THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: Transhuman on May 21, 2018, 08:59:15 AM

Title: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 21, 2018, 08:59:15 AM
1. Get paid
2. Free drinks
3. Free drugs
4. Get ego stoked by strangers
5. Starfuckers

(http://www.seoulhunter.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/lck.jpg)
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Nabbis on May 21, 2018, 09:02:41 AM
No.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Momo on May 21, 2018, 09:03:12 AM
1) Be opening act for a big name
2) people hate you, you get boo'd
3) main act hates you and makes it so you can never perform there again
4) sweep the floors while main act is on because you need money
5) be transhuman
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 21, 2018, 09:10:12 AM
3) main act hates you and makes it so you can never perform there again

Lol. You make it sound like comedians are spiteful egomaniacs or something
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Momo on May 21, 2018, 09:20:21 AM
never, never would I imply this

(https://i.imgur.com/naERCqp.jpg)
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: nachobro on May 21, 2018, 10:06:30 AM
The biggest surprise of the whole Louis CK thing is that he somehow managed to get a rod by looking at a female comic.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: BlueTsunami on May 21, 2018, 10:41:00 AM
6) Get locked in a hotel room and sexually harassed by the headliners
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Atramental on May 21, 2018, 10:43:03 AM
https://youtu.be/mDbwGRtISZY

https://youtu.be/k43XcdlO22s
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: zomgee on May 21, 2018, 01:57:40 PM
I did it for a year when I should have been going to class in college. I traveled to open mics and then shows that featured "COMEDY" on the marquee.

Absolutely the worst. No one cared, I could have been spinning gold (and I wasn't) and no one would have listened. I saw so many people who thought they were going to MAKE IT. And just got broken, over and over. My closest claim to fame was working with CARROT TOP. So yeah, it really sucked.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Atramental on May 21, 2018, 02:16:32 PM
I had a fleeting wish to do stand up then I remembered quickly I'm a fucking horrible public speaker and have severe stage fright. And even if you're a good public speaker doesn't mean you'll be a good comic.

Also:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKDPLQAwoAg
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 21, 2018, 02:38:37 PM
I did it for a year when I should have been going to class in college. I traveled to open mics and then shows that featured "COMEDY" on the marquee.

Absolutely the worst. No one cared, I could have been spinning gold (and I wasn't) and no one would have listened. I saw so many people who thought they were going to MAKE IT. And just got broken, over and over. My closest claim to fame was working with CARROT TOP. So yeah, it really sucked.

I can't believe you walked away from all that fame. You're like Chappelle or something.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: zomgee on May 21, 2018, 03:43:51 PM
I did it for a year when I should have been going to class in college. I traveled to open mics and then shows that featured "COMEDY" on the marquee.

Absolutely the worst. No one cared, I could have been spinning gold (and I wasn't) and no one would have listened. I saw so many people who thought they were going to MAKE IT. And just got broken, over and over. My closest claim to fame was working with CARROT TOP. So yeah, it really sucked.

I can't believe you walked away from all that fame. You're like Chappelle or something.

Yeah, it was hard. I could have just lived in Carrot Top's laundry basket full of shitty props.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Human Snorenado on May 21, 2018, 03:46:12 PM
What's the point, the height of the art form has already been reached

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcMIeyjggbM
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: bluemax on May 21, 2018, 11:22:46 PM
For every famous standup there are 500 people in Los Angeles waiting tables or working part time at a Cross Fit Gym waiting for their break.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: seagrams hotsauce on May 21, 2018, 11:40:42 PM
1. suck ass and embarrass yourself in front of your friends and family
2. get okay and start traveling nine months of the year
3. play for 20 hicks every night in every shithole suburb in america for a few years while developing a dependency on alchohol
4. move to NY or LA and have roommates in your mid 30s who do the exact same thing you do and are a constantly present reminder of how elusive success is
5. get a pilot for comedy central that they pass on
6. take a swan dive into a volcano
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Nola on May 22, 2018, 12:08:29 AM
Not sure how this fits in but it was pretty fascinating. Bill Burr and the host basically dig into how he crafts a specific slice of one of his sets, then goes off onto digging into how he crafts jokes, his on the stage persona, his formula, and a bunch of interesting observations. Entertaining the whole way but doesn't really get going until 15-20 minutes in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nz06nAEj-IQ
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on May 22, 2018, 08:02:21 AM
Being a standup comedian sounds awful:

- Go to the shittiest clubs and promote yourself on the hackiest radio stations for the first 10 years all over the country, desperately hoping to get a break but most people will never be able to move past this point
- If you do get a break, it's being a B or C level lackey of a more famous comedian who is one bad standup special from never being heard again
- If you are lucky to get past that point, you probably have a window of a few months where you are considered relevant for making a joke that people didn't instantly forget
- If you are very lucky to get past that point, all of the shit that you did in the past will probably catch up to you because in your quest for laughs, you probably did or said something stupid or something that would trigger someone at Vice or The Daily Beast, who are more than happy to nail your ass to the wall for their quest for clicks
- If you are extremely lucky to get past that point, you land a shitty Netflix special that people can't stand.  Back when there were the star rating systems, most specials rarely were higher than one star.
- If you have a career past that point, you have to work your ass off to maintain that shred of relevance.  This is where you create a podcast but of course every comedian has one or multiple podcasts and they all are guests on each other's podcasts, making them virtually indistinguishable from the other.
- If you can survive that point, congrats, you've "made it"
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: benjipwns on May 22, 2018, 08:17:56 AM
I had a fleeting wish to do stand up then I remembered quickly I'm a fucking horrible public speaker and have severe stage fright. And even if you're a good public speaker doesn't mean you'll be a good comic.

Also:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKDPLQAwoAg
I did it for a year when I should have been going to class in college. I traveled to open mics and then shows that featured "COMEDY" on the marquee.

Absolutely the worst. No one cared, I could have been spinning gold (and I wasn't) and no one would have listened. I saw so many people who thought they were going to MAKE IT. And just got broken, over and over. My closest claim to fame was working with CARROT TOP. So yeah, it really sucked.
this is making me want to do open mic

how long should my set be
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: benjipwns on May 22, 2018, 08:18:21 AM
also should it be like 90% or 95% thebore/neogaf/resetera references
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Atramental on May 22, 2018, 08:19:27 AM
@Transhuman
Now-a-days just do what all the 20 to 30 somethings are doing.

Become a letsplayer/streamer and make stupid quips over Fornite gameplay that 13 y/o's will find hilarious.  :doge

@Benji
Oh god, pls do standup about our little online circle. :lawd
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 22, 2018, 08:27:39 AM
also should it be like 90% or 95% thebore/neogaf/resetera references

In one of my sets I did jokes about knowing a pedo (amirox). He's finally done something useful with his life.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Momo on May 22, 2018, 08:30:46 AM
how do you know Amir0x? I thought no one knew his name or where he lived!
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: zomgee on May 22, 2018, 08:35:58 AM
also should it be like 90% or 95% thebore/neogaf/resetera references

In one of my sets I did jokes about knowing a pedo (amirox). He's finally done something useful with his life.

Hey! What if a convicted pedophile and a crazed inmate met in the same cell? I think it'd go something like this:

Pee on stage while screaming BUT I VOTED FOR HILARY

Add that to your tight five.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Atramental on May 22, 2018, 08:39:17 AM
"I knew this Hillary Clinton supporting Pedophile who bought into the whole "Pee Tape" scandal about Trump.

But... little did he know... he'd be having his own piss related scandal in the not too distant future..."  :doge

edit: Or better phrasing would be:
"I knew this Hillary Clinton supporter --Who just happened to be a pedophile-- that bought into the whole "Pee Tape" scandal about Trump.  :doge
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 22, 2018, 08:39:41 AM
how do you know Amir0x? I thought no one knew his name or where he lived!

He defended my argument once in a Gaf thread. At first I thought it was nice but now...
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: benjipwns on May 22, 2018, 09:03:07 AM
@Benji
Oh god, pls do standup about our little online circle. :lawd
the worst part would be if someone came up after and was like "wait, were you talking about Evilore?"

spoiler (click to show/hide)
(she's bi)
spoiler (click to show/hide)
actually the real worst part would be if they were a member of that scientology cult and kidnapped me
[close]
[close]
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 22, 2018, 11:09:12 AM
"Man I love the internet. I used to be on this forum that talked about videogames. I had this one friend... well maybe "friend" is too strong a word. You'll understand why in a minute..."
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Atramental on May 22, 2018, 11:19:55 AM
Is there some video of one of your sets Transhuman?  :doge
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 22, 2018, 11:35:13 AM
Dear Atramental, it's always nice to get a fan letter from a fan. Yes I have a video and I have sent it to you. Just remember that you can ALWAYS do your dreams and I hope I have inspired your small life.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: team filler on May 22, 2018, 01:08:49 PM
Is there some video of one of your sets Transhuman? 8)
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: seagrams hotsauce on May 22, 2018, 01:48:26 PM
Don't keep that shit quarantined to PMs, post it up ho. Unless u soft
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: benjipwns on May 22, 2018, 01:52:09 PM
"so there's this reee-tard on the forums, he loves to stalk you with his beak"

*signs sitcom and film deal*
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: team filler on May 22, 2018, 01:52:57 PM
 :lol :lol :lol
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 22, 2018, 02:03:48 PM
Don't keep that shit quarantined to PMs, post it up ho. Unless u soft

Hey i'm not soft. Give me an hour to upload a better one
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 22, 2018, 04:37:59 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_489JW3m7U

Just 4 u
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: daycru on May 22, 2018, 08:06:01 PM
I'm doing 30 minutes for the first time tomorrow at a college show, big test. Longest I've done is 20.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: daycru on May 22, 2018, 08:08:02 PM
Being a standup comedian sounds awful:

- Go to the shittiest clubs and promote yourself on the hackiest radio stations for the first 10 years all over the country, desperately hoping to get a break but most people will never be able to move past this point
It's pretty hard to even get to this level, the clubs have been obliterated. Lots of bar shows.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Atramental on May 22, 2018, 08:50:56 PM
I'm doing 30 minutes for the first time tomorrow at a college show, big test. Longest I've done is 20.
If you run out of material before your time is up there’s always crowd work & dick jokes.  :doge
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 22, 2018, 09:03:01 PM
You should post your set so I can either feel envy or tell you you're shit.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: daycru on May 22, 2018, 10:02:22 PM
My only video is from an open mic where I didn't know they were recording.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUYgmQC1OLs
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Yeti on May 22, 2018, 11:05:51 PM
Benji's so good at doxing he got two people to dox themselves in this thread  :doge
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: daycru on May 22, 2018, 11:13:35 PM
Imagine what’ll happen to my career in

*checks notes*

Standup comedy and Uber
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: daycru on May 24, 2018, 01:52:06 AM
I'm doing 30 minutes for the first time tomorrow at a college show, big test. Longest I've done is 20.
Good set btw
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Kara on May 24, 2018, 02:02:51 AM
I'm glad you could work in some low-key Bore references with the Olive Garden bit in your routine, daycru.

When is a Borean going to complete the PD diptych and do a joke about interracial porn?
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: benjipwns on May 24, 2018, 03:01:26 AM
Just 4 u
i liked dis set, using an accent throughout the whole set is pretty innovative too
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: team filler on May 27, 2018, 02:20:17 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_489JW3m7U

Just 4 u
some decent jokes and a good crowd. dress better and figure out a way to look healthier. being anorexic ain't good for laughs, breh.


My only video is from an open mic where I didn't know they were recording.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUYgmQC1OLs
jokes were ok, but need work. crowd was either trash or really small.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Transhuman on May 27, 2018, 02:45:15 AM
some decent jokes and a good crowd. dress better and figure out a way to look healthier. being anorexic ain't good for laughs, breh.

My doctor said I need to gain 40 pounds, because she doesn't date skinny guys.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: daycru on May 28, 2018, 04:40:32 PM
All comedians are either 50 pounds overweight or underweight, it's an unhealthy pastime.
Title: Re: Become a standup comedian brehs
Post by: Corporal on May 29, 2018, 08:15:28 AM
Man, I wish I was actually the funny sort of guy. Having other people laugh at my jokes sounds great. Sadly, I'm German. So that's that.
 
Mad respec's to the people who can pull it off. Going out in front of a buncha doods and making them smile is a great skillset.