Author Topic: potc3: wtf (now with baffling spoilers!) (Read 4709 times)

Van Cruncheon · « **on:** February 04, 2008, 12:58:22 AM »

wow, they took the whole carnival ride connection to heart. this movie doesn't make any fuckin' sense! it's just clacking from random scene to random scene, with some stupid gags and commentary attached. cg sure is pretty, though! how the fuck did this script ever get approved?

CajoleJuice · « **Reply #1 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:00:40 AM »

Late to the hatefest

My parents just watched it last night and both of them thought it was awful too.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #2 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:01:56 AM »

i'm only 45 minutes in and my interest has completely faded

wow calls; fuck off jack sparrow

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #3 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:02:07 AM »

I loved the first two movies, but they screwed the pooch with the third one. There's some cool parts in it, but overall it's just a mess.

And if there's one scene that epitomizes just how much they blew it, it's the way they handled the Kraken. I mean WTF, man? WTF?

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #4 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:04:47 AM »

I was so hurt and confused by the second one that I skipped the third. everyone told me I made such the right decision

Ichirou · « **Reply #5 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:06:08 AM »

The second one was good. The third one was awful. The character look up at Keira Knightley's vagine, but they don't let you see it.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #6 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:07:28 AM »

i liked the second one -- despite the distinguished mentally-challenged plot and ham-fisted love triangle, it had great action setpieces, beautiful visuals, and some of the ineffable charm of the original. this one is just meandering soulless crap.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #7 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:08:21 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on February 04, 2008, 01:06:08 AM

The second one was good. The third one was awful. The character look up at Keira Knightley's vagine, but they don't let you see it.

does she have a vagine? she starved all the secondary sex characteristics off herself, why not the primary ones too

demi · « **Reply #8 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:17:55 AM »

I got 1000 on the game woo

Ichirou · « **Reply #9 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:30:25 AM »

And btw, I agree that getting rid of the Kraken off-screen (this movie is a huge piece of shit, I don't think anyone'll mind if I spoil it) was one of the laziest writing decisions ever.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #10 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:31:26 AM »

calypso wtf

this movie is just one random deus ex machina moment after the other

Ichirou · « **Reply #11 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:58:03 AM »

I'm convinced the movie's plot was written on a cocktail napkin at the opening night party for Dead Man's Chest.

Mandark · « **Reply #12 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:00:46 AM »

Didn't see PotC3 cause the OP describes how I felt about PotC2. Even the first was too meandering for me. I need some forward momentum in my action movie plots (hello, Bourne!).

TVC15 · « **Reply #13 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:01:28 AM »

Wasn't this filmed at the same time as Dead Man's Chest? How could there be such a huge quality difference between the two? I thought DMC was too long, but a decent summer blockbuster kind of thing, unlike Transformers.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #14 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:02:44 AM »

potc3 doesn't even seem connected to 2, and the characters have gone from charming in that genre way to utterly annoying ciphers

TVC15 · « **Reply #15 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:06:39 AM »

Man I am still shocked that Legolas didn't ruin Kingdom of Heaven.

Ichirou · « **Reply #16 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:08:51 AM »

Quote from: TVC 15 on February 04, 2008, 02:06:39 AM

Man I am still shocked that Legolas didn't ruin Kingdom of Heaven.

He ruins every scene where he has to emote some kind of human feeling.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #17 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:10:36 AM »

he's fine in this, oddly. this movie isn't ruined for want of trying on behalf of the actors. it was ruined the moment ink hit the first page of the script.

TVC15 · « **Reply #18 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:11:42 AM »

Has Gore Verbinski said what he is doing next? I think he killed his Ring/POTC1 hype with those sequels.

Ichirou · « **Reply #19 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:16:21 AM »

I don't really care what he's doing next. Look at his filmography...THE MEXICAN...The Ring...the Pirates trilogy...utter shit.

EDIT: And Mouse Hunt and The Weather Man. Yeah, Verbinski's a fucking cinematic genius.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #20 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:18:46 AM »

the ring was a good remake and had some legitimately good scares. i enjoyed the first potc as a solid summer blockbuster -- hell, i enjoyed the second despite its narrative boondoggery. gore's not an auteur, but he's definitely more capable than, say michael bay. i don't think either me or tvc are suggesting he's gonna be the next welles.

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #21 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:25:40 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on February 04, 2008, 02:16:21 AM

EDIT: And Mouse Hunt and The Weather Man. Yeah, Verbinski's a fucking cinematic genius.

Come on, Mouse Hunt and Weather Man were good.

Mouse Hunt was like a live-action Tex Avery cartoon, and Weather Man...well I don't really remember much about it, but I seem to remember liking it at the time.

Ichirou · « **Reply #22 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:27:09 AM »

Quote from: Professor Prole on February 04, 2008, 02:18:46 AM

the ring was a good remake and had some legitimately good scares. i enjoyed the first potc as a solid summer blockbuster -- hell, i enjoyed the second despite its narrative boondoggery. gore's not an auteur, but he's definitely more capable than, say michael bay. i don't think either me or tvc are suggesting he's gonna be the next welles.

You guys aren't, but you'd be surprised at how overblown the man's rep has gotten since he made the first Pirates movie. I'd completely forgotten that The Weather Man existed, but when it was first announced, cinema geeks had huge expectations for that movie.

Mouse Hunt was a mildly amusing diversion, Joe. It was also really fuckin' drab for a cartoon movie about a mischievous mouse.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #23 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:33:15 AM »

well, the last fight was amusing. what an odd, odd, odd piece of blockbuster filmmaking.

HyperZoneWasAwesome · « **Reply #24 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:35:55 AM »

how bad was Chow Yun-Fat in this? Despite most of his last decade, he still deserves better.

and yes, they began production without a completed script, although I'm sure you all knew that.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #25 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:37:18 AM »

he was fine; good, even. the cg and costuming are top-notch, and the acting suited the bill. it's just that this movie had NO PLOT and NO REAL DIRECTION.

CajoleJuice · « **Reply #26 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:38:44 AM »

I liked The Weather Man. I didn't go in with any sort of expectation, though.

Mandark · « **Reply #27 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:40:37 AM »

It's weird what a non-entity Orlando Bloom is in the PotC movies. He's not actively bad, but for an alleged main character, I don't think I can remember a single one of his lines. He's just there. Depp just completely steamrolls him, like he's Alan Rickman in Robin Hood.

Ichirou · « **Reply #28 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:41:21 AM »

Quote from: Professor Prole on February 04, 2008, 02:33:15 AM

well, the last fight was amusing. what an odd, odd, odd piece of blockbuster filmmaking.

Yeah, two huge fleets face each other and you think you're going to have the mother of all sea battles, and they then proceed to do nothing as two ships head out to meet each other and fight. :/

Robo · « **Reply #29 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:41:34 AM »

I saw this movie for Keith Richards and I was not disappointed in that regard.

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #30 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:45:33 AM »

The bittersweet ending was the cherry on top of all the problems that you guys have mentioned. Wtf wants an ending like that for a family friendly blockbuster?

Ichirou · « **Reply #31 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:49:08 AM »

The getting married by Barbossa part was groanworthy. I guess because it's a Disney movie they had to be married SOMEhow before they could fuck.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #32 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:50:27 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on February 04, 2008, 02:41:21 AM

Quote from: Professor Prole on February 04, 2008, 02:33:15 AM
well, the last fight was amusing. what an odd, odd, odd piece of blockbuster filmmaking.

Yeah, two huge fleets face each other and you think you're going to have the mother of all sea battles, and they then proceed to do nothing as two ships head out to meet each other and fight. :/

well, the fight BEFORE that was amusing, i should say. yeah, and wtf was up with that ending?

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #33 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:54:56 AM »

Quote from: Smooth Groove on February 04, 2008, 02:45:33 AM

The bittersweet ending was the cherry on top of all the problems that you guys have mentioned. Wtf wants an ending like that for a family friendly blockbuster?

I've heard that in the original version of the script, there was a subplot where you find out that if the Flying Dutchman's captain's lady is true to him for the 10 years, then he's freed from the curse, and that the voodoo lady cheated on Davy Jones while he was away at sea, and that was meant to explain why he seemed so pissed at her in the movie, because she doomed him to roam the sea for eternity. So that would change the ending from being "Yay, he's back...for one day.

" to "Yay, he's back forever and now they'll live happily ever after!" Which almost makes too much sense. I mean, the ending seemed like it was going for happily ever after, but then you remember "Wait, but he only gets one day, that's not very happy."

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #34 on:** February 04, 2008, 02:55:42 AM »

I liked all of Verbinski's stuff up until the last Pirates movie. It was unbearably long and boring and made absolutely no sense.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #35 on:** February 04, 2008, 03:01:58 AM »

Quote from: Joe Molotov on February 04, 2008, 02:54:56 AM

Quote from: Smooth Groove on February 04, 2008, 02:45:33 AM
The bittersweet ending was the cherry on top of all the problems that you guys have mentioned. Wtf wants an ending like that for a family friendly blockbuster?

I've heard that in the original version of the script, there was a subplot where you find out that if the Flying Dutchman's captain's lady is true to him for the 10 years, then he's freed from the curse, and that the voodoo lady cheated on Davy Jones while he was away at sea, and that was meant to explain why he seemed so pissed at her in the movie, because she doomed him to roam the sea for eternity. So that would change the ending from being "Yay, he's back...for one day. " to "Yay, he's back forever and now they'll live happily ever after!" Which almost makes too much sense. I mean, the ending seemed like it was going for happily ever after, but then you remember "Wait, but he only gets one day, that's not very happy."

actually, pondering this, it makes sense, especially if they scuttled most of the script to pen in captain jack "SELLS MERCHANDISE" sparrow after he was SUPPOSED to be dead at the end of part 2. hence, you have the tacked in kraken death, the dopey jack in purgatory bits, the motivation-free betrayal bit and the totally random first third. i'd venture that they scuppered the original script to pen jack in, and dropped all semblence of coherence at that point -- jack's totally superfluous, but they alter the plot to accomodate him nonetheless in a really short span of time.

Oblivion · « **Reply #36 on:** February 04, 2008, 03:03:35 AM »

Pirates of Dark Water > Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #37 on:** February 04, 2008, 03:12:24 AM »

The Weather Man is a really aggressively odd movie. It's like a romantic comedy without any romance or comedy

Bloodwake · « **Reply #38 on:** February 04, 2008, 04:40:17 AM »

Yeah, just letting you know, none of the Pirates movies were that spectacular. Or that great for that matter.

None of them

Oblivion · « **Reply #39 on:** February 04, 2008, 07:04:24 AM »

Quote from: Bloodwake on February 04, 2008, 04:40:17 AM

Yeah, just letting you know, none of the Pirates movies were that spectacular. Or that great for that matter.

None of them

Pirates 1 rocked, homey.

Eric P · « **Reply #40 on:** February 04, 2008, 08:32:57 AM »

i loved the first two and liked the third, though not enough to buy it on dvd as i did the first two

AdmiralViscen · « **Reply #41 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:21:55 AM »

Who didn't see this coming after the second piece of shit?

Quote from: Smooth Groove on February 04, 2008, 02:45:33 AM

The bittersweet ending was the cherry on top of all the problems that you guys have mentioned. Wtf wants an ending like that for a family friendly blockbuster?

What happens?

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #42 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:24:41 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on February 04, 2008, 02:08:51 AM

Quote from: TVC 15 on February 04, 2008, 02:06:39 AM
Man I am still shocked that Legolas didn't ruin Kingdom of Heaven.

He ruins every scene where he has to emote some kind of human feeling.

I wouldn't say he ruins scenes in KoH, but he certainly is out acted by every other male in the film.

POTC3 was a disappointing disaster. I saw it on the first day, expecting a fun film, like the first two. Instead I got less Jack and more bullshit. The film is a bit pretentious in the sense that it makes you wait so long for Sparrow to show up, as if it's building tension for a big reveal. But it's simply not good enough to pull off such a trick.

The opening scenes in Asia are horrible, as are many of the following scenes. And the cliff hanger made me ROLL MY FUCKING EYES

And the GOD DAMN PEANUTS

AdmiralViscen · « **Reply #43 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:28:29 AM »

The second one wasn't fun either

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #44 on:** February 04, 2008, 12:17:18 PM »

no one has EVER successfully explained to me why PotC3 makes them hate peanuts. I may watch the movie just to understand THAT.

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #45 on:** February 04, 2008, 12:21:28 PM »

I haven't seen any of the Pirates movies. Henry Jenkins of MIT has a long quasi-academic justification of the third movie here: http://www.henryjenkins.org/2007/06/forced_simplicity_and_the_crit.html

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #46 on:** February 04, 2008, 12:28:04 PM »

PEANUTS AND LITTLE MEN OMG

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #47 on:** February 04, 2008, 12:41:05 PM »

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on February 04, 2008, 12:17:18 PM

no one has EVER successfully explained to me why PotC3 makes them hate peanuts. I may watch the movie just to understand THAT.

HyperZoneWasAwesome · « **Reply #48 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:38:44 PM »

Orlando Bloom has been trying to get an english language film going with Johnnie To. FUCK!
Johnnie To's calling card to the Western world could end up resting on the strength of that pantywaist, I so, so hope that it never happens.

Eric P · « **Reply #49 on:** February 04, 2008, 01:57:47 PM »

Quote from: HyperZoneWasAwesome on February 04, 2008, 01:38:44 PM

Orlando Bloom has been trying to get an english language film going with Johnnie To. FUCK!
Johnnie To's calling card to the Western world could end up resting on the strength of that pantywaist, I so, so hope that it never happens.

i kind of wish hk directors would stay in asia because they usually just can't seem to capture what makes their films great entertainment within the standard studio system.

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Author Topic: potc3: wtf (now with baffling spoilers!) (Read 4709 times)