on drugs" joke that has blessedly been consigned to pop culture history.

(http://i.imgur.com/qVpseys.jpg)

I got a bad feeling about this episode. :beli

(http://i.imgur.com/NUF0ZYB.jpg)

Despite being obnoxiously homophobic, I didn't know gramps could be so tender. :uguu

I mean, I've really got a bad feeling about this episode. :beli

(http://i.imgur.com/0aCZgYf.jpg)

I fucking knew it. :beli

Confirming observation bias. :lawd

Sorry, so Blossom and Six find a joint on the bus during their ride home after school. Like any fucking worthless teenager in a sitcom, she decided to take it home with her despite living in a household acutely vigilant wrt drug use thanks to Anthony. :snoop

"It smells like Lincoln Logs in a pesto sauce," she tells Six after smelling it. :stahp

But before Six and Blossom can light up, pops party fouls and invites Blossom down to family dinner and a movie.

(http://i.imgur.com/YJm8WPu.jpg)

The reduction of the white nuclear family to a bunch of people who cohabitate and share processed food over mass media. :lawd

Did I mention that the family chooses to watch Midnight Express instead of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? :comeon :beli

For some incomprehensible reason, instead of leaving her joint in her room Blossom takes it down to TV dinner with the fam, and this being formulaic television it somehow falls out of her pocket and is of course discovered by Inspector Dad.

(http://i.imgur.com/3mX6ygM.jpg)

The evisceration of parental innocence. :lawd

For the rest of the episode pops does his best Hercule Poirot impression which involves harassing his unflinchingly sober son, his idiot son who thinks this is all about his "lucky" condom (:snoop) and of course Blossom after using process of elimination. :beli

(http://i.imgur.com/KvVqPXu.jpg)

At least SODA makes another appearance. :yeshrug

(http://i.imgur.com/F1oeXZZ.jpg)

Bee, tea, double u Anthony, if you're trying to sell yourself as sober you should probably ixnay onway ethay idnightmay acksnay. :neogaf

Did I mention pops has a hallucination about Blossom being a hardened stoner? I guess that shit is genetic.

As if this episode couldn't get any more pointless, it turns out that the joint was actually Joey's--to be more precise, someone had stashed it in his locker without his knowledge--this fucking family y'all. :snoop

Lowlight of the episode: pops cautioning his kids about smoking joints they found on public transportation in a major metropolitan area by saying, "It could have had crack or dust in it!"

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 10 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on October 11, 2014, 06:52:58 PM
Lowlight of the episode: pops cautioning his kids about smoking joints they found on public transportation in a major metropolitan area by saying, "It could have had crack or dust in it!"
:phil
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 11, 2014, 07:43:31 PM
So basically, smoking weed is okay as long as you get it from a trusted sourced? Obama's America.  :usacry
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Yeti on October 11, 2014, 10:31:32 PM
What happened to Six when Blossom went down to dinner? Did she just lurk around in Blossom's bedroom the whole time? It seems rude that they didn't invite her down.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 11, 2014, 10:38:07 PM
What happened to Six when Blossom went down to dinner? Did she just lurk around in Blossom's bedroom the whole time? It seems rude that they didn't invite her down.

She was invited down but split because she didn't want to get busted by pops for having a joint. It was very awkward and suspicious.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 12, 2014, 02:51:02 AM
Season 2 Episode 4 - "A Bande Depart (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOVK_iQvvsw)"

Blossom and Six are going with the high school band to a competition in the Bay Area. :holeup

(http://i.imgur.com/Fl7IZvE.jpg)

Dat location shot. :lawd I bet they walked over to the Full House set and lifted dis. :hitler

Their senior chaperone is a total Eddie Haskell type who shines pops on real good and he thinks they're going to go have a great, safe time because people in the band are (in the words of Joey) "all losers."

(http://i.imgur.com/ajTVVc3.jpg)

This image doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm talking about other than being from the scene where Blossom and Six leave on their sojourn, I just capped and posted it because it looks creepy as fuck out of context. :heh (They were going for a Married With Children thing, pops even says, "I feel like Al Bundy," when the door closes. I guess Fox exists on whichever Earth this is in the Blossomverse.)

After settling in, Blossom and Six order up cereal and milk from room service because they're trying to be responsible and live within their means. But then they meet this fuckwit who teaches them the joys of credit.

(http://i.imgur.com/V6weP9F.jpg)

When asked why he calls it the honor bar instead of the minibar he tells the gals, "Because we'd be honored if you'd help yourself." :beli

So you're thinking our intrepid teens are going to take one-way ticket to Diabetic Coma City after making this discovery right? WRONG.

(http://i.imgur.com/9uzJJub.jpg)

I'm starting to think Anthony's substance abuse problems are an inherited trait or the product of a poor household. (http://i.imgur.com/mFOF94D.png)

Things go from bad to worse here in Sin City, they order PPV pornography because why the fuck not and get up to other mischief because why the fuck not.

(http://i.imgur.com/XuoGSIu.jpg)

It's all good though. Everyone else in their marching band apparently does the same fucking shit and they lose their competition. The senior chaperone ends up naked in the hotel's fountain because if there's one thing this :trash needed it was an implied drunk rape. :goty2

Godawful subplots:

(http://i.imgur.com/XjwB73j.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/LWz8qlK.jpg)

(He gives Blossom his hat because she has nothing for him to sign and thinks no one will believe she met him. And so the origin story of Blossom's penchant for gaudy headwear on whatever fucking Earth this is in the Blossomverse is told. :rejoice)

At least Joey dressed like a fucking idiot this episode. :larry

(http://i.imgur.com/sA7b9eu.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/P6TQC0P.jpg)

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 10 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on October 12, 2014, 02:53:33 AM
Why would the hat be proof of meeting Will Smith?

We need to find the writers of these episodes and sign them up for The Bore.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
And turn this into a show trial.


spoiler (click to show/hide)
literally
[close]
[close]
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 12, 2014, 03:00:02 AM
Funny you should mention that, Six doesn't believe Blossom when she tells her and shows the hat but then Will Smith walks by and goes, "Oh hey Blossom," and then they both shriek like banshees of myth because I need yet another reminder to myself that I've lived nothing but a life of regrets.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on October 12, 2014, 03:06:00 AM
Dammit, the writers of Blossom have thought of everything!
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Momo on October 12, 2014, 03:35:15 AM
I appreciate the songs you narrate these episode to :lawd
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 12, 2014, 11:16:48 AM
I appreciate the songs you narrate these episode to :lawd

The one for "Sex and Lying in High Society" was great because I could both reference the episode itself with the lyrical content (I think I linked a clean version of the song unfortunately, I'll go back and correct that) and warn you that the next episode would be even worse about this subject matter with the name of the song itself. :smug

"Sex and Dying in High Society (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvuC2LRIelg)" (the basis for my name for the episode) is also on X's album Los Angeles, which is named for the same place where Blossom is set. :mynicca

This shit is going to need an exegesis by the time I'm through with it. :whew
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 12, 2014, 12:18:52 PM
I'm being serious here, Kara, you need to start a blog where you watch and comment on old dumb sitcoms.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 12, 2014, 12:51:40 PM
 :-[ It's something I'll think about. A writeup a week wouldn't be too hard. Does Tumblr have character limits on their blog posts? I'm not using Blogspot / Wordpress in 2014.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 12, 2014, 03:56:20 PM
Season 2 Episode 5 - "One Nation, Under Fraud (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xIQmFk1ok0)"

Blossom is going to go to the movies with her best friend forever not named Six this afternoon. Her best friend forever not named Six is named Dennis (no relation to the beloved Bore poster and extra from Trainspotting) and we've never heard of him until now. (http://i.imgur.com/jwyvsrB.png)

Unfortunately for everyone in the history of written word grandpa happens to be in the room. His response to hearing that Blossom has a close guy friend is to say he's clearly a fedo/r/a. Blossom asks him if he ever hung around with a woman that he didn't sleep with and his response after some contemplation is, "The only one was my second wife."

(http://i.imgur.com/Q58ZmLp.jpg)

Yeah, you better hang your head you fucking pig. :bolo

This line gets a laugh track response BTW, because, you know, it's fucking hilarious am I right?

So anyway, Dennis finally shows up to spare us any more of grandpa's neanderthal views on the world.

(http://i.imgur.com/HyoZn4g.jpg)

Wait a fucking minute, that's Zorba the Geek from "Blessed are the geek: for they shall inherit the earth (http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=42381.msg1940423#msg1940423)." (http://i.imgur.com/jwyvsrB.png)

He cleans up pretty nice. :obama thisismyusername was onto something I couldn't see myself. (http://i.minus.com/i6g1X6KbaJe1I.gif)

At some undetermined point in time later, Six comes running over to Blossom's like the 4 Horsemen are hot on her heels. Why the rush, girlfriend? It's already too late to save Blossom from her questionable choices in accessorizing.

(http://i.imgur.com/FaincI7.jpg)

No, apparently Dennis spread a rumor that Blossom and he had sex in the balcony at the movie theater. Rare Studios level betrayalaton up in this lich, y'all.

(http://i.imgur.com/x9UrXFf.jpg)

Blossom is devastated by this situation. Apparently her and Dennis go way back. Like sandbox friends back. (http://i.imgur.com/jwyvsrB.png)

At the behest of Six, she pretends to confront him like they're on an episode of Donahue but because we already had a Donahue hallucination we stay firmly in reality and Blossom yells at an empty chair. :snoop

On the upside, yelling like that got her worked up enough to give him a call and confront him. Unfortunately for her Dennis is a chickenshit and she gets his answering machine. She tells him to meet her at the drinking fountain before school tomorrow or else. (Good catch there Blossom, never record yourself making specific threats.)

Of course Dennis doesn't show. He doesn't even come to school that day. What happened to you, man? You used to be brave enough to call Blossom out on her bullshit but now you can't face your own firing squad? Wallflowers growing up into spineless cowards, smh.

He comes by later on after school and explains to Blossom the #struggle of being a teenage boy virgin and how this lead to him throwing years of friendship away for no good reason. Blossom tells him that it doesn't matter, they're through as friends. First Dennis says, "I did tell everyone you were the best I ever had," but then realizing this isn't helping the situation he goes (http://i.imgur.com/4FJ0tuC.png) I can still fix this Blossom if you give me a chance to. Blossom--having been thoroughly besmirched by this lie spreading like wildfire--is incredulous that anything can be done at this point.

Dennis shows her though, he says, "and I didn't have sex with Blossom Russo" over the PA in the middle of the Pledge of Allegiance the next morning. :what

(http://i.imgur.com/itbSaHk.jpg)

Word of advice Earth-X Blossom, any time you think life has reached its worst it will always make you realize it can always get worse.

On a completely unrelated note, this episode utterly annihilated the judgment of the Bore. (Or whomever stuffed the ballot box.) :ufup

(http://i.imgur.com/x4rt9td.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/PJKpEjN.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/QMcLmJN.jpg)

Wild & Crazy Kids represent. (http://i.imgur.com/UfXotHp.png)

Subplots that I will discuss when I next call a suicide prevention hotline:

(http://i.imgur.com/YjkX7Og.jpg)

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 10 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on October 12, 2014, 07:16:14 PM
:-[ It's something I'll think about. A writeup a week wouldn't be too hard. Does Tumblr have character limits on their blog posts? I'm not using Blogspot / Wordpress in 2014.
There is no character limit if you write your own things, when you do all that dumb asking and replying and crap there are limits apparently.

None of my posts are as long as yours would be though (http://politologie.tumblr.com/).  :-[
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 12, 2014, 07:37:48 PM
Then after this it looks like I'm on to Tumblring. :rejoice

I better squat iwatchsitcoms.tumblr.com now. :whew

Eviscerating bourgeois entertainment, episode by episode, where no one will read it. :lawd
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 13, 2014, 03:04:01 AM
Season 2 Episode 6 - "seaofloveQuest DSV (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th65MFw7dVA)"

Blossom is lovesick.

(http://i.imgur.com/RFqF1d3.jpg)

And not for that stud muffin in "L'enfer, c'est les autres personnages de fiction (http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=42381.msg1943788#msg1943788)" either. (http://i.imgur.com/LRpOfQP.png)

No, Blossom is crushing on Steve Warner, who like everything else in this fucking show has never been mentioned once previously. Pops tells Blossom that hope is the first step on the road to disappointment (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tfJ2a7wD24) because he's :umad about being dumped last night but Blossom will hear none of it. This is love at first sight. :uguu

Anthony is staring down his final exam before he gets his EMT certification. Toni is here for moral support.

(http://i.imgur.com/m4cmX28.jpg)

That's consecutive episodes with minority representation, when is the Bore going to cop to :ufup on this one?

Joey has a crisis of his own, a pimple may or may not be growing on his forehead.

(http://i.imgur.com/XlEOeA0.jpg)

GOD WHY. WHY. :stahp

Despite it being love at first sight, the object of Blossom's desires asks Six out instead of Blossom. Blossom takes this all in stride.

(http://i.imgur.com/W8sEzJz.jpg)

Did I mention that Steve Warner is actually Lucas fucking Wolenczak? :shaq

(http://i.imgur.com/ucpCL32.jpg)

In case my sarcasm wasn't obvious enough, Blossom doesn't actually take this very well. She doesn't even tell Six that Steve Wolenczak was really in love with her. Instead she displaces and has a huge caremad fight with Six about clothes she's lent her and tells her to fuck off.

Meanwhile Anthony passes his EMT exam. To be precise, he finished in the top 10% of his class. :obama

Unfortunately for Anthony when hiring for EMTs employers tend to ask questions like "Do you have a drinking problem?" and "Have you ever used illegal drugs?" or "Have you ever been arrested?" At no point did Anthony consider that this might be an issue for his chosen career path. :ufup I guess he thought this was America or something (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAg7AmyG2Ys).

Luckily for Anthony Toni has been down this road before herself. What does she tell him to do? Lie about his past because that's what people want to hear and people only care about what they want to hear, not the truth. Her logic is sound, captain. :larry Of course Captain Dipshit (a.k.a. pops) tells Anthony to be honest because it's the right thing to do. :heh

So Anthony goes to his interview.

(http://i.imgur.com/m2wrytF.jpg)

Breh get a tailor. Those shoulders. (http://i.imgur.com/INydPgF.png)

Anyway, his prospective employer asks him why he left the doughnut shop he worked at in prior episodes in a rare moment of respect for continuity and Anthony responds that he'd, "seen enough doughnuts. [His] eyes were starting to glaze over."

(http://i.imgur.com/SwoTJ62.jpg)

Apprently Anthony's prospective employer really hates puns which means not only will I never be an EMT on whatever Earth this is in the Blossomverse, but Anthony has to go and make a litany of puns for the remainder of the scene because sitcom stands for situation comedy (heavy emphasis on the situation, little to any on the comedy). :beli

In the end Anthony decided to tell the truth. Luckily for him his prospective employer has been on the wagon for 20 years himself and completely understands the #struggle. Does pops congratulate his son on doing the right thing? No he collects the payout on the wager he made with Toni instead. :comeon Gamble on the future of your children y'all. :goty

(http://i.imgur.com/20ORGuZ.jpg)

Unlike Anthony Blossom doesn't really tell the truth when she buries the hatchet with Six. (http://i.imgur.com/tXfZn8o.png) Instead of saying her love for Steve Warner was unrequited, she says her love for Ira Noonan was unrequited. Apparently the Irish didn't just pick up corned beef from the Jews on this Earth in the Blossomverse.

(http://i.imgur.com/kORr1nl.jpg)

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 11 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on October 13, 2014, 03:11:26 AM
Quote from: Jonathan Brandis
I want to direct, I want to be part of something creative, something with quality. My biggest fear as an actor is being involved in something mediocre, or being mediocre myself. I've taken classes on screen-writing and, of course, I read a lot of scripts. Writing is what I'd really like to move towards. Right now, though, it just doesn't pay the mortgage.

I want to be remembered as an actor who put in some good work in the beginning of his career, even better work at the end of his career and slowly, successfully made the transition into writing and directing.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Yeti on October 13, 2014, 08:53:36 PM
Season 2 Episode 6 - "seaofloveQuest DSV (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th65MFw7dVA)"

That's consecutive episodes with minority representation, when is the Bore going to cop to :ufup on this one?

Don't blame me, I voted for Full House.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 13, 2014, 10:43:04 PM
Commentary: "seaofloveQuest DSV"

spoiler (click to show/hide)
The thematic arc of this episode is that (to indulge in clichéd phrasing) the measure of someone is how they handle difficult situations.

Anthony despairs at first when he realizes it's more than a remote possibility he'll never be an EMT because he :ufup as a young man despite his capabilities. At one point in the episode he even decides to just not bother filling out his job applications because it's pointless. In the end however, and despite not really knowing why he's bothering, he makes a legitimate attempt to better himself and when faced with the chance to take a shortcut on the (again with the clichéd phrasing I’m sorry) road to doing so, he decides it's just not worth it and "does the right thing."

On the other end of the spectrum, when Blossom is presented with the chance to "do the right thing" and tell Six why she was really such a fucking asshole to her for most of the episode, she doesn't do so and lies instead. On some level we can relate to her choice, and not simply because she's a dumb kid. While it's probably just some Judy Blume horseshit, Six is really head over heels for Mr. seaQuest and Blossom doesn't want to darken that by making Six aware of the fact that the cost of her happiness is her own heartache--zero-sum gaming, it’s so demonic friends :tocry--that I'm sure will be ameliorated in the next episode I watch when she's chasing after some other fucking guy I’ve never heard of on some other Earth.

I linked my second Dawn of War clip in these synopses. They have a thematic connection that centers on what they call "exterminatus (http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Exterminatus)" in-universe but you or I would just call "mass murder" or “genocide” because we don't live in a grimdark fictional universe but rather just a grimark nonfictional one. :rejoice

The first clip (cf. "Blood for the Blood God") is of the big bad of 4 of the Dawn of War games laying out the nihilistic lunacy of his cockamamie grand scheme that's taken numerous games to put together. He deliberately engineered conditions that would cause the genocide of an entire solar system simply because the god he worships would enjoy it. I linked this clip because of the cheap blood connection, but also because for the overwhelming majority of us puberty is something that just happens whether we want it to or not, much as the poor souls of Subsector Aurelia would be wiped out whether they wanted to be or not. (The villain even says as much. “In mere hours, billions will die. Innocent! Guilty! Strong and weak! Honest and deceitful! ALL of them!”) The Bloodfather works in mysterious ways, y’all. :whew

The second clip has a bunch of emosad stuff (exacerbated by the Wolf’s Rain OST dub :dead) you need not concern yourselves with. Rather, I chose it because it deals with doing what you think is the right thing in a tough situation but it’s actually not. The “hero” of this scene was once presented with a tough situation and he chose the incomprehensibly gruesome but easy way out of it and is unwavering in his certainty that this was the right decision.

In actuality this action caused an irreparable rift between his closest friend (the villain in the scene) and him that was later exploited by an even more villainous villain to free a fucking demon from (for lack of a term you would understand without a Lexicanum bookmark in your browser of choice) Hell. Did I mention that this demon then goes on to further corrupt his already corrupt boss who is the batshit fucking insane breh in the clip from “Blood for the Blood God?”

Oh hey, your past catching up with you, where have I seen that in Blossom? :hitler

Oh hey, creating a rift between your closest friend and you with your actions, where have I seen that in Blossom? :hitler

“You were great once before doubt addled your will. Before you rendered judgment on Cyrene. Before you murdered the innocent and guilty, all in one stroke! You weak, sorry fool! How does it feel to have slain millions, to have betrayed your own family?” Oh hey, where have I seen that in a synopsis for an episode of Blossom? :hitler

spoiler (click to show/hide)
Kill me. :stahp
[close]
[close]


Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: thisismyusername on October 14, 2014, 12:21:53 AM
He cleans up pretty nice. :obama thisismyusername was onto something I couldn't see myself. (http://i.minus.com/i6g1X6KbaJe1I.gif)

Told you. Too many "I was a nerd, now I'm hot." Ricki Lake and Montel, Maury episodes. :-[
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 16, 2014, 01:16:02 PM
I'll finally be able to get back to this now. :rejoice

On a more business note, season 2 will be the last one I watch exclusively for the Bore. I will be crossposting to whatever I call my tumblr beginning with season 3. I imagine this may change the dynamic of my synopses slightly.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: bluemax on October 16, 2014, 11:52:14 PM
This thread has made me check this forum far more often.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on October 17, 2014, 06:58:34 AM
I imagine this may change the dynamic of my synopses slightly.

I hope not, this is my favourite thread in years
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 17, 2014, 11:19:47 AM
I bet you say that to all the self-flagellating posters. :beli

Really the only changes I can see are: no more Coli smilies (unless I can upload a smiley compilation to my tumblr) and no spoiler tag humor... sorry, "humor." I haven't ever used the platform so I really don't know how much won't translate from here to there so I just thought I'd be upfront with the silent consumers.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
And also to give you a reason to keep reading season 2. :phil
[close]

BTW the last episode I watched had Blossom being good with reviewing financial records. (http://i.imgur.com/GQEhIBL.png)
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 27, 2014, 02:48:43 AM
Season 2 Episode 7 - "First As Tragedy, Then As Marse (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld2bEwA-oc0)"

There are a lot of plot threads in this episode. Shit's like Wanted's Loom of Fate outchea. :whew

Anyway, let's start with one of the principal ones: Joey comes home from a house party with his bro Frankie who took a dive into a pool from the roof of the house or some such idiocy.

(http://i.imgur.com/eZvN25s.jpg)

What a fuck up, am I right y'all? :heh

(http://i.imgur.com/S5XRJo8.jpg)

(BTW, I should mention that Frankie strolls around the house in his skivvies for a period of time that is not insignificant and it doesn't really seem to be an issue. :mindblown Modern family y'all.)

You may have noticed that water bottle in Frankie's hand--that's not to hydrate after a night of hard partying to stave off the onset of a hangover, that's a fucking nightcap. Party hard Frankie. :mynicca

Anthony is the one who figures this out, when he comes into the kitchen after receiving no useful advice from pops or Blossom about whether it's ethical or not for him to ask out a woman his ambulance aided earlier in the day (:comeon) he notices Frankie's... demeanor, grabs the water bottle, sniffs it and calls his shot--Smirnoff, red label, 80 proof.

Anthony, I've drunk a lot of vodka in my life and your Babe Ruthing on this one kind of pushes my suspension of disbelief beyond the breaking point, which is saying a lot since this fucking show has more continuity problems than the DC multiverse pre-Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Also, seriously dude, what the fuck is up with the vests?

(http://i.imgur.com/cUOHPfd.jpg)

Anthony approaches Joey about his friend's problem but Joey doesn't want to hear about it. Frankie is going through a rough time in his life, problems at home, quit the baseball team, and so on. Plus Frankie was there for Joey when Anthony checked out on life for a couple of years, so who the fuck is Anthony to try and help now? Cast thy burdens on the fnord, y'all; you can't carry beef like this forever. :tocry

ELSEWHERE IN THE BLOSSOMVERSE...

Blossom decides that she doesn't have a family, just a bunch of blood relations who domicile together and pass each other like ships in the night so she asks pops for quality time.

(http://i.imgur.com/aoYoIsS.jpg)

But wait, wasn't it established in a prior episode than Blossom and pops have dinner together every month as a regular thing? (http://i.imgur.com/jwyvsrB.png) This fucking show. :beli

After some cajoling, pops agrees to take the day off and play hookie with Blossom. Pops you realize this is the only one of your kids who has a realistic shot to achieve, right? :neogaf

Their first stop? The movies! Really going all out here, you two. :beli

But, as if indulging Blossom's disrespect for continuity wasn't enough, pops decides it'll be even cooler if they sneak into another movie after the one they paid for concludes. :snoop

(http://i.imgur.com/skFE6rb.jpg)

Unfortunately for them, this establishment employs a PROFESSIONAL USHER who spots the Tortious and the What the Hell is that Hair getting up to no good.

(http://i.imgur.com/FFnBRsP.jpg)

This professional usher isn't really much of a professional though, he turns around to get the manager and pops and Blossom scram like Shaggy and Scooby because enough bad lessons haven't been imparted already.

(http://i.imgur.com/npDQoZA.jpg)

BTW, Blossom and pops follow up double dipping at the duplex with dinner at a fancy restaurant... where they proceed to only order desserts instead of a full dinner. :what

While resting on their laurels laughing it up, one of Blossom's teachers happens to come into the restaurant. :ufup

Thankfully for Blossom, the Blossomverse is an amoral one of meaningless bonds of fealty and her teacher is having romantic dinner with a man who isn't her husband. :ufup

(http://i.imgur.com/hoQJ6id.jpg)

(Blossom is a fucking asshole and asks her teacher what grade she got on the quiz in class she missed today to which her teacher replies, "100%," knowing that she's been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.)

BACK IN SUBURBIA...

Frankie comes by the house to go to the batting cages with Joey. When Joey goes to get his stuff, we find out that Anthony was in fact right :ufup and Joey was letting his :umad cloud his reason. :tocry

(http://i.imgur.com/QoRqp9h.jpg)

This scene is actually mildly harrowing (by Blossom standards), not only does Joey realize he's lost another "brother" (during a fight with Anthony he identified him as being the brother Anthony wasn't when he was living inside a bottle) but you see how fucking worthless Frankie has become. He waxes nostalgic about some great game the two of them played an eternity ago and starts swinging his bat drunkenly in the living room. :snoop Joey eventually has to snatch the bat away from him and kick him out. :shaq2

Oh yeah, all episode Tommy fucking Newsom (RIP) was trying to get a hold of pops to fill in on the Tonight Show but since pops was playing hookie with Blossom he never got the message. (Cellphone free is not the way to be, friends.)

(http://i.imgur.com/00kQnTP.jpg)

Luckily for pops, Buzz is there to not let his big break go to waste.

(http://i.imgur.com/ffFNyHv.jpg)

It's alright, pops, I'm sure you'll get another shot at performing on a prestigious network program.

(http://i.imgur.com/iuA8eGE.jpg)

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 11 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: toku on October 27, 2014, 04:54:06 AM
That sounded kinda fucking bleak. Everyone lost except for Blossom who did some questionable shit to get a passing grade? Their father is failing them. At least Joey hasn't found the bottle yet.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on October 27, 2014, 06:42:47 AM
omg I thought you were dead :rejoice
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 27, 2014, 11:26:43 AM
omg I thought you were dead :rejoice

Even a man who has nothing can still offer his life.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: bluemax on October 28, 2014, 03:08:44 AM
Da best.
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on October 28, 2014, 04:43:29 AM
Season 2 Episode 8 - "Arbeit macht Faselei (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENXvZ9YRjbo)"

Joey dented pops' hooptie. Again.

(http://i.imgur.com/oYO0KAt.jpg)

Pops has had it with this shit.  Joey has until this afternoon to get a job so he can cover the difference in his insurance premium this latest accident will cause. Ah, the days when America didn't have crippling structural unemployment. (http://i.imgur.com/bU8oUMi.gif) (If you're experiencing deja vu, I said the same thing when pops demanded Anthony get a job by the end of the week. Give your minor child who just dented your car more ridiculous standards than your adult child who went to jail y'all.)

(http://i.imgur.com/Aqbq5GH.jpg)

Joey pounds the pavement to no avail (I guess it's become Obama's America since Anthony was looking for work while being homeless) and ends up at a hole in the wall taqueria to interview for a janitorial job that pays $2 an hour after taxes looking like this.

(http://i.imgur.com/y8B1kgv.jpg)

Ah, the days when people weren't turned away from work because they were overqualified. (http://i.imgur.com/bU8oUMi.gif)

Frankly, Joey is a little skittish about taking the gig--even with an edict issued by the Synod of Dad--since it's fucking awful work, that is until he finds out who his coworkers will be.

(http://i.imgur.com/5LDrJ7d.jpg)

Since Joey can't think with anything but his penis, he natch takes the job.

There's only uno problemo, Joey's new coworker doesn't speak English, which kind of puts a kink in his whole plan to get the job just so he can ask her out. :ufup

Not to worry though, Blossom is here to help.

(http://i.imgur.com/zPdofqi.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/8DCSnk5.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/d6CwXMs.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/f0AL86B.jpg)

Blossom's Spanish is pretty good, tbh. Gringa, but not :snoop gringa. But wait a minute, wasn't she studying French in a prior episode and #struggling with that? (http://i.imgur.com/jwyvsrB.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/EmOfHxf.jpg)

Shit doesn't make sense to me either, Joey. :yeshrug

The thrilling conclusion of this :snoop storyline?

(http://i.imgur.com/YelUFiW.jpg)

No, it's not that teenage hormones can break through the language barrier (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngHDYzhDBk4) (apologies for the lyrics in this one) you fucking well-adjusted asshole. :comeon

It's that she just couldn't speak English, she understands it just fine. :what

(http://i.imgur.com/BISgdn0.jpg)

Vas a morir, but hopefully not before I do. :beli

BTW, other shit happened in this episode. Shit like finding out how Six has such nice sleeping arrangements when she crashes at Russos.

(http://i.imgur.com/1BXsAUN.jpg)

(You can tell I've never had a bed with a spring box mattress.)

SPEAKING OF SIX, her parents--who I am still unsure even exist since they've never shown up in this show once and gave their daughter a digit as her legal first name--are on the skids. Since Six is rendered a bit rudderless by this, she just spends 24/7 at the Russos doing all manner of things, for example learning how to make an Old Fashioned from Anthony.

(http://i.imgur.com/Oo6C43o.jpg)

Catholic priests give advice on sex, why can't teetotalers teach minors how to tend bar? :yeshrug

(I stole this joke from the episode, FYI. I regret nothing. Well except the totality of my life up until this point, but let's stay on topic.)

Six goes through a crash course in the stages of grief during all this, but when her pops who may or may not actually exist finally moves out the house she can't really be a Wet Egyptian anymore.

(http://i.imgur.com/DlSZCvd.jpg)

Nothing beside remains: round the decay of that colossal wreck you called your parents' marriage, girlfriend. Welcome to the cacverse, it fucking sucks.

(http://i.imgur.com/xiDQjjK.jpg)

One last thing, Anthony saved a famous eurotrash photographer who promised him a family portrait. I'm not even going to write this fucking bullshit up, just enjoy the beautiful bean footage. :badass

(http://i.imgur.com/RkzY9TD.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/RTHuHdH.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/CUFgeta.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/g5DBgDu.jpg)

OK, sorry, I lied, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCYMoD8SfpQ) I will write one thing up about this scene. Sergio (that's the eurotrash photographer) is queried by Blossom, "Are you going to use that camera?" (Sergio is mailing this in and using a Polaroid.) And Sergio shoots back, "Are you going to wear that hat?" :dead Somebody better call the fire department because Blossom just got burned. :heh

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 11 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Malfeasance - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: thisismyusername on October 29, 2014, 04:55:48 PM
I will write one thing up about this scene. Sergio (that's the eurotrash photographer) is queried by Blossom, "Are you going to use that camera?" (Sergio is mailing this in and using a Polaroid.) And Sergio shoots back, "Are you going to wear that hat?" :dead Somebody better call the fire department because Blossom just got burned. :heh

#AllThatShade :dead
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 06, 2014, 11:57:11 PM
Season 2 Episode 9 - La vida es corpiño (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMMHut0t-HU)

Blossom is sick.

(http://i.imgur.com/JnCrWwh.jpg)

Pops got it covered doe, he rented her a bunch of VHS tapes to watch while she's home alone.

(http://i.imgur.com/Zm645KK.jpg)

"When I get back I'm going to make you some chicken soup. How does that sound?" asks Pops.

"Jewish," replies Blossom. :hitler

Anyway, Blossom hallucinates for the rest of the episode. But in a SHOCKING TWIST, the hallucination is explained for once (delirium).

(http://i.imgur.com/1ldtcVo.jpg)

She's a fucking asshole megaceleb musician in this 20 minute hallucination, FYI. :freud:

(http://i.imgur.com/7JkDzS2.jpg)

Pops is her manager and dad.

(http://i.imgur.com/yLaiav0.jpg)

Joey is a hanger-on trying to get his own break.

(http://i.imgur.com/xQjRTRT.jpg)

Phil Donahue is Phil Donahue.

(http://i.imgur.com/OJOBOlY.jpg)

I haven't seen this many stars since the last time I got punched in the face.

(http://i.imgur.com/8Bw7jFf.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/4dYqj8U.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/Gr2fuZw.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/3ZtxVmt.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/BUvaTDz.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/6jSO9fz.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/vUyU6s4.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/o6U5KUS.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/81n8nRb.jpg)

Blossom is also dating Carl Jenkins or something.

(http://i.imgur.com/4lm7OtZ.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/G9FjHEN.jpg)

He gets her to fire her pops as her manager, BTW. (She replaces him with Don King.)

(http://i.imgur.com/9gunDFF.jpg)

It's cool doe, he eventually browbeats her into taking him back--he just has to pretend to be Don King.

(http://i.imgur.com/P6KgjsI.jpg)

I really wish there was more to share but this episode was pointless to the point that I honestly expected Richard Osman to have an existential crisis at some point. (Point.)

(http://i.imgur.com/RQzGvmK.jpg)

That's the bottom line (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_Is_a_Dream). :yeshrug

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 11 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: bluemax on November 07, 2014, 12:52:39 AM
Jere Burns has always had amazing hair.
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on November 07, 2014, 04:31:16 AM
I watched some sitcom with Jere Burns on afternoon TV here about a decade ago called Good Morning Miami, it was still probably better than Blossom
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 07, 2014, 10:33:56 AM
Karakand, this is idiotic. You're just bone and meat, like all the rest.

Can't believe you've powered through this far. Are you a masochist?

Only in death does duty end.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
It's a possibility that I conceal masochism within this shell, or I could be displaying how much I dislike the ephemeral bonds of modernity by engaging in Diogenic behavior--perhaps it is impossible to grasp that answer now, from deep within the flow of Blossom episodes.
[close]
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Joe Molotov on November 07, 2014, 11:57:28 AM
Karakand, this is idiotic. You're just bone and meat, like all the rest.

Can't believe you've powered through this far. Are you a masochist?

Only in death does duty end.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
It's a possibility that I conceal masochism within this shell, or I could be displaying how much I dislike the ephemeral bonds of modernity by engaging in Diogenic behavior--perhaps it is impossible to grasp that answer now, from deep within the flow of Blossom episodes.
[close]

Even in death, you'll still serve. :wag
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 07, 2014, 07:35:35 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/kNad7dV.jpg)

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I'll serve... as an example in how NOT to live a life. :heh
[close]
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 07, 2014, 09:51:51 PM
Season 2 Episode 10 - "It Happened One Fright (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXOgQN1a7bE)"

The kids are hard at work, pops is bringing another girlfriend over to meet them. (You can tell things are srs because Anthony is the most ridiculously dressed of everyone.)

(http://i.imgur.com/yvwACZN.jpg)

OK maybe I lied about the most ridiculous thing. :larry

(http://i.imgur.com/b5cgwQD.jpg)

idg why everyone is on edge, how could anyone not love this fam?

(http://i.imgur.com/LZoaTtf.jpg)

ANYWAY, pops met his gal in an elevator. (It stopped and he has claustrophobia.)

(http://i.imgur.com/ZEfxg6F.jpg)

Pops tells his kids the opposite happened though, because on the list of Russo family traits lying comes in just after lust and disregard for continuity in distinguishing characteristics.

Pops then leaves to go pick up his date (I guess she doesn't have a car or something? I mean I know LA has the bus and all but...) which leaves us to endure carnival of horrors that is 3 consecutive daydreams originating from each of the Russo children. As if the last episode wasn't bad enough? :comeon

Joey, who has never really shown any particular nostalgia for having a heteronormative family unit subjects us to some a-yuck yuck post-War sitcom.

(http://i.imgur.com/OvEaCVH.jpg)

I guess the medium does lend itself to illusions of grandeur. :kaibudde:

(http://i.imgur.com/uLZmaOq.jpg)

Then we come to Anthony who may or may not be projecting some insecurities (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2y3jTGvN8s) with his daydream. :ohhh

(http://i.imgur.com/PWsW2e1.jpg)

Did I mention that Blossom and Six joke about going out to run the train with both the football and the basketball teams? :hitler

Anthony, is there anything you want to talk about? (Besides that dreadful shirt, that is--I already covered that.) :gurl

(http://i.imgur.com/wwdjpgH.jpg)

Speaking of his shirt, when he comes out of this hallucination he's somehow in different threads. Either he can vividly imagine things and change his clothes at the same time or once again this show is insulting my eye for detail and memory of continuity.  :beli

(http://i.imgur.com/JaxCLPa.jpg)

Since we're dwelling on the lack of continuity in this show, while pops is driving his date to the house he's telling her about his kids--which I would have thought had already happened during their previous dates--and he mentions that Anthony is studying to be an EMT even though we had an entire fucking episode already about Anthony becoming an EMT. :comeon

Last and definitely least we come to the daydream of our ardent feminist, one in which pops' girlfriend is a gold digger who kills him with too much sex (:holeup) and takes his lavish estate for herself.

(http://i.imgur.com/SwoFQH9.jpg)

I guess it is not by refusing to drive that we will abolish driving: it is by expropriating current car owners by any means necessary. :yeshrug

Oh yeah she runs off with Buzz or something after flirting with the boys because the typecast struggle is real y'all.

(http://i.imgur.com/SLD2C1f.jpg)

So how does the dinner go? Well we never get that far. :snoop After everyone admits they were stressed out and concocting outrageous expectations about everyone else (I can see why this lady and pops hit it off now...) Joey breaks the ice like a Luftwaffe pilot going at the Road of Life by telling pops' date that in his daydream she had huge tits.

(http://i.imgur.com/JGesm7u.jpg)

Freeze-frame. :lawd

spoiler (click to show/hide)
Breaking the ice, freeze-frame... get it? :hitler
[close]

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 12 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 08, 2014, 09:41:29 PM
Until I get my latest writeup done, please enjoy this sample from my show notes.

(http://i.imgur.com/wINcqjR.png)

I don't usually share these because they are a rather unfiltered glimpse into my madness. Please understand.
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: team filler on November 08, 2014, 09:49:41 PM
stop watching this chit and jam wit me on plug
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Rufus on November 08, 2014, 09:51:47 PM
Good to know that I'm not the only person that writes their thoughts out like that sometimes. All caps and more than three of any kind of punctuation mark in succession though? Now that's pushing it.
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Joe Molotov on November 09, 2014, 09:34:10 AM
The Madness of Vularai III
Title: Re: Journey into Multilingualism - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 09, 2014, 07:32:55 PM
Season 2 Episode 11 - "Joey and the Amazing Technicolor Flannel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mTRvJ9fugM)"

I rarely notice the names of the individual episodes of this show; I assume my subconscious directs me to avoid them so as to preserve the integrity of my own staid episode names. Anyway, I did notice this episode's for whatever reason (it's "You Can't Go Home" BTW) and have to say I'm rather disappointed with it if it is indeed a literary reference. That shit is nu-Battlestar Galactica tier, Blossom. :ufup (That's not entirely fair to Blossom, actually, in nu-BSG the episode is the full title of the book. See also: "Sometimes a Great Notion." :neogaf)

Perhaps it's a good thing that I did though, for I feel like it inspired me to work that much harder on my title + accompanying media link which are so layered and applicable that it's easily a Top 25 episode title as determined by Green Shinobi. :jawalrus

Tangents upon tangents outchea, apologies y'all. :shaq2

Pops is actually doing constructive parenting in this episode by teaching Joey how to shave. (Think of all the young men PD mocks who never got to experience this right of passage. :tocry)

(http://i.imgur.com/sjvKTkw.jpg)

BTW, Joey is such a fucking noob that he tries to shave with the safety covering still on the razor. :heh Guess it's a good thing pops' trade isn't in the field pedagogy. :hitler

But he's not just an archetype of traditional gender roles, no, pops is also cooking a family dinner or something tonight.

(http://i.imgur.com/gFd3L9H.jpg)

The fashion sense of this family. Buzz isn't even a blood-relation! (Well at least not to pops. Well I hope not at least.) :fabulous

Six and Blossom are upstairs busting sick moves to forgettable music and instances like this make me almost wish I'd go out of my way to .gif some of the :trash in this show that can't be captured with still images but then I come to my senses and realize that :trash is undeserving of such labors on my part.

Anyway, Six's mom calls and asks for her to come home and Six feels like she has to because her pops has been gone (continuity :lawd), took all the couple friends, and mom is pretty much forever alone at the moment. :fbm

But Blossom has a better idea, since her pops is a veteran of the divorce wars himself why doesn't Six invite her mom over for dinner too? Could it be? Could I finally have the proof of life that Six has actual parents and isn't some mass hallucination? (That's not an unreasonable position to take given Russo's tenuous at best presence in reality.)

(http://i.imgur.com/if0d6Qa.jpg)

SHE DOES EXIST (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE8CJwXSPRs). :rejoice (Reinforce the message of a book you don't particularly care for by mediating everything through media y'all.)

This will come into play later, but after Six's mom agrees to come to dinner, Blossom and Six both start shipping the parents they live with like it's LiveJournal tumblr outchea. It's possible that pops' odyssey through every eligible woman in the Southland may have had some deleterious effects on Blossom, but seriously girlfriend? :gurl I know you and Six want to be sisters and all, but there are other options--a Roman adoption perhaps?

Anthony gatecrashes dinner with some continuity a guest he picked up on the job.

(http://i.imgur.com/rg2lN9a.jpg)

Her name--well they're not sure if it's her actual name--is Alice and she has rather pronounced Alzheimer's. :fbm Anthony brought her home instead of taking her to the authorities because this is America and you never want to end up in our public health system. :american

Alice thinks it's ~1956. How do I know this? Because she came across Anthony canvasing for the reelection of one President Dwight Eisenhower and claims to have worked in the White House during his first administration. :american

Did I mention Joey has a report due in 2 days about one Vice President Richard Nixon?

(http://i.imgur.com/UJTP1BD.jpg)

Are you really going to exploit some poor soul to do a book report Joey? :comeon

(http://i.imgur.com/kb5Nkuw.jpg)

Also, Joey, we NEED to talk about that flannel. :holeup

Oh yeah, pops and Six's mom kinda connect.

(http://i.imgur.com/exXyCjq.jpg)

They "go out for coffee" and end up in Santa Barbara :dead, then call and tell Blossom and Six not to wait up for them. :shaq

(http://i.imgur.com/klrcT8w.jpg)

This doesn't have to do with anything in particular, I just thought it was funny that Buzz was playing an O.G. Game Boy, and that no one commented on it.

(http://i.imgur.com/TVyIP9h.jpg)

Oh yeah, even though he exploited an ill person to do a school project he procrastinated on, Joey reminded "Alice" of her grandson and the gang got the dude's digits from her before she slipped back into incoherence. :rejoice There come moments of great plenty throughout all the land of Studio City. And there shall arise after them famine of the mind. :tocry

Six heel turned on the whole shipping mom and pops thing, BTW, and was insufferable all night. Blossom eventually had to get her food drunk to calm her down.

(http://i.imgur.com/wkekNl5.jpg)

Fake Dunkin' Donuts in the Southland? :gurl

Pops makes the mistake of waking the gals up. Six basically flips out on him. :heh

(http://i.imgur.com/vGtVdBz.jpg)

It's cool though, pops and mom just talked all night. He's actually not interested in her. :whew (Six flips out at hearing this too, BTW.)

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 13 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Matchmaking - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: El Babua on November 11, 2014, 03:37:25 AM
http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/we-accidentally-sent-cast-blossom-space-couple-hou-1348?
Title: Re: Journey into Matchmaking - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 26, 2014, 12:32:43 AM
Season 2 Episode 12 - "Chequeov's Pun (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntOj4SVrQoc)"

I usually leave this for the postscript, but there are a lot of woahs in this episode. I'm not embellishing. If my math is right there were 10 in total, though a lot of those stem from the blooper reel in the credits when Joey Lawrence is trying to teach a child actor how to woah properly. (It was very MST3K's The Final Sacrifice.) Even Six gets in on the action.

(http://i.imgur.com/haH9ddE.jpg)

Speaking of child actors, did I mention that pops trips fucking balls all episode?

(http://i.imgur.com/IHXYlwb.jpg)

I almost wish I hadn't burned my one Proust reference on the family vacation episode because holy involuntary memory Batman this episode is full of it.

(http://i.imgur.com/4Hb7tY9.jpg)

Yes that's mom. Well on this Earth in the Blossomverse that is. (http://i.imgur.com/EgcQehJ.png)

Why is pops' daydreaming with such frequency that he manages to stand out in a family as inveterate as the Russos in this regard?

(http://i.imgur.com/40NgtrV.jpg)

No, it's not the cut--if one could even bring themselves to think of that suit as being tailored :fabulous--of that jacket. And it's not his sons' choice of attire either.

(http://i.imgur.com/IAwhyMW.jpg)

(How do I know? Because in a flashback we learn that Joey has always dressed questionably.)

(http://i.imgur.com/EnH3qnG.jpg)

A turtleneck. As an undershirt. In Studio City? :comeon

BTW, this memory provided an awkward screencap moment™.

(http://i.imgur.com/ifU2m8W.jpg)

I digress, the source of pops' acute pensiveness--apparently he's skint and there's a balloon payment due on the house he can't pay :ufup which means he'll have to sell the only house the kids have lived in all their lives (http://i.imgur.com/fzFLwp7.gif) and move them into an apartment. (Well except for Anthony, he can go fuck himself. The Titanic is sinking outchea.) Ah, the days when American homeowners lived hand to mouth because their most important nonrecourse debt was structured in an ill-advised manner. (http://i.imgur.com/71F2k86.gif)

Wait a minute...  :ohhh

(http://i.imgur.com/1WxcTmP.gif)

It's almost like capitalism is a series of crises. :yeshrug

(http://i.imgur.com/t9cHIeY.jpg)

Alright, alright. Sheesh, bourgeois lickspittles make for tough crowds.

Pops is a huge :goty2 when he drops this bombshell on the fam. Previously they'd been celebrating David Lee Roth committing career suicide (Your Filthy Little Mouth may or may not have come out by now, we're too lazy to check. Yes, that's a royal we. -Ed.) deciding to cover one of Buzz's songs from the 50s because pops needs to have even more salt rubbed in the wound after missing out on the Tonight Show to play hookie with his only not-fuck up kid.

(http://i.imgur.com/HVd1LqL.jpg)

It's cool though, Buzz promises he's going to help pops keep the house. His sound financial advice? Raid the kids' college fund that pops and mom started before the kids were even born (this is covered in a flashback, FYI) to cover the balloon payment. :comeon

(http://i.imgur.com/S7QRxmb.jpg)

Ah the days when lower middle class parents could own 3 bedroom 2.5 bath homes save and actually contribute to the postsecondary education of their children. (http://i.imgur.com/71F2k86.gif)

My screencap use here is misleading, BTW. (Wait until you realize I'm an unreliable narrator who could be making up all these synopses safe in the knowledge that no one will actually watch Blossom voluntarily or even bother to read episode descriptions on Wikipedia (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZTkVAhoVLo).) Pops is adamant that the college fund not be raided--Anthony, Joey, Blossom's future is more important than his only significant wealth. Such selflessness, it almost stirs the dormant comrade in me. :ussrcry

This is Blossom though and if there's one constant in the Blossomverse it's that Buzz always makes pops LARP Nas, which means wily ol' Buzz eventually figures a way around pops' commendable if possibly quixotic intractability. How does he do it? Why he gives the kids their inheritance from him early and they all decide to give their money to pops to cover the balloon payment. (In reality it's just the (substantial) advance money from the David Lee Roth cover because Buzz is a spendthrift or something.)

(http://i.imgur.com/nKIU8FM.jpg)

Needless to say all I thought about during this scene was the possible tax ramifications of all these transactions that NO ONE IN THIS FUCKING FAMILY THOUGHT ABOUT before engaging in this high stakes heartstring pulling :holeup because I'm dead inside and so are you, you just haven't realized it yet. :bolo

Oh yeah, enjoy some flashback screencaps I couldn't work up an excuse to include. (I suggest viewing while listening to this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yam5uK6e-bQ) for the complete 90s experience.)

(http://i.imgur.com/uzIiFyZ.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/w5jECoJ.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/zorM3hG.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/9UPMdyg.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/Z93GYe5.jpg)

Buzz :dead

"Woahs" - 10 in episode, 23 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Memory - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Yeti on November 26, 2014, 01:37:58 PM
I've missed these. Could the black widow hourglass on Blossom Momma's shirt be a clue to the real reason she is no longer with the family in the present?
Title: Re: Journey into Memory - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pollo on November 26, 2014, 07:52:36 PM
Hi Kara,

What's been good with you man. Been a while
Title: Re: Journey into Memory - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 27, 2014, 04:00:07 PM
Hey old friend, sadly not much has been good with me of late. How goes life with you?



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Season 2 Episode 13 - "Voyage au bout de la nuit de réveillon de Noël (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chPyqY4el6Q)"

I like to think that I am a man of reason (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkQYFwyX0k8). I may not always act reasonably (More like inveterately. -Ed.), but I am generally disinclined to hold to superstitious beliefs. However there are times--however few they may be--where I cannot help but think that I solely exist to engender the laughter of thirsting gods.

On a related note, this episode (which I watched today) is our first Christmas episode.

(http://i.imgur.com/cjSSIKp.jpg)

There will be continuity errors that I rant about at a later point in this synopsis, but at least pops still has the same ill-fitting jacket on this Earth in the Blossomverse. (http://i.imgur.com/EgcQehJ.png)

I'm getting ahead of myself though, first we must trifle with the subplot of this episode: Blossom has her learner's permit.

(http://i.imgur.com/X4qcpV0.jpg)

BTW, notice that land yacht they're cruising around in? Yeah, it doesn't match the hooptie we've always known pops to drive via establishing shots. (http://i.imgur.com/yX4IiKJ.png)

They even insult my intelligence by using that establishing shot right after this scene. :comeon

(http://i.imgur.com/Yqvug0D.jpg)

Buzz: What's up?
Blossom: Six is quizzing me on the driver's manual. (Beat) Go ahead Six, ask me anything.
Six: Who's hotter, Jason Priestley or Luke Perry? ((How is this even a contest? -Ed.) (ikr -Ed.))
Blossom: I meant a driving question.
Six: OK. Who's a better driver, Jason Priestley or Luke Perry?

(http://i.imgur.com/cUwjHZT.jpg)

Well Six, I'll let you be the judge of that. (http://i.imgur.com/5QkDffy.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/4Nk8tKP.jpg)(http://i.imgur.com/kF6Acgz.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/gCwz4pU.jpg)(http://i.imgur.com/sldFXDs.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/NPB1et0.jpg)(http://i.imgur.com/bqfC24i.jpg)

Dylan. :lawd

Pops has a lot on his plate so Buzz agrees to take Blossom out to practice driving.

(http://i.imgur.com/i15GvVL.jpg)

Left to her own devices, Blossom draws the attention of the authorities on this sojourn.

Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?
Blossom: Seventy?
Officer: Seven (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw5c4pqNqIc).

(http://i.imgur.com/wqJtHoQ.jpg)

Fortunately for Blossom, the officer is a huge fan of Buzz's music and decides to protect and serve by letting them go with a warning--and insisting that Buzz drive home. Hilarity ensues when Buzz, who hasn't driven since the 40s, crashes into the parked patrol car.

(http://i.imgur.com/lwmtXy1.jpg)

So ends the subplot. (I'm not embellishing, no further mention is made of the incident for the rest of the episode. :mindblown)

You'll remember from our prior episode that pops has been a bit, how shall we say it, salaire de la peur of late. He gets a gig writing a series of jingles for commercials in this episode though and things are starting to look up. That is until the American Federation of Musicians decides to go on strike.

(http://i.imgur.com/Xm9h1Yg.jpg)

Pops' solution to paying for Christmas? Getting a job demoing organs at the mall. "The trade unions foster a state of affairs which allows one set of workers to be pitted against another set of workers in the same industry, thereby helping defeat one another in wage wars." :ussrcry

(http://i.imgur.com/NpfCe2g.jpg)

Ah, the low standards of seasonal labor. (http://i.imgur.com/71F2k86.gif)

He has to work for a 17-year-old meathead, I forgot to mention that. It's important because pops is belittled by him constantly and eventually flips out... then throws shade on Megadeath, Anthrax, AND Slayer and gets sacked. (In his defense, he does it in defense of Zeppelin.)

(http://i.imgur.com/cCmt8qv.jpg)

Elsewhere in the Blossomverse, Anthony is burning down the Christmas tree.

(http://i.imgur.com/pUeUYea.jpg)

And Blossom forgot to thaw the turkey.

(http://i.imgur.com/1QNhCzN.jpg)

Far be it from me to stand in the way of sexist division of labor, but I think I'd rather have the stoner do the baking and the smart one handle the electrical devices. :yeshrug

Oh yeah, Buzz suggests they microwave the turkey to thaw it. Somehow that leads to this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHYIGy1dyd8).

(http://i.imgur.com/R7LCXu6.jpg)

Did I mention that on his way home pops stopped to help a pregnant woman with a flat tire and his hooptie got jacked with all the fam's presents inside (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEFPcljAXgs)? Yeah that happened too.

Pops sends everyone out to get pizza so he can rage in peace. Too bad every channel is showing It's a Wonderful Life. :ufup

(http://i.imgur.com/axW1lvh.jpg)

And as if this series of unfortunate events couldn't get any more agonizing, mom's French boyfriend Jean-Claude stops by on his way to Tahiti with presents for the kids. One set from mom, and another set from Jean-Claude.

(http://i.imgur.com/qHKhfaP.jpg)

Partner let me upgrade you indeed. (http://i.imgur.com/O7dUOeE.gif)

Oh yeah, after Jean-Claude leaves pops takes his set of gifts, rips off the tags, and puts new ones on saying they're from him (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_Z4ZInwj1I). Life, it's so aleatoric friends.

(http://i.imgur.com/WRAE3rx.jpg)

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 23 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Memory - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Himu on November 27, 2014, 04:04:38 PM
Thanks for being a real communist and not supporting thanksgiving, kara
Title: Re: Journey into Memory - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 27, 2014, 04:11:16 PM
So this is what the great Karakand has fallen to? Greatest holiday of the year, and you spend it watching Blossom?

I also watched 2 episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 that are 4 seasons apart because I remembered that both Brandon and Dylan got into accidents during the course of the show. (http://i.imgur.com/1SDM217.gif)
Title: Re: Journey into Memory - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 28, 2014, 10:04:49 PM
Season 2 Episode 14 - "Calm Jabbar (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fROYY253As)"

Because well-worn paths can never be too well-worn (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMSNiOt8NII), Blossom follows up its Christmas episode with the SAT episode. :goty2

(http://i.imgur.com/D9d9u6H.jpg)

OK, technically Six and Blossom are only taking the PSAT, but Joey is taking the SAT as well. (http://i.imgur.com/monWcjn.png)

Six and Joey are shitting bricks about their respective exams. Sort of like everyone else.

(http://i.imgur.com/T8BhYsU.jpg)

Blossom wasn't really concerned herself. Well until she sat down to take the test that is. :heh

(http://i.imgur.com/0JwHwDd.jpg)

Choked like a pubescent chicken. The sweet taste of failure. :lawd

(http://i.imgur.com/Z8t53P5.jpg)

Meanwhile Anthony is frustrated that his life consists of going to work, going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and nothing else. (http://i.imgur.com/fzFLwp7.gif)

(Call me when your life consists of going to work, Tony. :bolo)

What does he do? Why he asks Buzz for advice. Because after last episode he certainly seems like an adult with their head screwed on. :neogaf

(http://i.imgur.com/T0sCGa0.jpg)

Matadors represent y'all. (http://i.imgur.com/q42k7vX.png)

What's Buzz's suggestion to his recovering alcohol and drug addict grandson? Joining him at the tracks. :mindblown

(http://i.imgur.com/Ik47wVT.jpg)

Establishing shots. :lawd

Like a stereotypical regular gambler, Buzz has a series of rules he abides by when he goes to see the ponies. 1. Pick your horses the night before. 2. Stick to your picks no matter what. 3. Keep betting until all your picks have raced.

How does the Buzz Method™ work out?

(http://i.imgur.com/pUtfteI.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/5MagR8O.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/mLwGl0L.jpg)

However things take a turn for the worse when Anthony discovers that there's been a late addition to their final race. It has Blossom in its name and because of that they just have to bet on it despite this not being part of the Buzz Method™ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHYc4hfqa1M).

(http://i.imgur.com/ROL7beP.jpg)

Buzz relents and lets the boy cook, which to be more precise means Anthony goes and drops 78 thousand U.S. dollars on a horse just because part of its name is his own sister's name. I'll let you figure out how that goes for ol' Anthony.

(http://i.imgur.com/n0tFCAK.jpg)

Speaking of humiliating defeat, Blossom is dealing with hers in an adult manner.

(http://i.imgur.com/vwgnJqU.jpg)

Pops does pops things to cheer her up. :tocry

(http://i.imgur.com/PuwuAzT.jpg)

Unfortunately Blossom doesn't want to know she's unconditionally loved and things will work out. (http://i.imgur.com/fzFLwp7.gif)

Joey's on the case though. He tells her that now everyone thinks she's dumb and there won't be any pressure on her anymore. For reasons I cannot comprehend exactly this works and Blossom is ready to go out and face the world again. Too bad the door broke and they're all stuck inside.

(http://i.imgur.com/EshBzIS.jpg)

Did I mention that pops fixed this door earlier in the episode? (http://i.imgur.com/EgcQehJ.png)

As an addendum, just a reminder that y'all :ufup by picking this one as the whitest sitcom.

(http://i.imgur.com/hM8fvol.jpg)

Why yes, that is Omar Gooding reprising his role as a studious young man dear reader. How observant of you. :leon

(http://i.imgur.com/6Om3g5X.jpg)

Did I mention that Omar Gooding was last seen in a class that Joey and not Blossom was in and that because of the tests they took today we can infer they are not in the same grade? (http://i.imgur.com/yX4IiKJ.png)

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 23 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Multiple Choice - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 28, 2014, 10:20:55 PM
The commentaries I could write for my last 3 synopses. :lawd

I think Voyage might be my finest one yet. :whew

Too bad I got more episodes to watch instead of getting exegetical outchea. :jawalrus
Title: Re: Journey into Multiple Choice - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: thisismyusername on November 28, 2014, 11:17:42 PM
OMG that dreamy emote edit.  :lol :lol :lol :lol :rofl :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Journey into Multiple Choice - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: nudemacusers on November 29, 2014, 02:07:20 AM
kara i'm worried about your health brah
Title: Re: Journey into Multiple Choice - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: kick51 on November 29, 2014, 09:53:27 AM
this is hilarious.  can you do Jem and the Holograms next? 
Title: Re: Journey into Multiple Choice - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 29, 2014, 12:46:33 PM
Are you manually doing all the screen captures for this?

I am, yeah. It disrupts the viewing experience I admit (especially in the beginning of an episode when I'm not quite sure what will and will not be important to screencap), but it allows me to watch an episode once and be done with it.


kara i'm worried about your health brah

In the darkness a blind man is the best guide. In an age of madness look to the madman to show the way.
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 30, 2014, 03:48:44 PM
Season 2 Episode 15 - "Love's Labour Tossed (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crWSG6liT5Y)"

School ep!

(http://i.imgur.com/s4JB0Fv.jpg)

Substitute teacher ep!

(http://i.imgur.com/WWjxjsT.jpg)

He's like so over reading essays, so instead of writing essays about the Shakespeare play they're reading they're going to perform it in class.

(http://i.imgur.com/g1yujQJ.jpg)

Why yes, that is Omar Gooding yet again in Blossom's class. How observant of you (http://vimeo.com/24201361), dear reader. (http://i.imgur.com/yX4IiKJ.png)

What a dreamboat. (http://i.imgur.com/5YgrT1L.gif) Am I right, girls?

(http://i.imgur.com/f6XCZPr.jpg)

Omar Gooding makes a pretty good Prince of Verona (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFHV7o4SSZ8). :whew

Blossom has it really bad for teach though. Even more than the other girls.

(http://i.imgur.com/52cVFwT.jpg)

:dead like my name is Mercutio.

Did I mention that this episode's official name is a song David Lee Roth--who last time we encountered was buying the rights to songs Buzz wrote--sang (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyMQLrnbBgE)? (http://i.imgur.com/EgcQehJ.png)

Speaking of young love, Joey is trying to impress a girl (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D2qcbu26gs) with poetry he wrote himself.

(http://i.imgur.com/PBpjyZF.jpg)

While Joey is obviously a man of letters, he's just a bit frustrated by writer's block.

(http://i.imgur.com/tY2dXRn.jpg)

He talks Blossom into writing his love poem for him because his stuff is crassly misogynistic, even for Joey.

(http://i.imgur.com/CHxHous.jpg)

The proof of the pudding lies in its eating. :yeshrug

Elsewhere, the Rolling Stones are in town and Anthony wants to see them because it "might be the last time they ever go on tour." :heh

He asks pops if he knows someone who knows someone who can hook him up with tix. This offends pops because he's that guy with the hookup. :bolo

He calls Mick Jagger's home number to make his point.

(http://i.imgur.com/sKVTQqN.jpg)

Too bad it's a Chinese restaurant's number now.

(http://i.imgur.com/M3gk54W.jpg)

:ufup indeed, Anthony.

(http://i.imgur.com/QyDYrQd.jpg)

It's substitute teacher's last day of school. :brazilcry

How does Blossom handle this? Why she waits after class and gives him her digits and address. Then asks if he'll contact her in 10 years when she's old enough to be pursued by him. :dead

(http://i.imgur.com/FAxWYvu.jpg)

ikr Six? That was almost as stupid as wearing that jacket out in public.

(http://i.imgur.com/3DyUqbV.jpg)

BTW, subbie is married.

(http://i.imgur.com/P77uYch.jpg)

Looking like an amethyst monolith in that ensemble, g-friend. :holeup

The girl Joey was pursuing found out he was a (http://i.imgur.com/yICDBtI.png) too when she asked him to freestyle a poem on the spot and he sang her a stanza from "I Touch Myself." :dead

(http://i.imgur.com/YaVT9Z8.jpg)

At least pops and Tony got to see the Stones. :rejoice

(http://i.imgur.com/G7v2jDh.jpg)

But maybe that wasn't the only victory in this episode. (http://i.imgur.com/yX4IiKJ.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/PRX3coM.jpg)

(Sheesh pops you look like hell. Take a chill pill or something.)

(http://i.imgur.com/g3arlVV.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/wyk1Rl0.jpg)

For never was a story of more woe / Than this of Juliet and her Romeo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hhavsmsi_5M). :tocry


"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 24 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: chronovore on November 30, 2014, 04:41:26 PM
My friend tells me that I never watch TV shows or movies, but that I just read other people's reviews of them and then comment on that instead, elevating the review of media to its metacultural significance.

I've never seen a single episode of this show.

My favorite aspect of this thread is that it cements me as the premiere post-modern media consumer.
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: thisismyusername on November 30, 2014, 05:04:24 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/yICDBtI.png)

OMG, I've been looking everywhere for this.  :lol *right-click->save* :heart
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 30, 2014, 08:08:18 PM
My friend tells me that I never watch TV shows or movies, but that I just read other people's reviews of them and then comment on that instead, elevating the review of media to its metacultural significance.

I've never seen a single episode of this show.

My favorite aspect of this thread is that it cements me as the premiere post-modern media consumer.

I'm kind of on the fence about writing a manifesto explaining the exact nature of this project because it would stunt self-reflection like this. :goty2

On the other hand I can't exactly launch the tumblr without an introduction. :yeshrug
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: chronovore on November 30, 2014, 08:22:25 PM
Please let me know when the Tumblr goes live; extending my second-hand review across multiple social networks can only cause more fracturing of the prism.

BTW, I am having to get by entirely on this thread for insights on Blossom versus Big Bang Theory's Amy, as well as the actress' relationship to the characters she plays.
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on November 30, 2014, 08:33:32 PM
I'm going to launch it with season 3. I'll still post here and crosspost there. TBH it's why I'm kind of burning through eps atm. (Also I was MIA for awhile.)
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pollo on November 30, 2014, 11:40:00 PM
My friend tells me that I never watch TV shows or movies, but that I just read other people's reviews of them and then comment on that instead, elevating the review of media to its metacultural significance.

I've never seen a single episode of this show.

My favorite aspect of this thread is that it cements me as the premiere post-modern media consumer.

in other words you : blossom gaffer : video games
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: chronovore on December 01, 2014, 12:19:03 AM
There's no need to be mean!
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on December 01, 2014, 12:44:40 AM
Does this fill your endless emptiness, Karakand?

It is no sin to wish for a life with meaning.
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on December 01, 2014, 03:54:22 AM
Season 2 Episode 16 - "What Is to Be Won? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6uSHOp2Uj0)"

Joey is going to eat 5 thousand peas at lunch and break the school record. :beli

(http://i.imgur.com/kssObKr.jpg)

Because he wants to ask Taylor to go steady with him and thinks such a labor will demonstrate how special he really is. :snoop

(http://i.imgur.com/AKg48Od.jpg)

Who's Taylor? Fuck if I know. :yeshrug True to form, Blossom introduces a (presumably) serious romantic interest with zero context or continuity. :bolo

Meanwhile in statistics class...

(http://i.imgur.com/lU2eHoC.jpg)

The class has to partner up in heteronormative couples :gurl and build a family budget using depressing American household income statistics. :american

Blossom gets partnered up with a total rake.

(http://i.imgur.com/rUl3Rhx.jpg)

Sorry for the tangent, but I really hope Zane fucking Buzby's parents are ashamed of giving a child a name like that. There's only one Zane (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54LAJmIleDU), and it ain't fucking Buzby. (Gravediggaz represent.)

Where was I? Ah yes, her partner isn't actually so bad. When Blossom wonders how a family of 4 lives on the average household income of 29 thousand dollars a year (thanks Obama) he tells her that his parents raise 7 kids on far less than that. (http://i.imgur.com/I1z4i7e.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/Sf7Y28E.jpg)

Ball don't lie, pops. No more whining about toiling away (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0bOH8ABpco) in the soul crushing field of popular music performance. (http://i.imgur.com/wbXVOJx.png)

Blossom starts crushing on her partner--his devil may care attitude to the class character of bourgeois society being simply irresistible. There's only one minor problem, he's sort of attached at the moment.

(http://i.imgur.com/1Ek9etn.jpg)

I saw season 4 of Saved By the Bell too. :badass

Speaking of minor problems, because Anthony exists and this show is creatively bankrupt we have to endure another sober #struggle subplot involving him. He's having his wisdom teeth taken out but isn't sure if he wants to be anesthetized or prescribed analgesics because he'll go from EMT to Robert Downey Jr. in no time flat or some shit.

(http://i.imgur.com/8ooflzE.jpg)

The thrilling conclusion to this? He decides he'll take the pain pills if he can't endure the pain anymore. :beli

Since we're on the topic of pain, Blossom's partner's... well partner? wants to lay it on her for moving in on her man (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3172w_Q-RQ). She politely tells Six to tell Blossom to meet her after school so they can settle their dispute like gentlemen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0LABxKpQjg).

(http://i.imgur.com/hAWs6hQ.jpg)

Blossom shows up and makes quite an impression.

(http://i.imgur.com/w8wvE6S.jpg)

Or rather an impression was made on her. :teehee

Since I know you were all dying to know, Joey did manage to eat 5 thousand peas.

(http://i.imgur.com/mHxQ8gO.jpg)

And he impressed Taylor, who remarks that if the world stopped fighting wars and had pea eating competitions then we could all enjoy world... peas. :snoop

(http://i.imgur.com/01MfftX.jpg)

I was thinking more :beli than :goty2 Six, but :yeshrug.

(http://i.imgur.com/m09PLm5.jpg)

O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

Before we go, enjoy a montage of a subplot about pops meeting the guy voted most likely to succeed in his graduating class from high school.

(http://i.imgur.com/llcyLiN.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/9vZsh9g.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/YTo5BFO.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/JQJ11Tq.jpg)

If only I'd known not to blow my trapped in the closet material early. :tocry

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 24 in total viewings
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on December 01, 2014, 11:28:41 AM
While I agree she's a bit sheltered and that the point of introducing this character was to shed light on that, that's not a lot of money to raise 4 people on, especially in the Southland.

Then there's the thing about median income not being a meaningful metric in large population samples.
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on December 01, 2014, 03:25:36 PM
Taylor is Tiffani from California Dreams
Title: Re: Journey into Montagues - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on December 17, 2014, 03:19:55 AM
Season 2 Episode 17 - "The Twelve Pairs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NhqN0KcWAE)"¹²³

I've been keeping something from you (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg97ZJDOGSg) for quite some time, reader. :noooo

(http://i.imgur.com/7DmUC21.jpg)

There has been a long running thread in Blossom I have chosen to not discuss until now. Why? Well, in the beginning I didn't believe it would amount to much⁴ and also because it never really lent itself to substantive discussion, but as time went on it became clear that not only did this thread transcend the various planes of the Blossomverse, but it wasn't going anywhere. When I reached this conclusion I decided that eventually it would crescendo and then I could reveal a truth you had been ignorant of because you are relying on an unreliable narrator (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDwKPGUIVME)⁵ to recount the contents of a piece of cultural refuse to you. :ufup

(http://i.imgur.com/oYvOwxT.jpg)

So much build up for something so trivial... a thousand curses on the writers of this episode. :bolo

Six has had a mad crush on Joey. For a long, long time. She will always take the opportunity to indulge in it too. With Blossom. :snoop Blossom would initially respond with revulsion, but has since wised up to the fact that it's best to just ignore her friend's :holeup behavior. Unfortunately for all parties involved Six can't take a fucking hint. :goty2

(http://i.imgur.com/agIXdky.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/1WOJ2Bx.jpg)

No, Six and Joey aren't an item. That would be too much payoff for this fucking piece of shit show. :heh Joey thinks kisses from Six are the cause of his red hot hitting streak over the last few weeks so he goes out of his way to get a peck from Six before every game⁶.

Well until Six starts getting exploitative with Joey. :shaq

(http://i.imgur.com/rSKcIDM.jpg)

Eventually suffering this kind of abuse breaks Joey down to the point where he celebrates the fact he went 0 for a million in a game because it disproves the power of Six. :rejoice

(http://i.imgur.com/iykCv8Q.jpg)

Anthony had a bit of an experience at work. He got called to the Playboy Mansion to save the life of a Playmate during a calendar shoot. :leon

(http://i.imgur.com/D4Se212.jpg)

This being Blossom however, all the men in Anthony's life make him tell the story over and over because licentiousness is so despotic, friends.

(http://i.imgur.com/TvfWpmv.jpg)

Hands where I can see them, gents. :bolo

The payoff for this is that all 12 calendar girls show up at the house to "learn how to perform CPR (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar7DgREshAk)"⁷ from Anthony.

(http://i.imgur.com/d2USke8.jpg)

Naturally Joey volunteers to be the practice subject. Luckily for devotees of Momus, Six busts in to snatch another kiss before Joey can fulfill a teenage fantasy. :neogaf

(http://i.imgur.com/UGsUCGR.jpg)

Speaking of nudity, Blossom discovers she has a fear of public speaking during her tryout for drama club. Wasn't she nailing Juliet in English class 2 episodes ago though?⁸ (http://i.imgur.com/9VRzP2Z.png)

At least we get a continuity bone when she connects this cracking under pressure with her laudable PSAT performance. (http://i.imgur.com/EgcQehJ.png)

Oh yeah, what does this have to do with nudity you ask? Well pops tells her to picture everyone in their underwear which means we get treated to sit-up camp for shirtless boys.

(http://i.imgur.com/FigaTvf.jpg)

Maybe I shouldn't have said boys... :ufup

(http://i.imgur.com/RheWTYQ.jpg)

Those of you familiar with Mayim Bialik's irl political leanings may find this moment from her daydream about delivering a historic speech to the United Nations amusing.

(http://i.imgur.com/xYWJseN.jpg)

"Woahs" - 4 in episode⁹, 28 in total viewings


---------------------------------------------------------------------


¹An unimaginative if not problematic play on the title of the 1928 novel The Twelve Chairs which no doubt references the mammary character of the 12 guests that make an appearance at the end of the episode. Inaki suggests that we are also meant to connect the deception of Karakand with the behavior of the various con artists that populate the pages of this frenetic comedy while Huldrych believes this to be baseless conjecture. As Ostap Bender would say, "God only knows . . . And since there is no God, nobody knows. We are in a terrible bind."

²Lucious Jackson's name was itself a pop culture reference.

³"I tried to be dignified . . . Naked is a state of mind"

⁴No doubt to avoid something like the incorrect prognostications about Jewish jokes being a running undercurrent to the show during season 1 that turned out to be an error.

⁵Besides taking the opportunity to indulge his grating Gallophilia, it can be assumed that Karakand intended this to be a reference to Humbert Humbert in the superficial sense that the character was also a rather infamous unreliable narrator. Inaki and Huldrych take this further and connect Humbert's obsession with a teenage girl to Karakand's obsession with the travails of a fictional teenage girl.

⁶"I find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look." On a related note, this happens to be the sixth footnote to this synopsis. Coincidence? I think not. (17 (as in the episode number) less 12 (as in the number in the episode synopsis title) is also 5. -Ed.)

⁷Ironically this reference comes 7 months into Karakand's time on the leaky boat one might metaphorically describe his personal life as resembling.

⁸Bizarrely Blossom failed to perform to expectations while auditioning as Hamlet too.

⁹Karakand's show notes make mention of the fact that 2 characters both woah simultaneously at one point in the episode and that this caused a great deal of categorizing consternation. (For those of you wondering, each character's woah was treated as a distinct woah for tallying purposes.)
Title: Re: Journey into Magazines - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: TVC15 on December 17, 2014, 03:24:45 AM
Should I do a thread where I watch all of Friends?
Title: Re: Journey into Magazines - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on December 17, 2014, 03:45:35 AM
Should I do a thread where I watch all of Friends?

Yes.

x infinity

Title: Re: Journey into Magazines - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on December 17, 2014, 10:06:50 AM
Should I do a thread where I watch all of Friends?

I've got Wings after this, have at it.
Title: Re: Journey into Magazines - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Joe Molotov on December 17, 2014, 10:22:31 AM
Dem footnotes. This is becoming the Infinite Jest of Blossom threads. :lawd
Title: Re: Journey into Magazines - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on December 17, 2014, 08:30:42 PM
Should I do a thread where I watch all of Friends?

I've got Wings after this, have at it.

So excited, Wings is one of my secret shame favourites in a completely non-ironic way. Just the fact it lasted so long with a stupid premise deserves praise.
Title: Re: Journey into Magazines - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: bluemax on December 29, 2014, 11:17:32 PM
Its been almost 2 weeks. I hope the void has not consumed Karakand.
Title: Re: Journey into Magazines - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: toku on December 29, 2014, 11:18:45 PM
Its been almost 2 weeks. I hope the void has not consumed Karakand.

hes been camping so in a way, it has.
Title: Re: Journey into Magazines - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on December 29, 2014, 11:51:50 PM
Season 2 Episode 18 - "Je suis dans le pastiche (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imamcajBEJs)"¹²

Blossom gets a letter from mom. :leon

(http://i.imgur.com/ZlpbVPc.jpg)

Quote
Dear Blossom STOP Still dating hunky Paul Gauguin wannabe³ STOP Went to the opera together the other night STOP Drank wine at a little cafe afterwards STOP Then danced the rest of the night away under the Eiffel Tower FULL STOP

Blossom reads this letter and concludes mom is like *totally embarrassing*, living like a "lovesick teenager" when she's turning quarante soon. (http://i.imgur.com/fzFLwp7.gif) Sounds like a pretty sweet setup to me, Blossom, but I have seen Jean-Claude (http://i.imgur.com/I9rEA27.png) while you haven't. :yeshrug Ah, the days when you could willfully abandon your parental obligations. (http://i.imgur.com/ZRUZTgF.gif).

Speaking of living in the past, pops is cleaning out his performance wardrobe. (http://i.imgur.com/7y7oCMe.gif)

(http://i.imgur.com/Pkvvo6z.jpg)

Needless to say it was probably ill-advised to try putting on some of this stuff (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-WFNbMohTQ).⁴ In the present I mean, not back then. :badass

(http://i.imgur.com/7iQ2eBx.jpg)

Because questionable clothing no longer fits, pops decides to join the gym and get in shape. :noah (When you don't have a problem getting laid as a single father with irregular employment I guess you have to reach for anything you can to get motivated. :larry)

(http://i.imgur.com/Ax6E2uy.jpg)

Establishing shots. :lawd

Even though he hasn't worked out possibly in forever, pops refuses to take much input from his trainer. I'm going to go ahead and leave this one packed up nice and tight in the "problematic power dynamics" box. (http://i.imgur.com/m1own6h.gif)

(http://i.imgur.com/zlBx2tT.jpg)

A nice warm serving of comeuppance (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sl9fGqCuINc)⁵ arrives at the stair machines however and pops ends up like this. :ufup

(http://i.imgur.com/uSD5yYc.jpg)

Harkening all the way back to the pilot⁶, Blossom decides to create a video journal instead of sending her mom a birthday card for her previously mentioned upcoming milestone. Our past is not merely something to depart from; it is to commune with, to speak with.⁷ :yeshrug

(http://i.imgur.com/M3MT6hX.jpg)

Everyone gets in on dis shit.

(http://i.imgur.com/RQXevpQ.jpg)

Even Salt-N-Pepa. (http://i.imgur.com/vzSFZko.png) Ah, the days when we got regular celebrity cameos on this show. (http://i.imgur.com/ZRUZTgF.gif)

(http://i.imgur.com/tRdh6IU.jpg)

Bea tea dubs, they perform "Let's Talk About Sex." For Blossom's mom. :snoop

Anthony tells mom all about how he's an EMT and sober (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rktagwzW3XQ). I'm starting to think Anthony gets paid off by Alcoholics Anonymous for every mention of sobriety he can unnecessarily work into any conversation or episode⁸ possible. (http://i.imgur.com/SXkHk0w.gif)

(http://i.imgur.com/Id8msRx.jpg)

Mise-en-scene. :lawd

He also takes the opportunity to let us all know that the Playmate he saved last episode and he are dating. :whew

(http://i.imgur.com/6zRaVzo.jpg)

Having the rare opportunity to communicate with his mother, Joey makes sure she knows he's still a kid at heart. :heh

(http://i.imgur.com/i6jg7xU.jpg)

I'm hardly a LEGO connoisseur, but those pieces seem like fairly recent releases Joey. :gurl

(http://i.imgur.com/m4nZzLy.jpg)

Ah, the days when toilets in California could flush small LEGO creations. (http://i.imgur.com/ZRUZTgF.gif)

(Joey, I know I'm not exactly on terra firma when I proffer life advice, but if I was sending my mom who thought acting the fool in Paris for years while her kids grew up without her a message I probably wouldn't use toilet flushing imagery. :larry)

Buzz demonstrates that empires rise and fall but ageism is eternal by gracing us all with a demonstration of his proficiency with modern marvels like VHS camcorders the size of a gym bag.

(http://i.imgur.com/0EnYvHm.jpg)

Even pops sneaks in a quick :umad message reminding mom that she'll always be 3 months older than him until the day she dies⁹.

(http://i.imgur.com/r45SCSR.jpg)

Speaking of mom, we get a Dr. Claw scene of her watching the tape.

(http://i.imgur.com/GL85ppD.jpg)

I wish this could have screencapped better but it's much more important for you to know Paul Junger Witt¹⁰ executive produced this episode than it is for you to know this video visibly moved Dr. Claw Mom.

(http://i.imgur.com/Y3eAqwk.jpg)

I've got a bad fucking feeling mom is coming to an episode of Blossom soon. :goty2

"Woahs" - 0 in episode, 28 in total viewings


---------------------------------------------------------------------

¹Inaki believes this is a play on the French expression "je suis dans le pastis."  Huldrych challenges this assertion, pointing out Karakand formally studied French as a child and the odds of encountering a liquor-based colloquialism in such an environment are exceedingly small. Additionally, a well-documented ideologue and absintheur would be disinclined to celebrate pastis, a drink that both arose in the aftermath of absinthe's ban in France and was invented by a man who receives his due credit for doing so (Paul Ricard) while absinthe was likely invented by a woman (or women if her daughters are included) while recognition for its creation was historically given to various men like Dr. Pierre Ordinaire. Inaki counters that even though pastis and absinthe have a complicated relationship, Karakand was quite familiar with the myriad of anise liquors available for consumption as evidenced by some of the more sordid anecdotes found in his overbearing autobiography If I Drank That: The Mystery of the Ham in the Bowl and Other Struggles of Socialism.

²Despite several opportunities to use the two Leonardo DiCaprio emoticons through which Karakand comments on the various continuity issues that plague Blossom, he conspicuously avoided using them for entirety of this synopsis. While the title of the piece could be literally applied to various threads of the episode's plot, it is also possible that the amount of continuity consistency found in the episode made him give up on his deranged hypothesis that the show actually takes place across several parallel Earths which eliminated the philosophical basis for the use of the emoticons as well. Norwood asserts that for the sake of readability Karakand eschewed the use of the emoticons entirely for this synopsis because the frequency with which they would have had to appear would have irreparably damaged the flow of the work. For further discussion see Conception, Inception, Deception: An Analysis of DiCaprian Semiotics.

³Given the reasons for Paul Gauguin's Tahitian residency, Karakand's choice of aspersive tone is curious here.

⁴An obvious instance of Karakand's use of the formulaic plant and payoff device.

⁵Readers of Karakand's previously mentioned autobiography will no doubt recognize the uncharacteristic personal references that lace this.

⁶And the opening credits of all of season 1.

⁷Syntactical discrepancy betrays this meditation as not being original thought on the part of Karakand. Inaki and Huldrych offer no theories as to why he would conceal his familiarity with the work of Wendell Berry.

⁸Assuming Anthony was capable of comprehending that he only existed in a terminating, episodic state.

⁹Specifically, Nick Russo uses "till death do us part," a fragment from the traditional English language marriage vow.

¹⁰Per his show notes, this executive producer's name served as the inspiration for the title "Jung Love" so the singling out this individual in a negative manner is difficult to understand. With a great deal of self-control we eschewed appending a Freudian slip joke to this observation.
Title: Re: Journey into Montmartre - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on December 30, 2014, 12:37:36 AM
The intertextuality (http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=42407.msg1981759#msg1981759) of the tenth footnote. :lawd
Title: Re: Journey into Montmartre - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on December 30, 2014, 10:34:29 AM
Aside from the fact that I never want to eat trail mix or beef jerky again, amazing. I got to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, however I wanted (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmcUgEcbNtg). On Christmas Eve I fell out of bed my sleeping bag at sunrise and went on a all day hike Bataan Death March off-trail¹ using nothing but a compass, my wits, and my obnoxious memory² without having to suffer the incessant whining of weaklings people unenlightened by masochism, or being bound by their physical limitations and fear.

My only oversight was nighttime, which I'll have to think up a solution to before the next time I go. I brought a lantern but it gets so fucking dark that it wasn't copacetic as a reading aid. It's a shame I'm not loaded / don't live in a pseudo-theocratic shithole that masquerades as the land of freedom, puppies, and ice cream because hiring a sex worker for this part of the sojourn would be perfect.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

¹This isn't really saying much considering I was at Mojave. An "easy" trail that runs near one of the two major campgrounds is only a mile and quite easy to lose track of. It also concludes with two vertical cliff climbs. :dead

²I was actually surprised at how useful this was. When backtracking or trying to return to my main path after taking a scenic detour (climbing to the top of a steep hill, sitting on a rock, eating Gruyere and reading Lucian of Samosata for your lunch break in complete peace and quiet :lawd) I was able to instantly tell if I wasn't where I wanted to be by picking up on minor differences in what is admittedly a very consistent landscape. I guess self-preservation augments the family curse. :yeshrug
Title: Re: Journey into Montmartre - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: bluemax on January 15, 2015, 01:16:21 AM
There are ways to make a lantern a bit better for night reading that aren't overly expensive.

I will say my favorite part of camping once I became a sullen teenager was finding somewhere where no one could see me and I couldn't hear anything but nature, and then I could sit and read and not be bothered all day.
Title: Re: Journey into Montmartre - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on February 19, 2015, 06:40:19 AM
Why am I waiting so long for the next update :(
Title: Re: Journey into Montmartre - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on February 19, 2015, 05:50:51 PM
Because I wrote a manifesto, which I'll summarize when I'm not mobile posting.

But the good news is that I can get back to work now that someone has asked.
Title: Re: Journey into Montmartre - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: pilonv1 on February 20, 2015, 12:43:50 AM
I'm just waiting for you to get the few Blossom episodes I actually remember, like the one where Blossom thinks Six is bulemic or when

spoiler (click to show/hide)
Six dates David Spade
[close]
Title: Re: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Kara on March 22, 2015, 08:00:48 PM
Season 2 Episode 19 - "Never Sit Up Front at the Ballet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4jFrhGM7RM)"¹ :bolo

Annnnnnnnnnnd we're back. :goty2 It doesn't seem like much has changed in our absence. :yeshrug

Buzz is still barging in unannounced.

(http://i.imgur.com/g9g4INm.jpg)

(You'd think someone would lock the fucking front door if they supposedly hate this guy so much. :neogaf)

Questionable fashion choices aplenty.

(http://i.imgur.com/uDZWQfQ.jpg)

(To be one day revived by Hermès. :heh)

Poorly tailored suits.

(http://i.imgur.com/UZVb6J4.jpg)

(Seriously are there no fucking tailors in the Valley. :stahp)

Sight gags on the porch.

(http://i.imgur.com/SwSO775.jpg)

(The why and the how aren't interesting, but we'll get there. :jawalrus)

TIL at the kitchen table with an adult. (http://i.imgur.com/fzFLwp7.gif)

(http://i.imgur.com/KbM0UUz.jpg)

Even some classic Blossom stuffed-in-the-closet plot point. (http://i.imgur.com/GiXmOU5.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/vdqM4kX.jpg)

Hilary Banks appearing in character.

(http://i.imgur.com/6OKeeZm.jpg)

And, last but certainly not least, Paul Junger "Sexually Assault Karakand Without Consequence (http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=42407.msg1981759#msg1981759)" Witt. (http://i.imgur.com/7y7oCMe.gif)

(http://i.imgur.com/ga2qQfM.jpg)

*record scrach* *spit take* Did you say Hilary Banks? :phil In character?? (http://i.imgur.com/c2NfyTR.png)

Did I stutter? Let this boy cook. (http://i.imgur.com/xRLEBBd.png)

Now, allons-nous'en à le recap, meufs et mecs! :punch

Blossom is hosting a slumber party. (http://i.imgur.com/Uv0BqaJ.gif)

(http://i.imgur.com/JMb28em.jpg)

Dramatis  personae:

Blossom (http://i.imgur.com/6f9RXMe.png)

Six (not pictured)

Tweedledork and Tweedledorkier

(http://i.imgur.com/B2Xc7Im.jpg)

(Tweedledorkier's resemblance to :phil is PURELY coincidental, I swear.)

Allison Sparxxx, an almost 18-year-old (presumed) senior classwoman.

(http://i.imgur.com/ZNUceQM.jpg)

:bolo Let the music play (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3mi2IYkJrk) discoman. No one want to hear that record scratch again. :wag

Several of our dramatis personae were angry that Joey left for date night, BTW.

I bet Joey was too when he pulled up to this dump. :heh

(http://i.imgur.com/OOJ0sY0.jpg)

BTW his date's dad is on script psycho my daughter is property stock character. :ufup

(http://i.imgur.com/SdH5c4c.jpg)

He insists that they go on a date at LAX (ah the days when airports weren't fortified police states (http://i.imgur.com/ZRUZTgF.gif)) and bring back Hare Krishna brochures as proof of (having no) life. :snoop

So yeah, Allison, she's grounded but her parents let her go out to hang with Blossom because Blossom is a loser who won't get her into trouble.

What's really on the menu for Allison? A Madonna cosplay. :gurl

(http://i.imgur.com/SQgbQDX.jpg)

Seriously doe, she's got a date lined up with some guy whose name she doesn't remember and needs the gang to help get her outta dis joint.

The plan the come up with, of course, is extremely logical and intelligent. :dead

(http://i.imgur.com/8W7B2Yz.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/WpzG1Ji.jpg)

BTW she talks down to them when they :ufup their first attempt and they literally construe her order to get her down now.

(http://i.imgur.com/FxqepFe.jpg)

Debt enchains us. Work exhausts us. You disgust us. (http://i.imgur.com/uTdCaPK.gif)

TIME DILATION (woah >:()

Allison comes back perfectly fine.

(http://i.imgur.com/OHlrSgJ.jpg)

:heh

And the gang have to get her upstairs in between appearances by pops. :comeon

(http://i.imgur.com/ZTZKokJ.jpg)

At least there were no ha-ha date rape jokes this time? :larry

BTW the next morning Blossom tries to "talk some sense" into Allison and Big A just like (http://i.imgur.com/xRLEBBd.png) never sit up front at the ballet Blossom.

(http://i.imgur.com/hVM1SyO.jpg)

You go girl. :uguu

Oh yeah, Joey's date and Joey didn't go to the airport.

(http://i.imgur.com/u0v9R2u.jpg)

's cool doe, she has like a big ol' stack of dat Hare Krishna stuff.

(http://i.imgur.com/d9vS9xr.jpg)

All the ladies, who independent, throw your hands up at me. (http://i.imgur.com/yYPMkHl.gif)

AND Hilary fucking Banks and Tony discovered that while they both come from separate worlds and lead different lives, they both love Breakfast at Tiffany's (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGWy-wVdaKI).

(http://i.imgur.com/ZlvsbIB.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/g5oILGk.png) indeed, A.H.

WHICH HAPPENS TO BE PLAYING TONIGHT ACROSS TOWN. Luckily for our intrepid duo, they happen to be in a public safety vehicle not meant for private misuse.

(http://i.imgur.com/FMb905U.jpg)

"Woahs" - 1 in episode, 29 in total viewings

spoiler (click to show/hide)
¹It spoils the illusion. :tocry
[close]
Title: Re: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on December 25, 2017, 04:09:38 PM
(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BM2YyNzJjMTEtODg2Mi00YzAxLWI2YzktY2M4MjVjMTM5ZDY5L2ltYWdlL2ltYWdlXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNjg5MzE4NTA@._V1_.jpg)
Title: Re: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Great Rumbler on December 25, 2017, 04:13:34 PM
Can't believe that Kara just abandoned us. And Blossom.
Title: Re: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on December 25, 2017, 04:21:13 PM
We all deserve a fairy tale.
Title: Re: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: benjipwns on December 25, 2017, 04:44:16 PM
I was hoping he'd finish so that he could someday review Til Death after that show was abandoned by FOX to fill the syndication number and they just did whatever they wanted including casting Bialik as the one characters therapist (and Blossom?!?) which I assume was done almost entirely as a joke build up to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHnAgZCYpYI

spoiler (click to show/hide)
everything the Doug character describes happened to Til Death, including Krysten Ritter's brief stint as his wife/the daughter, not to mention half the cast and the original premise of the show being dumped so Brad Garrett could have adventures with J.B. Smoove using rejected Curb plots

https://tv.avclub.com/nobodys-watching-the-strange-genius-of-the-fourth-seas-1798220591
Quote
Nobody's watching: The strange genius of the fourth season of 'Til Death

Imagine for a second that you've been handed a TV show. It's a long-running show, coming up on 100 episodes, yet it's been off the air for almost a year. You have almost complete assurance that when this show gets on the air, no one will be watching it. The show has been retooled over and over and over again until it barely resembles itself, and the whole thing is here only because the production company cut a crazy deal with the network so the show would be on the air long enough to get to syndication.
Quote
But wait! There's more! Doug went to therapy with a therapist played by Mayim Bialik, who was gradually revealed to be the actress Mayim Bialik, who was filming a reality show based on her practice, all the better to further disorient Doug. And there were suggestions that she might actually have been the character Blossom
[close]
Title: Re: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Great Rumbler on May 31, 2018, 05:09:33 PM
Can't believe that Kara just abandoned us. And Blossom.

.
Title: Re: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Yeti on May 31, 2018, 07:42:44 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/xHFQx3K.png)
Title: Re: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Joe Molotov on May 31, 2018, 07:46:21 PM
Actioning Kara's account for watching Blossom in bad faith, drive-by Blossom viewing.
Title: Re: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on May 31, 2018, 10:42:27 PM
Was it ever figured out what blackmail threat was used to get Dr John to do the theme song?
Title: Re: Journey into Mandark :noah - Karakand Watches Blossom
Post by: Brehvolution on June 01, 2018, 12:36:55 AM
Watching Blossom grow up and marry Dr. Sheldon Cooper is just the icing on the cake.  :doge