Author Topic: The Internet hits a new low. (Read 3170 times)

The Fake Shemp · « **on:** February 05, 2008, 08:24:10 PM »

I normally don't like to discuss topics related to NeoGAF outside the confines of the Outside Link sticky, but this topic was so amazing that I would've linked it even if it was from Patel's bookmarked Burger Age forums.

Topic: "I came blood."

Rman · « **Reply #1 on:** February 05, 2008, 08:26:34 PM »

I saw that. Man, why do people post these topics and not seek professional help instead.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #2 on:** February 05, 2008, 08:27:47 PM »

Fixed for great justice. Sorry for the fuck up, but at least I'm not posting on an Internet message board for medical assistance on account of my penis ejaculating blood.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #3 on:** February 05, 2008, 08:29:28 PM »

Quote

DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT GAF

PEOPLE WHO STUDIED HUMAN BODIES

THEY STUDIES DEAD ONES TOO

THAT COULD BE YOU

DONT READ ANY MORE GAF

DOCTOR

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #4 on:** February 05, 2008, 08:30:29 PM »

This is the best part, Cohen - from the topic starter:

Quote

No sores. Everything looks normal.

Also going to the doctor would mean letting my parents know I j/o.

I bet he's home schooled.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #5 on:** February 05, 2008, 08:31:59 PM »

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #6 on:** February 05, 2008, 08:34:07 PM »

I thought it was Maurice posting from another account, so he wouldn't get caught. Maurice, did you cum blood and are you afraid to tell your parents you masturbate?

MAURICE: Mom, Dad - I think I have a serious medical problem.
MOM: My God!
DAD: Sweet Jesus, son, what is it?!
MAURICE: Well, I came blood when I masturba-
DAD: DID YOU JUST SAY THE "M-WORD"!?!
MOM FAINTS
DAD: [looks at son in disgust] THE ONLY PLACE UR GOING IS CHURCH YOU DIRTY SINNER, GOD IS MAKING YOU BLEED OUT YOUR JUNK FOR SINNING IN OUR HOUSE!!!

Vizzys · « **Reply #7 on:** February 05, 2008, 08:36:38 PM »

someone said mantenna onpage 2 lulz

drew · « **Reply #8 on:** February 05, 2008, 08:58:38 PM »

Why doesn't he just say he saw it in the condom after sex? How young is this guy?

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #9 on:** February 05, 2008, 09:05:49 PM »

I'm going with joke thread on this one. No way do you go from asking GAF for medical advice because you're scared of your parents to getting your lab results back from a urine and semen samples in less than four hours. I mean, I doubt the doctors are going to rush somebody through just because they have blood in semen. Seeing blood come out of your pee hole would be an OMGWTFBBQ moment, but it's not really that much of an emergency unless it's just continuously gushing out or you're in severe pain. There's really nothing that it could be that's immediately life threatening and couldn't wait a few days. It could be an STD, Cancer (not likely for a 15 year old), or just nothing, but it's not going to kill you or cause your penis to fall off in less than 24 hours.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #10 on:** February 05, 2008, 09:07:39 PM »

Maybe his folks are rich. I mean, my little brother had heart problems and his surgeon was Dick Cheney's - he had his operation in record time with a full recovery. And that's because my folks are well off. I imagine someone else would have to wait weeks for a mediocre doctor appointment with Kaiser or something.

Mupepe · « **Reply #11 on:** February 05, 2008, 09:15:04 PM »

Quote from: ParticleReality on February 05, 2008, 09:01:03 PM

Quote from: Drewsy on February 05, 2008, 08:58:38 PM
Why doesn't he just say he saw it in the condom after sex? How young is this guy?

younger then me if he thinks his parents don't know about him yanking his crank.

not to mention he has to ask if it's normal

drew · « **Reply #12 on:** February 05, 2008, 09:26:24 PM »

This just got elevated to a new level. He now admits he takes viagra and walks around with a chub all day.

Himu · « **Reply #13 on:** February 05, 2008, 09:28:09 PM »

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #14 on:** February 05, 2008, 09:34:02 PM »

At this point, I'm hoping it's a joke thread. He's on a ventilator, takes Viagra for his heart (?), and now he's cumming blood at the age of 15? Yikes.

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #15 on:** February 05, 2008, 09:53:46 PM »

i think it's just the elder gods sending him a message to lay off jacking it for a while

i mean, you don't want to piss off Yog-Sothoth by needlessly spilling your seed

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #16 on:** February 05, 2008, 10:23:22 PM »

PD told me that Mondain got help from GAF when he was getting abused by his brothers. Did that really happen?

AdmiralViscen · « **Reply #17 on:** February 05, 2008, 10:23:41 PM »

I saw that title and couldn't bear to click. That place is insane.

Mupepe · « **Reply #18 on:** February 05, 2008, 10:26:15 PM »

Quote from: Smooth Groove on February 05, 2008, 10:23:22 PM

PD told me that Mondain got help from GAF when he was getting abused by his brothers. Did that really happen?

yes

aoi tsuki · « **Reply #19 on:** February 05, 2008, 10:49:11 PM »

smh @ that and the "I think the brownies I ate had weed in theme them" thread.

demi · « **Reply #20 on:** February 05, 2008, 10:57:12 PM »

I think I jerked it once each night this past week and no blood - superior white man confirmed

TVC15 · « **Reply #21 on:** February 05, 2008, 11:14:43 PM »

Quote from: demi on February 05, 2008, 10:57:12 PM

I think I jerked it once each night this past week and no blood - superior white man confirmed

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #22 on:** February 05, 2008, 11:16:28 PM »

TVC, can you think of something that is even more inane to ask GAF for help?

Powerslave · « **Reply #23 on:** February 05, 2008, 11:24:37 PM »

why is that thread so big....

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #24 on:** February 05, 2008, 11:54:26 PM »

needs to be an EVILBORE SMILEY, stat!

AdmiralViscen · « **Reply #25 on:** February 06, 2008, 01:29:50 AM »

Dude, in this thread they are wistfully imagining a time when people will be okay with fucking surprise cheeseburgers.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236179

Wow, apparently you are a homophobe if you are mad after finding out you've been fucking a guy for years:

Quote

It's really a form of gay panic in a way. the theory is that heterosexuals tend to react more strongly if a member of the same sex touches them inappropriately than if a member of the opposite sex whom they find unappealing does the same. In this case, having a sexual relationship with a man makes someone freak out and react unusually strongly (unusual compared to "oh, honey? I came back from the doctor, I'm pregnant!" "But you told me you were on the pill!" "oops" for example). It IS a form of homophobia in a sense, but I'd say a justified anger... up until he started attacking her.

What?

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #26 on:** February 06, 2008, 01:35:39 AM »

He shouldn't have belted the cheeseburger, but - man! - that's just fucked up. She looks like a dude, anyway. What a dumb guy. The cops were probably like, "lol dude how could YOU not tell she's a dude rofl!"

AdmiralViscen · « **Reply #27 on:** February 06, 2008, 01:38:22 AM »

Guy shouldn't have beat the shit out of it (but how often does anyone complain about two guys punching each other), but they're going to some fucking gross lengths to defend he/she/wut

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #28 on:** February 06, 2008, 01:40:26 AM »

Would you be mad if you banged Jamie Lee Curtis? She's supposedly an androgen insensitive XY.

brawndolicious · « **Reply #29 on:** February 06, 2008, 02:06:43 AM »

My friend in 6th grade would ask every guy how much he masturbates and the guy who masturbated the most, 3 times a day, admitted he came blood and so he stopped masturbating.

I have a friend who had a hernia when he was like 4. He said that his testicles were as big as golf balls.

The guy this thread's about is probably joking.

Quote from: Smooth Groove on February 05, 2008, 10:23:22 PM

PD told me that Mondain got help from GAF when he was getting abused by his brothers. Did that really happen?

his brother beat him up or something and his mother disliked him and he was acting like a sobbing vagina or some such. he's obviously very sheltered but he only posted that for attention. he's just a huge shit and you can see that by how racist and clueless he is on forums.

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #30 on:** February 06, 2008, 02:40:11 AM »

Quote from: Smooth Groove on February 06, 2008, 01:40:26 AM

Would you be mad if you banged Jamie Lee Curtis? She's supposedly an androgen insensitive XY.

She's getting pretty old, I'd pass. If it was Jamie Lee Curtis circa True Lies, I'd take my chances.

News:

Author Topic: The Internet hits a new low. (Read 3170 times)