morbid curiosity did this to me

[Van Cruncheon]

http://www.hipiers.com/ (http://www.hipiers.com/backissues.html, specifically)

i blame patel. i spent an hour reading some of his lengthy, self-loathing entries and OH GOD he really is batshit -- every entry, EVERY ENTRY! turns to sex, usually involving the underage in some tangential capacity.

some choicier bits:

on anais nin and her incest:

Presumably her husband had something to do with it, but as far as the published diary is concerned, it was immaculately conceived.  So as for any possible sex with her father, forget it; there is no reference.  He did say “You are the synthesis of all the women I have loved.  What a pity that you are my daughter!”  But no evidence of actual sex between them.  She surely described it in evocative detail if it happened, but the expurgation banished it.  Coincidentally, she lost her baby in August, 1934, the same month that I was born in England.  But for the fickle finger of fate, I might have been hers.  Had that been so, who knows; I might have grown up to be a sensitive, expressive, evocative writer like Anais.

on genetics:

I bought her two boxes of chocolates, that she could eat without sharing. That works every time. Women do love chocolate. I think it makes their hair brown.

on the remake of lolita:

The remake, rated R, follows the book more closely, and has Lolita age 14 but looking and acting 12, cute rather than sexy, and she certainly kisses. No sex or private flesh is shown, but the surrounding dialogue makes quite clear what is going on between them. Theoretically the man is preying on the child, but it is evident that the child is preying on the man too, exploiting her power over him. The conclusion is especially brutal, per the book. Overall, the remake is superior. That attracted my attention to the book, which remains on my shelf, as I verified just how closely the videos followed it. I remembered one paragraph that startled me, way back decades ago when I read it: it described the schedule of sex between them, once it got sexual. They did it something like fifteen times in a day, trying to satisfy the man's seemingly insatiable hunger for very young flesh. But this time I couldn't find that paragraph. Did I imagine it? I don't think so. So where is it?

seriously, the man is INSANE. i think he has porphyry. his protracted monthly ramblings are engorgedly awful, like an overturned schoolbus full of prepubescent cheerleaders. aieeee! i'm even posting in his style!

[Van Cruncheon]

i also liked his pompous excuse for sucking: "99% of my readers love my books; the other 1% review them."

[Eric P]

wow.

man am i glad i never got into xanth in any capacity whatsoever

i did however read the full dragonlance chronicles.

in my defense, i was 12.

[Van Cruncheon]

i read the first three incarnations novels and the first couple xanth books around 12-13, and even then, i knew they were crap. a 13 year old boy should be ENTHUSED to read about sex, not creeped the fuck out by weird uncle piers' use of the word "pulchritude" in slightly off-kilter contexts

[Eric P]

i generally found sex in genre fiction books to be lame.

i still do.

but then sex scenes in movies usually just make me roll my eyes instead of getting all hot and bothered

[Van Cruncheon]

same. i don't generally enjoy explicit sex scenes, especially when the movie contrives to have some angle of authenticity. even the best directors shoot R-rated sex scenes like softcore porno, where casual encounters flow so naturally  and coolly, and nobody has any doubts, overt enthusiasm, fumbling moments, or bizarre disconnects. it's just so, so, so stupidly idealistic that it's jarring. then again, i believe that it is impossible to show what is erotic, since eroticism is a state of mind and peculiar to the individual, so why try by using the same-size-fits-all-lol softcore style?

this doesn't include classic philip seymour hoffman on marisa tomei moments, of course, which are awesome.

[Eric P]

yeah, but what was that?  was it the pot?  was it rio?

[TVC15]

I love me the sex in Caligula.  Sexiest movie ever, probably.

[Van Cruncheon]

OMG AWESOME FREUDIAN SLIP IN THE JUNE 99 ENTRY

He calls me the High Lord of Hack Writers, and says that science fiction and fantasy are plagued by eternal sequels and endless mindless series, and that mine are "unmitigated smegma from book one, page one." He says he read my crap when he was a teen, but hasn't read anything of mine in sex years.

also, computer viruses elicit frightening comparisons to roofies:

As I told a young woman who was trying to reassure me that Happy99 is harmless, this is like getting the rape-date drug in your free lemonade: you may never know what you really pay.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

why -_-

[Van Cruncheon]

because you mentioned his name and i googled "piers anthony crazy pedophile" and i got his blog  ;_____;

[Eric P]

that's what we in the entertainment industry like to call "synergy"

[Human Snorenado]

I feel dirty and ashamed to have read this thread, kind of like I was just groped by my drunk uncle.  I can only imagine how Prole feels, having actually visited the blog.

[Van Cruncheon]

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

I read that one theory about men's nocturnal erections is that they are to ensure that the penis gets enough oxygen. I suspect that's hogwash, like the early theory that the purpose of the brain is to cool the blood, but time will tell. It could lead to a new kind of therapy. A man in the hospital wakes to find a shapely young woman approaching his bed. "Hello, Mr. Gleep, I am Oola, your oxygenation therapist." "My what?" "Have no fear, I'm not here to give you a shot. We just need to be sure that all your parts are properly oxygenated. Now let's just uncover you and open your hospital gown--" "Hey!" "And proceed. Yes, you are in dire need of oxygenation. Now let's get you standing tall." She removes the upper portion of her uniform, revealing a splendid set of breasts. "What, no oxygen yet? We shall just have to try harder." She removes the lower portion and turns grandly around, showing protean buttocks. "Mr. Gleep, you don't seem to be cooperating. We shall just have to get serious." She gets into bed with him, her hands busy. "Ah, now we have it. Excellent!" She gets quickly out of the bed and dresses. "But--" he protests. "Now you just hold that for five minutes, Mr. Gleep, and do it again an hour later. Perfect oxygenation. On to my next patient." She departs, leaving him rigidly oxygenated with nowhere to put it. And to think anyone ever thought therapists were teases.

[Human Snorenado]

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

I read that one theory about men's nocturnal erections is that they are to ensure that the penis gets enough oxygen. I suspect that's hogwash, like the early theory that the purpose of the brain is to cool the blood, but time will tell. It could lead to a new kind of therapy. A man in the hospital wakes to find a shapely young woman approaching his bed. "Hello, Mr. Gleep, I am Oola, your oxygenation therapist." "My what?" "Have no fear, I'm not here to give you a shot. We just need to be sure that all your parts are properly oxygenated. Now let's just uncover you and open your hospital gown--" "Hey!" "And proceed. Yes, you are in dire need of oxygenation. Now let's get you standing tall." She removes the upper portion of her uniform, revealing a splendid set of breasts. "What, no oxygen yet? We shall just have to try harder." She removes the lower portion and turns grandly around, showing protean buttocks. "Mr. Gleep, you don't seem to be cooperating. We shall just have to get serious." She gets into bed with him, her hands busy. "Ah, now we have it. Excellent!" She gets quickly out of the bed and dresses. "But--" he protests. "Now you just hold that for five minutes, Mr. Gleep, and do it again an hour later. Perfect oxygenation. On to my next patient." She departs, leaving him rigidly oxygenated with nowhere to put it. And to think anyone ever thought therapists were teases.

I stopped reading at "nocturnal erections".  Probably the best for my sanity, especially after spending all weekend and tonight talking to stupid voters and trying to convince them that they should fucking vote.

[Van Cruncheon]

aaaaaand on the erotic fantasies of gaf's ot forum

Elsewhere in the nation, Mary Kaye Letourneau was close to one of her grade school students. After several years, when he was 12 and she 34, they had sex, and in due course she had his baby. She was sent to prison. She got out, and had another baby by him, and was imprisoned again. Now the two have married, she 43, he 22. She can no longer be punished for loving him. What is the age limit on true love? Were they wrong, or was society wrong?

[Van Cruncheon]

lastly, i want to die

Meanwhile I read the page proofs for Xanth #31, Air Apparent, and can report that it's a typical Xanth novel replete with reader puns and notions galore and a wild tour of the Worlds of Ida, finally explaining their nature. It is couched as a murder mystery. A lead character, Debra, suffers a curse: any man who hears her name wants to de-bra her. It's awkward for a girl.

;_____;

;_____________;

;__________________________________________;

[recursivelyenumerable]

then again, i believe that it is impossible to show what is erotic, since eroticism is a state of mind and peculiar to the individual, so why try by using the same-size-fits-all-lol softcore style?

uh how 'bout not worrying so much about whether it does or doesn't turn on the audience and just use it to illuminate character and theme like any other scene?

[Van Cruncheon]

then again, i believe that it is impossible to show what is erotic, since eroticism is a state of mind and peculiar to the individual, so why try by using the same-size-fits-all-lol softcore style?

uh how 'bout not worrying so much about whether it does or doesn't turn on the audience and just use it to illuminate character and theme like any other scene?

because it is rarely USED that way -- when it does, as i suggested in my example, it's awesome. most of the time, it's this soft-filtered, heavily-lit fantasy sex full of perfectly attuned foreplay and simultaneous climaxes

[Joe Molotov]

lastly, i want to die

Meanwhile I read the page proofs for Xanth #31, Air Apparent, and can report that it's a typical Xanth novel replete with reader puns and notions galore and a wild tour of the Worlds of Ida, finally explaining their nature. It is couched as a murder mystery. A lead character, Debra, suffers a curse: any man who hears her name wants to de-bra her. It's awkward for a girl.

;_____;

;_____________;

;__________________________________________;

The rimshot heard across the world.

[recursivelyenumerable]

i thought awkward sex scenes were supposed to be all the rage in indie movies today?   
not that I ever watch movies anymore, or leave the house at all

[Howard Alan Treesong]

http://interviews.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=02/07/14/1854209&tid=99&tid=11

Question 9:
"As a fan and an admirer, but also as someone who is disquieted by the influence you may have had upon my young sexuality, I would like to know candidly whether you are attracted to underage women."

Creepiest part of creepy answer:
"It's like bird watching: one looks and appreciates but does not touch. I suspect that 90% of men who claim to feel otherwise are lying. (I'm allowing for the gay contingent.) This is reflected in my fiction in large part because it sells better than more realistic fiction, and publishers want it. But about membership in an anti-pedophelia organization--I do oppose pedophilia, but don't belong to any such outfit. In fact I correspond with some pedophiles in prison."

[Human Snorenado]

http://interviews.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=02/07/14/1854209&tid=99&tid=11

Question 9:
"As a fan and an admirer, but also as someone who is disquieted by the influence you may have had upon my young sexuality, I would like to know candidly whether you are attracted to underage women."

Creepiest part of creepy answer:
"It's like bird watching: one looks and appreciates but does not touch. I suspect that 90% of men who claim to feel otherwise are lying. (I'm allowing for the gay contingent.) This is reflected in my fiction in large part because it sells better than more realistic fiction, and publishers want it. But about membership in an anti-pedophelia organization--I do oppose pedophilia, but don't belong to any such outfit. In fact I correspond with some pedophiles in prison."

Picture exchange, no doubt.

[Mandark]

i read the first three incarnations novels and the first couple xanth books around 12-13, and even then, i knew they were crap. a 13 year old boy should be ENTHUSED to read about sex, not creeped the fuck out by weird uncle piers' use of the word "pulchritude" in slightly off-kilter contexts

That was my EXACT experience with the Xanth books.

My middle school library shouldn't have stocked those, and I don't mean because of the fornication.

[Mupepe]

what the heck guys?  why has every book thread turned into a piers anthony bash fest???

On A Pale Horse

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Again, my disclaimer being that's the only book from him I've ever read

[close]

[recursivelyenumerable]

even the good ones like Pale Horse have a lot of bad parts and tons of icky stuff though.
but I still like them, because I like zany fantasy premises.

[Van Cruncheon]

he wrote a book titled THE COLOR OF HER PANTIES

[Howard Alan Treesong]

he wrote a book titled THE COLOR OF HER PANTIES

SPOILER: They are plaid.

[Tauntaun]

he wrote a book titled THE COLOR OF HER PANTIES

SPOILER: They are plaid.

 

[lordmaji]

[Bloodwake]

I think I realized Anthony sucked whenever I started reading the Xanth novels in high school, then promptly realized that I was writing better than he was and he was getting paid shitloads of money for it.

[Van Cruncheon]

i think piers anthony's deep and shockingly consistent suckitude has led many people to foolishly believe they could pursue the "career" of a professional fantasy author.

[tiesto]

Read most of the Xanth books in middle school, no regrets whatsoever. Enjoyed them for what they were worth, though I don't remember much about them.

[Joe Molotov]

what the heck guys?  why has every book thread turned into a piers anthony bash fest???

On A Pale Horse

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Again, my disclaimer being that's the only book from him I've ever read

[close]

This is a later book in that series:



Protip: The girl in black is a 14 year-old prostitute.

[Yeti]

I've never even heard of this guy until this thread.