Author Topic: I am at JURY DUTY. like RIGHT NOW. (Read 13889 times)

Howard Alan Treesong · « **on:** September 04, 2007, 12:38:55 PM »

Free wi-fi. I'm at the main Santa Ana courthouse so there's some cute Latina chongas. Also some middle-aged Chinese honeys. Mmm, married jurors.

I hope I don't get picked because it's a shitty week at work to not be at work. But it's not like there's ever a good time to suffer through Jury Duty.

They just turned Regis and Regis's Dumb Friend on the TVs. This is making it really hard to read. I hate America.

demi · « **Reply #1 on:** September 04, 2007, 12:42:24 PM »

Tell people you have a rash on your genitals.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #2 on:** September 04, 2007, 12:43:33 PM »

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on September 04, 2007, 12:38:55 PM

Free wi-fi. I'm at the main Santa Ana courthouse so there's some cute Latina chongas. Also some middle-aged Chinese honeys. Mmm, married jurors.

I hope I don't get picked because it's a shitty week at work to not be at work. But it's not like there's ever a good time to suffer through Jury Duty.

They just turned Regis and Regis's Dumb Friend on the TVs. This is making it really hard to read. I hate America.

If you don't like it, then you can just GIT OUT!

I have maps for sale such as so you can find your way to the Canada.

bork · « **Reply #3 on:** September 04, 2007, 12:46:34 PM »

Why it got to be Canada, homes?

Tauntaun · « **Reply #4 on:** September 04, 2007, 12:50:08 PM »

Quote from: lyte edge on September 04, 2007, 12:46:34 PM

Why it got to be Canada, homes?

would you rather mexico? eww

Edit: and when are we gonna get Kung Pow II? If we don't I'll leave.

Fragamemnon · « **Reply #5 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:02:49 PM »

Jury Duty is so horrible.

No end of forum whoring via public wifi can ease the overwhelming nausea of the collective stupidity of society.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #6 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:07:41 PM »

"I'm not in contempt of court, I'm in contempt of humanity. The court is an unfortunate subset."

We had to watch this video about how we as a society would not trust an individual to make these decisions so we turn to our society of peers. BULLSHIT. I'm totally fine with respecting hard-earned authority! I trust it more than random DMV record selects.

I'm playing Scrabulous at Facebook and Legend of the Green Dragon BBS door game. But it's not enough.

Fragamemnon · « **Reply #7 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:10:25 PM »

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on September 04, 2007, 01:07:41 PM

I'm playing Scrabulous at Facebook and Legend of the Green Dragon BBS door game. But it's not enough.

I would join you on Scrabulous but one of my coworkers decided to take an impromptu week-long vacation without acutally taking care of his work beforehand. So I am playing pooper scooper with my IDE and compiler all morning scrubbing down BUGZ.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #8 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:15:58 PM »

sniff. understood. this is my first time suffering through jury duty. it's only 940 AM and I've already been up for almost 4 hours. man was not meant to endure such sorrows.

we have a programmer at work who took like, 10 days off cause her boyfriend's dad was in the hospital, then was around for a week, then 10 days off for vacation. meanwhile, DOES BUGZ DON'T FIX DEMSELFS

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #9 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:17:54 PM »

for some reason the Silversun Pickups are the official 20th anniversary theme song of Regis' dumb show.

I should troll for chicks on the net as a way of killing time. what are the best net sites to find chicks. (not adultfriendfinder)

Tauntaun · « **Reply #10 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:35:04 PM »

i could draw pics of penises in paint them pm them to you

FlameOfCallandor · « **Reply #11 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:37:54 PM »

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on September 04, 2007, 01:15:58 PM

sniff. understood. this is my first time suffering through jury duty. it's only 940 AM and I've already been up for almost 4 hours. man was not meant to endure such sorrows.

Stop whining and do your civic duty. Make George Washington proud.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #12 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:40:19 PM »

see, if I got someone like you as my case, I would give you the chair, no matter the charges. also, even if it was a civil case instead of criminal. and before I heard the evidence. after too of course.

this is why I don't trust the jury system.

T234 · « **Reply #13 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:40:47 PM »

I'll play you in a game of scrabble over the internet on the website "facebook"

FlameOfCallandor · « **Reply #14 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:41:20 PM »

You dont trust the Jury system because you fail to have an open mind and let your bias get in the way.

Oh the Irony

:tbslol :tbslol :tbslol

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #15 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:43:34 PM »

how is that ironic? I openly admit that I'm a biased individual. all people are. that's why we should trust in the impartial judgment of robot scientists and not fallable meatbags.

also I notice you use a laughing black man to represent irony. racist.

can anyone suggest fun free webgames I can play with a touchscreen.

T234 · « **Reply #16 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:45:10 PM »

Is all you can use at the courthouse free webgamez?

If you had warsow installed I'd beat you at that.

Fragamemnon · « **Reply #17 on:** September 04, 2007, 01:46:02 PM »

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on September 04, 2007, 01:43:34 PM

how is that ironic? I openly admit that I'm a biased individual. all people are. that's why we should trust in the impartial judgment of robot scientists and not fallable meatbags.

also I notice you use a laughing black man to represent irony. racist.

can anyone suggest fun free webgames I can play with a touchscreen.

ergh no keyboard?

Websudoku is the timewaster of choice when trapped in a situation like yours.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #18 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:08:32 PM »

Just be like...

"Your honor, I am afraid I cannot be impartial considering the defendant is a BLACK MAN."

If the defendant is not black, say that you hate [enter ethnicity here]. If he's white, say you're half-black and resent white people for enslaving your ancestors.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #19 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:12:58 PM »

Quote from: Fragamemnon on September 04, 2007, 01:46:02 PM

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on September 04, 2007, 01:43:34 PM
how is that ironic? I openly admit that I'm a biased individual. all people are. that's why we should trust in the impartial judgment of robot scientists and not fallable meatbags.

also I notice you use a laughing black man to represent irony. racist.

can anyone suggest fun free webgames I can play with a touchscreen.

ergh no keyboard?

Websudoku is the timewaster of choice when trapped in a situation like yours.

I have a keyboard. I meant like, uh, touchpad. so no games that require actual mousing.

Tauntaun · « **Reply #20 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:14:12 PM »

Quote from: Willco on September 04, 2007, 02:08:32 PM

Just be like...

"Your honor, I am afraid I cannot be impartial considering the defendant is a BLACK MAN."

If the defendant is not black, say that you hate [enter ethnicity here]. If he's white, say you're half-black and resent white people for enslaving your ancestors.

iawtp

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #21 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:14:18 PM »

You should be hitting on potential jurors!

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #22 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:15:42 PM »

Quote from: Willco on September 04, 2007, 02:14:18 PM

You should be hitting on potential jurors!

$:-\$

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #23 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:17:24 PM »

That's what I did. When I had jury duty at the awesome age of 20, I ended up having lunch with a cute 22-year-old middle school teacher.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #24 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:18:35 PM »

demi · « **Reply #25 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:21:14 PM »

Don't be so down, Willco looks like Chris Kohler, so you don't have to worry about that.

Just tell them you're a versatile gay, and you're up for anything. Go for broke.

Rman · « **Reply #26 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:21:42 PM »

I did jury duty during my winter break in senior year in college. That totally sucked. I tried to get out of it but the judge said, "Hey, you're on vacation so why not." It was interesting, though. It was a criminal case too.

FlameOfCallandor · « **Reply #27 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:22:18 PM »

I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I kind of look forward to Jury duty.

You guys should be ashamed.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #28 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:23:25 PM »

SHUT THE FUCK UP, FAGGLET

demi · « **Reply #29 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:23:43 PM »

FoC just wants to place a guilty, evil black man behind bars.

FlameOfCallandor · « **Reply #30 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:24:12 PM »

Quote from: demi on September 04, 2007, 02:23:43 PM

FoC just wants to place a guilty, evil black man behind bars.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #31 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:25:51 PM »

FoC: "Finally, justice has been served!"
Defense Lawyer: "But you sentenced that man to death!"
FoC: "I know!"
Defense Lawyer: "But all he did was steal some CDs from Target!"
FoC: "Another proud moment for Lady Justice."

FlameOfCallandor · « **Reply #32 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:29:17 PM »

I thought judges do the sentencing and jurys only decide if he is guilty or not.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #33 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:30:33 PM »

he's a little BIT guilty (Black In Texas)

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #34 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:31:42 PM »

I've never seen so many DIE UH BEE TUHS ads
go daytime TV

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #35 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:36:00 PM »

FoC: "Your honor, we the jury find the defendant guilty and sentence him to be hung by a mob at noon!"
Judge: "You can't sentence anyone - that's my job!"
FoC: "But I already bought the rope and Carl got his pickup truck started for the preliminary road dragging.

"
Judge: "... I don't know about this."
FoC: "I also brought neopolitan ice cream! Enough for everyone!"
Judge: "Case closed!"

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #36 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:36:15 PM »

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on September 04, 2007, 01:07:41 PM

We had to watch this video about how we as a society would not trust an individual to make these decisions so we turn to our society of peers. BULLSHIT. I'm totally fine with respecting hard-earned authority! I trust it more than random DMV record selects.

a-fucking-men. give me a single educated and reviewed authority over a gaggle of my dumbshit peers anyday. ask my dad whether or not i should drive home after an all-night high school kegger, and he'll beat my ass with a two-by-four for even suggesting it. ask my peers the same question, and i'll get "huuurrrrr *puke* go for it dude, you look sober to me *falls down*"

FlameOfCallandor · « **Reply #37 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:37:19 PM »

Quote from: Willco on September 04, 2007, 02:36:00 PM

FoC: "Your honor, we the jury find the defendant guilty and sentence him to be hung by a mob at noon!"
Judge: "You can't sentence anyone - that's my job!"
FoC: "But I already bought the rope and Carl got his pickup truck started for the preliminary road dragging. "
Judge: "... I don't know about this."
FoC: "I also brought neopolitan ice cream! Enough for everyone!"
Judge: "Case closed!"

Ok, I actually laughed really hard at this, out loud.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #38 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:44:17 PM »

oh, a tip from a coworker: act educated. they'll cull you from the jury selection if you act like you WANT to be educated and impartial -- neither the prosecution nor the defense want someone that's difficult to manipulate or has educated ideals, because it means a potential hung jury and everyone misses lunch. if they interview you, act like you're proud to be part of the process, and emphasize and philosophical or legal readings you've done, as well as your degree. name drop hume or heidegger, and talk about "natural law" like it means something. they'll quickly can you in favor of the slackjawed ape with a film degree ogling kelly ripa's tits.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #39 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:45:43 PM »

oh god the announcer's going all Shirley Jackson on our ass again

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #40 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:50:02 PM »

Quote from: Professor Prole on September 04, 2007, 02:44:17 PM

oh, a tip from a coworker: act educated. they'll cull you from the jury selection if you act like you WANT to be educated and impartial -- neither the prosecution nor the defense want someone that's difficult to manipulate or has educated ideals, because it means a potential hung jury and everyone misses lunch. if they interview you, act like you're proud to be part of the process, and emphasize and philosophical or legal readings you've done, as well as your degree. name drop hume or heidegger, and talk about "natural law" like it means something. they'll quickly can you in favor of the slackjawed ape with a film degree ogling kelly ripa's tits.

yeah, I figured that acting too smart for the part was my best chance of getting blacklisted. I'm much better at acting pretentious than racist. I also want to try to figure out a way to namedrop my degree cause I'm sure it will put fear into the selection committee.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #41 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:51:15 PM »

they called someone with my first name and the first letter of my last name
hanafuda heart attack

EDIT: I mean karuta heart attack. I just liked the alliteration.

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #42 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:55:52 PM »

Quote from: Professor Prole on September 04, 2007, 02:44:17 PM

oh, a tip from a coworker: act educated. they'll cull you from the jury selection if you act like you WANT to be educated and impartial -- neither the prosecution nor the defense want someone that's difficult to manipulate or has educated ideals, because it means a potential hung jury and everyone misses lunch. if they interview you, act like you're proud to be part of the process, and emphasize and philosophical or legal readings you've done, as well as your degree. name drop hume or heidegger, and talk about "natural law" like it means something. they'll quickly can you in favor of the slackjawed ape with a film degree ogling kelly ripa's tits.

The defense didn't want me once I mentioned that I was a med student. He was a pretty lousy lawyer who pulled out the "he was arrested because he was black" argument way too crudely. I guess he thought that I was one of those people that wouldn't care about a man's background when looking at his crime. It was pretty dumb of him, since I'm more likely to be lenient towards his argument than many others.

demi · « **Reply #43 on:** September 04, 2007, 02:57:40 PM »

Don't you get some money for your trouble? What's the harm in getting a few bucks out of putting a guilty, evil black man behind bars?

FlameOfCallandor · « **Reply #44 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:00:15 PM »

Quote from: Professor Prole on September 04, 2007, 02:44:17 PM

oh, a tip from a coworker: act educated. they'll cull you from the jury selection if you act like you WANT to be educated and impartial -- neither the prosecution nor the defense want someone that's difficult to manipulate or has educated ideals, because it means a potential hung jury and everyone misses lunch. if they interview you, act like you're proud to be part of the process, and emphasize and philosophical or legal readings you've done, as well as your degree. name drop hume or heidegger, and talk about "natural law" like it means something. they'll quickly can you in favor of the slackjawed ape with a film degree ogling kelly ripa's tits.

I aprove of this method.

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #45 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:00:22 PM »

Quote from: demi on September 04, 2007, 02:57:40 PM

Don't you get some money for your trouble? What's the harm in getting a few bucks out of putting a guilty, evil black man behind bars?

People like Patel make much more money per day than what they would give you for jury duty. For you, it probably makes no difference.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #46 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:01:08 PM »

Quote from: Billy Rygar on September 04, 2007, 02:56:18 PM

Don't try and get out of it. They tend to see this as a negative and will keep you there for as long as possible.

you mean "don't be OBVIOUS when trying to get out of it." I should think a perky, enthusiastic spin on the academic persona would be fairly effective!

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #47 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:04:31 PM »

Quote from: Professor Prole on September 04, 2007, 03:01:08 PM

Quote from: Billy Rygar on September 04, 2007, 02:56:18 PM
Don't try and get out of it. They tend to see this as a negative and will keep you there for as long as possible.

you mean "don't be OBVIOUS when trying to get out of it." I should think a perky, enthusiastic spin on the academic persona would be fairly effective!

There was a story a month ago about this guy who got jailed because he tried to get out of jury duty by claiming that he was sexist, racist, dishonest, plus any negative characteristic/prejudice that you can think of.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #48 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:04:42 PM »

yeah I've been told that abject racism is too obvious and hyper-frowned upon. but there's no law against being a smartypants!

if I have to stay past tomorrow though I'm going to be doing 8 hour days of working from home AFTER getting back from jury duty.

I should mention I spent the past 5 years in Japan. that should somehow disqualify me.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #49 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:07:05 PM »

btw, you don't get paid your first day. you get $15 / day for days 2-10. I have to waive the fee tho cause my company pays for it.

it's really shitty timing this week, tho. a nightmare of international clusterfucking. but I have to get it over with.

demi · « **Reply #50 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:07:34 PM »

Quote from: Smooth Groove on September 04, 2007, 03:00:22 PM

Quote from: demi on September 04, 2007, 02:57:40 PM
Don't you get some money for your trouble? What's the harm in getting a few bucks out of putting a guilty, evil black man behind bars?

People like Patel make much more money per day than what they would give you for jury duty. For you, it probably makes no difference.

I like free money. Not like I have anything better to do.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #51 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:11:56 PM »

money is like microsoft points...for life

there's a girl here playing WoW

I woulda hit on her except she's white

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #52 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:17:40 PM »

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on September 04, 2007, 03:11:56 PM

money is like microsoft points...for life

there's a girl here playing WoW

I woulda hit on her except she's white

What's wrong with white?

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #53 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:20:27 PM »

Less #FFFFFF, more #FFFF00

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #54 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:20:53 PM »

have you ever seen a white person? they're all ghastly pale and blotchy, and they often smell like a corpse. yuck. white people are disgusting

demi · « **Reply #55 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:21:22 PM »

I prefer my women #000000 and #0000FF

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #56 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:29:02 PM »

Whats the case about?

also tell them you have an important Madden tournament to go to, then when you do get selected we'll start manipulating the other jurors then black mail both sides for millions of dollars.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #57 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:29:55 PM »

LUNCH BREAK!

90 minutes, hoo ha.

So far, so unselected.

Yeti · « **Reply #58 on:** September 04, 2007, 03:36:10 PM »

I've been summoned to appear for jury duty twice, but I was out of town at college both times so I didn't have to appear.

Anyways, good luck with getting out of it!

bluemax · « **Reply #59 on:** September 04, 2007, 04:19:12 PM »

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on September 04, 2007, 01:17:54 PM

for some reason the Silversun Pickups are the official 20th anniversary theme song of Regis' dumb show.

I should troll for chicks on the net as a way of killing time. what are the best net sites to find chicks. (not adultfriendfinder)

Craigslist. Just tell them you're bored at jury duty and you'll get a few responses. When I was in operating systems class last semester I posted on CL at 4am on a weekend telling people how I was stuck in a computer lab going on an hour of sleep with shitty groupmates.

I got like 5 responses within a half hour, including one chick who sent me pics of her in her undies.

I also just got out of jury duty for Pierce County for the second time in 3 years. Being an out of state college student FTW.

News:

Author Topic: I am at JURY DUTY. like RIGHT NOW. (Read 13889 times)