So, I have a problem with Xbox Live and when I called MS Support they told me to call my ISP. I decided to go onto chat, and this is what I was confronted with:
A representative will be with you shortly.
You have been connected to CVW Andre .
CVW Andre : Hello, my name is Andre. Thank you for contacting Charter Communications. How may I assist you today?
Robert Raban: Hey there, I've been having an issue with my internet. Now, I can connect just fine through my computer, but when I try to connect to Xbox Live with my Xbox 360, my router resets
Robert Raban: I already called Xbox Live support, and they told me to call you
CVW Andre : I'm sorry, but it would appear as though you have been mistakenly routed to our sales group. May I transfer you to our internet support group for further assistance?
Robert Raban: sure
CVW Andre : I will transfer you in a moment.
CVW Andre has left the session.
Please wait while we find an agent from the CHAT - DUMA - HSD Support department to assist you.
All agents are currently busy. Please stand by.
An agent will be with you in a moment. Thank you for your patience.
The next available Agent will be with you in a moment.
All agents are currently busy. Please stand by.
An agent will be with you in a moment. Thank you for your patience.
The next available Agent will be with you in a moment.
All agents are currently busy. Please stand by.
An agent will be with you in a moment. Thank you for your patience.This took about 10 minutes. Two full games of Solitaire. I rock.
Now I finally get connected. To who? Jomar.
TTD Jomar : Thank you for contacting Charter High Speed Internet Technical Support. My name is Jomar. How may I assist you today?
Robert Raban: hey there
Robert Raban: I have an issue
TTD Jomar : May I know what it is?
Robert Raban: Now, I can connect just fine to internet on my computer, but when I try and connect to Xbox Live through my Xbox 360, it just won't connect
Robert Raban: Now, I know you're thinking "Dude shoulda called Xbox support"
Robert Raban: I did
Robert Raban: and they told me to contact my ISP
TTD Jomar : I'm so sorry, but this is already beyond our scope of support. Please call 1-888-438-2427 for further assistance.
Robert Raban: i.e. you
Robert Raban: okay
TTD Jomar : Please call 1-888-438-2427 for further assistance.He's pretty damn helpful, but come on, I have to fuck with him. They made me wait too long for me to just walk away with a number. So I lead him in.
Robert Raban: then maybe I can ask for something in your scope
Robert Raban: I have this other problem, too
TTD Jomar : Go ahead.Here it comes...
Robert Raban: well
Robert Raban: I'm so lonely sometimes. Will you love me? It's just, I get so lonely, I only want a friend, and maybe some casual intimacy on the side. You're probably married, I'm so embarrassed, I'll just kill myself!I wait a long time for a response. The sarcasm is so thick my jaw penetrates the Earth's crust at his long-awaited reply:
TTD Jomar : Wow.
TTD Jomar : What's your gender?I slam onto my floor belly laughing my breath away. I manage to keep going.
Robert Raban: I mean, ever since my parents told me Santa wasn't real, I knew this world was bad, but now I'm 32, 400 lbs, and still a virgin!
Robert Raban: Please god, help me!
Robert Raban: I don't know what my gender is! I'm gender confused! I have a penis, if that's what you're getting at.I can't wait for him to catch on, but then he throws me this
TTD Jomar : Well, maybe we can email sometimes.
TTD Jomar : Do you have an email address?I shit my pants. IT BACKFIRED. I have to start backpedaling, QUICK. It all comes out.
Robert Raban: Wait, hey dude, listen, I can't keep doing this. I'm only kidding. Your service made me wait for-fucking-ever, and I wanted to pull your leg. But you're actually being really nice.
Robert Raban: I sort of feel like an ass for fucking with you.
Robert Raban: Can I contact your superior or something? If this had been serious...man, you should get a fat raise.My shame was probably seeping out of his CD drive. He realizes he's been made a fool, and walks away with his pride.
TTD Jomar : Okay.
TTD Jomar : Please call the number that I gave you for further assistance.Then he slaps me with an auto-response and signs off.
TTD Jomar : Thank you for choosing Charter Communications. Answers to frequently asked questions and self-help options can be found by looking in the "Customer Help" menu at www.charter.com. If you have further questions, please chat with us again. Our chat support is available from 7 AM through 1:30 AM central time, 365 days a year. Have yourself a great day!I get the final say before I'm really closed out:
Robert Raban: Thanks. Sorry dude, don't feel like a jackass for being nice!
Robert Raban: You're one of God's children!Wherever you are, Jomar, my heart goes out to you! You are fucking AWESOME! My faith in America (more like India) +50,000!
