THE BORE
General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: Am_I_Anonymous on June 01, 2016, 09:08:55 AM
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So, like most of you i assume, I had my family and close friends over to my house on memorial day. It's tradition, we all have a good time. Now in my neighborhood, we kinda have an open invitation to all of our neighbors to attend any party being held, and most of them are really great people....most of them except Bob the pilot.
You see, Bob the pilot, he's good at two things...drinking way too much every damn time you see him, and mistakenly thinking people like him because of it. So let's jump to this part of the story for those reading at work/home.
It's about 9pm, party is winding down, it's basically me, my cousins, a few of my friends, and my wife and the girls. Kids are either playing video games or watching TV inside, thank god. We were all sitting by the fire bullshitting when literally through the bushes comes bob, shirt off, carrying a bottle of Colt 45 (??) and a drunken smell that I can only say resembles a dumpster.
Here we will chronicle the longest 45 minutes of the weekend;
Bob immediately says "sup homies" and tries to high five my cousin, who plays for the Redskins and is about the size of a fridge.
Bob "Yo boy, give me some skin my homie" :PP
Cousin "Man who this dude, lol" :holeup
Me "That's Bob, he harmless, just don't feed him"
Cousin "Aight, sup Bob how you feelin? You look like you been at it a hot minute"
Bob "Damn straight, I brought you a Colt 45 like Billy D williams bro"
Cousin "I'm good on that bee o bee"
Bob "Let me get that henny you holding"
Cousin "Nah man I think maybe you've had enough dog"
Bob "You don't want to piss me off, I run this town, give me the fucking drink"
Me "Bob, play nice or I'm gonna let cuz here throw you over the bushes"
Bob "My bad, my bad"
Well that nearly jumped off but cuz is pretty level headed so we laughed it off and got back to bullshitting about life....Bob wanders out of eyesight.
Que 15 minutes later
Mrs AiA "AiA, can I see you for a minute, now"
Me: :comeon
Mrs AiA "Bob just puked on your car"
Me: "For real, damnit man, Alright I'll tell him he has to go"
I wander over to Bob
Me "Alright man, you gotta go Bob, you trashing my shit bro. You need a ride"
Bob "No niccer, I don't need shit from your ass"
Me: (Trying real hard now) "Bob, man, I know you drunk but you can't be talking like that, especially around my house"
Bob: "Don't down talk me you monkey ass bastard....blah blah drunken babble"
Now my cousin has seen this and comes over
Cuz "We good man"
Me: Yeah bob just got the drank in him, he being stupid"
Bob "Oh look twin baboons, how cute"
Me: "that's enough, say it again and I'm going to get pissed man"
Bob :"niccer niccer niccer"
At this point my cousin decides to literally pick bob up and toss him into his yard, which he did.
Cops show up.
Cop looks at me, and looks at Bob, and says "Yeah sorry, third time today he's caused problems, him and his wife are having issues"
Cuz "No wonder look at that dude"
Bob, now naked, is pissing on a cop car while singing some country song.....
And the point? Bob did not get arrested. Bob didn't even get a ticket. Good to be a CAC in america.
So anyway, how was your weekend?
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I went on a paid trip to Barcelona this weekend.
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Was drunk 36 hours straight during a bachelors party trip to Hamburg.
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still waiting to hear why he's called bob the pilot
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Was drunk 36 hours straight during a bachelors party trip to Hamburg.
That's no excuse to piss on a cop car.
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still waiting to hear why he's called bob the pilot
Because he is one.
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It's times like this I'm glad that when I get drunk there's no black people around. :hitler
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It's times like this I'm glad that when I get drunk there's no black people around. :hitler
Yeah, i've seen your drunk style. My cousin would probably just break you in half and toss you to the dogs.
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I'm never really racist-drunk. But I might have come onto him, so he would have thrown me in the bushes anyways probably. :doge
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:dead
This exact same thing happened to me. PD and toku can attest.
Bonfire, drunk white person, racial abuse, eventually ending in physical violence :dead
I was just thinking about that :lol
What's up with white dudes hurling racial insults when they're drunk or angry man. I remember one time when I played bball at a Baptist school in junior high, this one nerdy kid was always getting picked on. I was friends with him since we talked about computer stuff, but one day I laughed at him (don't even remember why) and he went OFF. He was deeply religious and surrounded by other kids from the school, and tbh I'm not sure he could curse if he wanted to. Instead he kept muttering "burnt chocolate, black chocolate, dirty cake loser. Burnt chicken jerk!" :lol
I busted out laughing.
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Burnt chicken jerk
:dead
I'm stealing that shit.
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burnt chocolate is the worst though. I've never had a dirty cake but I'd imagine that has to feel pretty low as well.
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Update
I replied to my son's monthly request for money as so
"Come on AiA jr, do what they do at Old Miss and just ask your coach"
"Pops you know that ain't how it works"
"Not my fault you're a burnt chicken jerk"
"Is that some 70's insult man?"
"How much money you need?"
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Was drunk 36 hours straight during a bachelors party trip to Hamburg.
That's no excuse to piss on a cop car.
you need an excuse :confused
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:dead
This exact same thing happened to me. PD and toku can attest.
Bonfire, drunk white person, racial abuse, eventually ending in physical violence :dead
I was just thinking about that :lol
What's up with white dudes hurling racial insults when they're drunk or angry man.
It's what they normally think (and say in white spaces), the moment just cracks their façades of manners.
Be an invisible minority brehs. :fbm
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dirty cake loser
(http://i.imgur.com/LLpi1Nz.png)
Yeah he was alluding to the fact that PD's monetary assets were realized from less than legal enterprises :doge
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whoops
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What's up with white dudes hurling racial insults when they're drunk or angry man.
All white people are secretly racist, sobriety is necessary to keep up the facade.
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To be fair, cop cars are pretty well disguised these days.
:dead
This exact same thing happened to me. PD and toku can attest.
Bonfire, drunk white person, racial abuse, eventually ending in physical violence :dead
I was just thinking about that :lol
What's up with white dudes hurling racial insults when they're drunk or angry man. I remember one time when I played bball at a Baptist school in junior high, this one nerdy kid was always getting picked on. I was friends with him since we talked about computer stuff, but one day I laughed at him (don't even remember why) and he went OFF. He was deeply religious and surrounded by other kids from the school, and tbh I'm not sure he could curse if he wanted to. Instead he kept muttering "burnt chocolate, black chocolate, dirty cake loser. Burnt chicken jerk!" :lol
I busted out laughing.
Sounds like he was doing dope reggae freestyle.
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Kinda wish they'd tazed Bob-the-Pilot, just to see how a massive, full-body clench would affect the trajectory of his piss onto the cop car.
What's up with white dudes hurling racial insults when they're drunk or angry man.
All white people are secretly racist, sobriety is necessary to keep up the facade.
When I get drunk, I just become more confused about why racism exists.