Santa Claus impressions

[Phoenix Dark]

So yesterday I went to the Briarwood mall to see Santa. It was a Christmas present for my mom, who really wanted us to take a picture with him; we took a picture with Santa a decade ago, and she wanted an updated one. For those who don't know, I have three brothers (ages 17, 14, and 13). At least I think they're that old

Anyway the whole family got there at 6:30pm, and the line to see Santa had to be more than 50 people deep. To make matters worse, fuckin Santa kept taking breaks every few minutes to disappear somewhere. Then he'd come back and the kids thought it was magic. And speaking of kids, they were everywhere. Outside of a teenage couple in line behind us, everyone else (outside of parents) ranged from a few months old to like 8. The line circled around this play area where the kids were running into this 30 foot Christmas tree. Luckily Santa's elves ran to the rescue and entertained the kiddies with magic tricks, stories, and games. As the line progressed the kids were clearly staring at me, and finally one 3-5 year old walked up to me and was like "you're hear to see Santa?" I said yes, and he smiled and ran off. 

More than an hour later I was still in line, and getting closer to the front. Santa had this very young (and ugly) looking baby in his hands; there's no way he was a year old, and he was redder than a jihad victim. Holy shit babies are ugly in general. Finally we got to Santa. As expected I could smell something strong on his breath as he hugged me. Then he gave me a fist pump - all the white kids he saw got handshakes and hugs. The area was clearly designed for small children, and has a 6'2 guy I was crammed on the little green bench with Santa. And the man wouldn't be quiet

Santa: So where do YOU live?
Me: Uh Ypsi...
Santa: Guess where I live
Me: Alaska?
Santa: COLORADO lol. But my wife lives in the south pole
Me: Yeah...

We took 3 pics and left. I wore an oversized sweater and kinda looked fat sadly. Hopefully I'll be able to get some copies and post them here. I'd assume that I'd have to take the pictures to Walmart or somewhere

 

[Mupepe]

que homo

[Gay Boy]

what the fuck. If you are like over 8 then you are too old to see santa.

[Mupepe]

i would have rubbed santa's leg and seen the reaction

[Phoenix Dark]

I am 20

My mom wanted it, and she was so happy seeing us take the picture. I sure as hell wasn't

[Gay Boy]

then tell her "no I am 20 I cant do that". Be a man. If she said she wanted to take pictures of you in a dress dancing around would you?

[Mupepe]

Que te perdone Dios , yo no lo voy a hacer.  Los perdí a los dos y a la misma vez.  Ya veo que todo era mentira cuando ella me decía que se iba pa Puerto Rico a vacaciones con su amiga.  Me mintió, tú y ella en una cama, allá en Bayamo.  Quizás en Isla Verde o Carolina.  cuantos hoteles ensucio?  Tú también, los odio a los dos.

[Mupepe]

then tell her "no I am 20 I cant do that". Be a man.

says the guy with the internet handle "Gay Boy"

[demi]

What a momma's boy, smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh  smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smhsmh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smhsmh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh smh  smh smh smh smh smh vsmh smh smh smh smh v

[Gay Boy]

then tell her "no I am 20 I cant do that". Be a man.

says the guy with the internet handle "Gay Boy"

which makes PD's action all the more gayer even if its too gay for me!

[Powerslave]

bad santa

[MrAngryFace]

lol wtf

[Mupepe]

then tell her "no I am 20 I cant do that". Be a man.

says the guy with the internet handle "Gay Boy"

which makes PD's action all the more gayer even if its too gay for me!

true

[Phoenix Dark]

I know, but it was for my mom. She really wanted it so...yeah. She was all giddy too 

[Mupepe]

your mom has a santa fetish.  get on aim

[Gay Boy]

I know, but it was for my mom. She really wanted it so...yeah. She was all giddy too 

At 20 you have to have some dignity!

[MrAngryFace]

I woulda told my mom no, and my mom woulda not been insane

[Phoenix Dark]

The worse thing was that the line was right outside Sears, so a bunch of chicks were constantly walking out of that store into the center of the mall, seeing me in line and laughing at me  :'(

[Flannel Boy]

Santa Claus impressions: His lap was warm and inviting, though a little too pointy. Bastard had a strong grip! I wasn't squealing with joy. 

[Eel O'Brian]

I thought the punchline was gonna be "Santa left an impression in the seat of my pants"

[MrAngryFace]

I think this is really your mom testing her son to see which year he becomes a man and says no.

[Mupepe]

yeah, she probably would have bought you a hooker if you had said no

[Gay Boy]

I think this is really your mom testing her son to see which year he becomes a man and says no.

I have a feeling his mom is one of those types who see their kids like they are 5 no matter how old they get.

Jesus I call myself Gay Boy, go to enchanted, and have poofy hair yet I would refuse to take part in this.

[Phoenix Dark]

Exactly. She's the type of mom who has me drive her to people's houses, and before we leave she'll ask if I need to urinate before we hit the road wtf. In front of everyone to hear!

[Mupepe]

she sounds cute

[Gay Boy]

My mom always reminds me too look for cars if I am out with her crossing a road. I have learned to ignore it.

[Mupepe]

gaaaaaaaaaaay

[Gay Boy]

I used to get angry and yell about it but she doesn't stop. But oh god I'd shoot myself before santa pictures.

[Phoenix Dark]

If I were to send the pictures to someone in the mail, like in a Christmas card...could you scan them onto the computer and post them?

[Flannel Boy]

If I were to send the pictures to someone in the mail, like in a Christmas card...could you scan them onto the computer and post them?

I'd say yes. But what if one of my parents opened the letter by mistake?

"Why is there a picture of a grown black man sitting on Santa's lap?"

[Phoenix Dark]

Tell them I'm doing research for the university