Locke at the top of the list, because he'd shoot some island mysticism up your bunghole
Jack at the bottom, because he's your typical privileged fuckhead who probably beer-bonged his way through med school and can't get enough of his own daddy guilt issues, and he'd probably start doing that head twitch thing he does all the time
btw, it's obvious they're making locke into some sort of villain, that "Colonel Kurtz" crack by Sawyer was sloppy Lost foreshadowing
plus, if you listen to the Lost podcast, it's obvious Jack is the producer's boy, because they both probably have similar backgrounds to the character
