my day of sega: i review the best of the genny and find it wanting

[Van Cruncheon]

my day of sega

this review of the best of the genesis' library brought to you by the following sponsors:
 
- the sony playstation portable. if you don't own one, you are a fuck worthless human being and i hope you die gagging on little jappy cock.

- the sony 8 gigabyte memory stick duo.

- the fine folks who developed the picodrive emulator for the psp. i have no idea why you wasted your time given the general worthlessness of the genesis library, but here's to you, you poor saps.

- the batshit fegs who think 16-bit gaming is as good as it gets. you're all insane. please buy a wii and exit this hobby.


below are a list of genny games i cultivated from a broad and diverse master list. if i didn't include it, it is a piece of shit game (see: sonic 1) or a superior version exists elsewhere on another platform (see: all capcom arcade ports). if there is a good game i missed (the original shining force? natch! you suck!) i did so because i don't fucking care and because picking pieces of corn in an ocean of shit is a task best left to germans and ninthing apologists.

here goes! these scores are final, objective, and completely indisputable. if you disagree, you are wrong.

alisia dragoon -- 5 out of 10. the sole genesis game with good music. purely average action platformer from gainax. zzzz.

beyond oasis -- 6 out of 10. one of the better looking genny zelda knock-offs. shame it is three hours long and has a stupid combo system. at least the boss fights are impressive. feels like a second-rate climax rpg.

castlevania bloodlines -- 7 out of 10. a good entry in the linear castlevania series. cheesy effects are still kinda impressive. the genesis sound chip mauls decent music compositions. not as good as super castlevania iv.

contra hard corps -- 9 out of 10. the first legitimately good genny game i encountered. better than the somewhat overrated gunstar heroes, and still pretty impressive. god i hate the genny sound processor. the little dude is awesome, and of the characters have great firepower. brutal fucking game, though, even on easy. i think this is the best contra -- certainly better than contra 3.

crusader of centy -- 2 out of 10. AHUAHUAHUAHUAHUA. i think link to the past is crap, but this game even makes the neutopia games look awesome. oh look, a sonic cameo. *shoots self* could a game have crappier collision detection? the answer is yes, but only if it is the following game.

el viento -- 2 out of 10. i put this on the list because egm busted a fat nut over it back in the day. the only redeeming features are the broken engrish discussing the mafia-meets-lovecraft wacky jappy plot and the raver girl atrocity that is the main character. the first boss is a space tank that fires a single bullet in a straight line at you. wolf team? didn't you used to be good? wait, you fegs were mega drive exclusive. of course you sucked.

gaiares -- 5 out of 10. impressive bosses, and a cute weapon stealing conceit that was far bettered in the ever-unappreciated g-darius. fucking shitass environmental obstacles everywhere. fuck this. i hope irem hired and then murdered every employee of renovation (was this game actually compile??) for this third-rate shooting calamity. for some reason, i thought this game was awesome when i was 18. i also thought ranma was awesome. fuck me.

gods -- 6 out of 10. it was better on the amiga. this is true for ALL amiga-to-genny ports, btw, including faery tale adventure, battle squadron, shadow of the beast, and xenon 2.

gunstar heroes -- 8 out of 10. fucking overrated, but still fun. the dice maze and its silly boss fights are not so impressive now and are actually kinda doofy.

landstalker -- 4 out of 10. why did i like this game? who thought isometric platforming with no shadows was FUN? and my god, could nigel's sword range be any shorter or his controls any floatier? god i was stupid.

light crusader -- 2 out of 10. no just no.

musha -- 9 out of 10. still the best top-down 16-bit shooter. super star soldier on the tg-16 is a distant second. if any of you fucks bring up axelay (which also sidescrolled, but r-type 3 pissed in its fat glitchy mouth), i'll pray you get raped to death by ron paul. omg HARD though!

phantasy star 4 -- 6 out of 10. the only good rpg on the system, and it's kinda iffy next to modern day offerings. omg animu!! thankfully no longer holds the thrill it did back when i was a distinguished mentally-challenged teenager.

ranger-x -- 7 out of 10. an odd, underappreciated side-scrolling shooting gem. some of those background effects are insane. strangely deep and kept me more compelled than tripe like the sonic games.

revenge of shinobi -- 7 out of 10. a good side-scrolling action game with a decent soundtrack and some difficult platforming bits. i think i like it better than shinobi 3, oddly enough.

rocket knight adventures -- 7 out of 10. slick action platformer overall, and has good controls and boss fights. the music flays eardrums, and the character design is loathesome furry pap. graphics haven't aged so well.

shining force 2 -- 5 out of 10. it's no fire emblem. period.

shinobi 3 -- 6 out of 10. hate those stupid horse and jet ski sequences. probably a better game than revenge, but the levels have too much environmental shit, and the second level defines platforming tedium.

sonic 2 -- 5 out of 10. PUSH RIGHT AND HIT JUMP PERIODICALLY. i hate sonic. he is the worst mascot ever. parallax effects are nice. the game is not. yuji naka is a fucking hack and should stick to 68000 register optimization.

sonic 3 -- 4 out of 10. see above. add one point for the ice cap stage; subtract two for the casino night stage. why is knuckles even there. how did you get sonic level design so WRONG.

sonic and knuckles -- 2 out of 10.  hey sega: you didn't need to make sonic rush -- you already had a fucking horrible example of how low sonic level design can sink. this is sonic 3 molested by a digipen savant.

streets of rage 2 -- 7 out of 10. best 16-bit beat-em-up, hands down.

streets of rage 3 -- 6 out of 10. probably a better game, but messier visual direction and WHERE IS MY ROLLERSKATING ETHNIC STEREOTYPE. it feels sloppy.

thunderforce 3 -- 3 out of 10. this is what i mean when i call a game "janky" -- loose controls, sloppy collision, and badly-designed bosses.

thunder force 4 a.k.a lightening[sic] force -- 8 out of 10. awesome side-scroller, and also better than axelay. some really REALLY cheap moments bring the score down. the stage 6 bit with the spider boss makes me MAD.

truxton -- 4 out of 10. toaplan. :'(

wonderboy in monsterworld 5 -- 7 out of 10. a grindy side-scrolling action-rpg of the sort they no longer make. way, way better than ys 3. did you like wonderboy 3 (dragon's curse)? this game looks better, although it is not as good.

wonderboy in monsterworld 6 -- 9 out of 10. awesome, awesome side-scrolling action-rpg, and currently my favorite genny title. it stars a wonder girl -- a dirty towelhead terrorist girl named asha -- instead of a wonder boy, but it has the best dungeon layouts of the series and some seriously tricky (but never stupid) platforming. PLEASE TRY THIS GAME.

overall, the genesis library sucks. the snes had much better games overall, and i'm sorry i ever championed the genny, although i only did so to spite ninthings. 16-bit kinda sucks overall, though, and i'm starting to find a lot of 32/64-bit questionable as well.

thank me later, feggits!

[Flannel Boy]

sonic 2 -- 5 out of 10. PUSH LEFT AND HIT JUMP PERIODICALLY. i hate sonic. he is the worst mascot ever. parallax effects are nice. the game is not. yuji naka is a fucking hack and should stick to 68000 register optimization.

sonic 3 -- 4 out of 10. see above. add one point for the ice cap stage; subtract two for the casino night stage. why is knuckles even there. how did you get sonic level design so WRONG.

sonic and knuckles -- 2 out of 10.  hey sega: you didn't need to make sonic rush -- you already had a fucking horrible example of how low sonic level design can sink. this is sonic 3 molested by a digipen savant.

So right, though I think you meant PUSH RIGHT AND HIT JUMP PERIODICALLY.

[Himu]

warsong

herzog zwei

comic zone

[demi]

do DEATH DUEL

[Van Cruncheon]

warsong does NOT hold up; same for herzog zwei. there are vastly, VASTLY better games in those genres these days.

forgot about comix zone. see caveat.

[demi]

do mutant league hockey

[Howard Alan Treesong]

turns out Michael Jackson secretly did the Sonic 3 soundtrack



[youtube=425,350]JbVM-l2Oku4[/youtube]

please rerate the game in light of this new evidence

[drohne]

i remained resolutely untrolled until i got to 'toaplan :'('

THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, GUY

[Van Cruncheon]

because the port MAULS a classic shooter, and i am certain toaplan am cry

oh god, how i wanted a marty for truxton ii

[Oblivion]

Wow, I didn't think you would berate the Genny's library like that.

I agree about the sound chip and Landstalker, tho.

[TVC15]

So in hindsight, DC and Saturn were probably the only good things Sega ever made?  And for all we know, the Saturn might suck in hindsight since we can't emulate it?

[drohne]

oh, yeah -- the genny port of truxton does kind of suck. pce one is better. iirc the actual arcade game still doesn't work right in mame. actually i wonder if truxton 2 would work in psp mame -- i haven't kept up with emulators at all

i love shinobi 3 for its expansive moveset, and the first couple sonic games are shit hot, but i agree with several of those assessments. tfiv is way better than tf3, though i'd source tf3's 'jankiness' in its inept pixel art

[TVC15]

Spot on about the insanely overrated Herzog Zwei.  I have no idea why people pretend that game is, well, even playable.  The nicest thing you can say about it is that it was a good idea at the time.  Pity about the execution.  Or should I say shits-a-cution.

[ToxicAdam]

This is why I don't play old games ... don't want to tarnish my good memories.

[Hitler Stole My Potato]

The best year of the Genesis was the first year 1989-1990, at least for me.  The games still kind of sucked but at least I was impressed with the graphics and sound.  Of course we then got hit with wave after wave of boring side scrolling shooters 'til I completely lost interest in the system and moved over to the SNES.

Never been a Sega fan.  Doesn't mean I'm jonesin' to play a bunch of SNES games either though.  Nostalgia is a bitch.

[Oblivion]

Now do SNES, pls.

[Van Cruncheon]

super metroid is still fucking awesome, though, as is yoshi's island

[Himu]

this thread makes me sad

[drohne]

whenever i try to replay super metroid, i can't be bothered to finish it. the nes game is authentically strange in its maplessness and stark aesthetics. the snes game falls on the same continuum as all the igavanias, in that there's a kind of momentum in filling out the map, but few of its individual moments are very interesting

i dunno -- i did the big 16 bit emu tour this summer, and i definitely leaned genny over snes. actually i couldn't think of many snes games i wanted to play. hagane, pocky and rocky 1, r type 3, contra 3...and i'm sure the mario games hold up

[Howard Alan Treesong]

metroid 1 > metroid 3

hell

metroid 2 > metroid 3

oh yeah

I went there

mmmm

[Van Cruncheon]

hm. maybe nostalgia is blinding me on super metroid. i shall do a day of snes, here.

[Hitler Stole My Potato]

whenever i try to replay super metroid, i can't be bothered to finish it. the nes game is authentically strange in its maplessness and stark aesthetics. the snes game falls on the same continuum as all the igavanias, in that there's a kind of momentum in filling out the map, but few of its individual moments are very interesting

i dunno -- i did the big 16 bit emu tour this summer, and i couldn't find much i wanted to play on snes. hagane, pocky and rocky 1, r type 3, contra 3...and i'm sure the mario games hold up

I don't know how much I'd really want to go back and play either.  It seems like every other year I get the emu itch and download a metric ton of old games and while I've got a certain soft spot for some ancient console titles I can never play 'em for long.  It's just interesting to revisit 'em occasionally - with an emphasis on visit.  I don't want to buy the house and stay in the neighborhood.  That's kind of why VC holds little to no interest with me. That being said, I do find that Nintendo's old games tend to hold up a hell of a lot better than anything Sega (Dreamcast withstanding) and most everyone else from back in the day did.

But of all the emus I get the most enjoyment from it's probably with all the old C64 games out there.  I guess I should feel a little guilty about downloading all of those games but hell I don't ever remember anyone ever buying C64 games at the time.  It seemed like everyone was a pirate back then.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

you know what game still FUCK ROCKS

THE GUARDIAN LEGEND

OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

how can one game be the best shooter AND the best action RPG on the NES?!

[TVC15]

you know what game still FUCK ROCKS

THE GUARDIAN LEGEND

OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

how can one game be the best shooter AND the best action RPG on the NES?!

I was playing that last night!

[Van Cruncheon]

oh man, alundra is SO MUCH BETTER than any 16-bit action rpg

[Himu]

what do you think about legend of oasis drinky

[Joe Molotov]

you know what game still FUCK ROCKS

THE GUARDIAN LEGEND

OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

how can one game be the best shooter AND the best action RPG on the NES?!

That game owns!

DUN DUN DA DA DUNDUNDUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN! DA DA DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DA DA DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

[Van Cruncheon]

the saturn oasis? it's better than the genny one -- it's a good action rpg.

[drohne]

i like classic games generally. they're a consistent part of my gaming habits, though they've kind of fallen by the wayside with all the new games lately. i just mean that there aren't many exceptional shooters or action games on snes -- fucked if i'm going to play rpgs

[Van Cruncheon]

most snes rpgs have long been superseded by better titles on ps2-era systems. ff6 and chrono trigger don't hold up nearly as well as their advocates think, despite the vasoline patina provided by nostalgia. the only truly good 16-bit rpg is lufia 2, and that's because it's a puzzle game more than anything else. lord only knows its combat system is awful.

 i like many classic arcade games, especially shooters, because their recent dearth means there's been very little attempts to better the mechanics of those classics, and subgenre incest has blocked any real diversification -- it's all chaining systems, bullet hell, and lolis these days.

[The Sceneman]

do mutant league hockey

I own the cart omg

[HyperZoneWasAwesome]

(takes bait)
what's with the Axelay hate?  The horizontal stages are fekking great, and the vertical stages are far from the travesty many believe them to be.  Toss in a pretty awesome soundtrack and weapon mechanics that are useful AND novel, I really don't see what, if any, major problems Axelay has.

I do agree with your assessment about Landstalker and most of the other Genesis games I'm familiar wit of those.  I still think Comix Zone is just about perfect, but I'm weird like that.

[TVC15]

I used to be an Axelay booster, but I popped it in the other day and it just didn't do anything for me.  I think I must have liked it so much because it had a neat look to it.  It's rather unremarkable more than it is bad.

[Van Cruncheon]

i don't hate axelay so much as consider it extremely overrated. the vertical levels are pretty bad, but the horizontal levels are in fact pretty damn good. well, stages 2 and 6 are borderline awesome, but 4 (the underwater stage) has a worthless boss fight. the weapon shystem sounds better on paper than it is -- most weapons get quickly superseded by the next one received in each successive level, although the round vulcan remained fairly useful for the whole game. overall, it's a 7/10 shooter.

[bluemax]

Super Wonderboy 6 sounds genuinely interesting. I've never been big on SEGA stuff having grown up with an NES and SNES.

[tiesto]

Main thing I take issue with is Alisia Dragoon being the only Genesis game with good music... especially since you've played both SOR1 and 2. Landstalker was fucking awesome, too, as was PSIV. Actually one of the reasons I prefer the older RPGs to the newer (PS2 era) ones... is that the newer era RPGs are obsessed with padding shit and adding more and more stuff just to increase the length of the game, I prefer the direct and to-the-point ones from the older era. Lufia II did kick ass, though.

[bork]

- the batshit fegs who think 16-bit gaming is as good as it gets. you're all insane. please buy a wii and exit this hobby.

It was for certain genres, grumpy.  I'll still take some of the platformers released back then over the shit that followed.  Same for beat-em-ups, ALTHOUGH a lot of the good stuff was released on far superior arcade boards.  Many Genesis and SNES games have aged horribly.

contra hard corps -- 9 out of 10. the first legitimately good genny game i encountered. better than the somewhat overrated gunstar heroes, and still pretty impressive. god i hate the genny sound processor. the little dude is awesome, and of the characters have great firepower. brutal fucking game, though, even on easy. i think this is the best contra -- certainly better than contra 3.

Konami made the U.S. version much harder than the original J-version.  The game was meant to have life bars...

crusader of centy -- 2 out of 10. AHUAHUAHUAHUAHUA. i think link to the past is crap, but this game even makes the neutopia games look awesome. oh look, a sonic cameo. *shoots self* could a game have crappier collision detection? the answer is yes, but only if it is the following game.

FUK U, I loved this game.   :'(  It was a fun Zelda clone.  But then you also think Link To The Past is crap too, so whatevah.

landstalker -- 4 out of 10. why did i like this game? who thought isometric platforming with no shadows was FUN? and my god, could nigel's sword range be any shorter or his controls any floatier? god i was stupid.

NO NO NO NO NO This game fuckin ROCKED.  And it's still better than any Zelda.   

streets of rage 2 -- 7 out of 10. best 16-bit beat-em-up, hands down.

Best BEU on a regular home console, I'll give you that.  But it gets its ass handed to it by a number of Capcom arcade beat-em-ups and Sengoku 3 on the Neo-Geo (although that game is from 2001).  Speaking of which, the Neo-Geo had dogshit for BEUs until Sengoku 3 came along...

streets of rage 3 -- 6 out of 10. probably a better game, but messier visual direction and WHERE IS MY ROLLERSKATING ETHNIC STEREOTYPE. it feels sloppy.

This is another one where the J-version is better.  They fucked some of those visuals up and took out the weird stereotypical gay boss character too.  And Skate?  He's in the game dude!!

wonderboy in monsterworld 6 -- 9 out of 10. awesome, awesome side-scrolling action-rpg, and currently my favorite genny title. it stars a wonder girl -- a dirty towelhead terrorist girl named asha -- instead of a wonder boy, but it has the best dungeon layouts of the series and some seriously tricky (but never stupid) platforming. PLEASE TRY THIS GAME.

Where you getting 6 from?  Just wondering....it's Monster World IV.

overall, the genesis library sucks. the snes had much better games overall, and i'm sorry i ever championed the genny, although i only did so to spite ninthings. 16-bit kinda sucks overall, though, and i'm starting to find a lot of 32/64-bit questionable as well.

You left out some good shit, plus the few good Sega CD games.  It's a shame to see you becoming a current gen fanboy.   :'(  IMO many SNES games have aged worse than their Genesis counterparts.  A lot of Genesis games really do feel faster when I go back and play them.  Must be that blast-processing.

But for me that particular era was dominated by arcade games, and far, FAR more of those still hold up today.  CPS1/2 and Neo-Geo 4 LYFE FUCK THE REST.  Oddly enough I find I have no trouble going back and playing old NES games though. 

[TVC15]

You know, I thought I would HATE revisiting the 32 bit era, but doing it on the PSP screen makes it fun.  Some of the games actually look decent!

[Howard Alan Treesong]

so I have a modded PSP but I don't have any emus

where da emus at

[Himu]

www.coolrom.com

anything for patel <3

[bluemax]

You know, I thought I would HATE revisiting the 32 bit era, but doing it on the PSP screen makes it fun.  Some of the games actually look decent!

I dunno I still find Playstation games barely playable on the PSP. Even being portable can't make Vagrant Story less of a chore to play.

[demi]

so I have a modded PSP but I don't have any emus

where da emus at

ignore Himuro's bad link

go to Prole's PSP thread and go there

[Van Cruncheon]

You know, I thought I would HATE revisiting the 32 bit era, but doing it on the PSP screen makes it fun.  Some of the games actually look decent!

I dunno I still find Playstation games barely playable on the PSP. Even being portable can't make Vagrant Story less of a chore to play.

i just dropped persona 2, alundra, r-type delta, castlevania sotn, and dragon warrior on my psp, and they are all better than any 16-bit equivalent

[Van Cruncheon]

no way is landstalker good. it has shit controls, and isometric platforming with no depth cues? fuck that! play alundra, a game that is 100 times better.

wonder boy 6 is the euro name, i think. it's monster world 4, yeah, and it is the best game on the genny.

why would i not be a current gen fanboy? the ps2 hyas a MUCH MUCH MUCH better library than all of the 16-bit crap consoles combined. game design has progressed in a big way, save for certain edge genres, like shooters and 2d platformers, which comprise a very very small part of my gaming diet.

[cubicle47b]

Chrono Trigger still holds up for me.  The game is short and easy, the art is pretty, and I dig multiple character attacks and not having random battles.  I stopped caring for RPGs sometime during the PS2 era (I blame WoW) and it's one of a handful of titles I'd still play.

Super Metroid is still the best SNES game IMO.  At least since none of the Dragon Quests and Fire Emblems made it to the States.

That's about it for the SNES, though.  My love of the 16 bit era has been whittled down to Chrono Trigger, Super Metroid, Mario World, and Military Madness for the most part and my 8 bit love to only Punch-out.

[y2kev]

I dunno, I just played Super Metroid this year (in one sitting lulz) on the VC and I thought it was still really good.

WAY better than Metroid 2, whaddafuq.

[bluemax]

You know, I thought I would HATE revisiting the 32 bit era, but doing it on the PSP screen makes it fun.  Some of the games actually look decent!

I dunno I still find Playstation games barely playable on the PSP. Even being portable can't make Vagrant Story less of a chore to play.

i just dropped persona 2, alundra, r-type delta, castlevania sotn, and dragon warrior on my psp, and they are all better than any 16-bit equivalent

I didn't say 16 bit games were better. I just said I can't play anything from the Playstation era, except maybe FF9.

[ferrarimanf355]

So in hindsight, DC and Saturn were probably the only good things Sega ever made?  And for all we know, the Saturn might suck in hindsight since we can't emulate it?

Actually, the Saturn titles on Gametap are emulated. 

[JOttoson]

I used to love Namco's Powerball. I'm afraid to go back and take a second look.

[jiji]

Where's Alien Soldier?

[bork]

I need to go and put Alundra on my PSP.  That's a game I never played much of, despite loving the shit out of Landstalker.