Author Topic: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards  (Read 1311 times)

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Van Cruncheon

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the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« on: March 06, 2008, 11:37:29 PM »
pd, are any of these yours?

http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx?archive=1

Quote
Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?

Quote
I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie

Quote
A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However he should not penetrate, sodomising the child is OK. If the man penetrates and damages the child then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however does not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl's sister.
 

« Last Edit: March 06, 2008, 11:39:13 PM by Professor Prole »
duc

recursivelyenumerable

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2008, 11:43:29 PM »
An athiest is an atheist who uses Internet Explorer, right?  Even I hadn't fully fathomed MS' depravity.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2008, 11:46:49 PM by recursivelyenumerable »
QED

Himu

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2008, 11:49:43 PM »
I cannot stop laughing  :lol :lol :lol
IYKYK

Phoenix Dark

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2008, 11:50:05 PM »
I refuse to believe the first one you posted is real. Please god no
010

TVC15

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2008, 11:51:46 PM »
I think that about 2/3rds of these are probably internet trolls trying to make Christians look even more distinguished mentally-challenged than they usually are.
serge

lordmaji

  • It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!
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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2008, 11:52:03 PM »
I've seen this before... I just don't remember where. :( Unless it was something else that was similar.
:-[

Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2008, 11:55:42 PM »
No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.
IYKYK

brawndolicious

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2008, 12:18:46 AM »
No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.
what the fuck?

demi

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #8 on: March 07, 2008, 12:40:22 AM »
I've seen this before... I just don't remember where. :( Unless it was something else that was similar.

yeah i saw it too. it might have been on this same forum.
fat

Oblivion

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #9 on: March 07, 2008, 12:43:47 AM »
I've seen this before... I just don't remember where. :( Unless it was something else that was similar.

It was posted on GAF a while ago.

And yeah, while Christians are pretty creepy on their own, a lot of those sound like stuff forum posters wrote.

recursivelyenumerable

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2008, 12:47:08 AM »
Quote
Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.

This is true.  Current academic consensus defines a Muslim as anyone who worships <3 gods.
QED

Mandark

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2008, 12:50:59 AM »
Quote
Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.

This is true.  Current academic consensus defines a Muslim as anyone who worships <3 gods.

Which brings up how you account for the Trinity.  This is beyond my math skills.

Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2008, 01:31:34 AM »
so that link brought me to this site:

http://www.christiandiscussionforums.org/

Quote
I know I'm going to regret making this thread, but...

've created three threads in the past asking Muslims for evidence of their beliefs. I've never been provided with any.

I'm going to try again. Muslims, what evidence is there for Islam?

Quote
SATAN! that is ISLAM's biggest evidence and ISLAM is satan's biggest evidence!!!!

Quote
They can answer it, but they are afraid to.

Because their answer is gonna be the same as mine.

The answer is - SATAN

Mohammad recieved the words of the Qur'an in a dark cave from an angel

Remember Satan is also known as "Lucifer" meaning "Angel of Light" or "Bearer of Light"

Mohammad was decieved by the Devil in that cave

:rofl :rofl
IYKYK

Howard Alan Treesong

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #13 on: March 07, 2008, 01:50:36 AM »
another cross-forum post by turncoat himumu

smh
乱学者

Himu

  • Senior Member
Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2008, 01:54:03 AM »
:lol
IYKYK

Himu

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #15 on: March 07, 2008, 01:55:34 AM »
Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son


[Note: the boy eventually took his own life.]
IYKYK

recursivelyenumerable

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #16 on: March 07, 2008, 02:06:10 AM »
The gay son thing kinda smells like a hoax to me.  I can't really imagine anyone in that situation writing that way, even if they were religious nuts.
QED

TVC15

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #17 on: March 07, 2008, 04:02:54 AM »
I don't see why Himumu should be allowed to mock these people when he apparently feels it is a perfectly sensible thing to shop for a religion as if it is a piece of produce.  He's especially dim because he shows brand bias before he's even tasted the kool aid.
serge

brawndolicious

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #18 on: March 07, 2008, 04:09:36 AM »
Quote
One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy.If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]

Bahahahaha. Awesome.
That HAS to be made up.  I mean, anybody who didn't get home-schooled past the chapters on evolution would love to get into a shouting competition with that guy.

Candyflip

  • Senior Member
Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #19 on: March 07, 2008, 06:52:15 AM »
pd, are any of these yours?

http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx?archive=1

Quote
Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?

Wow, I always thought this was some troll's pasta. I never knew that someone was serious about it. :lol
ffs

Human Snorenado

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Re: the top 100 crazy things posted to fundie message boards
« Reply #20 on: March 07, 2008, 02:18:55 PM »
This is what comes of homeschooling, unless it's done by cool hippies.  PD's parents are NOT cool hippies.
yar