Let's try to think of stupid things to post now.
Make the most overdramatic death scene for yourself that you can.
I'm driving alone on a highway ind the middle of the night in the middle of nowehere when a tire blows out and I end up upside down in a ditch, bruised up pretty good but still ok. I can't get the seatbelt undone which wouldn't be that bad except the belt strap is squishing my balls and and even though I don't own a System of a Down CD the song Chop Suey is stuck on full volume on the broken CD player which can not be be turned off.
When dawn breaks an old man cuts me free and we hop into his old 1970 something pickup and head towards town. It smells badly of body odor and dead animals and my overactive gag reflex makes me want to vomit, which I do, but I swallow it as a kind of thank you for giving me the ride. He sees that I'm shaken by the ordeal and turns on the radio and asks "you like Montgomery Gentry?". I want to say no but my mouth is full of partially digested and fully regurgitated potatoe salad. I would turn off the radio but the knobs are covered with emptied squirrel scrotums and I'd rather not touch them since one tiny gray sack still has a live tick attached to it. I jump ship at 40 mph and remember 2 inches from touching the ground that it might a good idea to tuck and roll and my last minute attempt to do so results in a 30 yard face plant/skid through gravel and cactus.
A passing Greyhound bus stops when I flag down the driver and I'm homeward bound again. The only available seat is next to a 16 year old girl. She's 4' 10", 212 pounds, dressed in low cut jeans, what used to be g-string panties now pulled up around her kidneys, a V cut tube top, and headphones. There's Cheeto residue on her fingers and all around her lips and small bits of bacon trailing from her neck down into her cleavage. She's cupping both of her breasts in her hands and pumping them up and down piston style singing aloud and horribly off-key, "My humps! My humps! My lovely lady lumps!"
The man in front of me now has partially digested fully regurgitated potatoe salad in his hair.
I make it home and immediately swallow a bottle of rat poison and a cup of Drano. Not completely dieing since rat poison is a blood thinner and not a poison, I go onto evilbore and see a bitchest and die shitting what looks like completely digested rat poison.
