A Transformers Review you can TRUST

[MrAngryFace]

Cause its Negative.

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/33228

[bud]

why the fuck would anyone read/write such a long review

[MrAngryFace]

To fight THE FUTURE

[ferrarimanf355]

Cause its Negative.

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/33228

He doesn't like anything that's fun. 

[Van Cruncheon]

And this is one of the great "did I really just see that?" moments when one of the robots says something along the lines of "Yo yo yo wussssUUUUUUPPPP Autobots REPRESENT!" and I don't think he was eating robotic chicken or watermelon but I swear to you on my mother's grave that he started breakdancing.

Anyway, Shia is able to get into his bedroom and his parents accuse him of jerkin off, and you can imagine all the "comedy" "gold" they are able to squeeze out by riffing on that one. I think it's supposed to be funny to see the serious Transformers characters involved in this sort of wackiness

There is a part that I almost think I might've dreamed but I remember it so vividly, where there is a cartoon BOING! sound and then there's a long shot of one of the robots proudly pissing all over John Turturro. This guy has toiled away in independent film for decades, done so much great work and in order to get a pay check he has to get R. Kellyed by a fucking cartoon robot.

But I think the Lord would agree with me when I say Jesus Christ, if this is what you guys consider exciting action sequences I don't even know how to relate to you anymore. Imagine you took apart a whole bunch of cars, mixed the parts up and welded them all together into a giant ball maybe 15 or 20 feet in diameter, then rolled it down a hill. Shoot that in closeup and you got every fight scene in this movie.

So in a way, that does explain to me why some people might enjoy this. Some people like to be whipped and peed on. And it's an instant camp classic. I know people who get a good laugh out of shitty movies like INDEPENDENCE DAY, and I will definitely demand that they see this shit on video, because it makes INDEPENDENCE DAY look like 2001.

jesus christ, this has ROBOTS PISSING ON JOHN TURTURRO???

[Van Cruncheon]

hey guys, remember when willco proactively chose this movie as the best blockbuster of the summer despite the michael bay direction and shitty 80s toy premise?

[TVC15]

If Harry Knowles doesn't like the movie, it must be pretty terrible.  He likes EVERYTHING, so if it is bad, it's really bad.

[demi]

hey guys, remember when willco proactively chose this movie as the best blockbuster of the summer despite the michael bay direction and shitty 80s toy premise?

You mean the same guy who said The Darkness would be good? 






 

[bud]

you gave it a 7. doesn't that mean that it's good 

[TVC15]

you gave it a 7. doesn't that mean that it's good 

He reviews on the videogame scale where everything below 8 is unplayable garbage.

[demi]

 

[ferrarimanf355]

And this is one of the great "did I really just see that?" moments when one of the robots says something along the lines of "Yo yo yo wussssUUUUUUPPPP Autobots REPRESENT!" and I don't think he was eating robotic chicken or watermelon but I swear to you on my mother's grave that he started breakdancing.

Anyway, Shia is able to get into his bedroom and his parents accuse him of jerkin off, and you can imagine all the "comedy" "gold" they are able to squeeze out by riffing on that one. I think it's supposed to be funny to see the serious Transformers characters involved in this sort of wackiness

There is a part that I almost think I might've dreamed but I remember it so vividly, where there is a cartoon BOING! sound and then there's a long shot of one of the robots proudly pissing all over John Turturro. This guy has toiled away in independent film for decades, done so much great work and in order to get a pay check he has to get R. Kellyed by a fucking cartoon robot.

But I think the Lord would agree with me when I say Jesus Christ, if this is what you guys consider exciting action sequences I don't even know how to relate to you anymore. Imagine you took apart a whole bunch of cars, mixed the parts up and welded them all together into a giant ball maybe 15 or 20 feet in diameter, then rolled it down a hill. Shoot that in closeup and you got every fight scene in this movie.

So in a way, that does explain to me why some people might enjoy this. Some people like to be whipped and peed on. And it's an instant camp classic. I know people who get a good laugh out of shitty movies like INDEPENDENCE DAY, and I will definitely demand that they see this shit on video, because it makes INDEPENDENCE DAY look like 2001.

jesus christ, this has ROBOTS PISSING ON JOHN TURTURRO???

I remember that one. I think the Autobot in question was Bumblebee. And everyone in my theater started laughing hard, myself included, so you can go fuck yourself, Drinky.

[Van Cruncheon]

i bet you think talladega nights is pinnacle of comedy cinema too, you hyucking yokel!

[jiji]

I find myself pretty much in agreement with that review.

I remember that one. I think the Autobot in question was Bumblebee. And everyone in my theater started laughing hard, myself included, so you can go fuck yourself, Drinky.

They did in my theater, too. That just proves that, well, people like seeing robots piss on John Turturro. I just groaned.

Turturro's role was terrible, by the way. It's easily the worst role I've seen him in. With what they gave him to work with, it could as easily have been a Rob Schneider part.

[ferrarimanf355]

i bet you think talladega nights is pinnacle of comedy cinema too, you hyucking yokel!

... how did you know that? I loved that film!

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

[Human Snorenado]

Wait a minute, robots pissing on John Turturro?  I may have to re-evaluate my stance on this movie...

[ferrarimanf355]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/punkjr/698895174/
 

[Eduardo24]

 

[ferrarimanf355]

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=6928585&postcount=39

[The Fake Shemp]

It was WAY better than I expected. I still probably wouldn't watch it again, but it was entertaining and I feel I got my money's worth.

Ditto.

[Ichirou]

Are you aware that Autobots are watching over youuuuuuuu?

[The Fake Shemp]

Thankfully, that godawful song is never featured in the film.

[Ichirou]

Lemme guess, it plays over the end credits?

[The Fake Shemp]

No, I don't think so.

[hyp]

here's another good transformers review (at least maf and i can agree on it):

http://www.metroactive.com/metro/07.04.07/transformers-0727.html

People claim that these 20-year-old toys have personality, but it's not much on display here. This is the film of the future, in the sense that a Hummer 2, a Pontiac Solstice and a Lockheed Martin F-22 are essentially listed as cast members. In battle, the robots say things that make the recorded threats in twitch-games sound like Henry V: the villain Megatron (voiced by Hugo Weaving) snarls at his rival Optimus Prime: "You still fight for the weak! That's why you lose!" Fighting for the weak is one way of describing the challenge of Bay-style spectacles, instead of ignoring them like they deserve to be ignored. Do they even have a text? "This is better than Armageddon!" shouts a fool watching his neighborhood getting whacked. The slow, lazy arc of a robot-meteor knocking a hole through Dodger Stadium shows both the extreme technical skill of the animators and the total lack of feeling with which they use their art. It's like they gave a supercomputer to a pig.