
I was at lunch today, participating in the Great Experiment known as Denny's. I had ordered a cup of coffee to get my blood gushin for some HIGH IMPACT eating. I was going to eat a burger, and not just any burger, a DENNY'S BURGER.
Many times before I had set myself before this Burger Feast, and never before had I questioned its existence. Yet as the image of Zombz large chest burned into my retinas and the Apple Jacks Fiasco fresh in my mind, I look upon my "Burger" in a new light. A new terrible light. I looked at the burger and it spoke:
"Tonight. You"
I wept as openly as a character on Dawson's creep as I took the large knife in my hand and proceeded to cut the thing in half. Let's stop here and look at the anatomy of a Denny's Burger.

MEAT MEAT MEAT but not MEAT in the traditional sense. This meat has been given spices and blended with various other ingredients to develop a TASTE. Burgers everywhere else don't DO that. Red Robins for example is just straight up beef. Also the patties are VERY FLAT. Red Robin tends to go with fatter patties and while Wendys and other fast food joints go with flat patties, the buns are not grilled, a point elaborated on later.

Second. The cheese. The cheese I get, which was swiss, doesnt sit in your mouth like normal cheese. It is as GLUE, fastening itself to your teeth and coating your throat all the way down. Yet somehow you think its delicious. So you willingly take another bite.

Third, the BUN is GRILLED in some sort of BUTTER. So already this doesn't classify as a burger so much. Fudruckers is probably the only chain that grills the buns as much as Dennys does, but with the cheese the Dennys burger doesnt taste like a burger anymore.
So then im thinking, Denny's menu is pretty big. What if.
Take the words "Patty Melt"

Add the letters HBURGR and Remove the letters PTTYLT and what do you get? HAMBURGER. That's right, The Denny's Hamburger is a PATTY MELT by technical classification, they just added a bunch of letters and re-arranged it all to fool us.

Well I am not fooled...well not anymore...starting next time.
