1. kirsten (kristen? who fucking cares) bell is a terrible actress, and has the black soulless eyes of a doll
2. that fucker from LOST better beg them to take him back, somehow, someway, even as a talking boil inside hurley's ass crack
3. you can laugh about Die Hard 4's goofy computer shit all you want, but jesus fuck VIRUS GHOSTS ARE IN MY WIFIS AND CELLS
4. red tape, wtf, and hey wtf called and left a message, and that message was wtf red tape
5. that dude from freaks and geeks is about ten years too old to be playing college geeks
7. sassy black party chicks never get naked in these movies even though they always lead you to believe they might
8. hey no horror movies have done that thing where you unplug the computer and the spectres or spirits or whatthefuckever still come through the screen for about ten minutes, so let's do that about thirty times in this movie because it is never not scary amirite
9. there were absolutely no titties whatsoever in this film, not even undead titties
10. at first i was like hey bob balaban did christopher guest kick you out of that twee acting troupe or something, and then i realized it was some other actor whose name i don't care
11. give me back the ninety minutes of my life you stole you weak ring ripoff fuckholes
