Samurai Warriors 2: Ginchiyo Tachibana Mission 3 = EMBOLISM

[Van Cruncheon]

What's this "protect the officers" shit when they are scattered across a giant maze of a map? I tried it SIX TIMES TOTAL on EASY and every time I move to help a dude on ONE SIDE some dipshit on the other gets axed and it's GAME OVER. If I manage to thin the enemy forces enough for these pussies to take it BOOM some fruit is invading my main base.


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[MrAngryFace]

I wanted the game, now im not so sure. Mission 3 on easy and its that weird? I dunno...

[Van Cruncheon]

The evil ninja dude had easy missions until his 5th, and then it just got dumb.

I dunno. The scripting is a bit too EVIL ARMY PUZZLE GAME some times.

[Van Cruncheon]

Okay, peep dis:

It's mission 5 with Hotaro Fuma, and THIS time I plan a path that will take me by Naomasa Ii or whatever his pansy-ass name is so I can save his ass from the three Shimazu fuckers, including MC JAPPY HAMMER who always kill him and end my mission. I do that, clean their fuckin' clocks, and leave him to handle the TWO peasant troops (2 of them!) so I can go beat on Nene and her fuckin ten million kunoichi army. Hey, an evil ninja has appointments to keep.

So I FINALLY knockout Nene and am swooping up to the northeast to save some other struggling fuck when I see NAOMASA II IS STRUGGLING! I'm all "what the fuck, he was full health and there was no-one there but those two half-dead peasants" so I RUN RUN RUN on my little ninja legs BACK to the central garrison and I get there JUST IN TIME to see one of those half-dead peasants strike him dead and end the mission. FUCKING HELL FUCKING SHIT FUCKING RIMJOBS FROM JAPANESE PONIES.

FUCK.

FUCK.

SHITHELLDAMNCUNTPISS.

RAGE!

I'm gonna find the programmer who decided that there should be an algorithmic chance in HELL for two fucking PEASANTS to kill a full-health Japanese warlord and bludgeon him to death with my controller.

ARGH.

...

...

"That Drinky and his dumb jappy games, we don't care!"

 

[Van Cruncheon]

Short version: "Don't let any officers die!" is the WORST MISSION OBJECTIVE EVER. It turns the entire map into a giant escort mission with 4/5ths of your "escorts" at LEAST a five minute jog from your character. Don't stop the mission if anyone other than the main general dies, you Koei dipshits; no-one ever forfeited a battle because some middle-tier feudal twat got hosed. If they ALL die, sure, rout, and go ahead and penalize me a bit if one DOES die, but DON'T END MY MISSION because I haven't trial-and-errored an optimal route through a large-ass map full of chintzy events.

Why do reviewers never mention shit like this? Oh yeah; they DON'T ACTUALLY PLAY THE FUCKING GAMES.

[Van Cruncheon]

Reviewers suck!