Become a standup comedian brehs

[Transhuman]

1. Get paid
2. Free drinks
3. Free drugs
4. Get ego stoked by strangers
5. Starfuckers

[Nabbis]

No.

[Momo]

1) Be opening act for a big name
2) people hate you, you get boo'd
3) main act hates you and makes it so you can never perform there again
4) sweep the floors while main act is on because you need money
5) be transhuman

[Transhuman]

3) main act hates you and makes it so you can never perform there again

Lol. You make it sound like comedians are spiteful egomaniacs or something

[Momo]

never, never would I imply this

[nachobro]

The biggest surprise of the whole Louis CK thing is that he somehow managed to get a rod by looking at a female comic.

[BlueTsunami]

6) Get locked in a hotel room and sexually harassed by the headliners

[Atramental]

[zomgee]

I did it for a year when I should have been going to class in college. I traveled to open mics and then shows that featured "COMEDY" on the marquee.

Absolutely the worst. No one cared, I could have been spinning gold (and I wasn't) and no one would have listened. I saw so many people who thought they were going to MAKE IT. And just got broken, over and over. My closest claim to fame was working with CARROT TOP. So yeah, it really sucked.

[Atramental]

I had a fleeting wish to do stand up then I remembered quickly I'm a fucking horrible public speaker and have severe stage fright. And even if you're a good public speaker doesn't mean you'll be a good comic.

Also:

[Transhuman]

I did it for a year when I should have been going to class in college. I traveled to open mics and then shows that featured "COMEDY" on the marquee.

Absolutely the worst. No one cared, I could have been spinning gold (and I wasn't) and no one would have listened. I saw so many people who thought they were going to MAKE IT. And just got broken, over and over. My closest claim to fame was working with CARROT TOP. So yeah, it really sucked.

I can't believe you walked away from all that fame. You're like Chappelle or something.

[zomgee]

I did it for a year when I should have been going to class in college. I traveled to open mics and then shows that featured "COMEDY" on the marquee.

Absolutely the worst. No one cared, I could have been spinning gold (and I wasn't) and no one would have listened. I saw so many people who thought they were going to MAKE IT. And just got broken, over and over. My closest claim to fame was working with CARROT TOP. So yeah, it really sucked.

I can't believe you walked away from all that fame. You're like Chappelle or something.

Yeah, it was hard. I could have just lived in Carrot Top's laundry basket full of shitty props.

[Human Snorenado]

What's the point, the height of the art form has already been reached

[bluemax]

For every famous standup there are 500 people in Los Angeles waiting tables or working part time at a Cross Fit Gym waiting for their break.

[seagrams hotsauce]

1. suck ass and embarrass yourself in front of your friends and family
2. get okay and start traveling nine months of the year
3. play for 20 hicks every night in every shithole suburb in america for a few years while developing a dependency on alchohol
4. move to NY or LA and have roommates in your mid 30s who do the exact same thing you do and are a constantly present reminder of how elusive success is
5. get a pilot for comedy central that they pass on
6. take a swan dive into a volcano

[Nola]

Not sure how this fits in but it was pretty fascinating. Bill Burr and the host basically dig into how he crafts a specific slice of one of his sets, then goes off onto digging into how he crafts jokes, his on the stage persona, his formula, and a bunch of interesting observations. Entertaining the whole way but doesn't really get going until 15-20 minutes in.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Being a standup comedian sounds awful:

- Go to the shittiest clubs and promote yourself on the hackiest radio stations for the first 10 years all over the country, desperately hoping to get a break but most people will never be able to move past this point
- If you do get a break, it's being a B or C level lackey of a more famous comedian who is one bad standup special from never being heard again
- If you are lucky to get past that point, you probably have a window of a few months where you are considered relevant for making a joke that people didn't instantly forget
- If you are very lucky to get past that point, all of the shit that you did in the past will probably catch up to you because in your quest for laughs, you probably did or said something stupid or something that would trigger someone at Vice or The Daily Beast, who are more than happy to nail your ass to the wall for their quest for clicks
- If you are extremely lucky to get past that point, you land a shitty Netflix special that people can't stand.  Back when there were the star rating systems, most specials rarely were higher than one star.
- If you have a career past that point, you have to work your ass off to maintain that shred of relevance.  This is where you create a podcast but of course every comedian has one or multiple podcasts and they all are guests on each other's podcasts, making them virtually indistinguishable from the other.
- If you can survive that point, congrats, you've "made it"

[benjipwns]

I had a fleeting wish to do stand up then I remembered quickly I'm a fucking horrible public speaker and have severe stage fright. And even if you're a good public speaker doesn't mean you'll be a good comic.

Also:

I did it for a year when I should have been going to class in college. I traveled to open mics and then shows that featured "COMEDY" on the marquee.

Absolutely the worst. No one cared, I could have been spinning gold (and I wasn't) and no one would have listened. I saw so many people who thought they were going to MAKE IT. And just got broken, over and over. My closest claim to fame was working with CARROT TOP. So yeah, it really sucked.

this is making me want to do open mic

how long should my set be

[benjipwns]

also should it be like 90% or 95% thebore/neogaf/resetera references

[Atramental]

@Transhuman
Now-a-days just do what all the 20 to 30 somethings are doing.

Become a letsplayer/streamer and make stupid quips over Fornite gameplay that 13 y/o's will find hilarious. 

@Benji
Oh god, pls do standup about our little online circle.

[Transhuman]

also should it be like 90% or 95% thebore/neogaf/resetera references

In one of my sets I did jokes about knowing a pedo (amirox). He's finally done something useful with his life.

[Momo]

how do you know Amir0x? I thought no one knew his name or where he lived!

[zomgee]

also should it be like 90% or 95% thebore/neogaf/resetera references

In one of my sets I did jokes about knowing a pedo (amirox). He's finally done something useful with his life.

Hey! What if a convicted pedophile and a crazed inmate met in the same cell? I think it'd go something like this:

Pee on stage while screaming BUT I VOTED FOR HILARY

Add that to your tight five.

[Atramental]

"I knew this Hillary Clinton supporting Pedophile who bought into the whole "Pee Tape" scandal about Trump.

But... little did he know... he'd be having his own piss related scandal in the not too distant future..." 

edit: Or better phrasing would be:
"I knew this Hillary Clinton supporter --Who just happened to be a pedophile-- that bought into the whole "Pee Tape" scandal about Trump. 

[Transhuman]

how do you know Amir0x? I thought no one knew his name or where he lived!

He defended my argument once in a Gaf thread. At first I thought it was nice but now...

[benjipwns]

@Benji
Oh god, pls do standup about our little online circle.

the worst part would be if someone came up after and was like "wait, were you talking about Evilore?"

spoiler (click to show/hide)

(she's bi)

spoiler (click to show/hide)

actually the real worst part would be if they were a member of that scientology cult and kidnapped me

[close]

[close]

[Transhuman]

"Man I love the internet. I used to be on this forum that talked about videogames. I had this one friend... well maybe "friend" is too strong a word. You'll understand why in a minute..."

[Atramental]

Is there some video of one of your sets Transhuman? 

[Transhuman]

Dear Atramental, it's always nice to get a fan letter from a fan. Yes I have a video and I have sent it to you. Just remember that you can ALWAYS do your dreams and I hope I have inspired your small life.

[team filler]

Is there some video of one of your sets Transhuman?

[seagrams hotsauce]

Don't keep that shit quarantined to PMs, post it up ho. Unless u soft

[benjipwns]

"so there's this reee-tard on the forums, he loves to stalk you with his beak"

*signs sitcom and film deal*

[team filler]

 

[Transhuman]

Don't keep that shit quarantined to PMs, post it up ho. Unless u soft

Hey i'm not soft. Give me an hour to upload a better one

[Transhuman]

Just 4 u

[daycru]

I'm doing 30 minutes for the first time tomorrow at a college show, big test. Longest I've done is 20.

[daycru]

Being a standup comedian sounds awful:

- Go to the shittiest clubs and promote yourself on the hackiest radio stations for the first 10 years all over the country, desperately hoping to get a break but most people will never be able to move past this point

It's pretty hard to even get to this level, the clubs have been obliterated. Lots of bar shows.

[Atramental]

I'm doing 30 minutes for the first time tomorrow at a college show, big test. Longest I've done is 20.

If you run out of material before your time is up there’s always crowd work & dick jokes. 

[Transhuman]

You should post your set so I can either feel envy or tell you you're shit.

[daycru]

My only video is from an open mic where I didn't know they were recording.

[Yeti]

Benji's so good at doxing he got two people to dox themselves in this thread 

[daycru]

Imagine what’ll happen to my career in

*checks notes*

Standup comedy and Uber

[daycru]

I'm doing 30 minutes for the first time tomorrow at a college show, big test. Longest I've done is 20.

Good set btw

[Kara]

I'm glad you could work in some low-key Bore references with the Olive Garden bit in your routine, daycru.

When is a Borean going to complete the PD diptych and do a joke about interracial porn?

[benjipwns]

Just 4 u

i liked dis set, using an accent throughout the whole set is pretty innovative too

[team filler]

Just 4 u

some decent jokes and a good crowd. dress better and figure out a way to look healthier. being anorexic ain't good for laughs, breh.

My only video is from an open mic where I didn't know they were recording.

jokes were ok, but need work. crowd was either trash or really small.

[Transhuman]

some decent jokes and a good crowd. dress better and figure out a way to look healthier. being anorexic ain't good for laughs, breh.

My doctor said I need to gain 40 pounds, because she doesn't date skinny guys.

[daycru]

All comedians are either 50 pounds overweight or underweight, it's an unhealthy pastime.

[Corporal]

Man, I wish I was actually the funny sort of guy. Having other people laugh at my jokes sounds great. Sadly, I'm German. So that's that.
 
Mad respec's to the people who can pull it off. Going out in front of a buncha doods and making them smile is a great skillset.