1. Alcohol at 3AMWe always spend Christmas Eve at my uncle's house, and then head to my grandma's on Christmas. His house is pretty big, but luckily I got to sleep in the basement alone. I was reading magazines around 3AM Christmas morning when I decided to check out the bar in the back of the basement. There were a couple unmarked bottles and some type of liquor. I went for the pinkish-red bottle first and poured myself a shot. It was VERY good; I eventually found a similar bottle with the label, and realized it was a strawberry-kiwi chaser but it was still impressive. Later I found a bunch of cold beers in his fridge. He had a shit ton of small Miller bottles, and I decided to drink an entire one - just to see the effect. "Champaign of Beers" my ass. The stuff sucked, but I drank the whole thing. Later that night I didn't notice any side effects, although at dinner my stomach was burping and hurting.
2. Crackheads and biscuitsWe left my uncle's house around 11AM and headed to my grandma's house for breakfast. Most of the family was already there, including our crackhead "cousin" Marvin. He's not related to us in any way, but my grandma likes inviting him to all family affairs. Even the sight of him didn't annoy me too much, for I knew there would be amazing food downstairs. But after family prayer I had to go to the bathroom. When I got back to the eating area I noticed most of the biscuits were gone; a new batch was in the oven but wouldn't be finished for awhile. So I filled my plate with eggs, grits, and salmon patties only to see Marvin in the corner of the room with like 15 biscuits on his god damn plate. He had put jelly over them all to the point where they were probably soggy. To make matters worse, no one seemed to care BUT ME wtf
3. RayOne of my mom's cousins is a fucking distinguished mentally-challenged fellow. Every Christmas he sits next to me and my brother during breakfast and starts various political/history conversations which usually boil down to his love of insane conspiracy theories and/or racism. This time the topic was Obama. He basically said he was voting for Obama because he was black, and he didn't trust any white people. Why? Well he went on a rant about how all white people want to bring the black man down, how "fucking jews" forced Hillary Clinton to vote for the war, and how Bush personally suggested the NO levies be blown up.
Ray: When you get my age you'll realize everything you thought you knew as a kid was wrong! We'll be sitting here in 20 years agreeing with each other
Me: Perspective and opinions change with time and experience, but I'm not going to blindly accept conspiracy theories
just because -
Ray: There you go with the c word again, laughing. You won't be laughing when a fucking Mexican takes your job
Me: I don't have a job
Ray: SEE
4. Grandma and red wineMy grandma is the most badass woman I've ever met, and yesterday she lived up to that billing. Instead of cooking our annual gumbo dinner, she poured a couple glasses of wine and started instructing people how to cook it. Eventually she started cleaning shrimp and throwing it into the big gumbo pot - from about 10 feet away, all while singing along with the Temptations music that was playing in the living room. I hadn't laughed so hard in ages.
Hope you guys had a nice holiday
