How do you clean your ass after taking a shit? (inspired by GAF)

[Powerslave]

Being someone who grew up with having some sort of a watercan or even empty detergent bottles in the toilet, I never realized so many people just only used toilet paper to wipe their ass off. How does it feel like having dried up shit around your crack area? Man that's gotta smell bad and feel terrible. It's just like eating chips or fries and only wiping your hand with a dry towel or handkerchief. Your hands don't become clean, you need at least water for that.

So are you one of those filty guys with shitstains around their asshole and only wash it in the shower, or do you have other techniques than just plain toiletpaper?

[Gay Boy]

wtf is a toliet watercan

[Madrun Badrun]

I use Mupepe's tongue.

[FlameOfCallandor]

Our people use washclothes.

[demi]

wtf is a toliet watercan

bidet

[Himu]

I sit on the toilet and wipe

[Christopher]

Wipe with TP use Baby wipe wipe with TP.

My ass is fresh to death.

[Powerslave]

wtf is a toliet watercan

bidet

no, not a bidet.
But something that looks like a measuring jug works too. You know....ANYTHING where you can put water in and pour it down the back of your ass.

[demi]

So how do you take a dump in public? Do you carry wetnaps in your pockets all day? Do you hold it in like Shitbrick?

[Powerslave]

I never feel the need to take a dump to the point where I can't hold it in anymore. I plan my shitsessions with care and good timing so I won't have to resort using filthy public bathrooms.

[Beezy]

But something that looks like a measuring jug works too. You know....ANYTHING where you can put water in and pour it down the back of your ass.

Weird...

[brawndolicious]

yeah muslim households have those watercans (they kind of look like plant watering jugs) and you pour it down your ass and then genitals (3 times).  I'm not a muslim anymore but I still do that.  don't get how you would get clean just wiping...that's kind of nasty people.  some households even have a little hose installed near the toilet (it kind of looks like the one on kitchen sinks) and that really lets you blast that shit off (pun intended).

as for how I wipe my ass (cover your eyes):

after the deed, I first wipe as much away as I can with toilet paper.  I call this the American Method™.  then I take the water can and pour down the ass.  the first time you do it is AMAZING and I hope I'm converting a few of you.  Then I take some toilet paper and dry ground zero.  then I repeat the watering and drying on my dick and balls and I'm done.  and clean.  maybe even cleaner than before I got on the toilet.  that sirs, is how you take a shit.

[Mupepe]

wouldn't water get all over the seat too?

[Madrun Badrun]

wouldn't water get all over the seat too?

Not when your Arab magic allows you to control water. 

[TakingBackSunday]

Pretty easy.  TP and baby wipes!

[Phoenix Dark]

http://forums.sohh.com/showthread.php?t=710625

[Cormacaroni]

Here in Future World (glorious Nippon), we civilized human beings press a button and have a jet of warm water (or cold, if you prefer) sluice away accumulated faecal matter in mere seconds. It may or may not also have a pleasing stimulative effect on the male clitoris, I wouldn't know (my mangina remains untested and virginal).

Afterward, a mere pat down with a sheet or two of Kleenex's finest is sufficient to ensure that one's cheeks do not chafe. Lovely jubbly.

[xnikki118x]

I've always just used TP and I cannot wrap my head around how those water things work.

[demi]

I've always just used TP and I cannot wrap my head around how those water things work.

that's so hot.

[brawndolicious]

wouldn't water get all over the seat too?

without being too graphic, you lift the sack and aim the flow of water at the taint and the water gets everywhere it needs to.  I remember using baby wipes until I was like 8 in addition to the water and those things were awesome.

[Powerslave]

am nintenho, I've seen this being mentioned by some guys at GAF too, but why do you pour the can down from the front? That's way too uncomfortable and water will spoil everywhere. Never thought about doing it from the back?

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[close]

[brawndolicious]

I don't understand how you would do it down the back.  you obviously kind of have to like lean back when you do it the way I say though.

[Eric P]

how does a blind person know when he's done wiping?

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no joke.  genuinely curious

[close]

[Mupepe]

I don't understand how you would do it down the back.  you obviously kind of have to like lean back when you do it the way I say though.

wait, so you do it down the front?  i'm so confused. 

i'll just buy baby wipes

[Tauntaun]

Two or three baby wipes (flushable at work  ) and then a two wipes with TP for drying and general freshness.

[bud]

I don't understand how you would do it down the back.  you obviously kind of have to like lean back when you do it the way I say though.

how the hell can you even clean your crack with water from the front? like, can you get the water all the back there from the front? do you have poopstains on your penis by any chance

[Madrun Badrun]

how does a blind person know when he's done wiping?

spoiler (click to show/hide)

no joke.  genuinely curious

[close]

Blind people have a heightened sense of smell. 

[Powerslave]

I don't understand how you would do it down the back.  you obviously kind of have to like lean back when you do it the way I say though.

how the hell can you even clean your crack with water from the front? like, can you get the water all the back there from the front? do you have poopstains on your penis by any chance

The thing me and the rest forgot to mention is that we use our other hand to clean our ass. I do it with toiletpaper.

Also, before I proceed with the almighty watercan, I of course wipe as much as possible with toilet paper.

[Trent Dole]

With fucking toilet paper, duh.

[Mupepe]

I don't understand how you would do it down the back.  you obviously kind of have to like lean back when you do it the way I say though.

how the hell can you even clean your crack with water from the front? like, can you get the water all the back there from the front? do you have poopstains on your penis by any chance

The thing me and the rest forgot to mention is that we use our other hand to clean our ass. I do it with toiletpaper.

Also, before I proceed with the almighty watercan, I of course wipe as much as possible with toilet paper.

from the back, i could somewhat see if i leaned forward and did it carefully so i don't get water on the seat or something.  i've never tried pouring water down a small area of my backside.

but from the front, i'm just going to get a wet chode.  wtf, dude?  what kind of water can is this? 

fuck this, what's the name of that thing you hook onto the toilet to spray water at your ass?

[bud]

bidet

i've seen porn with brittany murphy getting off on one

search for ''bidet'' on youporn, or maybe it ''toilet''

[Mupepe]

no, it's a product that you can buy online.  it hooks into the back of a regular toilet and works like a bidet.  GAF made a huge thread about it.  they have an awesome website too.  fuck, i want one now.  i'll be the star of the neighborhood

"edward's toilet washes your butt for you!"

[Powerslave]

ok anything that looks like this:



or this:



or this:



will do.

Shit, even an empty bottle of whatever.

[Mupepe]

wow, i think i'll go with the better version of the butt sprayer. 

"what's that pitcher for next to your toilet?"
"to clean my ass"

or

"i was sitting on your toilet, and it started cleaning my ass for me!  I think it likes me!"

[Powerslave]

I think I know what you're talking about. It's a hole beneath at the rearside of the seat in the toilet where water comes out right? Those are usually terrible because they may end up shooting straight through the front and thus making the floor and your pants in front of you wet.

[Mupepe]

I think I know what you're talking about. It's a hole beneath at the rearside of the seat in the toilet where water comes out right? Those are usually terrible because they may end up shooting straight through the front and thus making the floor and your pants in front of you wet.

yeah... it doesn't sound as cool, because i could really see it doing that.  I liked the way i described it better.  it cleans my butt.

[Powerslave]

While the whole 'selfmade' toilet watercan to wash your ass method is pretty ghetto, it's actually a normality for me since I grew up with it and don't know otherwise. Seriously I cringe at the thought of solely using dry-ass toilet paper. Poopstains all over your anus 

[Phoenix Dark]

Why are you so concerned with the cleanliness of your anus?

cleanin ya azz=WILD HOMO. It ain't right unless I got shit flakes in my socks

[Vizzys]

Azureth: i need your help.
Viz: how so
Azureth: I'm interested in getting a bidet or something like it and I was wondering if you could post in the shit thread on EB what would be flipper-friendly?
Viz: I could post this chat log there
Viz: cause im lazy
Azureth: ok

azureth=synbios 4 teh dumb

[Vizzys]

he messaged me asking for help Iam not cruel

[Mupepe]

he messaged me asking for help Iam not cruel

am i?

Synbios4595200 (8:51:37 PM): I'm interested in getting a bidet or something like it and I was wondering if you could post in the shit thread on EB what would be flipper-friendly?
Mupepe (8:52:18 PM): yeah, not going to allude to you on the forums.  sorry .  it tends to disrupt normal conversation there.  no offense buddy
Synbios4595200 (8:56:02 PM): viz is doing it

[Vizzys]

i felt it was a pretty harmless question, ive been wrong before though

[brawndolicious]

so once viz already agreed to post it he then immediately asks another person to post the same question in this thread?

he probably is telling people to do that for attention.

anybody can search bidets on google and there is no way a flipper does not know about bidets.

back on topic, the water can thing really isn't as hard as it sounds.  if you one day are feeling adventurous, just take a watercan in the bathroom when you want to do your business and try it out.  the mechanics of it are hard to explain but once you do it, you can't go back.

[Powerslave]

ehh, I assume your toilet is seperate from the bathroom, and I also assume you have a little washing table in there..like most toilets do. Of course you realize that this only applies to domestic toilets.