Author Topic: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept  (Read 18184 times)

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Phoenix Dark

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Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« on: November 02, 2006, 03:23:01 AM »
Most guys expect blowjobs, but many guys refuse to give cunnilingus. Why is this? I'm not a major fan of the way many vaginas look, but I'd be willing to lick a good looking one.

What's the best way to go about this? Video evidence and common sense tells me that I should just tickle the clitoris with my tongue, but there has to be more. Should teeth be involved, or just the tongue?

Comments, suggestions?
010

cloudwalking

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2006, 03:29:06 AM »
NO TEETH :o :dizzy

G The Resurrected

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2006, 03:29:50 AM »
I'll tell you why its cause you basically are cutting off your oxygen. God damn i've never passed out but you'll want to take in some air afterwards. Plus some guys cant take  ph levels of pussy the taste gets to them.

ME I LOVE THE PUSSY

Mupepe

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2006, 03:29:56 AM »
When you're horny, you're not really going to care what the pussy looks like.  LOL.  You'll be more worried about how it smells.  lolz.  

Different women likes it different ways.  I've had a few females who tell me that they like it when I stick my tongue in their pussies and others who say they don't like feeling a tongue that low.  But basically, she'll grind her pussy against your face in whatever direction she wants your tongue.  

If you want to play it safe, use a finger and finger her while licking the clit.  Some girls like the clit to be sucked on, others don't.  

I've never used teeth.

And when I start, I start slow by kissing the outside of the lips and her inner thighs and slowly move towards her pussy.  Basically, just start slow.  See what she reacts to better, licking like a cat (up and down) and quick flicks of the tongue.  She'll tell you with her movements what she likes more.

G The Resurrected

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2006, 03:32:48 AM »
Mupepe got it down. I'm too drunk to type all that but you hit the nail dude.

Also if you want to you can try the shocker while your going down on a girl its pretty interesting to see the reaction.

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2006, 03:37:31 AM »
That doesn't sound too hard to me. The only thing that could be a problem is the smell. If I smell pee I'd be rather bummed. But then there's the front-to-back ass wiping to worry about...

She'd have to be clean.
010

G The Resurrected

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2006, 03:38:29 AM »
Seriously PD your too picky, you wanna get layed? Want some pussy? Shut up and take what you get.

You shouldnt even be thinking about going down on a girl. Elevate your game so you can even get a girl before thinking about going down town on a girl.

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2006, 03:39:08 AM »
EVEN IF IT SMELLS LIKE PISS?
010

cloudwalking

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2006, 03:39:36 AM »
Just do it after she gets out of the shower or something.

Mupepe

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2006, 03:40:14 AM »
That doesn't sound too hard to me. The only thing that could be a problem is the smell. If I smell pee I'd be rather bummed. But then there's the front-to-back ass wiping to worry about...

She'd have to be clean.
If she smells like piss, stay away dude.  And ask her when the last time she showered was.  That is usually NOT an issue.  If she smells like piss, she either has bladder control problems, she is grody and didn't shower before her date or she doesn't wipe properly.  If it's any of those, you really don't want to be anywhere near her beaver anyways.

And as for the shocker, be careful.  If you plan on doing it, gauge her reaction to simple touching first.  lolz

Just do it after she gets out of the shower or something.
This is preferable, but not usually probable in a heat of the moment "let's get our freak on" type thing.  But still, if she's pretty clean, it shouldn't be an issue. 

G The Resurrected

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #10 on: November 02, 2006, 03:40:21 AM »
DUDE the body smells people got funk. Dont tell me your shit dont stank between your balls and ass. And girls deal with that when they go down on guys. So shut the fuck up.

G The Resurrected

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #11 on: November 02, 2006, 03:41:50 AM »
Mupepe yeah a feeler is needed before doing the shocker. Pressing lightly on the ass does it pretty well. Its pretty fun if they like it.

Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #12 on: November 02, 2006, 11:14:41 AM »
Just do it after she gets out of the shower or something.

While in the shower works too.

When you start doing it right, you stop caring about the appearance or the smell (unless they're in the extreme negative) and start enjoying the noises she makes.
haa

whiteACID

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2006, 11:20:32 AM »
boo

LiuKangBakingAPie

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #14 on: November 02, 2006, 11:40:16 AM »
If she's clean, it'll barely smell or taste like anything. Just follow her lead. As someone said, she'll gesture in the direction she wants you to go. Most men fuck it up just by sticking to a plan and not changing it up.

Also, stay on it. Try your best not to stop for breaks. Women need a longer, more satisfying build-up than a guy. You need to work her up to the orgasm, it's not just going to come easily like it does for men.

Himu

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #15 on: November 02, 2006, 11:43:45 AM »
lol
« Last Edit: November 02, 2006, 11:47:18 AM by Himuro »
IYKYK

Himu

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Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #16 on: November 02, 2006, 11:48:58 AM »
How  exactly do I let the girl know I wanna bone her guts out with there being a no strings attached relationship? I figure if I did that it'd be come off wrong and I'd offend her, ruining the friendship.

How do I make it work? Do I just suggest to her,"Wanna come over tonight?" or something like that? I ask this because a lot of girls seem to not like guys who just want to fuck. How do you make sure she knows about the relationship conditions?
IYKYK

Phoenix Dark

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #17 on: November 02, 2006, 11:51:33 AM »
Finger+tongue combination seems like a good idea to me. But, about how long does it usually take for them to orgasm? It usually takes me awhile.
010

Solo

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Re: How do I go about having friends with benefits relationships?
« Reply #18 on: November 02, 2006, 11:52:13 AM »
Be up front about it. Tell her that for you, its purely physical. See how she feels about that. You might be surprised where that gets you. Keep in mind though, even if it starts out casual, more often than not one party may feel its something more, which can lead to problems. But yeah, be honest about it, dont try to scam her.

Himu

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Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #19 on: November 02, 2006, 11:52:36 AM »
Phoenix, girls are not like us. They can orgasm multiple times. So don't worry about something so trivial.
IYKYK

Himu

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Re: How do I go about having friends with benefits relationships?
« Reply #20 on: November 02, 2006, 11:54:03 AM »
Sounds good.
IYKYK

Phoenix Dark

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Re: How do I go about having friends with benefits relationships?
« Reply #21 on: November 02, 2006, 11:58:07 AM »
The woman will always feel more attacthed to the relationship, so watch out. I'm sure Mupee has some advice for you on this subject  :lol
010

MrAngryFace

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Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #22 on: November 02, 2006, 12:01:07 PM »
More incoming.
o_0

Himu

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #23 on: November 02, 2006, 12:05:48 PM »
I don't think anyone really needed this thread. I think you're overreacting simply because people aren't replying to a bunch of MAF threads.

You complain about the sex threads and then you make two counter-sex threads in 2 minutes. The fuck? It's just as bad, if not worse, because you're making us discuss sex threads even futher.
IYKYK

MrAngryFace

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #24 on: November 02, 2006, 12:06:15 PM »
These two threads were WORTHLESS, and if you dont think so YOU are worthless.
o_0

Himu

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #25 on: November 02, 2006, 12:07:13 PM »
That's cool.

Hay maf, is that ur baby in your avatar. If you turned his smile upside down he'd be a baby maf.  :-[
IYKYK

MrAngryFace

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #26 on: November 02, 2006, 12:11:29 PM »
Im still deciding if the child is real or not.
o_0

Re: Official cunnilingus thread: tips, tricks, and stories
« Reply #27 on: November 02, 2006, 12:34:12 PM »
Also, stay on it. Try your best not to stop for breaks.

Apply directly to the forhead!
haa

Bacon

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #28 on: November 02, 2006, 03:19:36 PM »
I need help. :(

morphix

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #29 on: November 02, 2006, 04:12:23 PM »
I got one for you guys, girl says sorry that she has been busy this week but when she gets back from visiting with her parents she would like to talk.

Am I being dumped?


 :'(
BUN

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #30 on: November 02, 2006, 04:13:42 PM »
Dumpage.
PSP

Van Cruncheon

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #31 on: November 02, 2006, 04:14:20 PM »
you're fuck pwned.
duc

Mupepe

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #32 on: November 02, 2006, 04:15:05 PM »
I got one for you guys, girl says sorry that she has been busy this week but when she gets back from visiting with her parents she would like to talk.

Am I being dumped?


 :'(
Sounds like it.  =\

Or she wants you to change who you are completely and pull a complete 180 and she wants you to pretend to be someone and be miserable to satisfy her idea of what she wants in a man.  Good luck!

morphix

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #33 on: November 02, 2006, 04:15:30 PM »
 :(

she liked anime too...


BUN

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #34 on: November 02, 2006, 04:16:00 PM »
Since you know what's coming, call her and be like, "SORRY BABE, I AM SHITBINNING THIS RELATIONSHIP.  SEE YAH!"

Then buy her family and sell them to Chinese slave traders.
PSP

morphix

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #35 on: November 02, 2006, 04:17:27 PM »
she doesn't know I am rich, should I tell her?
BUN

MrAngryFace

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #36 on: November 02, 2006, 04:18:03 PM »
haha, if she says she'll stay with you after you tell her say TOUGH
o_0

Mupepe

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #37 on: November 02, 2006, 04:18:35 PM »
Since you know what's coming, call her and be like, "SORRY BABE, I AM SHITBINNING THIS RELATIONSHIP.  SEE YAH!"

Then buy her family and sell them to Chinese slave traders.
Pretty much.  Dump her first.

And don't tell her you're rich.  Unless you want a gold digger.

morphix

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #38 on: November 02, 2006, 04:19:30 PM »
sorry baby this could have all been 1/2 yours, GTFO!
BUN

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #39 on: November 02, 2006, 04:19:47 PM »
Oh my god.

Dump her, and then don't tell her your rich - show her your rich.  My god, you are going to be able to live out every man's fantasy.
PSP

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #40 on: November 02, 2006, 04:23:19 PM »
Dude, she's dumping him.  When a girl says, "I want to talk", it means two things:

1. SHE'S PREGNANT - QUICK, PUNCH HER IN THE UTERUS AND RUN LIKE HELL
2. SHE'S DUMPING YOU
PSP

Mupepe

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #41 on: November 02, 2006, 04:24:20 PM »
Oh come on, she might not be dumping him. Don't do anything drastic before you know what she wants to talk about.
fuck that.

SHIT IN HER MAILBOX!!!!

morphix

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #42 on: November 02, 2006, 04:25:45 PM »
 :lol

she is a nice girl. even if she is going to tell me to hit the road  :-[
BUN

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #43 on: November 02, 2006, 04:26:34 PM »
Haha, you should totally punish her with your fortune.

Be like, "Listen, I know you were not aware of how wealthy I was.  Maybe that was a little dishonest.  So to make up, I have put a wad of fifty $1,000 bills in this bag."

Open the bag to reveal it is full of cow shit and maggots, and see if she tries to get the money buried inside!
PSP

Mupepe

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #44 on: November 02, 2006, 04:26:40 PM »
:lol

she is a nice girl. even if she is going to tell me to hit the road  :-[
Goodbye sex?

morphix

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #45 on: November 02, 2006, 04:29:22 PM »
:lol

she is a nice girl. even if she is going to tell me to hit the road  :-[
Goodbye sex?

that would be a treat  :-[
BUN

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #46 on: November 02, 2006, 04:30:13 PM »
Make her earn it, though.

Be like, "You have to let me do anything you want, and I'll give you a $500 gift card to a store of your choice."

Then take pictures and post them on Opa-Ages.

Oh, also do the cow shit and maggots thing.
PSP

whiteACID

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #47 on: November 02, 2006, 04:30:42 PM »
Don't you drive a hummer?
boo

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #48 on: November 02, 2006, 04:30:58 PM »
Don't you drive a hummer?

I think it's his brother's.
PSP

G The Resurrected

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #49 on: November 02, 2006, 04:31:11 PM »
WTF Will

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #50 on: November 02, 2006, 04:31:42 PM »
What?  Don't act like you've never fantasized about counter-dumping a chick with vengeful glee.
PSP

Bacon

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #51 on: November 02, 2006, 04:32:04 PM »
Yeah, morphix only has a measly Caddy or two to drive around.

G The Resurrected

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #52 on: November 02, 2006, 04:33:56 PM »
Well i'll agree with you. I've been close before. I even said it to two girls at once basically but seriously. I dont know its not my life thats all.

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #53 on: November 02, 2006, 04:34:31 PM »
morphix, if you don't do what I have recommended - you will regret it for the rest of your life.
PSP

morphix

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #54 on: November 02, 2006, 04:35:17 PM »
Don't you drive a hummer?

2005 Cadillac CST, but everyone around here has nice cars.  I told her I worked at CompUSA fixing PCs since it was the last real job I had.  

It is not like she has been avoiding me, we had lunch a few days ago but she goes to school full time and helps running a lab so she is a busy girl.  I was hoping it was more of a sorry I haven't been around kind of msg but I think she is going to give me the golden boot.
BUN

MrAngryFace

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #55 on: November 02, 2006, 04:36:45 PM »
BUSY GIRL AROUND LOTS OF OTHER GUYS IS MORE LIKE IT. Girls still going to school is always a crapshoot if you arent attending school with them. CAUSE THEIR EYES WANDER LOL just like anyone really
o_0

whiteACID

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #56 on: November 02, 2006, 04:38:25 PM »
Don't you drive a hummer?

2005 Cadillac CST, but everyone around here has nice cars.  I told her I worked at CompUSA fixing PCs since it was the last real job I had. 

It is not like she has been avoiding me, we had lunch a few days ago but she goes to school full time and helps running a lab so she is a busy girl.  I was hoping it was more of a sorry I haven't been around kind of msg but I think she is going to give me the golden boot.
Do you want my number yet?
boo

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #57 on: November 02, 2006, 04:39:25 PM »
blackACID will do anything for money, I swear.
PSP

morphix

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #58 on: November 02, 2006, 04:40:08 PM »
Do you want my number yet?

If I can't hold onto a 22yr old anime fan what chance do I have with you?


The Mail Box Ect girl gave me her number today, I'll hold onto it just incase  :-*
BUN

The Fake Shemp

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Re: Official Thread For Dating/Sex Advice for the Socially Inept
« Reply #59 on: November 02, 2006, 04:41:45 PM »
Smart.  Keep your foot in other doors in case this one slams shut (it will).  That's how you do it.

Not me of course.  I'm committed.  I love you, honey!
PSP