OH GAWD NUKE IT FROM ORBIT AN XP INSTALLATION THAT HASN'T BEEN UPDATED SINCE SP1

[T234]

So, my uncle bought a copy of Norton, and his machine happens to need SP2 for it. I go through windows update, and the updater needs to be updated. His networking (EVEN ON A CABLE MODEM) is slow (1.5KB a second). I take a closer look at the desktop and this shit has mondo spyware. RARARAGGGH

[Tauntaun]

Pwn it up man.  Show it who's boss, stick your dick in that CD drive.

[T234]

This thing has 375 MB of RAM, too.

[Tauntaun]

This thing has 375 MB of RAM, too.

    Napalm it.

[T234]

All he ever uses this thing for is Web Browsing, email, and the occasional paper.

I'm considering ubuntu for this thing.

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I'm still in the social. MAF of all people bought a MAC of all things so why not.

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[BlueTsunami]

This is why I've stopped whoring myself out as the "Family IT" guy. Its fun at first but then you realize you have to wait for 98 Updates to download and install at someone elses place. Fuck that shit.

But SP2 still needs to be installed? Argh, thats even worse. Waiting on the SP2 installer to do its thing is mind numbing.

[T234]

The catch is, the spyware he has blocks the page that windows update goes to. His networking is so slow it makes it nigh impossible to download any anti-spyware programs as well. I managed to get hijackthis downloaded but I'm not far enough along to understand what to do with what the log details.

[BlueTsunami]

Sounds like you need to nuke the installation and reinstall XP. Trying to get a deeply embedded virus off a non PC savvy users computer is just postponing the inevitable.

[Van Cruncheon]

i have an aunt i've talked to ONCE in the past 20 years leaving messages for "help wif mah computar" on my cell phone all morning

[BlueTsunami]

[T234]

The part that sucks is that with the situation with his network and the complete lack of a cd/dvd burner of any sort, and probably several gigs of pictures to backup, Oh god what a nightmare.

[Van Cruncheon]

"i cain't get no internet on this thang now, maybe you can figure it out 'cuz i know you always liked them computars and was good at 'em"

:suicide

[Van Cruncheon]

The part that sucks is that with the situation with his network and the complete lack of a cd/dvd burner of any sort, and probably several gigs of pictures to backup, Oh god what a nightmare.

make him cough up $20 and go get a 2gb flash drive

[T234]

I'll trade ya problems.

[Tauntaun]

i have an aunt i've talked to ONCE in the past 20 years leaving messages for "help wif mah computar" on my cell phone all morning

"i cain't get no internet on this thang now, maybe you can figure it out 'cuz i know you always liked them computars and was good at 'em"

:suicide

  she jivin your turkey?

The part that sucks is that with the situation with his network and the complete lack of a cd/dvd burner of any sort, and probably several gigs of pictures to backup, Oh god what a nightmare.

How many 3.5 floppy's does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?

[Vizzys]

"i cain't get no internet on this thang now, maybe you can figure it out 'cuz i know you always liked them computars and was good at 'em"

:suicide

this is why I tell people I know nothing about computers

[Tauntaun]

In my family my one uncle is the computer wiz so I only get calls for random simple junk at my parents which hasn't happened lately. *knocks on wood*

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and by wood I mean my erect penis 

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[T234]

That's a good idea prole.

[Tauntaun]

That's a good idea prole.

Prole is an all around rad guy.  If we lived closer I'd probably give him oil scented back massages. 

[Van Cruncheon]

I'll trade ya problems.

she's a jesus freak farmbody with an ancient emachines pc. trust me, your uncle is better. yes, better, even if he's trying to slide a hand up your shorts right now.

[Van Cruncheon]

That's a good idea prole.

Prole is an all around rad guy.  If we lived closer I'd probably give him oil scented back massages. 

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[T234]

I'll trade ya problems.

she's a jesus freak farmbody with an ancient emachines pc. trust me, your uncle is better. yes, better, even if he's trying to slide a hand up your shorts right now.

HE'S a jesus freak farmbody with an ancient emachines pc.

[Tauntaun]

I'm a Jesus freak with a dell, now you both have problems.  :kylielaff :kylielaff 

I need to get into the core2duo age, with my lame P4 ass.  I want the new wolfdale processor.   At least I can still pwn fools in COD4. 

[Van Cruncheon]

she's pentecostal! she has a hot daughter (les cousins dangereux! ), though, which might make her better.

[Van Cruncheon]

I'm a Jesus freak with a dell, now you both have problems.  :kylielaff :kylielaff 

I need to get into the core2duo age, with my lame P4 ass.  I want the new wolfdale processor.   At least I can still pwn fools in COD4. 

by 'jesus freak" i do not mean "reads the bible; likes god; goes to church every sunday". i mean "HANDLES SNAKES AND SHAKES IN THE LORD'S NAME"

[T234]

He's Southern Baptist! He's also a great shot with a shotgun. 25 shells, 26 birds.

[Tauntaun]

she's pentecostal! she has a hot daughter (les cousins dangereux! ), though, which might make her better.

  I love it when they keep getting kicked out of R-rated movies. 

My wife has had more dealings with Pentecostals than I have and from what I hear they believe some wacked out stuff.  *shrugs*  My only dealing with a (possible) pentecostal was when I was visiting my friend at this private Christian college I went to for a year.  This guy comes up to us and starts telling us how he thinks Bill Clinton is the anti-christ and how we better be sure we've got our lives in order otherwise we're going to hell.  After he left we both lulled and my friend was like, "well it was nice being condemned to hell with you, see later." 

[Tauntaun]

by 'jesus freak" i do not mean "reads the bible; likes god; goes to church every sunday". i mean "HANDLES SNAKES AND SHAKES IN THE LORD'S NAME"

oh yeah, that's....just...words fail sometimes.

[Ecrofirt]

Get ComboFix: http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/combofix/how-to-use-combofix

follow the guide (you don't need to do the recovery console part), and it should clean the PC up pretty quickly.

[T234]

How quick are they about analyzing logs, ecro?

[Ecrofirt]

How quick are they about analyzing logs, ecro?

I'll analyze your log. And no, I wasn't trying to be funny when I said that.

[Mupepe]

How quick are they about analyzing logs, ecro?

I'll analyze your log. And no, I wasn't trying to be funny when I said that.

[Tauntaun]

How quick are they about analyzing logs, ecro?

I'll analyze your log. And no, I wasn't trying to be funny when I said that.

And yet the luls, they are here.   

[T234]

Thanks much, man. I'll not be able to get to it until I go home tonight.

[MCD]

I'd get a new pc/mac for him but that's just me.

[T234]

I make 6.75/hour wtf.

[Tauntaun]

I make 6.75/hour wtf.

That's why I sell drugs and whore myself out to ugly gay dudes.

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Just kidding about the drugs. 

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[Powerslave]

lmfao @ Tauntaun's posts itt

[jobber]

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Tauntaun]

lmfao @ Tauntaun's posts itt

u mah boo