I told you bitches there was a conspiracy.

[T234]

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=183557


Yep.


BIOSHOCK MOTHERFUCKERS

[Fragamemnon]

Eh it's Edge they do their own thing.

Sevenly Sword (tm by demi) couldn't even make it up to its name. At least Warhawk seems to be decent.

[Robo]

The Bioshock review (as per Anihawk -- NOT EDGE):

One style of game that seems like it won't be underrepresented on the 360 is the first-person shooter, if the 360's fall lineup is any indication. In Bioshock, Irrational Games (now 2K Boston) has taken its critically-acclaimed System Shock franchise and taken it under the sea. There is a major single-player component to Bioshock; however, this single-player game doesn't use any of the traditional System Shock gameplay. The entire package consists of different puzzles. Fortunately, this structure works just fine. The bulk of the game's 20 hours are clever and inventive uses of the 360's HD capabilities, and the game's completely horrific isolation stays fresh all the way through. It could have used more in the way of multiplayer support, but that quibble aside, you'll find plenty of amusement in Bioshock.

The premise is a flimsy one, but it's a good-enough way to get you into battling those dastardly Big Daddies. Every single enemy in Bioshock takes advantage of the 360's technology in some way or another. Trying to list them all would be an exercise in excess. To toss out a few completely insane examples, one way to dispose of an an enemy would be through electrocution. You may also let them fight amongst each other and pick on the winner for fun.

Suffice it to say, there's a lot of variety to Bioshock's gameplay. Most games of these types are short and designed for bite-size chunks of action, and that's largely to the game's credit, since some of the games require more strenuous attention from the gamer than others. Of course, not every part in Bioshock is a winner. It is arguably too short to be much fun, and it doesn't use the vision camera in a particularly precise or intuitive way. These are more aberration than the norm, though, and the majority of the game is at least amusing.

In fact, it tends to get a bit repetitive when you get into the later areas, because the game starts tossing in variants of the same enemies you've already played against. The process of getting through the game also has a very lather-rinse-repeat kind of progression to it. You keep going through these areas over and over again until you've beaten it, and that's about it. That'll take at least a few hours, but once you're done, you probably won't want to go back to it.

The Little Sisters may be an adorable bunch, but Bioshock's graphics aren't quite as pleasant. They're good enough for what the game tries to do, but for all intents and purposes, this looks like a decent Xbox game (). The textures and lighting are sort of bland, and we noticed some really ugly scan lines appearing over certain sections of the screen. However, on the flip side, Bioshock does have a lot of visual charm, simply because of the character design and the way it's animated. The Big Daddies are just so bloody terrifying, and the way they constantly chase you all over the place, it's hard not to fall in love with it all on some level. The game also does some nice stuff with level design, creating some colorful scenery that backdrops the action nicely. Ultimately, while the game's no technical masterpiece, the style does a lot to make up for those shortcomings.

The audio is on a similar level. There's not much that's impressive here, but the in-game music and the rather strange but totally captivating licensed soundtrack (with a version of "Beyond the Sea," among others) do a lot to keep things interesting.

Bioshock succeeds because it finds creative ways to make the first-person genre work for it. It features a nice variety of gameplay elements to play with, and it stays entertaining thanks to some great horror. Here's hoping the Irrational guys find their way into making many more games in the future.

DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR

[Howard Alan Treesong]

I'm not taking umbrage at the score (8, sure)

but to say "there's not much that's impressive here" about the graphics and sound...and to say it looks like an Xbox game...um.

also, FUCK REVIEWERS WHO WANT EVERYTHING TO BE MULTIPLAYER

[Fragamemnon]

wow that review is one of the worst things I've seen this side of a nintendo fansite

[Howard Alan Treesong]

he also describes Bioshock's premise/worldview as "flimsy."

wow just wow

this issue decided that Xenogears was worth looking at a second time though so maybe there was something in the water

[drohne]

that isn't edge's review text. i'm pretty sure it's anihawk pasting bioshock terms into some other stupid review.

i haven't started playing bioshock yet -- i have this stupid feeling that i ought to play it at night, and then night comes around and i end up doing something else. fuck it, i should play right now

[Fragamemnon]

the only time you should ever revisit xenogears is if you lose a bet to someone really, really cruel

[Robo]

that isn't edge's review text. i'm pretty sure it's anihawk pasting bioshock terms into some other stupid review.

 

I deserve that for not actually reading anything in the thread.  That's a GAF Gaming Forum habit.

[Van Cruncheon]

anihawk is quite possibly the stupidest poster on gaf, and that's saying a lot.

[y2kev]

That's the oldest anihawk trick in the book.

[tiesto]

anihawk is quite possibly the stupidest poster on gaf, and that's saying a lot.

Anihawk's schtick got old like after the first week I started posted there. I can't believe how many gaffers absolutely love the guy and his sense of humor.

[demi]

So basically, Space Giraffe is as good as BioShock.

[TakingBackSunday]

Well, no, DefectiveRetard is the worst poster there.  Or Alkaliine.

[Mondain]

why is Anihawk immune to any banning whatsoever

[The Sceneman]

people think hes 'edgy' because he pans Metroid Prime all time, and he loves Zelda so Nfags think they can relate to him. I dunno, I can hardly post at GAF anymore just because theres soooo many morans there

[Smooth Groove]

anihawk is quite possibly the stupidest poster on gaf, and that's saying a lot.

Why are the stupidest posters on GAF all associated with animals?  That Kitton guy is possibly more distinguished mentally-challenged than Anihawk. 

[The Sceneman]

This post really got me:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=7548354&postcount=47

OMG Mario on the cover? Please scan it!

[y2kev]

anihawk is quite possibly the stupidest poster on gaf, and that's saying a lot.

Why are the stupidest posters on GAF all associated with animals?  That Kitton guy is possibly more distinguished mentally-challenged than Anihawk. 

interesting observation 

[tiesto]

This post really got me:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=7548354&postcount=47

OMG Mario on the cover? Please scan it!

Edge does have some pretty cool covers, tho.