Preview: I dreamt Grimaces were a creepy shadow org controlling the world.

[TVC15]

I have to head out for a dental appointment, but I wanted to give you all a special gift. 

Last night, I dreamt that whatever Grimace's race is invaded earth.  They were some sort of Illuminati-esque shadow organization, and nobody knew that they were pulling the strings.  Except me, and my little "team."

So anyway, the Grimace's were having some sort of meeting or conference that was taking place in an old abandoned theatre, and I had to infiltrate it.  And I did this by dressing as one of the Grimaces.

This dream, what I remember of it, is exceptionally bizarre, even for one of my dreams.  I don't want to give away too much, since I want to tell more of this story later, but I figure I owe you a hook.  And maybe telling my weird dreams in "chapters" will get more people to read them.

Anyway, the preview for next time?  The race of Grimaces discovered me trying to infiltrate their gathering.  And they stripped me down to my skivvies.  What do YOU, fair readers, think those Grimaces did to me as they had me all vulnerable and what not?

(And to answer questions before they are asked, they all looked like Grimace in shape, but they were multi-colored, and their faces were more animated.  The Grimaces also had disguises for when they went in public)

[Van Cruncheon]

were you ROBBLE ROBBLED

[Barry Egan]

So is the Grimace as featured in the commercials the "leader" Grimace or just a generic purple Grimace? 

Also, was Mayor McCheese a member of your "team"? 

[TVC15]

So is the Grimace as featured in the commercials the "leader" Grimace or just a generic purple Grimace? 

Also, was Mayor McCheese a member of your "team"? 

Alright, first things first, a bit of a disclaimer.

I'm pretty good at remembering my dreams.  If there's something I don't remember, I won't make shit up, and I'm not afraid to say I don't recall what happened, or I'm not afraid to say something that doesn't make sense (if it actually happened in the dream).  Most of the dreams I mention are bizarre enough that I really don't have anything to worry about.

Now, I do not recall if Grimace himself was at the gathering, but I can most definitely confirm that these things were of Grimace's race.  I mean, it's fairly difficult to make a mistake there.  Note that nothing brought this on.  I can't recall the last time I saw a picture of Grimace, nor have I been to a McDonald's in like. . .well, since last year.  This was out of the blue.  Or Purple.

I think the easy inspiration for this (and of another dream I had last night) was Assassin's Creed.  This becomes particularly evident in the second dream, where I was creeping amongst a crowd in a somewhat Jacobean time period.  That dream wasn't that interesting to recount.  It was cool, though.

Anyway, the dream began with me and a few people in the ruins of a downtown district. I believe there was waterfront, too.  We were ripping through an old abandoned grocery store putting together my Grimace costume.  I think we were all going to infiltrate the gathering, but only my costume was coming together, no doubt due to my diva-like fabulous.  I would make a terrrible drag queen, but I think I'm a pretty hot Grimace.

There was a three bears-ish moment, where one person's Grimace costume was just too floppy and limp, not pear-shaped and fat like a good Grimace should be.  A second person was fat in all the wrong places.  He was more like a jelly bean than a pear.  My costume, well, I had my doubts, but it was just right, at least according to my pals.  Of course, me getting sexually molested by a gaggle of Grimaces later on makes me think they just wanted me to get raped.

My costume was made of a couple of black garbage bags stuck together with some paper clips used as safety pins.  As fluffing, we stuffed a few old pillowcases with cotton balls.  I recall looking in a mirror and thinking I looked ridiculous, but the costume was apparently good enough that The Team decided I was ready for infiltration.

[Barry Egan]

Oh man here comes the good stuff....

[Van Cruncheon]

[TVC15]

Alright, I don't recall actually sneaking into the theatre.  I believe I snuck in as the event was going on.  I don't remember whether there was a movie showing, or whether there was some Jewish Grimace speaker talking about how there were 13 Grimace bankers in control of all the McNuggets in the world.  I'm sorry, I wasn't doing a very good job of paying attention.  I was dressed as a Grimace for christ's sake.

The theatre was rather sparsely populated.  Maybe 2 dozen of the Grimaces total.  It was dark of course.  Walking in, it was like seeing multicolored hills poking up from the seats.  I remember being scared; this was seriously a creepy, nightmare-y dream.

I tried to take a seat towards the back, but for whatever reason, the first seat wasn't getting the job done, so I had to go forward a few rows, amidst the Grimaces.

I somehow ended up seated between two of them.  I know I said it wasn't crowded, but you know how dreams work.  It wasn't suddenly crowded, but I somehow had to take a seat between two Grimaces.  I had no choice.  And this is when I noticed the faces.

I suck at drawing, so I'm just going to have to link to something that basically reminds me of what the faces looked like.  The faces were like, hyperreal.  They were these big, multicolored blob things, Grimaces, but they had gross real faces.  Like this:



And all the muscles in their faces moved.  These weren't costumes.  These were real Grimaces, and they were fuck all creepy.  When I was taking my seat between the gross beasts, I was shocked, because I didn't expect them to look all real and shit.  I don't remember the texture of their skin, but I remember not wanting to have to touch them.  They looked really unhappy and mean, too.  As I took my seat, I remember getting nervous at the rustling of my garbage bag Grimace costume.  I mean, my head was poking out and my face wasn't even in the same place as it was for the other Grimaces.  They couldn't be buying this at all.

And then there was a problem.  These were movie theatre seats.  The kind that flip down so you can sit on them.  My garbage bag costume was held together by pins, and it would easily tear, so I had to turn to face the seat and push it down with my hands before I could take my seat.  And as I turned around, I had to face the Grimaces.  I was so sure I was going to get busted. . .