THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: benjipwns on May 26, 2015, 08:19:11 PM

Title: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: benjipwns on May 26, 2015, 08:19:11 PM
http://nypost.com/2015/05/26/televangelist-warns-men-who-masturbate-your-hands-will-be-pregnant-in-afterlife/
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CF15Uz1UsAEySzw.jpg)
Quote
A Muslim televangelist has advised male followers to stop masturbating — because it will leave their hands pregnant in the afterlife.

Turkish preacher Mücahid Cihad Han told viewers that masturbation was forbidden in Islam.

“One hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,” he said during his program on private television station 2000 TV, according to The Hurriyet Daily News.

“If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?”

The self-styled televangelist made the astonishing comments in response to a viewer’s question during a May 24 show.

The viewer said he “kept masturbating, although he was married,” including during his holy pilgrimage to Mecca, known as Umrah.

According to The Hurriyet Daily News, a news source for Turkey and the region, the Quran does not make a clear reference to masturbation “and the authenticity of many hadiths is questionable.”
Title: Re: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: recursivelyenumerable on May 26, 2015, 08:32:42 PM
finally I understand what happened in The End of Evangelion.
Title: Re: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: Kara on May 26, 2015, 08:33:06 PM
Please. Like I'm going to believe even my own hands would want to breed with me.

Step your game up saheb.
Title: Re: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: Joe Molotov on May 26, 2015, 08:43:20 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/WwI9cV5.jpg)
Title: Re: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: Rufus on May 26, 2015, 08:44:16 PM
Does it work for socks, too?
Title: Re: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: Madrun Badrun on May 26, 2015, 08:52:01 PM
Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on May 26, 2015, 08:32:42 PM
finally I understand what happened in The End of Evangelion.

Aint masturbation if you cum on an unconscious girl
Title: Re: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: Tasty on May 26, 2015, 09:46:27 PM
Quote from: TheInfelicitousDandy on May 26, 2015, 08:52:01 PM
Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on May 26, 2015, 08:32:42 PM
finally I understand what happened in The End of Evangelion.

Aint masturbation if you cum on an unconscious girl

:ufup He clearly came in his hand.

Fuck I get an L for that knowledge. :brazilcry
Title: Re: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: Kara on May 26, 2015, 09:57:32 PM
It's p. cool how EoE opens and ends with Shinji-kun choking a chicken. Such symmetry. :lawd
Title: Re: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: brawndolicious on May 26, 2015, 11:14:29 PM
It was always awkward growing up hearing that technically, it's better for some reason in Islam to do spousal rape than to masturbate.

Now they're accusing you of already raping your hand.
Title: Re: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: Eel O'Brian on May 26, 2015, 11:18:49 PM
Would make a good Witcher sidequest: A Fist Full of Abortion
Title: Re: Televangelist warns men who masturbate: Your hands will be pregnant in afterlife
Post by: bork on May 27, 2015, 09:39:36 AM
Quote from: Joe Molotov on May 26, 2015, 08:43:20 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/WwI9cV5.jpg)

:dead