Author Topic: This movie is awful (Read 5021 times)

MrAngryFace · « **on:** February 04, 2008, 10:22:08 PM »

3 minutes in and i've yet to see a character close a fist or move their fingers individually

This is all Drinky's fault

Ichirou · « **Reply #1 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:22:41 PM »

HA HA!

Tauntaun · « **Reply #2 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:23:16 PM »

The novel was awesome! Would have been great if they had made the movie like the book.

TVC15 · « **Reply #3 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:23:45 PM »

For the record, we all purchased astonishingly bad movies today. Guess I should pop SNOOP DOGG's BONES in.

Ichirou · « **Reply #4 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:24:20 PM »

I will make an astonishingly AWESOME purchase when I buy that Gundam.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #5 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:28:34 PM »

Quote from: TVC 15 on February 04, 2008, 10:23:45 PM

For the record, we all purchased astonishingly bad movies today. Guess I should pop SNOOP DOGG's BONES in.

FUCK

You must review this movie. Definitely one of the funniest movies ever.

Ichirou · « **Reply #6 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:32:11 PM »

I thought it was such a sad movie. In life, Bones was a multi-layered antihero, but in death, he turned into a stereotypical villain. I suppose it could be seen as a metaphor for how popular entertainment takes complex, multi-faceted black men and turns them into stereotypical two-dimensional representations of evil.

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #7 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:43:16 PM »

You know if I saw this 10 years ago on saturday mornings id be crapping my pants

Himu · « **Reply #8 on:** February 04, 2008, 10:51:17 PM »

ROUGHCOCKS

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #9 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:29:47 PM »

starting larry david's SOUR GRAPES in five

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #10 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:32:20 PM »

This wheelchair guy looks like a chipmunk..haha the love confession was so awful, and there's a part where an alien tells cripple sgt that the problem about being a sad cripple isnt in his heart but his head and its like wtf, and nothing makes sense and the general ladys chin grows and shrinks as she talks....

bork · « **Reply #11 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:38:57 PM »

Quote from: TVC 15 on February 04, 2008, 10:23:45 PM

For the record, we all purchased astonishingly bad movies today. Guess I should pop SNOOP DOGG's BONES in.

I was renting some movies the other day and saw what appeared to be another gangsta mack horror flcik with Snoop, but I think it was just the Japanese title of Bones. Hard to tell. The cover looked fucking hilarious; wish I took a picture of it.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #12 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:39:59 PM »

steven weber

orlando jones

drew · « **Reply #13 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:42:07 PM »

Quote from: Phil Ken Sebben on February 04, 2008, 10:22:08 PM

3 minutes in and i've yet to see a character close a fist or move their fingers individually

That is such a random thing to look for.

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #14 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:43:52 PM »

not in low budget cg movies

TVC15 · « **Reply #15 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:45:13 PM »

Looks better than Gaylo 3, that's fer sure.

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #16 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:45:49 PM »

the love proclamation was so bad

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #17 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:48:23 PM »

omg JEFFREY COHO from BOSTON LEGAL stars

TVC15 · « **Reply #18 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:49:30 PM »

Bones is pretty fuckin awesome. I don't see how this could possibly get bad, either.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #19 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:50:42 PM »

well, SOUR GRAPES is really really bad so far. woody allen tapped out the YO MAMA SO JEWISH vein in the 70s, larry.

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #20 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:52:25 PM »

i got the worst movie

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #21 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:53:00 PM »

the commander is having a tantrum lol.

TVC15 · « **Reply #22 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:53:22 PM »

Bones is better than most Oscar Best Picture winners so far this century.

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #23 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:54:52 PM »

I just, its weird. Sometimes this show looks kinda ok, but then it gets to the talky parts and jesus it looks bad, sounds bad. The story has no flow, and the character development is random.

TVC15 · « **Reply #24 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:57:32 PM »

Bones >>>>>>> The Departed
Bones >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Crash
Bones >?> Million Dollar Baby (I wouldn't even bother to watch this brand of schmaltzy garbage)
Bones >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ROTK (I am assuming that it is the worst of the trilogy here)
Bones >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Chicago (although if The Pianist had won this year, that would have been better than Bones)
Bones >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> A Beautiful Mind
Bones >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Gladiator

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #25 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:58:18 PM »

okay, i had a major legitimate lol when they had orlando jones sneaking about as a Suspicious Black Man, accompanied by looney tunes-style music.

Ichirou · « **Reply #26 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:58:36 PM »

The Two Towers was the worst of the trilogy.

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #27 on:** February 04, 2008, 11:59:34 PM »

haha so the psychic guy greets them on the ship after they complete a mission and its all happy, and everyones happy and rico puts his Lt. bars on cause he learned a valuable lesson and shit then psychic guy freaks out grabs his head and his face is over-animated and has a sheen cause he's sweating in a split second and they're like

"hey whats wrong"

"theyre coming!"

"they already came"

"Its only begun!"

then he just storms off screen.

TVC15 · « **Reply #28 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:00:01 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on February 04, 2008, 11:58:36 PM

The Two Towers was the worst of the trilogy.

Possibly, the Two Towers was so terrible that I gave up on the series, but I assumed ROTK was even worse, what with the unlimited endings and gayness.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #29 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:01:10 AM »

lol, okay, there's another funny bit with a character who is an actor who seems like a mash-up of all the male Friends. he's portrayed as a total pop culture buffoon. oh, larry! your hate runs strong! shame you ruined that scene with a botched testicle surgery!

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #30 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:03:37 AM »

[youtube=425,350]xCrqghYlIdY[/youtube]

Watch until the end, it has their psychic friend freaking out

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #31 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:05:11 AM »

man, the incidental music is straight up cye. so far, this is playing out like a very average cye episode, only jewisher, right down to the confused racial gags and codependent personality issues!

the setup for the major plot jokes is consistently awful, but some of the lines are pure ld and bring the lulz. man, though, the casting is bad. steven weber can act ld material well, but everyone else -- especially the chicks -- cannot deliver their lines convincingly. orlando jones is too black to read these lines, and we ALL know ld can't write women. well, okay, he can't write women that aren't telling him to do something with his sad little life.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #32 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:11:46 AM »

i take that back. steven weber can't act larry david material, either. the scene where he reveals that he's upset with his gf over craig bierko's money snub despite the fact that he botched a testicle surgery and has officially ended his career sounds like a parody of jerry seinfeld delivery, only it isn't intentional.

the more i watch this, the more i think it isn't the script that's bad; it's the casting and direction.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #33 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:21:02 AM »

hahahaha, the show-within-a-show parody of friends was awesome

LARRY, NEVER STOP HATING

omg CRYSTAL BERNARD IT'S A WINGS REUNION

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #34 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:27:08 AM »

okay, steven weber in the last two-thirds of the movie *is* playing jerry seinfeld. wtf. i'm now convinced it's intentional. a hobo confronts him and asks for two quarters, and he responds in perfect mimickry of jerry's badly exaggerated "acting" style: "no sir, NO I DO NOT!"

then we cut to hobos trying to kill each other because friends sucks. how did this wind up unfunny?

aaaand then we're at a cafe where craig bierko is channeling george and steven weber is still channeling jerry, right down to the expressions and delivery. i guess larry david decided to switch from a mediocre cye episode to an awful seinfeld one.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #35 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:27:27 AM »

i liked sour grapes

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #36 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:30:14 AM »

it had real potential to be funny, but it is so brutally uneven it hurts. hurts! i've gotten a couple really good laughs, and a metric jewton of flinches.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #37 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:31:21 AM »

and we're back to craig bierko acting like cye's larry in the first season hospital ep. do these characters have ANY consistent attributes? SO CONFUSED

TVC15 · « **Reply #38 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:31:46 AM »

Man, I want to make Bones 2. Prole this movie is so fucking awesome, and I wasn't kidding about it being more entertaining than any recent best picture winner.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #39 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:33:36 AM »

dude, i'll so watch it. bring it tomorrow. you KNOW i dig camp exploitation horror.

TVC15 · « **Reply #40 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:34:30 AM »

PAM GRIER!!!!!

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #41 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:36:37 AM »

how is a scene where a castrated wannabe matthew perry delivers a monologue about tossing catholics out of windows in prague while hall of the mountain king roars in the background SINGULARLY UNFUNNY?

it's official: DIRECTORIAL FAILURE.

TVC15 · « **Reply #42 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:37:38 AM »

THE DEFENESTRATION OF PRAGUE!!!!

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #43 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:38:26 AM »

have you ever seen Tales from the Hood

TVC15 · « **Reply #44 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:39:00 AM »

Quote from: Eel_O_Brian on February 05, 2008, 12:38:26 AM

have you ever seen Tales from the Hood

No, but we looked for it today, after it was decided I see Bones.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #45 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:46:47 AM »

Tales from the Hood is arguably the best film of the 90s.

Ichirou · « **Reply #46 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:53:57 AM »

Clarence Williams III is in Tales of the Hood. He is AWESOME in it. He plays the funeral home owner/Cryptkeeper storyteller type who is actually

spoiler (click to show/hide)

HUGE SPOILER

SATAN

[close]

FatalT · « **Reply #47 on:** February 05, 2008, 12:55:46 AM »

I enjoyed the Roughnecks movies.

TVC15 · « **Reply #48 on:** February 05, 2008, 01:06:28 AM »

This might be the greatest english language movie since Lawrence of Arabia. Officer Korruptsky. . . ITS FUNNY CUZ ITS TRUE!

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #49 on:** February 05, 2008, 01:07:11 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on February 05, 2008, 12:53:57 AM

Clarence Williams III is in Tales of the Hood. He is AWESOME in it. He plays the funeral home owner/Cryptkeeper storyteller type who is actually

spoiler (click to show/hide)
HUGE SPOILER

SATAN
[close]

Shocking! I don't think I've ever seen anything like that in a movie. Oh wait...Tales from the Crypt.

"Who's next?"

"Perhaps...it's you!"

demi · « **Reply #50 on:** February 05, 2008, 01:17:00 AM »

PINK BLOOD

HyperZoneWasAwesome · « **Reply #51 on:** February 05, 2008, 02:09:44 AM »

Hell yeah, Bones brings the awesome.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Maggot Vomiting Dog

[close]

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #52 on:** February 05, 2008, 02:16:19 AM »

now i REALLY want to see it

Eric P · « **Reply #53 on:** February 05, 2008, 09:04:22 AM »

Quote from: Joe Molotov on February 05, 2008, 01:07:11 AM

Shocking! I don't think I've ever seen anything like that in a movie. Oh wait...Tales from the Crypt.

"Who's next?"

(Image removed from quote.)

"Perhaps...it's you!"

that movie disturbed the hell out of me when i was a kid

esp the guy who ran the home for the blind being eaten by his dogs and chased down a hallway of razors

Tauntaun · « **Reply #54 on:** February 05, 2008, 10:59:54 AM »

Live action Devilman was the best, worst movie I've ever scene. If you think the ATHF movie made no sense, check this baby out.

Eric P · « **Reply #55 on:** February 05, 2008, 11:20:56 AM »

Quote from: Tauntaun on February 05, 2008, 10:59:54 AM

Live action Devilman was the best, worst movie I've ever scene. If you think the ATHF movie made no sense, check this baby out.

i loved watching the trailers for that trying to predict how horrible it would be

like trying to watch casshern

Tauntaun · « **Reply #56 on:** February 05, 2008, 11:25:27 AM »

I got Casshern cause I remembered the animu being badass as a kid but the movie was horrible, Devilman takes triumph though and with logic like this, who can deny it?

*giant sperm spirit creature enters kid*

"It seems you didn't become a devil but you're only half devil, half human."

(man are they gonna explain that?)

"We should go."

(guess not)

Eric P · « **Reply #57 on:** February 05, 2008, 11:28:24 AM »

the casshern movie is one of those things i'm happy i paid an ebay blackmarketeer $10 for

because goddamn that r2 was way way way way WAY overpriced

Tauntaun · « **Reply #58 on:** February 05, 2008, 11:35:15 AM »

They used to have this asian DVD stand in the mall but they closed down (probably moved back to NYC or whatever) but now my supply has been cut.

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #59 on:** February 05, 2008, 11:45:45 AM »

casshern was released in the states iirc, the motion picture anyway, I have a copy havent watched it yet

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Author Topic: This movie is awful (Read 5021 times)